Chapter 13
Once More, with Feedback
“How am I doing?”
It’s one of the most natural questions in the world. We all wonder how others judge us, whether they like or approve of us in a social setting and whether our performance measures up in the workplace. Just because we’re too cool (or too nervous) to ask doesn’t mean we don’t want and need to know.
What if someone significant in your life, someone with the power to determine your future, gave you feedback on your performance only once each year, and then only in a general way. Ridiculous, right? Yet many people work day in and day out without any meaningful feedback other than an annual performance review, which is too often a perfunctory exercise in paper shuffling.
Consider the people who work with you. Do you give them regular, meaningful feedback on their work? If not, you’re missing one of the best coaching opportunities—and a great chance to help improve performance and create a positive, dynamic environment for growth.
Elements of Effective Feedback
The ability to offer effective feedback is essential to good managing. It also opens the door for powerful coaching opportunities, and gives your employees a chance to grow, beyond just “fixing” issues or accomplishing a particular goal. Let’s look at some of the elements of effective feedback.
Positive, Negative, and Neutral Comments
“I only hear from him when I screw up.”
“I close 99 sales in a row, and I don’t hear a murmur from the front office. But the minute one slips away, all hell breaks loose.”
“Sometimes I wonder if I ever do anything right around here!”
Do these comments sound familiar? (If not, then you’re working in the only ideal company in the country.) Far too often, we only get feedback when something has gone wrong.
For too many workers, “feedback” means “criticism.” Constant criticism is seldom effective in coaching workers to peak performance and, in fact, may suppress performance as workers labor to hide their mistakes and avoid contact with supervisors. It also wears on their self-esteem and can disengage them. They don’t feel valued or valuable if they only hear from you when there is a problem.
Feedback The return of information about the result of a process or activity. The word comes from general systems theory. Technically, it refers to information about the outputs or functioning of a system that’s used to maintain system performance or to control a system or process.
That sounds very mechanical. Certainly no manager, especially one who coaches, wants to treat employees as if they were merely components in a system. After all, they’re human beings, not machines. But with machines at least you get feedback continually, both negative and positive.
Negative feedback is only one aspect of the total range of responses to a worker’s efforts, and it’s necessary and sometimes unavoidable. Feedback should include praise for work well done and for honest effort that fails to yield results through no fault of the worker. Often, a worker just needs to hear about the unseen results of her efforts, a simple reporting of outcomes with neither criticism nor praise attached.
If you have to deliver negative feedback, try using a “sandwich” technique. Begin with something positive, pointing out what the worker did well. Then, deliver the bad news. Wrap up with another positive statement. You might say, “Dan, you did a great job with the Greene account, and the executives were impressed! I have to tell you that your work on the Williams proposal was not your best—the terms were unclear and the client went with another agency. However, the feedback from the Romer project is excellent, and the clients specifically tell us how great your communication has been.” This works well with short, quick notes of feedback. If you have to go into detail on why the Williams proposal was not Dan’s best work, you should have a sitdown, face-to-face session.
Timeliness
“Remember that presentation you made last June? You know, the pitch to the buyers from McConnell? I thought it was very effective. Right on target. Nice going.”
Compliments are great any time. But the further the compliment becomes separated from the deed, the less emotional impact it will have. The recipient of the compliment might even doubt your motives, thinking you are softening him or her up before delivering a blow of bad news.
Likewise, the longer a suggestion for improvement follows performance, the less effect it will have.
“Gee, if I’d known how the boss felt about my presentation, I would have been more confident when I did my pitch for the Archer account—and maybe we would have won that account.”
GIVE MY BEST TO SPARKY
You’ll likely make some big mistakes if you only think big.
Smart managers think in terms of the big picture, of the company as a system, of teamwork. But they remember to connect with individuals. Managers create that critical link between the big picture and the team on the ground.
If possible, walk around the workplace regularly, providing feedback—especially positive feedback—to each employee.
If that’s not feasible, how about e-mail? It’s easy enough to write a quick message and send it off in seconds. Customize a note for each individual. You can add a simple comment like “Give your dog a scratch behind the ears for me!” or “By the way, I hope Meg is enjoying soccer.” It’s a great chance to show how well you know the employees and establish rapport.
Whether it’s negative or positive or (most likely) both, link your feedback as closely as possible to the behavior you’re commenting on.
Individual Recognition
Employees take pride in playing on an effective team and share in the reflected glory of a team victory. But that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate recognition for their individual efforts and achievements in the team’s success. Quite the contrary!
A form memo addressed to “members of the task force committee” doesn’t mean nearly as much as a personal note to each person on the committee, even if each member of the group gets one—as long as the notes don’t say exactly the same thing.
Likewise, general comments about “poor overall performance” to a group of workers will have little effect on any one person. It’s human nature to ascribe low team achievement to the other guy or to “bad chemistry.” Too often, the people who need the change won’t see that such a message is directed at them.
KNOW WHAT YOU’RE PRAISING
Marilyn was a wonderful person, and she wanted to be a wonderful vice president. She took a few moments from time to time to walk around and chat with the employees.
She emphasized the positive, saying such things as “Good job!” and “Hey, I like the way we’re all working together!” The workers appreciated her comments, but they all knew that she was more or less clueless about how any individual was actually performing—and sometimes even about what a certain worker was assigned to do.
The moral of the story: Praise is good, but specific praise means much more and is far more effective.
Specific Examples
The best way to individualize feedback is to refer to specific, unique behaviors.
Which comment would seem more credible to you if you read it in a letter of recommendation for a potential hire—a series of general references to the worker being “dependable” and a “self-starter,” or specific examples of projects he or she carried out effectively and independently?
PUT IT IN WRITING
When you have a specific example of excellent performance for a particular worker, put it in writing. Don’t stop with e-mail or a memo, which is a great start. Make sure that the employee’s personnel file includes a written comment about the success, or write a recommendation for the person on LinkedIn, if you both use it. This is one of the ways you can help your employees grow into new positions. Many times, workers are too shy to ask for such a favor, so you should be proactive in making it happen.
Specific examples carry more weight. They put generic phrases into real-life terms. They demonstrate (not just tell) what a person is capable of.
The same goes for any feedback you give on job performance. Refer to specific actions and outcomes. Otherwise, even praise sounds empty and vague.
Sincerity
Say what you mean, mean what you say, and say it like you mean it.
Sincerity is equal parts speaking truth and speaking it honestly. Your feedback must be genuine, and you must deliver it in a way that is natural and authentic for you.
Empty praise is no more effective than chronic carping. Employees learn to screen out and disregard both.
KEEP TRACK OF GOOD WORK
If you manage a large number of employees or if you have memory problems, take notes.
You might use index cards or business cards (or any sort of digital reminder system). Put the name of an employee on each card and alphabetize the cards. Whenever you get input about an employee, jot it down on his or her card. If you hear a comment like “Marge stayed late Friday to finish that paperwork” or “Gee, Terry almost fell asleep at the switch this morning,” or if you read in the company newsletter that Bert has volunteered to head up the United Way drive, make a note.
Then, take the next opportunity to compliment Marge and Bert or express your concern to Terry. Glance at the note to refresh your memory, and you’re ready to go.
Don’t try to adopt a “management style” when delivering feedback. The best style for you is your own natural manner of speaking and acting, without forced mannerisms or studied inflections. Be yourself, and the feedback will flow authentically and comfortably for you.
What’s the best way to be natural? Practice! That may seem contradictory, but it makes sense. Here’s a suggestion. When you’re at home, make a point of stopping in front of the mirror and complimenting yourself. It may seem silly at first. But study your reflection. How do you look? How do you sound? Sincere? Natural? Try complimenting your friends, family, and other people you know. Notice their reaction.
Work at being yourself. Just a minute or two from time to time can make a big difference in your style—and make your feedback to employees more effective.
Before You Deliver Feedback
Before letting someone know how he or she is doing, take a few moments to gather your thoughts and decide on the best way to deliver your message. The guidelines discussed in this section will help you make that decision.
Think before you speak. What? How? Why?
Effective feedback takes preparation. Think about what you want to say, how you want to say it, and what effect you intend for it to have. It’s best not to just blurt out feedback.
But feedback must also be timely, right? We’re not talking about a month-long deliberation here. Preparation time for effective feedback is often minutes or even seconds, but it’s important that you take those seconds to consider what, how, and why.
BEWARE THE BACK-HANDED COMPLIMENT
Have you ever been offended by a compliment? Comments like “you’re smarter than you look” use a compliment to disguise an insult and truly diminish the positivity of what you’re saying. Instead of telling a worker, “I know you’ve been bad at presentations before, but your hands didn’t shake so much this time,” rethink your comment and say “I saw a big improvement in your presentation, and I’m impressed! Nice work.” Thinking before you speak will keep you focused on the positive.
Say it face-to-face. No doubt you have to fill out performance reports, write memos, and create many types of written evaluations of your employees. Creating a paper trail (or e-trail) is necessary in the workplace. But reports, memos, and written evaluations rarely match the effectiveness of the spoken word, delivered in person. Don’t hide behind paper, the phone, or e-mail. If possible, say it with your presence as well as your words. Use the written word to back up what you’re saying.
Go one-on-one. Two is feedback. Three is a performance.
The presence of witnesses alters your message in ways you can’t always control. Criticism delivered in public isn’t feedback—it’s punishment. It’s also humiliating, and folks don’t tend to learn anything helpful while being blamed and shamed.
PRAISE IN PUBLIC, CRITICIZE IN PRIVATE
That bit of folk wisdom has guided wise supervisors for ages, and it’s still a worthy guide in many situations. You’ll have to judge when public praise will serve your overall goal of coaching for peak performance. Private criticism reduces shame and offers an opportunity for more collaborative work to move forward and correct the issue.
Praising workers in front of their peers can be a real ego booster, of course, but for some it can be almost as embarrassing as criticism, as it focuses attention on them, and they may not be comfortable with that. It may also cause resentment among other workers. Public praise of one may seem like implied criticism of the others. (For some, it may dredge up old fears of being scorned by other kids as a teacher’s pet.)
Here’s another reason not to go public with individual feedback: You’re only human. Whether you’re delivering good news or bad, you’ll naturally tend to aim that delivery at least in part at the whole audience. Playing to the crowd may be human nature, but it’s not an effective feedback technique.
Delivering Bad News
How do you feel about delivering bad news? If you’re like most managers, you may feel that it’s the part of your job that takes the most out of you. It’s not easy to tell someone they screwed up. In fact, we often dread it, and put it off or avoid it altogether.
You can’t avoid it, of course. If you try to dodge the responsibility, you’re likely to make matters worse—and develop a reputation that will make you less effective. But you can certainly learn how to handle a badnews situation.
Above all, you need to avoid an adversarial tone. Setting up a boss–employee confrontation only creates resistance and resentment, not better work. Let’s look at some ways to deliver bad news effectively.
1. Select an appropriate environment. The setting may be as important as the message. Where you choose to deliver the message becomes part of the communication.
Consider using the employee’s own space—office, cubicle, or work station—as long as it’s private. Playing the feedback game on the worker’s home court strips you of the trappings of power, which means that the roar of your authority won’t drown out your words. Employees tend to feel more relaxed in their own area and thus are a little less likely to become easily inflamed.
THE ROUND TABLE
“First among peers.” That was the title of the person who may have been the first manager-coach, King Arthur.
Sure, he was the king, the CEO of his country. But when he met with his knights, his lieutenants, he made sure to emphasize equality. He didn’t sit on his throne. He didn’t stand over them or make them drop to their knees. And he certainly did not hide behind a tree.
He gathered his employees around a table that had no head, no place of honor, no physical sign that he was their superior. That team was known as the Knights of the Round Table and King Arthur gained a reputation for leading his teammates as “first among peers.”
This approach, fit for a king, is certainly fit for any manager.
If you decide to call the employee into your office, invite him or her to sit down and then resist the temptation to remain standing (elevating yourself while diminishing the employee), sit on your “throne” (a better, higher chair), or retreat behind your desk or other barrier.
You might also select a neutral site. If so, be sure to choose a pleasant place, not a public thoroughfare where you’re likely to be interrupted or a messy storage area. A private meeting room can help remove any distractions from computers and phones, and offer a focused, neutral space for collaborative communication.
DON’T STALL
“Drawing on shared purpose” doesn’t mean a long oration on the history of the organization or a thorough review of the mission statement. It probably doesn’t even mean talking at length about how all members of the staff are working together toward a common goal.
A little small talk may, of course, help relax both of you and build some rapport. But the longer you delay coming to the point, the more tension you create. Employees know you didn’t call them in to talk about the weather.
2. Talk from common goals. Draw on your shared purpose, the goals that unite you in the work you do. Ultimately, you both want the same thing (peak performance). Explain how you intend your comments to serve that purpose.
BE REASONABLE!
You’re the boss! Why do you need to give reasons for your decisions, especially to an employee who has been performing poorly or behaving badly?
Consider it an investment in your employees and yourself.
Think about it. If you decide to terminate an employee, everybody will know how you handled the situation. Whether or not they believe you made the right decision to punish or terminate that person, they will wonder whether you’ll stop being a reasonable, fair manager if any of them happens to cross some line. In other words, they’re likely to identify with that employee, and that reaction could hurt your work culture.
Handling this situation in a fair and reasonable way allows you the opportunity to really test your commitment to being an effective coach and a smart manager.
3. Offer reasons. It isn’t so just because you say it’s so.
This exchange isn’t an inquisition. You aren’t a prosecuting attorney, marshalling evidence to get a conviction, nor are you a logician, “proving” a point. Don’t hound an employee, asking why something went wrong (if you need to know, ask how it happened, not why).
When offering your reasons for delivering bad news, be sure you don’t point fingers in other directions. You can explain the reasons behind your conclusions, but at no point should you compare one worker to another or mention that a specific person complained. If you say, “Why can’t you be more like Bill?” or “Sarah said you made an inappropriate call to the client.” You have only sowed discord in your team (the employee now thinks “Bill’s a goody-goody and Sarah’s a tattletale!”), while abdicating your own responsibility (you’re implying that you don’t think these things, you are just passing along the news). You can rephrase such statements as “I would like to see you improve your time management skills” or “I understand that you may have made a call to a client that was not within our guidelines, and we need to talk about it.”
But you are the boss, and as boss, you bear the burden of explaining why you’ve reached the conclusion that performance is lacking or behavior is inappropriate. Explain the “why” as you deliver the “what.”
4. Speak to their needs. You’ve got your reasons for delivering this feedback. What are their reasons for listening?
Applying a coach approach here is valuable. Spend a moment creating a positive vision of what things will be like when they improve—for the employee, you, the department, the company. How will your comments help them do their jobs better? How will that improved performance help them grow and possibly advance?
If you don’t have ready answers to these questions, think about them first. You’ll provide more useful information, and you’ll stand a better chance of getting the results you want.
Ask yourself, “What’s in this for them?” to frame your comments.
5. Talk about actions, not motives. You’re a manager/coach, not a therapist or a parole officer. You’re coaching performance, not personality. Confine your message to what they do, not who they are.
Remember that you don’t really know who they are. As a supervisor, you must gather enough information to accurately judge how they perform. But any conclusions about the motives behind that performance are most likely just speculation.
Inappropriate comment: “You’re lazy.”
When delivering negative feedback, focus on actions instead of motives or identity, as mentioned. When coaching someone to maximum performance, then you want to connect with who they are! Change becomes sustainable when the person connects it to a bigger reason, and actions begin to flow from who the person is, rather than simply what they do.
Appropriate comment: “You’ve missed your quota the last two weeks.”
Let the worker tell you why or how—if it’s useful to the discussion.
6. Assume your fair share of responsibility. The employees didn’t follow your instructions. They heard them. They agreed with them (or at least they said they did). But they still didn’t carry them out, or didn’t do so satisfactorily.
Be open to the possibility that you didn’t explain clearly what you wanted them to do or might have missed another step in your responsibilities. It takes two to communicate—not just a willing receiver but also an effective sender. Your message is effective only if it gets the desired result. If you promised them tools or support and didn’t deliver, you’re just as much at fault.
“I didn’t get the message across” may be a better way to begin the discussion than “You didn’t get the message.”
This isn’t a matter of being nice. It’s a matter of being effective and not making a bad situation worse.
7. Provide choices, options, and opportunities. If you’ve been clear, compelling, and compassionate in explaining how the worker has missed the mark, it’s time to explore what he or she can and should do to perform better. Remember: Your goal here isn’t to punish but to improve performance. This is when you start coaching.
First, ask the employee about his or her opinion on what should be done (use the coaching framework discussed throughout this book). If you have a specific plan in mind, lay it out and give the worker the chance to buy into the plan or modify it. Ask for suggestions. End the session only when both of you know exactly what should happen next.
Feedback on Your Feedback
We began this chapter with one of the most natural questions in the world—“How am I doing?”
Employees need to know the answer to that question, and you need to know whether you’re doing your job well, too.
The best way to judge how effectively you’re communicating with employees is to observe their subsequent performance. But you can benefit from more immediate feedback on your feedback. Here are some ways to get it.
ASK, DON’T CHALLENGE
“Have I made myself clear?”
By that question you mean, “Have I been effective in communicating my point?”
But the employee may hear, “Did you get that, dumbo?”
It all depends on the context and your tone and expression. Make sure your question is a genuine question, and not a challenge.
Keep conversations open-ended. Don’t lecture. Encourage dialogue. Use receptive body language—arms loose at your sides rather than crossed over your chest, for example. Pause frequently so that employees can reply without having to interrupt. (Some people are reluctant to interrupt others, especially if it’s the boss.)
Ask for feedback. Asking an employee for an opinion or observation does not in any way diminish your authority. If anything, it enhances it. If you want to know, ask. However, if you don’t want to hear the answer, don’t ask the question.
“Tell me what you really think” can mean what it says. It can also mean “Tell me that you agree with me.”
ATTITUDE AND APTITUDE
Why does everyone want to know more, but nobody wants to be a know-it-all?
The answer to that riddle comes down to the letter p.
The difference between knowing more and being a know-it-all is the difference between aptitude and attitude. The more you know, the greater your aptitude. But acting like you know it all is an attitude—and it will keep you from learning.
Don’t ask for feedback because you think it’s the right thing to do or you think you should. Don’t ask because you read in a management book that you’re supposed to. You may only trick the employee into beginning a conversation you don’t want to have. If you then show no interest in the reply, the employee may feel betrayed. If you work hard at building trust, don’t undermine your efforts by betraying that trust, even unintentionally.
Be open about your knowledge gaps. You don’t know everything. Don’t pretend you do.
Information should flow in both directions. You’ll enhance your authority and assure your employees that you want to be fair by asking for input when you need it.
Accept employees’ comments without judgment. The words “You’re welcome to your opinion” shouldn’t be followed by “but …” They also shouldn’t be dripping with scorn or sarcasm.
First, all employees are entitled to their opinions, whether or not you agree with them or like them. Second, if you show you’re not really open to their comments, you’re going to get fewer of them. Employees won’t risk a cold reception (although some may relish the chance to put a thorn in your side).
Don’t get defensive, and don’t get drawn into an argument. Nobody ever wins that kind of battle, and an argument will undermine your authority. Accept contrary opinions. Agree to disagree as to causes or blame.
You’re not infallible. You’re not all-knowing. But you are the boss. That title is certainly no guarantee of perfection, but it does mean that you’re responsible for your team of employees. In fact, that’s what Harry S. Truman meant when he said, “The buck stops here.” A good manager doesn’t claim to be omniscient. A good manager just recognizes where the buck stops.
Feedback is essential to effective managing. Good feedback is personal and sincere and, like all coaching behaviors, intended to foster peak performance. Feedback combined with coaching can create an environment for a lot of positive change.
The Coach’s Checklist for Chapter 13
Feedback is important. If you want your employees to know how they’re doing, you have to tell them.
Don’t just tell employees when they’ve made a mistake. Make sure you deliver positive feedback as well. That’s how your employees will know what you like. Make your feedback timely.
Praise the team, but don’t forget that individuals like praise for their achievements as well.
Make sure your feedback is specific. General or vague feedback doesn’t mean much.
Be sincere. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and say it like you mean it.
Before you deliver feedback, think before you speak, say it face to face, and go one-on-one.
Know how to deliver bad news. Don’t make it a confrontation.