INDEX
A
Accomplishment
reduced sense of 196
Adler, A. 203
American Institute for Research 10, 11
Anxiety 155–6
Approaches to helping 31
Aristotle 123
Attending, skill 49–63
See skill, attending
Authentic 42–3
Author
challenge from 7–8
Avoidance patterns 172–6
B
Barriers
communication 117–22
implementation 115–31
overcoming 115–31
Beginton, H. 23
Behavior
attending skill 51–7
bizarre 153
communication 45
ethical 32
questioning 91–2
Bereaved person
characteristics 145
Bombarding
questions, with 118
Book
activities 3
practical skills 3
principles 3
reason for 3–8
workshop setting 7
Brief Funeral Service Burnout Survey (BFSBS), Figure 197
Burnout
experiencing 196
prevent 198–200
symptoms 190
C
Care
for self 189–202
for funeral director 189–202
Caregiver
caring for 187–206
Caring 27–8
description 27
dimension of 28
Challenge
from the author 7–8
Changes
physiological 156–7
Characteristics
bereaved person 145
helper 30–2
helping 24–9
levels of helping, Figure 25
of helping 23–32
person who died 145–6
rating, Figure 25
Children
death 183
family 184
first visit to a funeral home 183
funerals 181–3
grief 179–86
mourning 184
religion 183
viewing the body 183
Clarifying skill 71–6
See skill, clarifying
Commitment 50
Communication
barriers 117–22
behaviors 45
levels 43–4
presence 43
Complaints
physical 192
Components
Concreteness 31
Congruence 30
Counselor
funeral director 4–5
Crisis
in the person’s life 148
Crying 141–2
Culpability
assessing 159–62
Cynicism 191–2
D
Death
children 183
developmental concepts 180–1
dimensions of response 181
nature of 146–7
religion 183
Denial 152–4
of feelings 193–5
Depersonalization 196
clinical 164
clinical versus normal 164–5
Deprivation
feelings 165
Desire 50
Detachment 191–2
Dimensions
childhood grief, Figure 182
of response to death 181
Director, funeral 9–10
See funeral director
Disbelief 152–4
Disorganization 154–5
Disorientation 192–3
Displacer 174
Distance
physical 55
Dominance
funeral director 118
E
Emerson, R.W. 9
Emotion
discouraging 120
distancing 120
exchange 43–4
explosive 157–8
expression of 120
inward explosive 159
outward explosive 158
description 24
Emptiness 163–5
Epictetus 41
Ethical behavior 32
Exchange
emotion 43–4
information 43–4
meaning 43–4
Exhaustion 191
emotional 196
Experience
constellation 152–3
funeral 149–50
normal 151–70
ritual 149–50
with death 148–9
Expression
discouraging 120
facial 55
grief 177–8
of emotions 120
of tears 120
F
Facial expression 55, Figure 52
Families
closed 184–5
open 184–5
Family
children and mourning 184
Fear 155–6
Feedback
definition 59–60
denial of 193–5
deprivation 165
guidelines 59–60
impoverishment 165
indispensable 193
minimization 193–5
Focus
service 5–6
Format
of text 6–7
Format for learning
skills, helping 47
Funeral director
characteristics of 23–32
counselor 4–5
dominance 118
guidelines for caring for self 198–200
helper characteristics 24–9
helping qualities 24–9
stress 189–91
why be one 9–10
Funeral home 10
interpersonal skills 9–21
skills 10
Funeral service
burnout 190
changes 13–4
interpersonal skills 13–4
interpersonal skills training 14
stress 189–202
Funerals
children 181–3
G
description 29
Grief 133–86
anticipatory 166
children 179–86
definition 136
dimensions of childhood 182
encouraging healthy expression 177–8
models 151
myths 136–42
normal experience 151–70
normal versus depression 164–5
stages 137
understanding 135–42
Grief, avoiding 171–8
common patterns of 171–8
Grief response
uniqueness of 143–50
Guide
observing attending skill, Form 62–3
Guidelines
caring for the funeral director 198–200
Guilt 159–62
feelings 160
survival 160
long-standing personality factors 161
re-experience of joy or happiness 161–2
relief syndrome 161
wish for the death 162
H
Hallucinations 155
Helping process
understanding 33–7
Helping purposes 31
Helping skills
See skills, helping
History
person’s culture 147–8
person’s religion 147–8
Home
See funeral home
I
Illness, physical
vulnerable 156–7
Impatience 191
Implementation
barriers 115–31
Impoverishment
feelings 165
feeling 193
Information
exchange 43–4
informing skill 103–7
See skill, informing
Interest 32
Interpersonal skills
changes within funeral service 13–4
developing 39–114
recognizing the role 1–37
role of 1–37
training 14
Interpreting 66
Irritability 191
J
Johnson, D.W. 33
K
Knowing
self 42–3
Knowledge 31
Kubler-Ross, E. 137, 142, 151, 170
L
Leading
direct 84–6
indirect 84–5
Leading skill 83–8
See skill, leading
Learning
initial phase 45–6
phases 45
Lewis, C.S. 135, 142, 164, 170
Life
Listener
personal qualities 50–1
Listening, skill 49–63
See skill, attending
personal qualities 50–1
Loss 163–5
Loss of energy 191
M
Meaning
exchange 43–4
Minimization 193–5
Minimizer 175
Models
grief 151
Mourning 133–86
children 184
course of 168
definition 136
family 184
understanding 135–42
Myths
grief 136–42
N
Numbness 152–4
O
Observation sheets 125,
Figures 126–31
Observer
guide for attending skill, Form 162–3
Omnipotence 193
P
Panic 155–6
Paraphrasing skill 65–70
See skill, paraphrasing
Parkes, C.M. 151, 155, 159, 170
Patience 50
Patterns
consequences 176–7
grief avoidance 176–7
of avoiding grief 171–8
People 31
Perception checking skill 77–81
See skill, perception checking
Personal qualities 12–3
interpersonal skills 45
learning 45
Physical distance 55, Figure 52
Platitudes
offering 119
Positive regard 30
Postponer 173
Practice
enhancing skills 123–5
Process,helping
See helping process
Projection
outside of oneself 162
Q
Qualities
personal 12–3
Questioning
behavior 91–2
Questioning skill 89–95
See skill, questioning
Questions
bombarding, with 118
closed 90–1
open-ended 90
R
Reassurance
false 119
definition 168
process 169
Reflecting feelings skill 97–102
See skill, reflecting feelings
Relationship 33–4
helping-healing 203
minimize the stresses 205
with the person who died 143–4
Relationship, helping
action plan 36
building 34
conclusion of the funeral process 35
consolidation and planning 35
development 35
enhanced understanding 35
entering 34
exploration of alternatives 35
implementation and action 35
phases in 34–7
understanding alternatives 35
Relationships
human 10
interpersonal 10
Release 165–7
Relief 165–7
Religion
children 183
death 183
Remorse 159–62
Replacer 174–5
description 26
Response
empathetic 24
grief 143–50
Role
interpersonal skills 1–37
Role conflict
between helper and business person 14
potential 14
S
Sadness 163–5
Searching 154–5
Self
knowing 42–3
Self-awareness 31
Self-concept 31
Self-confidence
development 205
Self-disclosure
inappropriate 119
Service
focus 5–6
Sex of the survivor
social expectations 149
Shock 152–4
Skill, attending 49–63
definition 49
enhance understanding 51
observer’s guide, Form 62
outcomes 57–8
purposes for use 51
understanding 51–7
Skill, clarifying 71–6
definition 71
enhance understanding 72
expectations 73
purposes 71
Skill, informing 103–7
definition 103
enhance understanding 103–4
expectations 105
purposes 103
Skill, leading 83–8
definition 83
direct leading 84–6
expectations 86
enhance understanding 84
indirect leading 84–5
Skill, listening 49–63
See skill, attending
Skill, paraphrasing 65–70
definition 65
enhance understanding 65–6
purposes 65
understanding 65–6
Skill, perception checking 77–81
definition 77
enhance understanding 77–8
expectations 79
purposes 77
Skill, questioning 89–95
behavior 89–5
closed 90–1
definition 89
expectations 93
open-ended 90
purposes 89
Skill, reflecting feelings 97–102
definition 97
enhance understanding 98–9
expectations 100
objectives 100
purposes 97
Skill, summarizing 109–13
definition 109
enhances understanding 109–10
expectations 111
purposes 109
Skills
See interpersonal skills
enhancing 123–5
interpersonal in the funeral home 9–21
need for 9–21
practice 123–5
Skills, helping
acquisition, Figure 45
art or science 41–2
consciously skilled 46
developing 41–7
essential 41–7
format for learning 47
funeral service practice 41–7
naturally skilled 46
step procedure for learning 47
training 44–5
uncomfortable use 46
Skills, interpersonal
See interpersonal skills
Somaticizer 176
Stages
grief 137
Stress
causes of 190
funeral director 189–202
in the person’s life 148
Summarizing skill 109–13
See skill, summarizing
Support system
social 144–5
System
support 144–5
T
Tears 141–2
expression of 120
discouraging 120
Text
format 6–7
final 200
U
Unconditional positive regard 30
Understanding 42
attending skill 51–7
listening skill 51–7
W
Warmth 27–8
description 27
dimension of 28
Wolfelt, A.D. 138, 140, 142, 168, 170, 181, 186, 189, 197, 201–2
Y
Yearning 154–5