Index
Action plan. See also 4 Ps action plan
committing to an, 115
Agendas, meeting, 79
Alba, Jessica, 64
Ambiversion, 3
Appointments, allowing time between, 114
Apprehension, nonverbal communication of, 44–45
Approaching people, styles of, 38
Assertive tools to handle extroverts, having, 87–88
Assertiveness, 47–50
helping others assert themselves, 50–51
introversion and, 48–49
Audience, connecting with your, 68–69
Authenticity
modeling authentic behavior, 153
when meeting with manager, 138
Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 79
Bias
checking one’s, 35–36
against quiet and introverted leaders, xiii
recruiting, 34–35
Blind spots, 33–34
attending to your, 70–71
how it can enhance your message, 70–71
how it detracts from your message, 70
Bosses/supervisors. See also Manager
characteristics of good vs. bad, 30
protecting your boss, 144–145
Boundaries, setting, 49–50
Brainwriting, 83–84
Breaks. See also Quiet time; “Think break”
building in breaks in meetings, 85–86
a central area for, 39
taking breaks to recharge, 104, 105
Breathing, 67
Buffett, Warren, 59
Calm focus, using, 126–127
Campbell Soup Company, ix
Carnegie, Dale, 99
Cast the Character, 46
Cell phone. See also Telephone conversations
putting away and resisting looking at your, 103
Change, staying on top of, 146
Chitchat. See Small talk/chitchat
Coaching others. See also specific topics
with 4 Ps Process, 18
Coaching sessions, planning productive, 115–117
Communication. See also specific topics
of expectations, 117–118
with extroverts, 124
how to excel at, 117–123
with introverts, 124
pushing yourself to excel in, 123–128
in tough times, 125–127
Communication medium(s)
how introverts view, 120–123
matching it to the message, 119–123
Communication style. See Communication; Style
Conant, Douglas “Doug” R., 32–33, 153–154
ConantLeadership, ix
Conference-call meetings, 77, 85, 87
video vs. audio, 45
Confirmation bias, 35–36
Conflict, how great leaders embrace, 53–54
Connecting
at meetings, 80
with your audience, 68–69
Conversations
finding common ground to start, 101
making people important in, 123
superficial, 122
Courage, quiet, 48–49
Coward, Noel, 134
Creativity in making presentations, 73
Cuddy, Amy, 71
Curiosity, 135–136
Dark side, 154
David, Larry, 122
Delegation, 51–52
arguments for and against, 52t
Delegation hot buttons, 52t
Diverse teams, 6
Dorgeloh, C. J., 33–34
DRC orientation, x
Drucker, Peter, 133
Eilert, Dirk W., 45
Email, 120
Emotional expression, 12–13
Energy (reserves), 2, 5, 122. See also Recharging; Resources you have to offer
delegation and, 51
depletion and draining of, ix, 1, 8–9, 37, 89, 122
managing and preserving, 9, 51, 122
Engaged listening, 43, 123, 153
presence and, 16
can be stressful, 9
techniques for higher, 84, 84f
English, Paul, 121–122
Environment
creating the, 39–40
sensory, 40
Ethnic differences, 82
Exercise, physical, 67
Expectations, communicating, 117–118
Extroverted leaders
contrasted with introverted leaders, 28–29
problems experienced by, 28
Extroverts, 7. See also Introvert/extrovert (I/E) spectrum; specific topics
assertive tools to handle, 87–88
characteristics, 3t
communication with, 124
defined, 2
enabling them to tap into their introverted side, 6
Eye contact, 69
Eyebrow test, 129
Face, communicating with your, 44–45
Face-to-face conversations, 121–122
knowing when to avoid, 122
Facial expressions
paying attention to, 44–46
Fast pace, difficulty keeping (up with), 9
Fast talkers, 10. See also Talkers
Fatigue, 8–9
Feedback
acting on feedback from manager, 139
giving upward, 142
First-five-minutes rule, 85, 90
Focus, calm, 126–127
Forced smile (exercise), 9
Four Ps. See 4 Ps
Fripp, Patricia, 70
Gates, Melinda, 50
Gender differences, 13
Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together, The (Kahnweiler), 6, 46, 48, 53
Goleman, Daniel, 30
Goodyear, Bob, 136
Griessman, Gene, 55, 113–114, 129
Ground rules at meetings
establishing and enforcing, 82–83
sample, 83f
Grounded energy, using, 126–127
Groupthink. See New Groupthink
GROW (goal, reality, options, will) method, 115–116
questions to get started in applying, 116–117
Hall, Daryl, 49
Hall & Oates, 49
Hiring tips, 35–36
Hirschberg, Wendy, 135
Honesty, 141
Horn, Sam, 129
Hsieh, Tony, 32
“Huddle rooms,” 39
Humility, 11
Humor, 30
Ice-breaker, leading an, 104
Impressions, making negative, 12–13
Inclusivity, importance of, 119
Influence. See also Quiet influence growing, 110–111
Input, soliciting, 118–119
Interrupted, getting, 10–11, 36, 87, 90, 113
Interviews with prospective managers, 35–36
Introducing people, 103–104
Introspection, benefits of, 31–33
Introversion, defined, 2
Introvert/extrovert (I/E) spectrum, 2
bell curve of, 2–3
selecting behavior over labels, 3–4
Introvert-friendly meeting location (IFML), asking for an, 104
Introvert strengths, 111. See also Quiet strengths; Strengths
validating, 4–5
Introverted leaders, xiii, 27–29. See also specific topics
beliefs and biases regarding, xiii
benefits from and advantages of having, 5–6
challenges and barriers for, 7–13, 151
characteristics, 29
examples of, 2
new research on, xv–xvi
the next wave for, xiv–xv
Introverted Leadership Skills Quiz (Introverted Leader Quiz), 17, 25
Introvert(s), xiii. See also specific topics
examples of accomplished, 2, 60
marriage to an, xvii
rise of the, xiii–xiv
steps for addressing the challenges for, 13–14
understanding what it is like to be an, 9
writings on the gifts and contributions of, xiv
Jobs, Steve, 39
Jordan-Evans, Sharon, 152
Jung, Carl Gustav, 2
Kay, Mary, 123
Kaye, Bev, 152
Kelakos, Eleni, 62
King, Martin Luther, Jr., 2, 128
Leaders, reframing the traits of strong, 30
Lincoln, Abraham, 53
Listening. See also Quiet with depth, 99
like a leader, 42
Lopata, Andy, 94
Management by walking around (MBWA), 41
Manager. See also Bosses/supervisors
demonstrating results to your, 139
meeting regularly with your, 134–135
observing the style of your, 137–138
presence when meeting with your, 138–140
Managers, ideas for hiring, 35–36
Managing oneself, 31–32
4 Ps of, 147f
deciding how to manage up, 146
example of, 139
importance of, 140–141
knowing when to step back, 145
practicing, 145–146
presence and, 138–140
push approaches in, 140–145
steps to take when preparing to manage up, 133–138
when it may not work, 145
Mandela, Nelson, 44
Mary Kay, 123
MBWA (management by walking around), 41
McAfee, Barbara, 127–128
Meeting agendas, 79
Meeting location, introvert-friendly, 104
Meeting skills, practicing, 88–91
Meeting SME (subject matter expert), becoming a, 89
Meeting(s). See also Conference-call meetings
4 Ps of leading and participating in, 91f
easing into the, 80–81
geared toward extroverts vs. introverts, 7
getting your voice in the room, 85
knowing the purpose of the, 78–79
knowing where to sit, 81
leading and participating in, 7, 77–91
practicing new approaches at, 90–91
preparing to contribute and helping others do the same, 79–80
presence in, 81–86
used as learning labs, 89–90
Mentors, requesting, 140
Mercer, Marty, 73
Mingling, encouraging natural, 39
Mobley, Marilynn, 68–69
Modeling authentic behavior, 153
Mulcahy, Anne, 54
Multi-purpose spaces, 39
Nabisco, x
Names, learning and teaching, 104
Needs, reflecting on your, 96
Negative impressions, introverts making, 12–13
Negative thoughts, reprogramming, 66
Network, feeding your, 105–106
Networking, 93–94
creating a social media strategy, 97–98
follow up, 106–107
observing people to assess the fit, 100
pique interest in what you do, 102
preparation for, 94–102
preparing questions, 96–97
Networking comfort zone, moving out of one’s, 102–105
Networking events. See also Networking
introducing people at, 103–104
leading an ice-breaker at, 104
leaving early if you need to, 104
Networking presence, developing a, 98–102
Networking push steps, 103–105
New Groupthink, 12
Nichols, Laurie, 150
Nixon, Tom, 65
Nonverbal communication, 44–46
Note-taking, 41–42
Observing people to assess the fit (networking), 100
Observing to make decisions, 46
Open-ended questions, asking, 129
Open-mindedness, 52–55
Opposing views, how to elicit, 54–55
Opposites. See Genius opposites
Organizational culture, 82
Organizations that have addressed the topic of introverted leaders, xv
Parks, Rosa, 48–49
Passive-aggressive behavior, 49
Pauses, strategic use of, 69–70
People exhaustion, 8–9
Perception gap, 13
Peters, Tom, 150
Phrases to say during interviews, 36
Piersanti, Steve, 79
PowerPoint, 65
PowerPoint presentations, tips for, 65
Practice, 17, 19, 151. See also 4 Ps Process
addresses all six challenges of being an introverted leader, 151
in delivering presentations, 73–74
in leading people and projects, 55–57
related to networking, 105–107
Practicing
communication and coaching, 128–130
managing up, 145–146
meeting skills, 88–91
one’s strengths, 153–154
overpracticing a strength, 155–156
Preparation, 15–16, 18. See also 4 Ps Process
for appointments, 114
build your team, 34–36
for communication and coaching, 110–117, 125–126
for conversations, 149–152
create the environment, 39–40
for delivering presentations, 60–68
excessive, 154–155
for leadership role, 31–40
for leading and participating in meetings, 78–81
in leading people and projects, 30–40
for managing up, 133–138
for networking, 94–102
Presence, 16, 19, 150. See also 4 Ps Process
business case for acting with, 152
and communication, 117–123, 150
in delivering presentations, 68–71
developing a networking, 98–102
going overboard on, 155
in leading people and projects, 40–47
and managing up, 138–140
in meetings, 81–86
quiet, 27
Presentations, 59–61
4 Ps for delivering powerful, 74, 75f
crafting your, 62
looking for every opportunity to practice, 73–74
practicing out loud, 72
preparing the material, 61–65
preparing yourself, 66–68
presence in delivering, 68–71
pushing yourself in, 71–73, 126
recording, 130
Problem-solving, 96
introverted strengths for, 111
solving pressing problems, 5
Productive workplaces, creating, 6
4 Ps
of communicating and coaching for results, 131f
of delivering powerful presentations, 74, 75f
of leading and participating in meetings, 91f
of managing up, 147f
of networking your way, 107f
4 Ps action plan, 159t–160t sample, 158t
4 Ps Process (Prepare, Presence, Push, and Practice), 57f. See also Practice; Preparation; Presence; Push
applying it to a current challenge, 17–18
case examples, 19–20
overuse of, 154–156
questions to help you apply, 18–19
results of using, 149–156
used for ongoing challenges, 18
using, 17–18
Public speaking skills, 59, 60, 71–73. See also Presentations
Purpose, knowing your, 95
Push, 16–17, 19, 152–153. See also 4 Ps Process
in delivering presentations, 71–73, 126
key payoff of, 150
knowing how far to, 71–72
in leading people and projects, 47
in networking, 102–105
out of one’s networking comfort zone, 102–105
in quiet influencers, 152–153
Push muscle at meetings, strengthening your, 86–88
Pushing yourself
to excel in communication, 123–128
too hard, 155
Questions
asking great, 114–115
asking open-ended, 129
preparing, 96–97
rapport-building, 38
Quiet, practicing being, 151
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (Cain), 12, 60
Quiet influence, 99
Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference (Kahnweiler), xvi, 48, 98
Quiet influencers, 152–153
Quiet leaders, bias about, xiii
Quiet leadership strengths, building on, 157
Quiet presence, 27. See also Presence
Quiet reflection, xvii, 3, 80, 84, 124, 155. See also under Quiet time
Quiet strengths, 6, 48–49, 55. See also Introvert strengths; 4 Ps Process; Strengths
practicing, 55
Quiet time, xvii, 38. See also Breaks
need for, 1
to recharge, 125
to think and reflect, ix, 32, 85. See also Quiet reflection
Quietness, xiii, 13, 34, 42, 124
Quinn, Bob, 41
Recording yourself, 130
Recruiting bias, avoiding, 34–35
Reflecting on one’s needs, 96
Reflection, 125–126. See also Quiet reflection
Rehearsing presentations aloud, 72
Remote work options, 39–40
Resources you have to offer. See also Energy (reserves)
deciding what, 95–96
Rewards that people want, 46–47
“Rise of the introverts,” xiii–xiv
Ritual before giving a presentation, creating a, 68
SAR (AR—alternative action, alternative result) approach, 143
SAR (situation, action, result) method, 142–144
Schack, Bob, 54
Schulz, Heather, 150
Script of talking points, preparing a, 111, 113–114
pre-numbering your comments, 113–114
Seating arrangements at meetings, 81
Seinfeld, Jerry, 73–74
Self-assertiveness. See Assertiveness
Self-awareness/self-knowledge, 31–33
Self-promotion, pressure to self-promote and the challenge of, 11
Sensory environment, 40
Shadow self, 154
Shyness vs. introversion, 4
6-Step Method, 63–64
Slides to support (not replace) your talk, creating, 65
Small talk/chitchat, 80–81, 120, 122
going beyond, 101
SME (subject matter expert), 89
Social media strategy, creating a, 95, 97–98, 105
Soliciting input, 118–119
Spaces, multi-purpose, 39
Sponsors, requesting, 140
Spontaneous conversations, having, 43
Stakeholder analysis, 112, 118
Stakeholder analysis chart, 112t Stakeholders’ needs, researching, 151–152
Stereotypes
and labels used to describe introverted leaders, 13
Stokes, Stewart, 31
Stoner, Jesse Lyn, 95
“Stop and chats,” 122
Stories for presentations, finding, 62–65
Stravinsky, Igor, 63
Streep, Meryl, 60
Strengths. See also Introvert strengths
overpracticing, 155–156
practicing one’s, 153–154
quiet leadership, 157. See also Quiet strengths
Style, 38
Subject matter expert (SME), 89
Substance talk, 101
Superficial conversation, 122. See also Small talk/chitchat
Supervisors. See Bosses/supervisors; Manager
Support
knowing what support you need, 136–137
surrounding yourself with a support system, 56–57
tips for handling talkers at meetings, 88f, 90
Talking points. See Script of talking points
Team(s), 110–111
building your, 34–36
emphasis on, 12
giving team members time to prepare, 37
understanding your, 36–38
Technology used wisely at meetings, 86–87
Telephone conversations, 121, 122. See also Cell phone
preparation for, 149–150
“Think break,” giving teams a, 37
Time
between appointments, allowing, 114
scheduling adequate, 36
Toastmasters, 72
Treasurer, Bill, 145
Underselling, 11
Value you bring, assessing the, 135
Visualizing success, 67–68
Voice, using your, 127–128
Volunteering, 105
Walk and Talk, 53
Walking around, 41
Web-based conference calls, 80–81. See also Conference-call meetings Wilkins, Ronnie, 55–56
Winfrey, Oprah, 71
Women introverts, 13
Writing it down, 41–42
Zuckerberg, Mark, 60