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Why Compassion Is a Better Managerial Tactic Than Toughness
By Emma Seppala
Stanford University neurosurgeon James Doty tells the story of performing surgery on a little boy’s brain tumor. In the middle of the procedure, the resident who is assisting him gets distracted and accidentally pierces a vein. With blood shedding everywhere, Doty is no longer able to see the delicate brain area he is working on. The boy’s life is at stake. Doty is left with no other choice than to blindly reach into the affected area in the hopes of locating and clamping the vein. Fortunately, he is successful.
Most of us are not brain surgeons, but we certainly are all confronted with situations in which an employee makes a grave mistake, potentially ruining a critical project. The question is: How should we react when an employee is not performing well or makes a mistake?
Frustration is of course the natural response—and one we all can identify with. Especially if the mistake hurts an important project or reflects badly on us.
The traditional approach is to reprimand the employee in some way. The hope is that some form of punishment will be beneficial: It will teach the employee a lesson. Expressing our frustration also may relieve us of the stress and anger caused by the mistake. Finally, it may help the rest of the team stay on their toes to avoid making future errors.
Some managers, however, choose a different response when confronted by an underperforming employee: compassion and curiosity. Not that a part of them isn’t frustrated or exasperated—maybe they still worry about how their employee’s mistakes will reflect back on them—but they are somehow able to suspend judgment and may even be able to use the moment to do a bit of coaching.
What does research say is best? The more compassionate response will get you more powerful results.
First, compassion and curiosity increase employee loyalty and trust. Research has shown that feelings of warmth and positive relationships at work have a greater say over an employee’s loyalty than the size of his or her paycheck.1 In particular, a study by Jonathan Haidt of New York University shows that the more employees look up to their leaders and are moved by their compassion or kindness (a state he terms “elevation”), the more loyal they become to him or her.2 So if you are more compassionate to your employee, not only will he or she be more loyal to you, but anyone else who has witnessed your behavior may also experience elevation and feel more devoted to you.
Conversely, responding with anger or frustration erodes loyalty. As Adam Grant, professor at the Wharton Business School and author of Give and Take, points out that, because of the law of reciprocity, if you embarrass or blame an employee too harshly, your reaction may end up coming around to haunt you. “Next time you need to rely on that employee, you may have lost some of the loyalty that was there before,” he told me.
We are especially sensitive to signs of trustworthiness in our leaders, and compassion increases our willingness to trust.3 Simply put, our brains respond more positively to bosses who have shown us empathy, as neuroimaging research confirms.4 Employee trust in turn improves performance.5
Doty, who is also director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, recalls his first experience in the operating room. He was so nervous that he perspired profusely. Soon enough, a drop of sweat fell into the operation site and contaminated it. The operation was a simple one, and the patients’ life was in no way at stake. As for the operation site, it could have been easily irrigated. However, the operating surgeon—one of the biggest names in surgery at the time—was so angry that he kicked Doty out of the OR. Doty recalls returning home and crying tears of devastation.
Tellingly, Doty explains in an interview how, if the surgeon had acted differently, he would have gained Doty’s undying loyalty. “If the surgeon, instead of raging, had said something like: ‘Listen young man, look what just happened—you contaminated the field. I know you’re nervous. You can’t be nervous if you want to be a surgeon. Why don’t you go outside and take a few minutes to collect yourself. Readjust your cap in such a way that the sweat doesn’t pour down your face. Then come back and I’ll show you something.’ Well, then he would have been my hero forever.”
Not only does an angry response erode loyalty and trust, it also inhibits creativity by jacking up the employee’s stress level. As Doty explains, “Creating an environment where there is fear, anxiety, and lack of trust makes people shut down. If people have fear and anxiety, we know from neuroscience that their threat response is engaged, and their cognitive control is impacted. As a consequence, their productivity and creativity diminish.” For instance, brain-imaging studies show that when we feel safe, our brain’s stress response is lower.6
Grant also agrees that “when you respond in a frustrated, furious manner, the employee becomes less likely to take risks in the future because he or she worries about the negative consequences of making mistakes. In other words, you kill the culture of experimentation that is critical to learning and innovation.” Grant refers to research by Fiona Lee at the University of Michigan that shows that promoting a culture of safety—rather than of fear of negative consequences—helps encourage the spirit of experimentation that is so critical for creativity.7
There is, of course, a reason we feel anger. Research shows that feelings of anger can have beneficial results. For example, they can give us the energy to stand up against injustice.8 Moreover, they make us appear more powerful.9 However, when as a leader you express negative emotions like anger, your employees actually view you as less effective.10 Conversely, being likable and projecting warmth—not toughness—gives leaders a distinct advantage, as Amy Cuddy of Harvard Business School has shown.11
So how can you respond with more compassion the next time an employee makes a serious mistake?
1. Take a moment. Doty explains that the first thing to do is to get a handle on your own emotions—anger, frustration, or whatever the case may be. “You have to take a step back and control your own emotional response, because if you act out of emotional engagement, you are not thoughtful about your approach to the problem. By stepping back and taking a period of time to reflect, you enter a mental state that allows for a more thoughtful, reasonable, and discerned response.” Practicing meditation can help improve your self-awareness and emotional control.12
You don’t want to operate from a place where you are just pretending not to be angry. Research shows that this kind of pretense actually ends up raising heart rates for both you and your employee.13 Instead, take some time to cool off so you can see the situation with more detachment.
2. Put yourself in your employee’s shoes. Taking a step back will help give you the ability to empathize with your employee. Why was Doty, in the near-tragic moment in the operating room, able to respond productively rather than with anger? As a consequence of recalling his own first experience in the OR, he could identify and empathize with the resident. This allowed him to curb his frustration, avoid degrading the already horrified resident, and maintain the presence of mind to save a little boy’s life.
The ability to perspective-take is a valuable one. Studies have shown that it helps you see aspects of the situation you may not have noticed and leads to better results in interactions and negotiations.14 And because positions of power tend to lower our natural inclination for empathy, it is particularly important that managers have the self-awareness to make sure they practice seeing situations from their employee’s perspective.15
3. Forgive. Empathy, of course, helps you forgive. Forgiveness not only strengthens your relationship with your employee by promoting loyalty, it turns out that it is also good for you. Whereas carrying a grudge is bad for your heart (blood pressure and heart rate both go up), forgiveness lowers both your blood pressure and that of the person you’re forgiving.16 Other studies show that forgiveness makes you happier and more satisfied with life, significantly reducing stress and negative emotions.17
When trust, loyalty, and creativity are high and stress is low, employees are happier and more productive, and turnover is lower.18 Positive interactions even make employees healthier and require fewer sick days.19 Other studies have shown how compassionate management leads to improvements in customer service and client outcomes and satisfaction.20
Doty told me he’s never thrown anyone out of his OR. “It’s not that I let them off the hook, but by choosing a compassionate response when they know they have made a mistake, they are not destroyed, they have learned a lesson, and they want to improve for you because you’ve been kind to them.”
EMMA SEPPALA, PH.D., is the Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and author of The Happiness Track. She is also founder of Fulfillment Daily. Follow her on Twitter @emmaseppala or her website www.emmaseppala.com.
Notes
1.“Britain’s Workers Value Companionship and Recognition Over a Big Salary, a Recent Report Revealed,” AAT press release, July 15, 2014, https://www.aat.org.uk/about-aat/press-releases/britains-workers-value-companionship-recognition-over-big-salary.
2.T. Qiu et al., “The Effect of Interactional Fairness on the Performance of Cross-Functional Product Development Teams: A Multilevel Mediated Model,” The Journal of Product Innovation Management 26, no. 2 (March 2009): 173–187.
3.K. T. Dirks et al., “Trust in Leadership: Meta-Analytic Findings and Implications for Research and Practice,” Journal of Applied Psychology 87, no 4 (August 2002): 611–628.
4.R. Boyatzis et al., “Examination of the Neural Substrates Activated in Memories of Experiences with Resonant and Dissonant Leaders,” The Leadership Quarterly 23, no. 2 (April 2012): 259–272.
5.T. Bartram et al., “The Relationship between Leadership and Follower In-Role Performance and Satisfaction with the Leader: The Mediating Effects of Empowerment and Trust in the Leader,” Leadership & Organization Development Journal 28, no. 1, (2007): 4–19.
6.L. Norman et al., “Attachment-Security Priming Attenuates Amygdala Activation to Social and Linguistic Threat,” Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, Advance Access, November 5, 2014, http://scan.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2014/11/05/scan.nsu127.
7.F. Lee et al., “The Mixed Effects of Inconsistency on Experimentation in Organizations,” Organization Science 15, no. 3 (2004): 310–326.
8.D. Lindebaum and P. J. Jordan, “When It Can Feel Good to Feel Bad and Bad to Feel Good: Exploring Asymmetries in Workplace Emotional Outcomes,” Human Relations, August 27, 2014, http://hum.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/07/09/0018726714535824.full.
9.L. Z. Tiedens, “Anger and Advancement Versus Sadness and Subjugation: The Effect of Negative Emotion Expressions on Social Status Conferral,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 80, no. 1 (January 2001): 86–94.
10.K. M. Lewis, “When Leaders Display Emotion: How Followers Respond to Negative Emotional Expression of Male and Female Leaders,” Journal of Organizational Behavior 21, no. 1 (March 2000): 221–234.
11.E. Seppala, “The Hard Data on Being a Nice Boss,” Harvard Business Review, November 24, 2014, https://hbr.org/2014/11/the-hard-data-on-being-a-nice-boss; and A. J. C. Cuddy et al., “Connect, Then Lead,” Harvard Business Review (July–August 2013).
12.“Know Thyself: How Mindfulness Can Improve Self-Knowledge,” Association for Psychological Science, March 14, 2013, http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/know-thyself-how-mindfulness-can-improve-self-knowledge.html.
13.E. Butler et al., “The Social Consequences of Expressive Suppression,” Emotion 3, no. 1 (2013): 48–67.
14.A. Galinsky, et al., “Why It Pays to Get Inside the Head of Your Opponent: The Differential Effects of Perspective Taking and Empathy in Negotiations,” Psychological Science 19, no. 4 (April 2008): 378–384.
15.L. Solomon, “Becoming Powerful Makes You Less Empathetic,” Harvard Business Review, April 21, 2015, https://hbr.org/2015/04/becoming-powerful-makes-you-less-empathetic.
16.P. A. Hannon et al., “The Soothing Effects of Forgiveness on Victims’ and Perpetrators’ Blood Pressure,” Personal Relationships 19, no. 2 (June 2012): 279–289.
17.G. Bono et al., “Forgiveness, Feeling Connected to Others, and Well-Being: Two Longitudinal Studies,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 34, no. 2 (February 2008): 182–195; and K. A. Lawler, “The Unique Effects of Forgiveness on Health: An Exploration of Pathways,” Journal of Behavioral Medicine 28, no. 2 (April 2005): 157–167.
18.American Psychological Association, “By the Numbers: A Psychologically Healthy Workplace Fact Sheet,” Good Company Newsletter, November 20, 2013, http://www.apaexcellence.org/resources/goodcompany/newsletter/article/487.
19.E. D. Heaphy and J. E. Dutton; “Positive Social Interactions and the Human Body at Work: Linking Organizations and Physiology,” Academy of Management Review 33, no. 1 (2008): 137–162; and S. Azagba and M. Sharaf, “Psychosocial Working Conditions and the Utilization of Health Care Services,” BMC Public Health 11, no. 642 (2011).
20.S. G. Barsdale and D. E. Gibson, “Why Does Affect Matter in Organizations?” Academy of Management Perspectives 21, no. 1 (February 2007): 36–59; and S. G. Barsdale and O. A. O’Neill, “What’s Love Got to Do with It? A Longitudinal Study of the Culture of Companionate Love and Employee and Client Outcomes in the Long-Term Care Setting,” Administrative Science Quarterly 59, no. 4 (December 2014): 551–598.
Adapted from content posted on hbr.org on May 7, 2015 (product #H021MP).