CHAPTER 19

7 Ways to Stop a Meeting from Dragging On

by Joseph Grenny

When I got a speeding ticket a few years ago, I was offered the option of attending traffic school in lieu of a black mark on my otherwise spotless driving record. I showed up at city hall promptly at 6 p.m., hoping my educational experience would end at 8:30 as advertised. The instructor was 25 minutes late and quite disorganized. By 8:15, he was on slide 18 of 123 and seemed to be just getting into the groove. My heart sunk and I was quickly getting resentful. At 8:26 he launched into what promised to be a lengthy story about a multicar accident. I felt a toxic sense of dread and powerlessness.

In 1964, social psychologists John Darley and Bibb Latané conducted an experiment on group powerlessness. Subjects were led to believe they were part of a group discussion about personal problems, when one participant is struck with an epileptic seizure. Darley and Latané wondered what conditions would predict whether the subject witnessing the seizure would either sit passively or interrupt the gathering and take action to help. It turned out that the larger the group, the less likely the subject was to break ranks from powerless peers and leave the room in search of help. This has become known as bystander apathy.

If human beings can act so passively when health and safety are on the line, it should be no wonder that we turn ourselves into victims when the sole risk is an hour or two of wasted time. Meetings are notoriously ineffective, because most participants act like passive victims rather than responsible actors.

Interestingly, even meeting leaders often view themselves as constrained by unstated and untested group expectations that limit their ability to intervene effectively in the group process. They allow dysfunctional time-wasting behavior to go unchecked because they imagine it is the vox populi.

I’ve made myself a meeting victim more often than I’d like to admit, but over the years I’ve discovered that if I’m suffering, others are likely suffering too, and it’s in my power to do something. There are tactful things I can do to not only take responsibility for my own investment of time, but also to become a healthy voice for the silent majority. In fact, most people silently cheer when someone takes action to refocus or cut off time-wasting activities.

Here are seven of my favorite interventions for stopping meandering in a meeting:

• Come prepared. You can organize a chaotic conversation and gain disproportionate influence by simply arriving with a clearly articulated straw position on the topic to be discussed. Don’t push it on people, but do offer to share it if others believe that it will help accelerate discussion. More often than not they will.
• Set boundaries. Take responsibility for your time. If a meeting is notorious for starting late and running over, let people know when the meeting begins what your boundaries are. For example, you might say, “I understand we’re starting late but I have a commitment to the Murphy team I want to keep, so I have a hard stop at 10:45.”
• Trust your gut. Go public. Check with the group. Notice, honor, and trust your gut. If you’re feeling lost, pay attention. If you’re feeling bored, take notice. There’s a good chance others are, too. Then, tactfully and tentatively share your concern. Don’t express it as truth; instead, own the fact that it is simply your experience. Next, check to see if others are feeling similarly. Here’s what that might sound like: “I’m not sure I’m tracking the discussion. We seem to be moving between three different agenda items. Are others seeing that, too?”
• Restate the less than obvious. If the discussion is toggling between two or more problems, summarize the topics on the table, and suggest the group tackle one at a time. For example, “I’m hearing points about both whether this is a good investment and when we should make the purchase. I think we’ve already made the purchase decision and timing is the only question. Is that right?”
• Ask the question no one’s asking. If a sacred cow is glaringly obvious, ask for confirmation of its existence. For example, “I’m getting from the comments that some of us question the wisdom of the original decision. Is that right?”
• Spot the weeds. Periodically point out digressions into unproductive detail or tangents. Everyone in the group is responsible for the group process, so if you say nothing, you’re part of the problem (see chapter 10 for more on silence in meetings). Say something to the effect of, “It sounds like we’re in agreement about the policy. Rather than word-smith it now, it might be better to have someone do a draft.”
• Clarify responsibilities at the end. It’s rare that someone in the meeting takes the time to summarize decisions and clarify commitments at the end. This usually only takes 60 seconds but can save hours in misunderstanding and unnecessary future meetings. Even if you aren’t running the meeting, you can speak up and ask, “Can we take a second to summarize what we’ve agreed to and who will do what by when? Maybe I’m the only one who’s fuzzy, but I want to be sure I follow through on my commitments.”

As I sat festering in my misery in traffic school, I began to suspect I was not alone. I had 175 other classmates who might be playing victim right alongside me. So I checked my gut, went public, and addressed the person running the meeting.

“Officer, I’m anxious to hear the end of this story, but I’m wondering what time class ends.”

He looked a bit uncertain. “I thought it ended at 9:30.”

I heard an audible groan from my classmates.

“What time were you told it ended?” he inquired.

“8:30,” I said.

He looked at his watch. Then announced, “Class dismissed.” The cheers were audible. I felt like the valedictorian of the class.

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Joseph Grenny is a four-time New York Times best-selling author, keynote speaker, and social scientist. His work has been translated into 28 languages, is available in 36 countries, and has generated results for 300 of the Fortune 500. He is the cofounder of VitalSmarts, an innovator in corporate training and leadership development.

Adapted from content posted on hbr.org on April 25, 2016.