Chapter 9

Managing Up

Jim, a high-energy director of marketing, had barely unpacked the boxes in his new office when, one by one, his six direct reports delivered their lists of must-have budget requests. Dianne, an introverted leader, was the exception. After researching Jim’s background, she asked for time on his calendar the week after he settled in. At the meeting, they discussed common interests around sports, and then she asked what questions Jim had about her department. He had a few, and in the next hour, Dianne showed herself to be a knowledgeable resource. When the time came for Jim to make budget decisions, Dianne’s requests were approved. She is—and remains—a key resource for her boss.

Renowned management expert Peter Drucker famously said, “You don’t have to like or admire your boss.” But he also emphasized the importance of managing relationships with supervisors because they can be key resources for “achievement, accomplishment and personal success.”⁵⁸

Managing your boss means being savvy enough to realize that you need each other to accomplish your mutual goals. Like Dianne, you can use the prepare step to manage up.

Prepare

Here are steps you can take when preparing to manage up:

• Meet regularly.

• Assess the value you bring.

• Be curious.

• Know what support you need.

• Observe your manager’s style.

Meet Regularly

A common denominator in strong partnerships is meeting regularly. As a consultant, my experience is that most successful managers and their employees check in at least weekly. They focus on tactical issues and carve out time for blue-sky thinking and planning. Consider sending information in advance of meeting with your manager so they have time to think. This can help you stay focused, and introverted managers who value preparation time will especially appreciate your efforts.

Checking in to discuss updates and share knowledge influences how you stay on course. While conflicts are inevitable in every manager–employee relationship, they’re not necessarily a bad thing. It is important that conflicts are surfaced and discussed before they become irreconcilable. Playwright Noel Coward wrote about a couple who were “too much unhappy to fight.”⁵⁹ That is not a desirable place.

If your boss isn’t necessarily sold on the idea of regular check-ins, this can create challenges. But you can take the lead in initiating meetings. Build a business case for why such check-in meetings will benefit the work. It is important to find the right combination of communication strategies (see Chapter 8, Communicating and Coaching for Results) and do your best to create opportunities to discuss work issues with your manager.

Assess the Value You Bring

Prepare for conversations with your boss by bringing up questions about current projects, but don’t forget to also think about—and talk about—the big picture. Learn as much as you can about your manager’s priorities so that you can support them. Their success is your success.

Also consider what value you can bring to your manager. “You can channel information about the organization’s unwritten rules from whatever rank you are,” says Wendy Hirschberg, Inclusive and Flexibility Leader at EY, a global professional services firm. “If the person is more senior, s/he will want to be in the know.”⁶⁰

Be Curious

Be curious about the organization. Your thoughtful analysis and preparation demonstrates to your boss that you are serious about helping both of you succeed.

Here are a few strategic questions to get a fruitful conversation going with your manager. Tailor questions about the organization to fit your situation:

• How does our department support the business vision and strategy?

• What are our strengths and weaknesses as a department? As a company?

• What are your cost, revenue, and profitability goals?

• How do the goals of other people who report to you or work with you relate to me?

• How is your success measured? How will mine be measured over the next 30, 60, and 90 days?

Know What Support You Need

Your boss is the key to your career progression. Before approaching your manager for promotional and lateral opportunities (as discussed in Chapter 4, Leading People and Projects), get a good sense of your strengths and weaknesses.

After self-reflection, enlist the support of your boss to help you reach career goals. This was a strategy successfully used by Bob Goodyear, an introverted technical product manager. He talked to the vice president of his division about making a change, even though he wasn’t clear about the next step. He did know he was becoming bored in his role. “I did one program for the fifth time, and it was just in a different programming language.” He realized that if he stayed in place, he wouldn’t have a shot of getting out. “I got up from my desk, walked in to where the vice president was and asked, ‘Is there anything else somebody like me can do?’” His risk paid off. The VP led Bob through several coaching sessions that morphed into an exciting career with global opportunities.

What is your next step? Maybe you want to learn new skills, or get exposed to another area of the company, or even move into a completely different career lane. Show your boss how to help you. Make it easy for them to mentor you by first thinking about your assets, preferences, passions, and what direction you might pursue. Consider these questions about your career:

• What are the strengths that I bring to this role?

• What gaps are there in my background, skills, and experience?

• On which projects can I learn new skills or gain new perspectives?

• What do I want to learn from my manager?

• Can my boss suggest people who can serve as possible mentors and sponsors?

Observe Your Manager’s Style

Understand the style of your boss through observing them and asking for input from your network. (See Chapter 8, Communicating and Coaching for Results, for a list of suggestions to work with both introverted and extroverted bosses.) Others who know your boss can give you pointers and insights about how to approach them.

As an introvert, you’re likely already a keen observer of human behavior. Plug into that strength and pick up clues that could help you connect with your boss. I once had a Type A manager who was an off-the-charts extrovert. She was a speed demon. If I had to get her input during a crisis, the only way I could grab her attention was to literally race with her down the hall. We connected in this way.

Neela, a financial analyst who is an introvert, noticed her boss often sketched out his ideas when they were talking. To get him to listen, she approached him with a new process idea and designed a four-square table chart to lay it all out. He immediately tuned in to the discussion.

Presence

During these upward meetings, you will inevitably learn a great deal about your boss and your organization, which will help you accomplish your job and keep your career moving forward. Here are suggestions to make the most of these dialogues:

• Be yourself.

• Demonstrate results.

• Act on feedback.

• Request mentors and sponsors.

Be Yourself

As the relationship with your boss develops, keep in mind that bosses are not mind readers. Help your manager understand your style and how to get the best out of you. You might want to share your preferences as an introvert, for example, such as needing time to prepare for meetings or making requests in an email versus a phone call.

Demonstrate Results

Another way to gain the respect and trust of your boss is by taking initiative. Can you respond to a customer with a quick fix? Are you able to save costs by sourcing a new supplier? Is there a change you can offer to improve a process? Look for opportunities that are not necessarily part of your official job description but that add to the smooth functioning of the department.

When you meet with your manager, report on these actions. Update them in writing as well. You will be shaping positive perceptions. Another added benefit? It is likely that other leaders also will take notice, increasing your visibility.

Act on Feedback

When Ming, a software engineer, was told by her boss that she’d been abrupt with a key customer, she was taken aback. But she decided against reacting personally to the feedback. She asked her boss for specifics and learned that the customer needed rapport-building time before jumping into business talk. The next time Ming spoke to the customer, she made a special effort to start the conversation with some informal chit-chat, and the phone call went well.

Then she took an important step that is a good example of managing up. Ming closed the loop with her manager by reporting back on the positive customer outcome. She thanked her boss for her suggestions. By positively reinforcing her manager for the coaching, Ming demonstrated that the time and effort in offering feedback paid off. Ming also set up a framework to receive ongoing improvement feedback, something that will help advance her career.

Request Mentors and Sponsors

As you meet with your manager, you will be able to gauge their interest and commitment to mentoring and sponsorship roles. Many managers see mentoring as their responsibility and take providing guidance and advice seriously. They might recommend training programs and collaborate with you in setting career growth goals.

Your boss may also view it as their job to act as your sponsor, a person who advocates for you and helps you become more visible. When promotional opportunities are being discussed, they will bring up your name and make a case for why you are qualified for new challenges. As an introvert, if you are hesitant to self-promote or don’t typically get the chance to interact with senior leaders, this is a big advantage.

If your boss does not seem to be the right person to be a mentor or sponsor, ask them for ideas of who could meet that role. Start that process yourself. Alex, an engineer and introverted senior leader, advises: “Just be yourself. Force yourself to interact with senior management. Have a casual conversation with them, and try to find common ground. Once you realize they are really no different than you, it becomes easier to understand them and express yourself.” A health-care leader advised, “Build up friendship and trust by asking for advice, following through on their suggestions, and being respectful of their time.”

Push

It is not always easy to manage up, but it is necessary if you are to accomplish your goals. You are in a partnership not unlike a marriage, where open communication is necessary. You and your boss can accomplish better results together than either of you could alone. Let’s look at push approaches that can help make this happen.

• Be honest.

• Give upward feedback.

• Try the SAR method.

• Protect your boss.

• Know when to step back.

Be Honest

Sometimes managing up means having difficult conversations. Sasha learned she had breast cancer soon after becoming manager of a finance department. She scheduled a video call with her boss, Samuel, in California to discuss her treatment plans. She wanted to be open with him about why she needed several weeks off. “I felt the need for a face-to-face conversation about the future. Samuel had given me reassurances about my position and said all was well. But I wanted to see his eyes and hear his voice to determine how he really felt about an extended leave of absence.” Her boss was more than willing to accommodate Sasha’s needs. She said, “The conversation went better than I imagined. I am so glad I was honest with him about the situation from the beginning as it relieved much of my stress.”

Give Upward Feedback

Giving feedback to your boss can be tough. But we all have blind spots. As managers move up in an organization, they typically get less feedback and can be forging ahead without realizing the impact their actions are having on the company and on others. At times, you need to make a focused request to give feedback so that you can both be more productive.

Kelley, a Canadian sales trainer, talked about getting a new manager who “had a completely different style” from her previous one. “In addition to expecting face time in the office (I had been used to working from home several days a week), my new manager began micro-managing me.” She eventually sat down with him and demonstrated how she could help him reach his goals—and achieve better results herself—if he let her continue operating the way she had been. “I committed to keep him updated on the projects I was working on. I started with weekly emails summarizing my week and highlighting the upcoming week’s projects. Eventually, these emails became monthly updates as he began to trust me and my work.”

Try the SAR Method

Consider the SAR (situation, action, result) method to share feedback. You can start by saying, “May I give you some feedback?” or “I would like to make a request.”

Select an appropriate place, and do it soon after the behavior or situation happens. Remember to keep your feedback specific and focus on behaviors you can see. Be sure to suggest an alternative. Here is what the easy-to-remember SAR (AR) approach (“AR” stands for “alternative action, alternative result”).

And now it is your turn. Consider how you can use the SAR method with a current feedback opportunity you face with your boss and try it on.

Protect Your Boss

It can also be useful to step up and let your boss know how their behaviors are affecting others. One training team I knew had been frustrated with the boss, who seemed to be focused only on the work and not on getting to know the individuals on the team. One introverted team member named Nami scheduled a meeting to suggest a team-building activity. Her suggestion ended up strengthening the team, and it substantially raised her profile with her boss.

Bill Treasurer, author and consultant, writes about the importance of protecting your boss from harm. “Bosses are people too,” Bill writes. “They’re capable of making dunderheaded mistakes. Get upfront agreement from your boss that part of your job is to tell them uncomfortable truths that they might not always want to hear. Then honor that agreement by telling your boss the things they may not want to hear but need to know.”⁶¹

Know When to Step Back

If you work with a manager who is not willing to support you by providing mentoring and sponsorship, or if your manager is not interested in giving and getting feedback, it is difficult to influence them positively. It might even jeopardize your job if you speak up. In this case, get coaching from people you respect in the organization about how to handle the situation and find the support and coaching you need.

Another situation where managing up may not work is when ethical violations have occurred. I have coached employees who have been asked to do everything from forge company documents to cheat on travel expenses. No amount of managing upward can help with an individual who violates company policy and even the law.

Practice

As an introverted leader, you can make managing up a key piece of your leadership portfolio. One of the main ways to do that is to stay on top of change.

Stay on Top of Change

Continue to engage in a mutual sharing of trends and industry developments with your manager. Take Serg. Though new to his company role, he had already achieved credibility with his boss. While doing work on global cross-functional project teams, Serg collected valuable customer data and innovations, which he relayed to his manager. Because he shared access to the latest knowledge and industry networking contacts, Serg was someone people wanted on their teams. His boss appreciated how he took initiative and helped the entire department achieve visibility and presence.

There is wide latitude in deciding how to manage up. Your approach will vary according to your managers, as you learn to adjust to their style, and they to yours. But by meeting regularly, asking questions, providing feedback and staying on top of change, you will better ensure that your mutual goals and those of the organization are met.

FIGURE 10 The 4 Ps of Managing Up