Chapter 17
Adding Style to Sentences
IN THIS CHAPTER
Spicing up sentences with verbals
Choosing the correct tense for verbals
Varying sentence patterns
Many television shows feature aspiring designers who cut patterns and sew, glue, or staple fashion-forward clothing. Why do so many people, including me, watch? To see something new, a jolt out of the “same old, same old” pattern. Writing is no different. Chances are you’ve got some basic sentence patterns that serve you well. But if you’ve ever longed for a change of pace, this chapter is for you. Here you practice adding variety and style to your sentences by employing verbals, combining ideas, and changing word order.
Speaking Verbally
Every family has some interesting members who can add zing to a boring day. Verbals are the grammatical equivalent of those relatives. As the name implies, verbals have a connection with verbs, but they also have a link with other parts of speech (nouns, adjectives, and adverbs). Verbals never act as the verb in a sentence, but they do influence the sense of time that the sentence conveys. This section gives you practice in identifying verbals and selecting the correct tense for each.
Identifying verbals
Time to meet the verbal family. Here’s the lowdown on infinitives, participles, and gerunds — the three types of verbals.
- Infinitives are what you get when you tack to in front of the most basic form of the verb. Infinitives may take a descriptive role or function as a noun, but they never act as the verb in a sentence.
- To be safe, Alice packed a few hundred rolls of breath mints. (to be = infinitive describing packed)
- To win was Roger’s goal. (to win = subject of the verb was)
- Participles are the -ing or -ed or -en form of verbs, plus a few irregulars. Sometimes participles function as part of the verb in a sentence, attached to has, have, had or is, are, was, or were. In this situation, participles aren’t verbals. When participles act as descriptions, they’re verbals.
- Inhaling sharply, Elaine stepped away from the blast of peppermint that escaped from Alice’s mouth. (inhaling = participle giving information about Elaine)
- The dancing statue is famous. Everyone seeing it takes a selfie. (dancing = participle describing the noun statue, seeing = participle describing the pronoun everyone.)
- Gerunds are the -ing form of verbs, used as nouns.
- Going to the beach is fun. (Going = gerund functioning as the subject of the verb is)
Many verbals show up in phrases, which may include objects or descriptions. In the infinitive phrase to learn algebra immediately, for example, algebra is the object of the infinitive to learn and immediately is a description.
Check out the underlined portions of each sentence and label them “I” for infinitive, “P” for participle, or “G” for gerund. If none of these labels fit, write “N” for none.
Q. Sam flew to Phoenix for a conference on “Rebuilding Your Company's Image.”
A. N, G. Phoenix is not a verb, so to Phoenix is not a verbal. Rebuilding is a gerund. In case you were wondering, rebuilding is the object of the preposition on. Rebuilding Your Company's Image is the entire gerund phrase.
1 Arriving in Arizona, Sam was eager to settle in at his hotel.
2 The hotel room, newly redecorated, was on the same floor as an overflowing ice machine.
3 To reach his room, Sam had to skate across a miniature glacier.
4 Sliding across a slippery floor to his room was not one of Sam's happiest moments.
5 Sam, easygoing by nature, nevertheless decided to complain.
6 "I want to relax, not to practice winter sports!" Sam stated firmly.
7 The manager, not knowing about the ice machine, found Sam's comment confusing.
8 Reaching 100° is not unusual during summer in this part of the country.
9 Choosing his words carefully, the manager replied, “Of course, sir. I will cancel the bobsled racing.”
10 Sam forgot about the ice machine and protested, because his lifelong dream was to go downhill on a fast sled.
Telling time with verbals
Verbals, like everything associated with verbs, give time information. The plain form (without has, have, having, or had) shows action happening at the same time as the action expressed by the main verb in the sentence. The perfect form (with has, have, having, or had) places the action expressed by the verbal before the action of the main verb.
Choosing either the plain or perfect form can be tricky. First, figure out how important the timeline is. If the events are so closely spaced so as not to matter, go for the plain form. If it matters to the reader/listener that one event followed or will follow another, select the perfect form for the earlier action.
Sequence of tenses — the combination of verbs and verbals to express the order of events — is a frequent flyer on college entrance tests.
In the example and the practice exercises that follow, get out your time machine and read about a fictional tooth whitener called “GreenTeeth.” The content is strange, but all you need to worry about is locating and circling the correct verbal form.
Q. (Perfecting/Having perfected) the new product, the chemists asked the boss to conduct some market research.
A. Having perfected. The two events occurred in the past, with the chemists’ request closer to the present moment. The event expressed by the verbal (a participle, as you may have guessed) attributes another action to the chemists. The perfect form (created by having) places the act of perfecting prior to the action expressed by the main verb in the sentence, asked.
11 (Peering/Having peered) at each interview subject, the researchers checked for discoloration.
12 One interview subject shrieked upon (hearing/having heard) the interviewer’s comment about “teeth as yellow as sunflowers.”
13 (Refusing/Having refused) to open her mouth, she glared silently at the interviewer.
14 With the market research on GreenTeeth (completed/having been completed), the team tabulated the results.
15 The tooth whitener (going/having gone) into production, no further market research is scheduled.
16 The researchers actually wanted (to interview/to have interviewed) 50 percent more subjects after GreenTeeth’s debut, but the legal department objected.
17 Additional interviews will be scheduled if the legal department succeeds in (getting/having gotten) participants to sign a “will not sue” pledge.
18 “(Sending/Having sent) GreenTeeth to the stores means that I am sure it works,” said the CEO.
19 (Deceived/Having been deceived) by this CEO several times, reporters were skeptical.
20 (Interviewing/Having interviewed) dissatisfied customers, one reporter was already planning an exposé.
21 (Weeping/Having wept), the marketing team applauded the boss’s comment.
22 Next year’s Product Placement Awards (being/having been) announced, the GreenTeeth team is celebrating its six nominations and looking for future dental discoveries.
Playing with Sentence Patterns
The spine of most English sentences is subject-verb: Mary walks, Oliver opens, and so forth. Most sentences also have some sort of completion, what grammarians call a complement or an object: Mary walks the dog, Oliver opens the peanut butter jar. Even when you throw in some descriptions, this basic skeleton is boring if it’s the only structure you ever use. You can vary the sentence pattern (and wake up your readers) in several ways, all of which you practice in this section.
Introductory elements
An effective way to change the basic pattern is to add an introductory element, which is italicized in the following examples:
- Sticking her finger in the jar, Agnes stirred the peanut butter. (The introductory verb form, a participle, tells something Agnes did.)
- Despite the new polish on her nails, Agnes was willing to eat without a fork. (The introductory prepositional phrase gives information about Agnes’s eating habits.)
- When she was full, Agnes closed the jar. (The introductory statement has a subject and a verb, she was, and in grammar terms is a clause. Once again, you get more information about Agnes.)
As always in grammar, you don’t need to clutter your mind with definitions. Simply try some of the patterns, but be sure to avoid a common error: The subject of the main part of the sentence must be the one doing the action or in the state of being described by the introductory verb form. Check out Chapter 19 for more information on this sort of error.
The skills you practice in this section help you in paragraph- or sentence-revision questions on college entrance tests, such as the SAT and the ACT.
Put boredom behind you. Take a look at the original ideas and then choose an option that combines those ideas with an introductory element. Be sure the option you select is grammatically correct and expresses the same meaning as the original.
Q. The boss wants the memo immediately. Jesse stops cleaning his teeth and starts typing.
- Realizing that the boss wants the memo immediately, Jesse stops cleaning his teeth and starts typing.
- Having stopped cleaning his teeth and started typing, the memo Jesse was writing was what the boss wanted immediately.
- Having realized that the boss wanted the memo immediately, Jesse stops cleaning his teeth and starts typing.
A. I. Option I begins with a participle (Realizing) that properly explains what Jesse is doing. Option II is out because the introductory element — the participial phrase Having stopped cleaning his teeth and started typing — is attached to memo, the subject of the sentence. A memo has no teeth and can’t type! Option III doesn’t work because the participle is in the wrong tense. Jesse’s realization and his subsequent actions happen more or less at the same time, so having realized makes no sense.
23 Jesse is considering retirement. Jesse’s mortgage holder thinks that Jesse should work at least 100 more years.
- Although Jesse is considering retirement, his mortgage holder thinks that Jesse should work at least 100 more years.
- Despite the fact that Jesse is considering retirement, his mortgage holder thinks that Jesse should work at least 100 more years.
- Considering retirement, Jesse’s mortgage holder thinks that Jesse should work at least 100 more years.
24 The bank official wants Jesse to work hard. Jesse’s debt is quite large.
- Being quite large, the bank official wants Jesse to work hard to pay off his debt.
- Wanting Jesse to work hard, his debt is quite large.
- Because Jesse’s debt is quite large, the bank wants him to work hard.
25 Jesse wants to drink martinis on a tropical island. Jesse also wants to keep his house.
- Even though Jesse wants to drink martinis on a tropical island, he also wants to keep his house.
- Having wanted to drink martinis on a tropical island, Jesse also wants to keep his house.
- In addition to his desire to drink martinis on a tropical island, Jesse wants to keep his house.
26 Jesse’s entire plan is impractical. An especially unrealistic part lets Jesse drink martinis all day.
- While it is impractical in every way, an especially unrealistic part lets Jesse drink martinis all day.
- Entirely impractical, an especially unrealistic part of Jesse’s plan lets him drink martinis all day.
- Impractical in every way, the plan is especially unrealistic in letting Jesse drink martinis all day.
27 The bank manager speaks to Jesse in a loud voice. She points out that Jesse has $0.02 in his savings account.
- Speaking to Jesse in a loud voice, the bank manager points out that Jesse has $.02 in his savings account.
- Although she speaks in a loud voice, the bank manager points out that Jesse has $.02 in his savings account.
- Having spoken in a loud voice, the bank manager points out that Jesse has $.02 in his savings account.
28 The bank manager angers easily. Jesse brings out the worst in her.
- Angering easily, the bank manager admits that Jesse brings out the worst in her.
- Bringing out the worst, the bank manager was angered by Jesse.
- Because Jesse brings out the worst in her, the bank manager angers easily.
29 Jesse considered robbing the bank. Jesse is an honest man.
- Robbing the bank, Jesse is an honest man.
- Even though he is an honest man, Jesse considered robbing the bank.
- Because he is an honest man, Jesse considered robbing the bank.
30 The bank manager eventually decided to rob the bank. She drank martinis on a tropical island.
- With martinis on a tropical island in her future, the bank manager eventually decided to rob the bank.
- To drink martinis on a tropical island, the bank manager eventually decided to rob the bank.
- Having decided to rob the bank, martinis on a tropical island were the bank manager’s future.
31 Jesse joined the FBI. He searched for the bank manager and arrested her.
- Joining the FBI, Jesse searched for the bank manager and arrested her.
- Joined the FBI, he searched for and arrested the bank manager.
- When he joined the FBI, Jesse searched for the bank manager and arrested her.
32 Jesse received a $10 million reward. Jesse retired to the tropical island.
- To receive a $10 million reward, Jesse retired to a tropical island.
- After he received a $10 million reward, Jesse retired to a tropical island.
- Receiving a $10 million reward, Jesse retired to the tropical island.
Combining ideas and changing word order
When you have a bunch of ideas, you can state them one by one, each in a separate sentence. If you’re like most people, that’s what you usually do, and the result is fine. But usually is a short step from boring, so at times you may want to insert several ideas into a longer, complex sentence. Compare these two statements:
- The plant is covered with little purple bugs. The bugs are chewing the leaves. I am afraid. The bugs may tire of the plant. They may eat me.
- I’m afraid that the little purple bugs, which cover the plant and chew its leaves, may tire of the plant and eat me.
The second version sounds more mature, right? Notice that you have one long statement (“I’m afraid that the little purple bugs may tire of the plant and eat me”) with another tucked inside (“which cover the plant and chew its leaves”). You can insert information with clauses (subject-verb expressions that I explain in Chapter 16), verbals, or other elements. Just be sure to do so properly.
Another simple way to add spice to your writing is to fiddle with the usual subject-verb-object/complement (S-V-O/C) pattern. You can try moving the subject to the end of the sentence (V-O/C-S) or leading with the object or complement (O/C-S-V). Take a look at the usual pattern and a possible variation:
- Everyone needs love. (S-V-O)
Love, everyone needs. (O-S-V) - Mark zoomed across the room on his skateboard. (S-V)
Across the room on his skatedboard zoomed Mark. (V-S)
When you play around with word order or sentence patterns, be careful not to repeat yourself. Adding variety to your writing does not entitle you to bore your reader with needless repetition.
Take a look at the original set of ideas. Which sentences insert ideas correctly? Note: Correctly rewritten sentences may rearrange, substitute, or add words.
Q. Ideas: Hollywood studios make many action films. Action scenes require less translation. For this reason action films are easy to market abroad.
- Hollywood studios make many action films, which require less translation, because they are easy to market abroad.
- Hollywood studios, making many action films, which require less translation and marketing abroad.
- Action films, which require less translation, are often made in Hollywood for markets abroad.
A. I. The first option tucks every idea into one grammatically correct sentence. Option II has grammar problems (not a complete sentence) and option III awkwardly shifts into passive voice (are made). To learn more about passive voice, see Chapter 15.
33 Ideas: Liars are untrustworthy. Marjorie lied.
- A liar, Marjorie is untrustworthy.
- That Marjorie lied makes her untrustworthy.
- Marjorie, who lies, making her untrustworthy.
34 Ideas: Jurors hear Marjorie’s testimony. Some believe her. They think she looks honest.
- Some jurors, hearing Marjorie’s testimony and thinking she looks honest, believe her.
- Thinking she looks honest, jurors hear Marjorie’s testimony believing her.
- Looking honest, Marjorie’s testimony is believed by some jurors.
35 Ideas: Marjorie went to prison. She committed perjury. She wrote a book about the trial. It was a bestseller.
- In prison Marjorie, who committed perjury, wrote a book about the trial, and it was a bestseller.
- Marjorie, who committed perjury, wrote a bestseller in prison about the trial.
- Marjorie, who wrote a bestseller about the trial, committed perjury in prison.
36 Ideas: George read Marjorie’s book. George hoped to write a bestselling book. He searched for a crime to commit. Then he could write about that crime.
- Reading Marjorie’s book, George wanted to write a bestseller too, so he searched for a crime and committed it so he could write about it.
- To write his own bestseller, George searched for a crime to commit and write about, just as Marjorie did.
- Having read Marjorie’s book and hoping for a bestseller himself, George searched for a crime to commit and write about.
37 Ideas: George wanted to commit a crime!
- A crime, George wanted to commit!
- George, a crime he wanted to commit!
- Wanted George a crime to commit!
38 Ideas: George wrote Committing Crimes and Writing About Them For Dummies. The book sold very few copies. Most buyers were convicted criminals.
- Committing Crimes and Writing About Them For Dummies, which George wrote and sold to convicted criminals, but not many.
- George’s book, Committing Crimes and Writing About Them For Dummies, sold poorly, mostly to convicted criminals.
- George’s book was Committing Crimes and Writing About Them For Dummies, and it sold poorly to convicted criminals.
Calling All Overachievers: Extra Practice Honing Your Sentences
The following figure is a short story excerpt that could use some major help. Revise it as you see fit, paying attention to varied sentence patterns. Note: You can revise in a thousand different ways. In the answer section I provide some possible changes. Your revision may differ. In fact, it may be better than mine! Check for variety when you evaluate your work.
Answers to Sentence Improvement Problems
The best writing uses different sentence patterns and structures while still being grammatically correct. Check your answers here.
1 P, I. The participle arriving gives information about Sam, the subject of the sentence. The verb in the sentence is was. To settle is an infinitive.
Grammar rules require that a participle at the beginning of a sentence describe the subject of the sentence. This sentence is proper because Sam is the person arriving.
2 P, P. Redecorated (from the verb redecorate) describes room. Overflowing (from the verb overflow) describes machine.
3 I, I. These infinitives perform different jobs in the sentence. To reach describes the verb had; to skate is the object of the verb had.
4 G, N. Sliding is the subject of the verb was. To his room is a prepositional phrase, not a verb. (For more information on prepositional phrases, turn to Chapter 7.)
5 N, I. Easygoing isn’t a verbal because the verb “easygo” doesn’t exist. To complain is an infinitive acting as the object of the verb decided.
6 I, I, N. To relax and to practice are both infinitives acting as objects. Firmly is an adverb, not a verbal. (For more information on adverbs, read Chapter 8.)
7 P, P. Both knowing and confusing are participles. The first describes manager, and the second describes comment.
8 G. Reaching is a gerund acting as the subject of the verb is.
9 P, G. Choosing is something the manager is doing, but it’s not the verb in the sentence. It’s a description, what grammarians call an introductory participle because it sits at the beginning of the sentence. Racing is a gerund acting as an object.
10 N, I. Protested isn’t a verbal; it’s a verb. To go is an infinitive acting as an object.
11 Peering. Here the two actions take place at the same time. The researchers check out the subjects’ teeth and check for trouble. The perfect form (with having) is for actions at different times.
12 hearing. Once again, two actions take place at the same time. Go for the plain form.
13 Refusing. The “not in this universe will I open my mouth” moment is simultaneous with an “if looks could kill” glare, so the plain form is best.
14 having been completed. The plain form completed would place two actions (the completing and the tabulating) at the same time. Yet common sense tells you that the tabulating follows the completion of the research. The perfect form (with having) places the completing before the tabulating.
15 having gone. The decision to stop market research is based on the fact that it’s too late; the tooth whitener, in all its glory, is already being manufactured. Because the timeline matters here and one action is clearly earlier, the perfect form is needed.
16 to interview. The have form places the action of interviewing before the action expressed by the main verb in the sentence. With have, the timeline makes no sense.
17 getting. Three actions are mentioned in this sentence: scheduling, succeeding, and getting. The first action is placed in the future, so don’t worry about it. The last two actions take place at the same time, because the minute somebody signs a legal paper, the attorneys are successful. As it expresses a simultaneous action, the plain form of the verbal (without having) is appropriate.
18 Sending. The CEO’s statement places two things, sending and being sure, at the same time. Bingo: The plain form is best.
19 Having been deceived. The point of the sentence is that one action (deceiving the reporters) precedes another (being skeptical). You need the perfect form to make the timeline work.
20 Interviewing. The interviews and the planning of an exposé are simultaneous, so the plain form is best.
21 Weeping. The marketers are all choked up as they clap their hands and hope for a very big raise. Plain form works because the two things happen at the same time.
22 having been. The celebration and “time to get back to work” movement take place after the announcement, so you want the perfect tense.
23 I, II. Option I begins with a subordinate clause (see Chapter 16 for more information) that leads the reader into the independent clause, and perhaps another 100 years at the office. Verdict: Correct. Option II leads with a prepositional phrase that accomplishes the same goal. Option III is out because as written, the mortgage holder is considering retirement — clearly not the intended meaning.
24 III. The first time I show this sentence structure to my students, they often protest that “you can’t begin a sentence with because.” Yes, you can, as long as you have a complete thought and an independent clause in the sentence. (Turn to Chapter 16 for more about independent clauses.) Option III fulfills both those requirements. The other options fail because they don’t express the original meaning. In option I, the bank official is quite large. Option II omits the bank entirely.
25 I, III. Option I begins with a subordinate clause that explains Jesse’s wish for martinis on the sand. The independent clause tackles the competing desire. Option I is grammatically correct. Not so option II, which starts with a participle in the wrong tense. The desire for martinis on the beach didn’t take place before the desire to keep the house. Verdict: incorrect. Option III tucks the martini-wish into a prepositional phrase, flowing nicely (and properly) into the rest of the sentence.
26 I, II, III. Three winners here. Option I starts with a subordinate clause and moves on to an independent clause. Option II begins with two adjectives, both of which describe the implied noun plan. Option III begins with still another way to describe plan, the subject of the main part of the sentence.
27 I. In Option I, how the bank manager speaks is expressed by an introductory participle, which properly describes the subject of the sentence, manager. Option II starts with a subordinate clause, but although doesn’t fit the meaning of the sentence. Option III employs the wrong tense, improperly placing the fact that the manager spoke in a loud voice before the clause stating what she said.
28 I, III. Option I adds a bit, but it expresses the same meaning and properly connects the introductory participle (angering) to the bank manager, the subject of the sentence. Option II has no one bringing out the worst, so you have to discard that choice. Option III begins with a subordinate clause and ends with an independent clause, a fine sentence.
29 II. In option II, the first part of the sentence is a clause because it has a subject and a verb, but it properly depends upon the statement in the second part of the sentence to complete the thought. Option I goes against the meaning of the original — Jesse didn’t rob the bank — and makes little sense. Option III also defies logic, as this is not a cause-and-effect situation.
30 I, II. In option I, a set of prepositional phrases packs an opening punch and begins a grammatically correct sentence. Option II starts with an infinitive that accomplishes the same purpose. Option III has martinis making the decision, not a logical or grammatically correct choice.
31 I, III. Option I starts with a participle and option III with a subordinate clause. Both express the idea that two things happened more or less at the same time. Option II improperly uses a plain past-tense verb, joined, to introduce the rest of the sentence.
32 II, III. Option I has the cause and effect mixed up. The island was the result, not the cause, of the reward. Option II begins with a subordinate clause and segues into an independent clause. Option III starts with an introductory participle. Both II and III work well.
33 II. In option II a clause, That Marjorie lied, acts as subject of the sentence. Option I is grammatically correct, but it doesn’t quite match the original, because being a liar implies that Marjorie lies all the time, not just on one occasion. Option III isn’t a complete sentence.
34 I. The main idea is well said in option I: Some jurors believe her. The reasons for this opinion are tucked into the main statement as participles. Option I is correct. Option II begins well, but that last participle (believing her) just hangs there. The word it describes (jurors) is too far from the description. Option III has the testimony looking honest, not Marjorie.
35 II. Option II cuts the original 18 words to 12 but includes every idea. It’s the winner here. Option I isn’t wrong grammatically, but that last idea (and it was a bestseller) sounds tacked on. Option III misstates the facts (much like Marjorie) because it has her committing perjury in prison.
36 III. Option III establishes a timeline: two actions occur earlier in the past (having read, hoping — both participles) and then moves to the more recent past (searched) and into the future (to commit and write — infinitives). This one is complete and correct. Option I is wordy, and option II repeats one idea (to write and write about, both infinitives).
37 I. The first option moves the object to the front of the sentence, with the subject-verb combination following. This one is interesting and grammatically correct. The second option incorrectly adds another subject (he). The third option is technically correct but sounds strange — not exactly a technical reason, but a reason nevertheless.
38 II. Nice to think that crime doesn’t pay, isn’t it? Option II includes every idea but uses fewer words than the original. Option I inaccurately states the facts. He didn’t sell to convicted criminals; he tried to sell to everyone and mostly criminals bought his book. Option III makes a similar error, stating that few criminals are buying the book.
Here are the answers to the “Overachievers” section:
1 Three sentences — Darla was lying on the floor in a heap, Her legs were bent under her, and She breathed in quick pants — may be easily combined. The ideas in the first two sentences are turned into introductory elements, with the last of the three sentences as the main idea. If you add an introductory element with a verb form, be sure that the subject of the main section of the sentence is the person or thing doing the action or in the state of being mentioned in the introduction. Another possible combination: After Darla fainted, she was lying on the floor in a heap. With her legs under her, she breathed in quick pants.
2 The revision cuts repetition; rapid and quick are the same.
3 Two sentences combine and retain Henry as the subject.
4 Two sentences — He neared Darla and gasped. “My angel,” he said. — have been combined. The new version is more concise and more interesting.
5 A subordinate clause (that his cardiologist would worry) tucks an idea from one sentence into another.
6 The original story ends with several short, choppy sentences. The revision combines all but the last sentence.
7 The last two sentences of the original combine with an introductory verb form, kneeling. If you begin with kneeling, be sure that he or Henry is the subject of the main part of the sentence. You can also revise this section in this way: “Angel Pie, you don’t have to pawn your engagement ring,” he said as he knelt next to her.