How do you get people who don’t work for you to work for you?
When direct management techniques don’t work— especially with those over whom you have no authority— you may have better luck with these, more subtle, approaches.
Your colleagues are less likely to resist when they feel you’ve taken the time to acknowledge their concerns. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey says that the greatest need of human beings—after physical survival—is to be understood, affirmed, and appreciated. He explains that “empathic listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they [do], you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel.” It’s human nature to want to work with, not against, someone who “gets” us. Ask about your colleagues’ challenges or people they’re struggling with. This information will help you identify common goals and solutions. And you’ll be building stronger working relationships.
We also like people who like us. We’re suckers for compliments. If your colleague does a good job leading a meeting, tell him what you liked about the way he ran it. Be specific. Ask another colleague about her weekend and listen—perhaps you’ll discover a shared passion for hiking or reading. Then when you need their help, your colleagues will be more likely to offer their expertise.
Humor makes you appear calm, approachable, and in control. It helps your audience feel more relaxed and receptive to change, new ideas, and your influence. Use humor to help soften a harsh message and make it easier to speak freely about the challenge at hand.
But use humor with care. Inside jokes and cultural allusions can be off-putting. And, of course, humor should never be at the expense of the person you’re trying to influence—nor should it make light of her issues or concerns.
Cialdini cites a research study involving two groups of subjects and a “plant”—a man named Joe—who was posing as a fellow subject. Each member of the first group received a small “favor” from Joe—a Coke that he picked up for them while out of the room. The second group received no favor. Then, Joe told each group he was selling raffle tickets. The subjects who received a Coke from Joe bought twice as many tickets as the subjects who received nothing. The reciprocity rule overwhelmed all other factors—including whether they even liked Joe. The ticket buyers felt an irresistible need to repay him.
The more you raise your hand to help others, the more likely they’ll do the same for you. Volunteer to take notes at a colleague’s brainstorming session. Help set out lunch for a big client meeting. Offer to listen to your teammate’s dry run of a big presentation.
Martha Craumer is a freelance writer based in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
Adapted from reprint #U0608D
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