CHAPTER 8
Speech Matters
Um, like, well, uh, you know, so,
I guess this is chapter …
Your very first word was likely greeted with great celebration and pride. Parents shared the single-syllable word with grandparents, friends, and very distant relatives. They danced, you danced, and everyone ate ice cream. You spoke your word again, and laughter accompanied by jubilant applause brought the house down. You hadn’t caused such celebration since the day you first rolled over. As time progressed, you learned even more words. You also learned how to color those words with emotion. Whining, tears, cutesy smiles, big eyes, and all-out, fall-on-the-ground tantrums were some of the passionate enhancements you added to the spoken words. You learned that your words would generate rewards and reactions. By the age of five, you had become a master communicator, capable of changing the plans and mood of your parents at a moment’s notice.
Then the bell rang, and the rules set in. Verb tenses, synonyms, homonyms, sentence structures, preposition issues, i before e except …
Regional and family dialects and accents were incorporated into your verbal patterns. Some neighborhood slang and attitude were added apparently to confuse many. Maybe you learned to talk fast—or slow with strange inflections—or to be quiet and say little. Somewhere along the way you may have taken to mumbling, stuttering, or talking too low. Maybe you sounded like the voice coming from a drive-through speaker.
Whatever the case, it has gone downhill since that very first word. It went from party time to panic time if you had to speak in front of a group of people.
Now you are an adult. You are in the business arena. The phone rings. You recognize your boss’s voice on the other end of the line.
Congratulations. Your team did it again! For the past several months, your department’s performance has consistently set the pace for our company. You’re doing a great job! I want to recognize your team’s performance at our next senior management meeting, and I have arranged to put you on the agenda for a 20-minute presentation. We want you to share with the rest of the company the great things your team has been doing. Our entire senior staff is looking forward to hearing what you have to say.
After talking a few more minutes, you hang up the phone.
“Wow,” you say to yourself, “this is a great opportunity to provide recognition for my team … and to receive some well-deserved recognition for myself. Upper management actually wants to take the time to listen to what I have to say. This is great!”
Then reality sets in … and you begin thinking about the task.
“Wait a minute,” you say. “I have to deliver a 20-minute presentation in front of people I don’t know? I know my stuff, but what if I fail? This could be career suicide. Why did I agree to do this?”
From great honor to career suicide in 30 seconds. How could one assignment send anyone on that type of an emotional trip? Easy. The task is making a presentation … one of mankind’s greatest fears. Do you think that speaking in public became the number one fear by accident? No way. That status was earned. But there are things that you can do to attack that fear.
Why is something as natural as talking often a stressful, dreaded experience when you have to speak in front of an audience? Studies have shown that people fear public speaking more than snakes, heights, sickness, and even death. Jerry Seinfeld once quoted those statistics and said if this is the case, “You would be better off in the coffin than delivering the eulogy”—a pretty harsh penalty for not wanting to speak in public.
A fear that is greater than the fear of death itself? This is great news! This is to be celebrated. You should dance and laugh. This can be a game changer! Becoming a great speaker will help you become Indispensable!
Speaking to groups—of two or three or even a roomful—is required for advancement in almost any industry. As an executive, you will often be asked to “say a few words” about your product, department, or even yourself. The good news is that public speaking is a skill that can be developed.
So how do you get started? One of the best ways to improve speaking skills is to teach others what you know. You are completely comfortable with the subject and can speak about it with ease. You will find that teaching others what you know will teach you how to communicate more effectively.
Some people may have to jump off the deep end and start speaking in public to get beyond the fear of speaking. You may not be ready for a large audience right off the bat, but the basic activities of speaking are the same, regardless of the size of the audience. So go ahead and take the first step to start gaining confidence. Begin to develop your own personal style. You can volunteer to represent your organization at public functions, speak at civic clubs, participate in services at your church or synagogue, teach a class, or make a presentation at work.
Each time you speak in front of a group, you will become more comfortable and your influence will become stronger. That is if you reduce unnecessary words, deploy proper verb tenses, polish your sound, work on correct pronunciation, and deliver with confidence.
OK, so it may not be easy, but if it were easy, it would not be a game changer. With effort, practice, and a little attention to detail, you can change your verbal communication skills and literally awe those who remain locked in fear. The smartest thoughts, the most creative ideas, and the best strategies are wasted if they cannot be communicated well. The perfect suit, dress, shoes, tie, and haircut will be devalued if you cannot speak appropriately. It is critically important to your success. And you are in control of it.
Golfers, musicians, the military, firefighters, pilots, and people in a million other businesses and professions spend time practicing their trade. Then they practice more. Practice readies them for the real thing and creates positive habits. Changing your communication abilities requires practice—dedicated and focused practice.
So how can you practice your speaking so that you can become indispensable? Try these five steps.
STEP 1. LISTEN TO YOURSELF
Hearing yourself has never been easier. Smartphones, recorders, PCs, and even our cars can now record our own voices and conversations. Record yourself in an informal dialogue between friends. Record yourself reading an article from the newspaper. Record yourself having a telephone conversation. Record yourself talking to the dog.
Now listen to the recordings. Listen as others hear you. But, you say, “I would rather not because I don’t like the way I sound.” Bingo! That is the point.
Compare the sound of your voice to that of your local news anchor, sportscaster, or radio host. Identify the things you need to improve. Record yourself over and over. Try different tones, inflections, sentence rhythms, and speeds. Like playing a musical instrument, it will take time. Keep recording and listening.
Try some readings to sound friendly. Try some to sound energetic. Try some to sound interested. People will react differently to you if you sound involved and excited to speak with them. Smile as you speak. Stand while you speak. What if you answered every call enthusiastically, making the caller feel welcome, rather than without emotion? It will make a difference in how your conversation goes. Listen to yourself, and practice developing an enthusiastic tone when talking to others.
It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it.
—MOM
STEP 2. DELETE BRAINLESS WORDS
Um, well, like, uh, you know, man—you see what I mean?
There are many words and phrases we habitually say that mean nothing. Sometimes we say them to get a sentence rolling. Sometimes we say them because we don’t know what to say. Sometimes they are simply verbal habits. Whenever we say them, they are likely a waste of breath and a shining beacon to all who hear us that we are verbally challenged.
It is probable that these words are simply word behaviors or crutches that you developed over time. If so, identify and know what your brainless utterances are. Once you become aware of them, eliminate your dependency on them. Make mental notes and corrections each time you say them. Ask someone you know to tap you each time you say one. Get a jar and put a dime in it for every verbal slip-up. Within a few weeks, your diligence and self-correction will reduce your repetitive use of brainless and meaningless jargon.
These words may also be part of your response pattern. You may be subconsciously using them to gain your thoughts and plan your response. If so, there are better methods. For instance, if someone asks you a question that takes a moment to grasp or assemble a response, you might try repeating the question. This does two things: first, it suggests you were indeed listening to the speaker intently, and second, it provides you that moment to think about the response. Another nonverbal pause you could deploy is the “contemplation look”—you know the one, looking up at the ceiling, a little pain showing on your face as if you are really considering the appropriate answer. Both of these examples are not to become habits either, or we will have to add another chapter to this book on how to stop habitual contemplation looks. The truth is that the electronics in your brain are much faster than the mechanics in your mouth. You can lessen the dependence on those brainless verbal utterances. Yes you can! Practice.
Another set of phrases that should be eliminated are associated with the word honest. You may be using these phrases unintentionally and without underlying meaning, but inadvertently you are giving the listener some concern. Do you say these phrases?
“To be honest with you …”
“Honestly …”
“I can honestly say …”
“In all honesty …”
In most cases, you are simply buying time with these sentence intros. Or perhaps you do want to communicate that most often you cannot be trusted, unless you announce your intention to be honest … this time. Better to always be trusted than only when you announce and proclaim it—honestly.
Finally, lose the off-color words in any business setting. You may have to deploy the same methods used to eliminate brainless utterances. Just because you are comfortable with using off-color words does not mean your listeners are. Using these words is most likely a habit, and they can be replaced with more accurate and informative adjectives.
STEP 3. GRAMMAR TIME
Forget about the fact that you did not like grammar in school. You have been around long enough to recognize when those around you are using improper grammar. You may have said something and then felt that it did not sound correct. You may not use the proper verb tense. You may end your sentences with a preposition too often. You know what your tendencies are. Pay attention to the details of your speech because other people are. Listen to yourself, and make mental notes of grammatical errors. You have great ideas. Do not let them be clouded and inaccurately judged because of poor grammar. Care about your grammar, spoken and written.
Get a book, look it up online, or use the spelling and grammar checker on your computer. Here are some examples of grammar points you need to know:
• Understand when to use I, me, or myself; she or her; he or him; we or us; and they or them.
• Hisself is not a word.
• Irregardless is not a word.
• Get a grasp on who and whom.
• Need I go further or farther?
STEP 4. LEARN SOME NEW WORDS
You don’t have to study the dictionary. You don’t have to be a walking thesaurus. You don’t need to become all scholarly. Learn 10 or 20 new words a year, and use them. You will surprise those around you, and you’ll increase your communication skills.
Algorithm: a method for solving a mathematical problem
Anomaly: an unexpected result that deviates from the standard
Cavalier: given to offhand dismissal of important matters
Exacerbate: to increase the irritation or annoyance of something
Salient: standing out conspicuously, prominently
Additionally, there are words that you already know that offer emotion. Some words add color and personality to your communication. They seem to paint a picture.
Try these and think of your own:
STEP 5. STAND INTO THE SPOTLIGHT
Now, if most people are deathly frightened to speak in front of others, then you have an incredible opportunity to stand apart. It may take courage, but the more you practice, the better prepared you will be. You have been working on your tone, reducing the brainless words, using correct grammar, smoothing your dialect, and increasing your vocabulary. Time to put it all together.
You may have an opportunity at work, church, school, civic organization, or at a celebration. Use the moment to give a prepared speech and show all the cowards how to do it the right way.
A basic speech, and one that will work for you time and time again, is simple to construct. It usually has three parts:
• An introduction
• The speech body, which is generally taught to be three points
• The conclusion
The introduction is important. Should you need to exchange some pleasantries or address the welcome you received, then do so. But once the speech starts, then go for the introduction. The goal is to gain the listeners’ attention. You want them to be interested in what you are about to say. You want to offer insight about your topic. You could ask a question that may intrigue them. You could use humor. You could startle them with a statistic they did not know. The introduction should prepare them for the subject you are about to cover. But never, never, ever begin your speech with statements like these:
“I’m very nervous.” (even if you’re shaking)
“I did not have time to prepare.” (even if you didn’t)
“My name is …” (sort of boring, and everyone else does it already)
“I’m not good at speaking.” (even if you are not)
“Well, uh, like …” (Did you read the beginning of this chapter?)
If you do not believe in yourself, your abilities, or your knowledge, then your listeners will not waste their time believing in you either. A good introduction alerts the listeners that something interesting, different, creative, informative, and important is about to happen. Their brains suddenly acknowledge that you are different. You will have their attention.
Bad example: “I have been asked to speak to you about heart disease.”
Call-to-attention example: “Did you know heart disease is the single leading cause of death in the United States?”
The subject is the same, but the listeners will respond differently.
The speech body is important. Cover your points thoroughly, but do not repeat words, sentences, thoughts, or subjects. Know what you’re talking about … be an expert. Be confident, smile, and use eye contact, hand motions, passion, and inflection. If it is a somewhat formal speech, you can have notes to help you through your subject matter. But never read your speech to your listeners! Notes are to prompt you and keep you on track. And when your subject and your points are through, you are through. Go to your conclusion. Rambling will cause you to lose your momentum and your listeners.
The conclusion is important. In summary format (short), tell your listeners what you told them in the body. Draw the conclusion for them. Give them a final short statement to prove, convince, remind, and persuade them that the subject of your speech was compelling and worthy of action. But never end with statements like these:
“I guess that is about it.”
“That’s all I have.”
“I’m glad that’s over.”
“I hope that made sense to you.”
If you cannot draw a conclusion to what your speech was about, your listeners probably couldn’t either. If you did not challenge, educate, persuade, or convince your listeners, then you learned that you have areas to improve.
You may never be completely comfortable speaking in front of an audience. You may always be nervous. You may never like it. But public speaking will separate you from your competition, and you can get there.
Now it is time to practice. Create a speech that introduces you or is about your favorite food, your job, or your favorite movie. Give the speech to yourself in front of the mirror. Give it to your dog. Give it to your cell phone while recording it. Take a course in speech at a community college, or join an ongoing education group on public speaking. Find a Toastmasters group, or start one at your company.
Remember, the majority of our communication is nonverbal. Our facial expressions, appearance, hand motions, and voice tone add definition and confirmation to what we say. Listeners are constantly scanning us to see if there are any contradictions in our message. Facial expressions and body language that do not match the subject matter will result in disbelief, and you will lose your audience.
You may not have to do it often, but if you can compose yourself and deliver an enjoyable, informative speech, whether to one person or a thousand, you will differentiate yourself from others. Remember, almost everyone is afraid of public speaking. You have the opportunity to demonstrate to them that you are more brave and capable. You have conquered a fear that constricts their talents. You have separated yourself. People will notice and listen. You will become Indispensable!
Take Action
The best way to improve your public speaking skills is to do public speaking. It may start with speeches to your mirror or your pet. But eventually you will need to try it on others. Public speaking does not always mean you have to prepare a speech. It could be in the form of better communication to customers and coworkers.
If there are organizations within your company, community, or church that would allow you to practice public speaking, join them, volunteer for them, and participate. Although it will take you out of your comfort zone, it will prepare you to for that time when you need to shine.
Here are 10 great tips1 to remember to help you wow your audience:
1. A comforting thought is to know that most people in the audience want you to do well. They are on your side. Have you ever gone to a presentation, hoping to see the presenters fall on their faces? Of course not. Your audience wants you to be successful, which is why they are investing their time to hear what you have to say.
2. Be yourself. Your presentation is not about being perfect. It is about “connecting with others” and delivering a sincere message. Audiences want to hear from people who are genuine.
3. Proper preparation and rehearsal can reduce nervousness by 75 percent. Proper breathing techniques can reduce nervousness by another 15 percent. Your mental state accounts for the remaining 10 percent.
4. State your three major points in a positive, proactive manner. People are often defensive when problems are presented, while audiences are generally more enthusiastic when they hear about opportunities. Examples: “We can improve customer satisfaction” instead of “We are losing customers.” “We can increase profits” instead of “We are losing money.” “We can retain our valuable employees” instead of “We are losing our best employees.”
5. Almost memorize the beginning of your presentation. Nervousness is most intense at the beginning of a presentation. Attack your nerves by having your introduction totally under control.
6. Practice looking confident. Many people judge confidence by your posture, body language, and voice tone. The more you practice looking confident by practicing in front of a mirror, spouse, or coworker, the more confidence your audience will see when you stand in front of them.
7. Talk to yourself the way your best friend would talk to you. If your best friend were with you, he or she would be building your confidence by telling you that you will do great, that you are prepared, and that you are going to have fun. Chances are your friend is probably right, so talk to yourself on your friend’s behalf. (No one will ever know.)
8. When you step in front of the room, your smile should confidently suggest, “I’m glad to be here.” If you let your audience know you are happy to be there, the group will probably be happy to have you there as well.
9. The Presenter’s Creed is this:
(1) Tell them what you are going to tell them,
(2) tell them, and
(3) tell them what you told them.
10. What your audience loves and hates:
Becoming a great speaker can be your ticket to becoming indispensable. Practice your presentation so much that you can do it “on autopilot.” That way, even if your brain freezes, your lips can keep moving.