APPENDIX 4

Emotional Intelligence Training

EXERCISE 3: VERBALLY DEMONSTRATING EMPATHY (Based upon Egan, 1976)

Empathy requires that you are able to communicate an understanding of an individual's feelings and the experiences and/or behaviors that underlie them.

These are the kinds of statements you might hear in the course of project working. Picture yourself listening to the speaker. This exercise should give you some experience of responding directly to the feelings of another.

Directions

(1) Read the statement, pause for a moment, and then write down the description of the speaker's feelings that comes to mind immediately. Note that in some cases, the speaker may be indicating more than one feeling for you to identify. Then focus on the content, which is the distinct behaviors or experiences that have given rise to these feelings. Try to imagine that the person is speaking directly to you

First you will use the somewhat artificial formula:

“You feel (word or words that indicate feelings) because (words indicating the content, experiences, and/or behaviors underlying feelings).”

For example:

Jeff

“I had a hard time coming back here today. I felt that I shared myself pretty extensively last week, even to the point of letting myself get angry. This morning I was wondering what kind of excuse I could make up for not being here.”

a.    You're feeling awkward about being in the group today because, given last week, you aren't sure how I or others, will receive you.

(2) Then reread the statements and check yourself for accuracy. The second time, see if you can come up with a better response to each statement by using your own language, making it as natural as possible, rather than using the formula.

b.    Jeff, I know it's not easy being here today. You've been asking yourself how you're going to be received. In fact you're so uneasy that you almost didn't come.

1. Bill

“I wish I knew how best to respond to all of this. I know I messed up in getting the figures we needed in order to hit that deadline. I do value the honesty and feedback from the team. But it just makes me look at myself—my fears of failing and I know that the way I respond, when I try to talk over you, it is because I just get so defensive. I just wish I could deal with this more effectively.”

a……………………………………………………………………………………………

b……………………………………………………………………………………………

2. Jess

“What do you mean we are not hitting the standards required in the specification? We are working flat out here and quite frankly I don't appreciate your interfering in my area of responsibility. I'm having to pull out all the stops for this one because you messed up on the original timescales that were given to the client. If anything, the problems we're having are because of you. I'm just not putting up with this anymore—its really getting me down.”

a……………………………………………………………………………………………

b……………………………………………………………………………………………

3. Gary

“I really don't know how to deal with this anymore! You look so sincere, and I believe that you are sincere. I think that you actually have the project's interests at heart. You talk to me here and pull me up on my performance and contribution. But the way you do it! You keep after me. You make the same point over and over again. Sometimes I just want to run out of here screaming!”

a……………………………………………………………………………………………

b……………………………………………………………………………………………

4. Marie

“No, I haven't got the time to keep coming back to you on all of this. I'm fed up! The contract isn't so grey about who is responsible for the ongoing maintenance and repair of that particular track, as you keep saying. You say that four different people could read it and get a completely different interpretation. Well, this is going to cause major financial problems and put future contracts in jeopardy unless you sort this out now!”

a……………………………………………………………………………………………

b……………………………………………………………………………………………

EXERCISE 4: PRACTICING DEMONSTRATING EMPATHY (Based upon Egan, 1976)

The purpose of this exercise is to make you think about some dimensions of your interpersonal style and behavior, while at the same time, offer an opportunity for a partner to show some empathetic understanding of the issue you have just identified.

Directions

1. Choose some situation or issue or relationship having to do with your interpersonal style that you would like to take a deeper look into when working in teams or projects. Choose something that you can share with your partner without being overly uncomfortable.
2. You will spend about 8 minutes briefly describing the issue to your partner.
3. During that time your partner should attempt to convey an empathetic understanding of the issue you have raised.
4. At the end of the 8 minutes reverse roles.
5. Offer each other feedback on each other's strengths and weaknesses, giving constructive feedback to one another on how differing aspects of rapport or empathy were communicated.

TUTOR'S NOTES

I would now like us to think about the previous session a little and consider how individuals chose to communicate an empathetic response to their partners.

1. Firstly, can we hear from those who role-played the listener for the second time around and let me ask you how you decided to communicate empathy. Did any of you think beforehand how you would do this? If so, what did you decide to do during the interaction? Write these down. Individuals can write down what they think, if there was anything that the listener did that communicated empathy. Participants should call these out. Write up on flipchart.
2. What do we mean by empathy? Can we have some definitions? Then give the actual definition to participants. Write these up on other flipchart. What do we mean by rapport? Highlight how empathy is different from rapport but that empathy can lead to rapport. Identify from the list which is empathy and which is rapport.

   Demonstrating empathy in interpersonal relationships involves both recognizing and communicating the feelings of a colleague in a particular situation as well as an understanding of the behaviors or experiences that underlie these feelings.

   It has two major components, a cognitive component and an affective component.

   • The cognitive component is associated with sensory acuity and requires some judgmental accuracy in recognizing the feelings being displayed.
   • The affective component is the emotional response of the self to or with the other person's feelings (affect). This component requires that we are able to generate some felt sense of the emotion in order that we can identify with the feelings and thereby the individual involved.
3. Discuss some of the techniques for enhancing rapport.
4. DEBRIEF

  Ask participants to come back to the large group.

• How did participants feel the exercise went? How easy/difficult was it for people?
• How did people feel about discussing an aspect of their interpersonal style?
• Did anyone find the content to be useful in terms of handling or addressing the specific area they covered?
• Were individuals able to detect emotional cues? What were they?