Index

abuse

grief and, 52, 59–60

meaning of, 49, 54–58

service and, 58–59

addiction, 39, 125, 143. See also alcohol; smoking

affirmations, 99

alcohol, 121–127

Allen, Woody, 60

Angelou, Maya, 168

Aurelius, Marcus, 82

blame

feedback and, 70–71

language of, 77–78

pain and, 142–143

pit and, 40, 77, 117, 175

responsibility and, 73–76, 80–81, 173

body

abuse and, 56

grief and, 38

language, 14–15

pain and, 137

perception and, 92, 94–96, 100, 104, 106, 112

Book of Life, 147–152, 172

brain, 45, 107–109. See also neurons

Brand, Carl, 82

change. See transition

choice

Flipman as, 9, 97, 104, 130–132

good as, 170

habits and, 121–123, 125–126

happiness as, 73–81

responsibility for, 134, 140

commitment, 176–177. See also ownership; responsibility

courage, 25, 50–51, 178. See also fear

Covey, Stephen R., 170

cup filling, 159–161, 164–165, 177

depression, sleeping and, 128–129

dissociation, 47–49, 52–53, 83

emotions allowing, 15–16

avoiding, 3, 42

changing, 51

conquering, 143–146

expressing, 38–39, 142

healthy, 13, 38–40, 76

perception and, 95

reactive, 13, 38, 64–65

See also pain

empathy

abuse and, 55

assumptions and, 33–34

conflict and, 152

defined, 28–29

intellectual, 30

qualities, 34

relationships and, 35–37, 152–154, 157

sympathy and, 24, 27–28, 31–32, 179

wisdom and, 153

empowerment

abuse and, 56

choosing, 10, 74

dissociating and, 48

feedback and, 64, 68

habits and, 13, 105, 124, 130

judgment and, 91

rescuing and, 23, 134

victimhood and, 56, 74

enabling, 24–27

faking, 98–101, 110

fear, 5, 61, 137, 178. See also courage

feedback, 139

accepting, 67–68, 70–73

positive, 63–64, 160, 162

reactive emotions and, 64–65

respectful, 69–70, 162

See also cup filling

feelings. See emotions

Flipman, 9–11, 13

alcohol and, 124

behavior, 101–104

choice, 130–132

language and, 113–114

smoking and, 117–118

steps, 111–112, 119–120, 140

strategy, 97–98, 105–110, 178

warrior, 134–135, 144

Footprints (Powers), 148

Getting the Love You Want (Hendricks), 177

Goethe, xiii

grief, 3, 40, 43, 46, 52, 53

habits

empowerment and, 13, 18, 130

neurons and, 108, 113, 118–119

See also alcohol; nailbiting; smoking

happiness, 73–77, 80–81

healing

dissociation and, 48

emotions and, 3, 13, 38, 42–43, 46, 48, 52

empowerment and, 61, 64

ownership and, xi, 71

service as, 58–59

Hebb, Donald, 108

Hendricks, Harville, 177

honesty

authenticity and, 173–174

courage and, 65, 135

feedback and, 61, 66, 68–69

habits and, 127

“Interlude–Full” (Jackson), 25

Jackson, Janet, 25

Lao Tzu, 172

learning

action and, 61

empathy and, 30, 153, 179

feedback and, 64–65, 69, 71

habits and, 66, 135

pain and, 44, 51, 54–55, 58, 117, 136, 142

responsibility and, 143

Li Cunxin, 58

love, 154–159, 179

enabling and, 24–25

letters, 164–168, 177

Mandela, Nelson, 81

Mao’s Last Dancer (Li Cunxin), 58

McCourt, Malachy, 175

meaning

changing, 54, 58, 81

pain and, 44–45, 51

memories, 39, 49

painful, 7, 42–47

redesigning, 44, 51, 54, 61

mind

brain and, 108, 114

faking it and, 99–100

mechanics of, 92–96

perception and, 104–106

See also brain; neurons

Molecules of Emotion (Pert), 95–96

Murray, W. H., xiii

nailbiting, 111–112

neurons

habits and, 107–108, 119, 121, 126–127

plasticity, 113

See also brain

Newberg, Andrew, 45–46

Newton, Isaac, 59, 60

ownership, 76–81, 99, 114, 174–175. See also empowerment; responsibility

pain

avoiding, x, 10, 39–41, 42–45, 179

behavior and, 61

memories, 7, 39, 46–48, 61

as pathway, 57–58, 64, 136

See also emotions

Peck, Scott, 130

perception

behavior and, 82–83, 104

changing, 7, 28, 43–47, 58–61, 104

creating reality, 93

emotions and, 95

feedback, 73

judgment as, 89–90

pure, 84

responsibility for, 78, 80–81

Pert, Candace, 95–96

Pitman, 9–16

blame, 71, 77

feedback, 63–64, 68

judgment, 89

language, 17–21, 139–140, 143

pollution, 39–41

rescuing others, 22–27, 133–134

seductiveness, 26, 139, 178

Powers, Margaret Fishback, 148

relationships

commitment to, 176–177

empathy and, 24, 35–36, 154–159

evaluating, 145

transition and, 141, 145

rescuing, 22–27, 133–134

responsibility

blame and, 77–78, 80–81

change and, 75, 140, 143, 174–175, 178–179

codependency and, 22

feedback and, 71

See also empowerment; ownership

The Road Less Traveled (Peck), 130

satori, 87, 90, 118

The Scottish Himalayan Expedition (Murray), xiii

service, 172, 179

smoking, 116–121

sympathy. See empathy

Tao Te Ching (Lao Tzu), 172

Theresa, Mother, 111

transition

courage and, 142–143

difficulty of, 139–146

pain and, 136, 141, 143

truth, 172–176, 178

Voltaire, 170

Waldman, Mark Robert, 45

wisdom, qualities of, 50–51

Words Can Change Your Brain (Newberg and Waldman), 45–46

Zadra, Dan, 82