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STEP 3


TAKE A LEAP

If you can’t have faith in what is held up to you for faith,
you must find things to believe in yourself, for a life
without faith in something is too narrow a space to live.
George E. Woodberry

Walter was in trouble. He had just had a difficult conversation with his boss. The big guy had made it perfectly clear that if Walter didn’t stop micromanaging his teams, he’d never make it to the next level. Walter agreed to try, but he really didn’t have a clue how to begin. Contributing to his nervousness was the fact that he had project kick-off meetings scheduled in Europe over the next couple of days. Literally overnight, Walter was expected to change how he worked with teams.

From a hotel room in Bonn, Germany, he called me for his regular coaching appointment. Walter explained that the first meeting was less than ten hours away and he had no idea what he should do. He knew he needed help.

I began by asking him how he had prepared for the meeting. I could hear the pride in his voice as he described how he had planned everything down to the last detail.

I paused, and then inquired, “Walter, you’ve done so much already. What is it you need your team for?”

I love what happened next, Walter began to giggle. (I love it when tough guys giggle!) He admitted that he had taken care of pretty much everything and that there was little for the meeting participants to do.

Walter had overprepared because he had not wanted to appear disorganized or unprofessional. The riptide of shame was hard at work within him, convincing him that he had to be “in charge.” Walter, under the delusions spouted by the fear of separation, was anxious that his career might be at an end if he didn’t make substantial changes to his management style. Walter also resisted surrendering control of the project to anyone else. All three riptides were at work! To help Walter shift away from fear, we were going to have to rely on something more powerful: the applied virtue of faith.

“Right,” I replied. “Then, I’m going to challenge you to take a leap of faith. I want you to rip up everything you’ve prepared for tomorrow. Right now—so I can hear you do it while I’m on the phone—I want to you to destroy the plans and schedules that you’ve already created. Go into the meeting tomorrow with a partial agenda. Write it on the board and then ask your team to generate other topics that need to be covered. Then I challenge you to ask your team to help you plan the rest of the project.”

Walter was really laughing now. He felt the giddiness that sometimes accompanies a willingness to move into the unknown. After a bit more discussion, he agreed that this was the right course of action. By the end of the call, he agreed to this leap of faith.

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Step 3: Take A Leap, Practice Faith

You’ve completed Step 1 by taking a stab at naming your need and by vowing to remain open to other possible resolutions. And if you’ve applied the self-compassion required by Step 2, you have accepted that you are worthy of help. Now Step 3 challenges you to do what we all must do at some time in our lives: Take a leap of faith. If self-compassion prepares you, then the applied virtue of faith supports you as you send your mayday signal. As you read ahead, keep in mind the first anchoring principle: Emotion affects action and language. How we present ourselves and how we phrase our request is directly linked to the reciprocating power of emotion.

Faith in What or Whom?

In whom or what does your faith lie? Faith can be a belief in something or someone greater than our selves, such as God, Buddha, the Goddess, or Allah. Others may put their faith in the wisdom of the Universe and the connectedness of all things. And still others direct their faith, not toward a supreme being, but toward the “natural order of things.” Many simply accept, as a universal truth, that events or circumstances work out for the best. And a few believe in the law of percentages or playing the odds. (This last group likes to look at their past life and predict the future based on the odds: “The odds are that things will turn out all right.”)

Some insist that faith in oneself is the best way to succeed in life. They caution that trusting others, organizations, or even the Divine, is a sure road to disappointment and failure. Trusting yourself, they advise, is the only way to go. Personally, I do not see how that is possible. I am the first to admit that I am imperfect and weak. Plus, my energy is easily drained. From experience, I know that when my personal energy reserves are low, my many weaknesses and flaws find their way to the surface. I am certainly not about to rely only on myself in such challenging times.

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Some people believe in putting their trust in others. Again, I would advise vigilance here since, as a species, we don’t have the best track record of follow-through and commitment. We mean well, but . . . even if you trust your helpmate one hundred percent, there will always be the possibility that things will not work out. Some person, thing, or event may stop him or her from fulfilling the commitment.

When it comes to asking for help and doing it in a clear and strong fashion, faith is what sees us through. Before we go further, spend a moment considering who or what you believe in.

TRY THIS YOUR BELIEF STATEMENT

Many religions and spiritual practices use credos or belief statements to reaffirm, inspire, and create a sense of community. Below is a sample.

• I believe: in a future that is filled with possibilities, some of which I cannot yet see. I believe in the power that arises when two or more people come together to solve any problem or to clarify any issue. I believe that the gifts and talents that I have been given are integral to my continued journey toward fulfillment of my life purpose.
• Your turn. Write your own belief statement.

I believe: __________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

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The Applied Virtue of Faith

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1). Whether you believe in God, possess a spiritual practice, or have none at all, faith requires you to let go of the tangible and reach for the unseen. It is a mystery, a trust beyond logic, that all will work out well. Faith can appear as a brief and fleeting absence of doubt or as an enduring internal confidence. It is called into action through prayer, meditative mantras, and that legendary leap of faith.

The applied virtue of faith is a profound belief or understanding that we will be cared for, even when the outcome is doubtful or unclear. This is exactly what we need as we make our requests for help: a belief that we will be all right. With this faith-based support, the oppressive and intimidating factors of asking for help diminish. And for some with deep faith, they disappear altogether.

Being cared for in our darkest hour does not mean that we will always have the help we desire, but that we will be provided with opportunities to learn and grow from every experience. Faith is confidence in a good end result. And if it doesn’t seem to turn out as well as we’d hoped, it is simply because we do not yet see the conclusion.

Walter relied on faith to see him through his leadership challenge. He had no idea how the meeting would go the following day. He had no idea whether he would be able to connect with and lead his new team. He had no idea whether tearing up his agenda and plan was a good thing. All Walter really knew was that he would be taken care of, that it would turn out well. Based on this belief, Walter took his leap of faith toward the unknown.

Two days later, Walter called me from the airport. “It was incredible!” he exclaimed. “I walked in, went to the front of the room, took a deep breath and told the group that I needed their help in planning the project. I wrote up a few of the things I remembered from the agenda you had me destroy and I let them fill in the rest. The energy of the room changed immediately. It was like we were already working as a team, even though we had just met!”

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Walter was unable to predict how it would all end, but he believed it would—somehow—work out. To make the shift from controlling boss to trusting leader, he would have to take a risk. His leap of faith unlocked his future and liberated him to move in a completely new direction.

With faith, all things are possible, even asking for and accepting help. Faith is the catalyst for miracles, or at least for very big and pleasant surprises. Faith is a step—sometimes tentative, sometimes audacious—into the unknown. When we take that step, we let go of the reins of life for just a little while. The reassuring message of the AV of faith is that we are not alone; we are, and always have been, cared for. It is this message that supports us as we send out our mayday calls.

Hope and Faith

The AV of faith grows from the emotional seed of hope, a heartfelt wish for a positive future outcome. Hope assumes that our current conditions are unacceptable, and that something else would be preferable. A passive emotion, hope isn’t vigorous enough to trigger an actionable response within us that leads to a more desirable future. “Hope is not a strategy,” is a common refrain within political circles. This pithy statement simply reflects hope’s less significant power and implies that something more is needed to effect change. As beautiful an emotion as hope is, it changes little. Unless and until we combine it with another powerful element, hope remains relatively ineffective.

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THE APPLIED VIRTUE MATRIX

Applied Virtue	Definition	The Emotional Seed	Combined with	The Hidden Message
Faith	A deep belief that you will be cared for even if the outcome is unclear	Hope: an optimistic belief for the future	A leap of faith; surrender	You will be cared for; you are not alone

Just as the rather passive emotion of sympathy can grow into life-altering compassion, hope can also lead to the unconquerable AV of faith. There is, however, an important difference, in how this alchemy comes about. While the AVs of compassion and self-compassion require action, the AV of faith requires inaction. To transform into faith, hope must be joined with a willingness to do nothing, to let others do for us, to surrender, to take a leap of faith.

Hope + A Leap of Faith = Faith

Think of the leap of faith as an actual and metaphorical intake of breath that happens just before you ask for aid. In our bodies, hearts, and minds, we hold that breath as we plunge into what comes next—whatever that is! For some, the leap of faith takes the form of a prayer like, “Please God. I leave my future in Your hands.” For others, the leap shows up as “Well, here goes nothing!” Exactly. The “nothing” is what you are about to do.

Acting from Faith: the Paradox

While self-compassion encourages us to act in our own best interests, faith is often about not acting. This is the paradox: In not doing something, we enable the applied virtue of faith to reach its full capacity. The not doing acts as a catalyst for the AV of faith to work its miracles. Not doing means a relinquishing of control, a letting go, so that someone or something else can manage the situation. As uncomfortable and frustrating as this is to our egos, there comes a point when we just have to surrender so faith can do its stuff.

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Walter did what he could do—in fact, he did much more than was necessary. He prepared himself as though he were the only person on the team. Yet when it came down to it, Walter’s final step was to not act. Instead, he let go of control and relied on his faith as he asked for the help he needed to make the project a success and to keep his career alive.

Regardless of your beliefs, you are probably very familiar with the concept of “a leap of faith.” Throughout the centuries, the phrase has been used as shorthand to indicate that all avenues have been attempted; there isn’t anything else to be done except let go. The phrase “leap of faith” is so commonly accepted that even the secular world acknowledges when it’s time to “let it go” and “let the chips fall where they may.” No matter who you are or what you believe, taking a leap of faith denotes philosophical surrender.

In modern-day Western cultures, doing nothing—letting go—is a hard sell. The very idea is hard to swallow for those who have been reared on a daily diet of control and self-sufficiency. When discussing this option, more than one person has stared at me and said, “Are you nuts?”

Surrender—stepping into the unknown—is often associated with white flags of failure. Acquiescing, giving up, or giving in do not result in the AV of faith. These are defeatist phrases that shift our emotional state toward feelings of powerlessness and despair. We do not want to feel that way, especially as we are about to ask for assistance. On the other hand, the phrases “letting go” and “relinquishing control” imply a mindful step toward a state of sincere acceptance. When we do, we acknowledge our own limits and release ourselves to the power of faith.

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TRY THIS YOUR HOPE, YOUR LEAP

• Refer back to the situation you described in Step 1: Name the Need. Looking at your need, describe what it is you hope for.
• What is the personal leap of faith you must take in asking for help?
• Describe how you believe your faith will assist you in taking that leap.

Maggie’s Story

What follows is a story of a woman of very strong faith. (As you read her story, focus on the role that her faith played, and not on her personal beliefs.)

Maggie was heavily involved in her local church and when she found out that the congregation was organizing a trip to Israel, she began plans to go along. She made sure to attend all the meetings, update her passport and visa, and even plan her wardrobe for the trip.

The only problem was that Maggie was broke. As a substitute teacher nearing retirement age, it was unlikely that she would ever earn enough to go on such an expensive journey. Every Sunday, her friends at church would surreptitiously shake their heads in disbelief. “How could she possibly afford it?” they would ask. Everyone knew Maggie was as poor as a church mouse. What they didn’t know was that Maggie was a church mouse with deep faith.

Maggie was determined to go. She believed, without question, that she was intended to see the Holy Land. Anytime a friend gently reminded her to “get real,” Maggie looked to her faith. She never expressed doubt, only amusement at her situation. I will admit that I was skeptical of her plan myself. This was a pretty big dream Maggie had and I couldn’t image that anyone was going to pay her way. Oh me of little faith!

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Every day, Maggie had the chance to give up this fantasy. And every day, Maggie took a leap of faith. She continued to prepare for the journey, but her efforts were never focused on raising money. Instead, she relied on her faith to realign the world’s energy so help could come to her. The act of letting go and surrendering to her faith removed Maggie from the trap of doing. With the applied virtue of faith, she was able to just be and allow God to do for her.

Five days before the scheduled departure, Maggie got a call from her pastor. An anonymous donor had offered to pay the way for two more parishioners to go to Israel! Would Maggie be interested in taking him up on this offer? Of course she would! Thankful, but not surprised, Maggie had known all along she would receive this gift.

The behaviors associated with faith are strong ones, the kind that move beyond the expected. With the AV of faith, we can make a dream real, break a streak of bad luck, and create a future that everyone else thought impossible.

Faith and the Great Fears

Faith sends us reassuring messages that we are not alone and that we will be cared for. These messages become especially important as we are tempted by the same old warnings propagated by the riptides. With the AV of faith, these repetitive alarms lose their ability to frighten us.

Instead of running because we fear it, surrender must be embraced. This one critical component permits faith to work its magic. When we deliberately choose faith, we set in motion a series of powerful energies that make our fear of surrender inconsequential. The more often we let go, the more practical faith becomes. As with any other, the applied virtue of faith grows with deliberate and focused practice.

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The fear of shame also weakens under the power of faith. What do we care how others perceive us when we know we are truly blessed? The opinions of those who do not understand cannot affect us. We will feel no shame about what we need because our faith reassures us that we will be just fine.

Finally, when we possess the AV of faith, we know we are cared for. As a direct result, the fear of separation loses its hold over us. Remember, this riptide lies to us, telling us that we are alone in this life. With faith, we see beyond the lie into the truth: We are not alone.

The Effect of Faith on our Bodies and Minds

In 1522, Martin Luther wrote about faith, “It kills the Old Adam and makes us completely different people. It changes our hearts, our spirits, our thoughts and all our powers.” These words can be easily said about any virtue. Just like the applied virtue of self-compassion, the AV of faith can’t help but affect our minds and bodies. These changes become indispensable during our requests for help.

Sometimes, the transformation can be glorious. Have you ever watched as people experience the ecstasy that accompanies a faith based in religion or in God? They practically glow. Their faces shine with the confidence that they are loved. They feel a connection beyond this world. They become one with what they believe to be true. This is the effect of grace, the natural spiritual and physical side effect of faith.

Setting aside religious ecstasy, faith can alter our physical selves in different ways. Do you remember how our bodies lost some of their rigidity and became softer once we adopted self-compassion? Now, with faith, the body reflects a grounded energy. Anchored and supported, we become steady and secure. Even our energy slows its vibrations so our hands steady and our voices can become calm.

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Fixed in our faith, breathing becomes easier and more regular. Our movements convey certainty, not doubt or worry. Instead of jerky or clumsy gestures, they become grace-full. We lift our faces up to the light—or at least straight ahead. Our eyes focus on the horizon before us as we anticipate a better, more positive future.

When we rid ourselves of the desire to control everything and rely on faith, the fear-based noise in our heads slows and drops in volume. Our thoughts become less frantic. Suddenly, there seems to be room to think. Our inner conversations shift. Instead of “I have to control this situation and handle it on my own,” we say to ourselves, “I may not know how my request will be received, but I am willing to let go and see what happens.”

If self-compassion gives us permission to send out a mayday call, faith strengthens and clarifies the signal. With faith, your mayday cries will be delivered with clarity, quiet certitude, and strength. Your language will reflect your belief, your certainty, and your confidence. Instead of wimpy requests like “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to help me on this?” you will speak directly and without hesitation and say, “I need some help, can you help me?”

The deeper and more profound your beliefs, the more composed your words will be. You won’t have to think about the words you use as you ask for the help you deserve. Instead, they will flow naturally and easily. With faith, you may be surprised at your own eloquence and persuasiveness!

Rather than relying on tears, we will speak with certainty that our need for help will be met. Rather than resorting to emotional blackmail, we will frame our requests with respect for ourselves and our helpmates. Rather than using coercion to get what we need, our words will be authentic and non-threatening. With faith, we will be composed and fully self-possessed.

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Learning the AV of Faith

As children we hear stories of miracles, of situations that began with hopelessness somehow magically end with “And they all lived happily ever after.” We internalize these and hope that some day, a miracle will come to us.

To truly learn the applied virtue of faith, another epiphany is required. Your awakening, like Walter’s, probably won’t be easy to come by. We acquire a deep understanding of faith when we risk something dear to us: our pride, our self-images, our egos. We must leave the ego behind as we take that running leap toward what we seek. This is not something others can teach us. We must experience faith for ourselves to truly understand its power.

Jane had her own personal epiphany with faith. She felt compelled to ask for help when, after a serious car accident, she found herself without transportation. In brainstorming a solution, Jane remembered that an ex-boyfriend often traveled extensively, sometimes for months at a time. Perhaps he wouldn’t mind loaning her his car.

Jane had never before requested anything from this man. In their previous relationship, she took on the role of caregiver and supporter, not the other way around. Fiercely independent, Jane wasn’t accustomed to relying on anyone, not her ex and not the Universe. She really had no idea whether he would agree to her request, but Jane hoped he would say yes.

Once Jane agreed that she deserved to ask for this favor, she purposely took her leap of faith. She told herself, “no matter what his response, everything is going to work out just fine.” She resolved that if this old boyfriend rejected her, she’d find help from someone else.

After a few pleasantries, Jane spoke her request: “I totaled my car this week. I’m okay, but now I don’t have a way to get to work. I remembered that you travel a lot. Would you be willing to loan me your car while you are gone?” Simple, straightforward. Jane found it surprisingly easy to ask for his help.

Jane laughed when she told us about how many times she dialed the phone before letting the call go through. Through it all, she experienced a great deal of doubt, and only a tiny little bit of faith that this was going to work in her favor. Eventually, she made the call a final time, and this time, she didn’t hang up.

Even at its weakest, faith remains a powerful force. Thankfully, faith doesn’t have to be as strong as steel rebar to work in our favor. In fact, as the metaphor reminds us, it can be as small as a mustard seed and still move mountains.

What really moved Jane to dial the number, stay on the line, and ask for what she needed was her belief that everything would work out. This was her leap of faith. Even though her faith could have been stronger, it supported her as she asked for this favor. Jane was thrilled when this man agreed to let her use his car for the entire month!

Not only did she receive the aid she needed at a difficult time, but Jane’s relationship with her ex-boyfriend also changed. What had been an uncomfortable separation was now a renewed friendship. Another emotional connection that would not have happened had she stifled her request for help! This was a turning point for Jane. She began to ask for help more often, especially in her romantic relationships. Each time she made a request, she paid particular attention to her leaps of faith. She observed that they became easier over time. Now, she welcomes them and believes that all will be well—no matter what.

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Changing Perceptions with the AV of Faith

My college boyfriend Malcolm was a happy guy. I think that was why I was so attracted to him. I, on the other hand, was seriously pessimistic. One day, as I was lamenting a problem about a student loan, he hugged me and said, “Don’t worry. It all works out.” I stared at him in disbelief. How could he think that? How could he not see that good things only happen after much hard work and agony? It had never occurred to me that life works out just fine. I always thought we had to fiddle with it—make it happen ourselves. Though his grades might not have been as good as mine, Malcolm knew something about life that took me years to figure out.

Those who have faith, in a god or a lucky star, understand Malcolm’s philosophy. When we work too hard at making something happen, when we try to force a conclusion, we waste our energy. These over-the-top attempts to control anything or anyone yank us from the river of life. Letting go, relying on our faith, can put us back in the flow. All Malcolm was really telling me was to stop worrying, slow down, and believe that it will all work out.

No wonder Malcolm was always happy! He knew, as did Maggie, that often the most effective action we can take is to not act, to let the world do what it needs to do. As long as we do what we can, the Universe can handle the rest.

The Choice: The AV of Faith

Each applied virtue requires us to make a choice between the status quo, the way we currently conduct our lives, and a new path, one that is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. You can either choose to continue to “do” and to attempt to control, or to “not do,” and let go. Activating the powers of the AV of faith requires that we select the virtuous path. This means we must purposefully relinquish control, ask for what we need, and experience what it’s like to be cared for again.

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TRY THIS GENERATING FAITH

Here are some suggested activities to generating the applied virtue of faith:

• Sit quietly, observing your breath as you inhale and exhale. Allow yourself the luxury of three very deep breaths. Hold each inhalation for a moment, until you can feel your heartbeat, and then release it. Imagine yourself lying on a hill of green soft grass beneath a tree that stretches to the sky. The branches that sway in the breeze above you are dressed with leaves of a thousand colors. Each leaf represents a blessing that is a part of your life. Spend time inventorying each leaf and assigning to it all the things you value: great friendships, deep intimacies, regular security, financial support, etc. As you continue counting your blessings, remind yourself that you are not alone and that all is well.
• Sit quietly and envision yourself completing your request for help with grace and self-respect. Run this visualization through your head multiple times a day. With each new effort, deepen your confidence and self-assurance.
• Pray. Send out a prayer declaring your faith. Or pray for support and guidance as you make your mayday calls.
• Create a mantra that has meaning for you. It may be something as simple as your declaration of faith, or it may be a short quote that inspires you. Here’s one by historian Stephen Ambrose: “The past is a source of knowledge, and the future is a source of hope. Love of the past implies faith in the future.”
• Think back to a time of challenge and difficulty. Ask yourself how you came through it all. Where did you find the strength to get to the other side of the test? How did your faith serve you then? Once you have a clear idea, write down your experience as a story. Include all the characters involved as well as all the key events. Keep this story in a safe place so you can refer back to it during a time of need.
• Meditate on faith. Find a quiet spot, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Focus your attention on your breath for the next few minutes. Anytime you notice your attention drifting from your breath, gently bring it back. When you are ready, allow your mind to consider faith: what it means, how it shows up in your life, and how it feels when you experience it. Again, if your mind shifts, return to your thoughts of faith. Don’t just think about faith: imagine it, experience it, feel what it is like. When you are ready, shift your attention to your breathing. Then, slowly inhale deeply three times. On the third breath, open your eyes. Be sure to record in your journal any thoughts or revelations you experienced.
• Listen to your friends, co-workers, or family members when they tell you “everything will be fine.” If you feel as though you want to dismiss their message of support, stop and choose to entertain the thought that perhaps they may be right. Hold on to that thought for as long as you can.

Applying the AV of Faith to Asking for Help

Step 1 required you to define and name your need, as best you can. Step 2 asked you to accept your worthiness to ask for what you need. Now, Step 3 of the Mayday! process is all about letting go of your fears of surrender, separation, and shame and embracing the power of the applied virtue of faith.

In this step, faith bolsters you as you make your request. It takes your hopes, wishes, and dreams and blows life into them so they can become realities. It provides support as you take a leap of faith toward the unknown. Your leap is the catalyst that sets in motion the mysterious power of faith.

When you invite in the AV of faith your body will change. Strong and centered, you will stand tall and your eyes will connect with your helpmate’s. As long as you possess faith—and remember, quantity is not important as quality—you will know that you are not alone, that all will be fine.

In the story that follows, you will see one person for whom faith is an atrophied muscle. His very first opportunity to rely on faith wasn’t exactly a calming experience. His leap of faith was a truly risky one. You will also read about a woman for whom faith, though not grounded in a religious tradition, was a living virtue.

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David’s Story

Annette and David worked with each other at an international telecommunications company. David was a vice president who reported directly to the CEO. Annette reported to David. I coached both. It soon became clear that Annette and David were not getting along as well as they could. For the first month or so, a week didn’t go by without one of them complaining to me about the other.

David’s primary issue with Annette was that she just wouldn’t accept any of the assistance he tried to give her. It seemed that the more time he spent with her, the more resentful she became. Of all his direct reports, Annette was the newest hire. He worried that her inexperience with the company might cause her difficulty, so David made it a point to give her more of his attention.

This drove Annette crazy. In her previous jobs, she had worked independently and, as a result, was confused by David’s interest. She felt as though she was being set apart from her peers because David seemed to focus most of his energy on her. Over time, Annette came to view David as a micromanager. After a little more observation, I had to agree with her.

Thankfully, David was open to coaching. He soon realized his controlling behavior restricted both him and Annette. I suggested that he might want to select an upcoming assignment and allow Annette to run with it. “It doesn’t have to be anything too risky,” I cautioned.

A week later, I met with David. “I decided not to take a little leap of faith as you suggested. Instead, I took a huge one,” he said. David went on to explain that he was scheduled to present at a meeting of the senior leadership including the CEO. He decided to ask Annette to help him by taking it on herself. David called her into his office and told her that he was going to be unavailable for the meeting. He asked her to plan the presentation and then give it.

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My breath was taken away by the size of the challenge, for both Annette and David. This would have been Annette’s first time in front of senior management and David’s first time letting go.

David continued. “Making the decision to ask Annette to take this on was rough. I wasn’t sure I could do it and let her handle it without interfering. Once I made my decision, I was able to call her into my office and ask her to take on the assignment.”

Clearly, David’s mayday call was made easier because delegation is not only acceptable, but encouraged in most work environments—delegation is a suitable way to ask for assistance. Even a request for help from our bosses is euphemistically described as “delegating up.” This made it a little easier for David to ask, but because he chose a high-risk situation, he still experienced stomach-churning, elevated levels of stress. He understood that he was giving up control in a very public venue. His fear of surrender was working overtime.

David finally relaxed when he heard that Annette had done a fabulous job. Everyone, including the CEO, had been quite impressed with her and her abilities.

Annette’s Story

Annette and I did not meet before her presentation to senior management, so I was curious to hear her perspective. Here is her story.

“David called me into his office last week. I thought he was going to go over the plan I had submitted for another project. It was something I was getting used to: his detailed reviews of my work product. Instead, he told me that he wanted me to take his place at the meeting.” Annette was blown away by the assignment. She wasn’t sure she understood his motives, but she didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to interact with upper management.

The night before the presentation, Annette realized what she was about to do. She had not bothered to involve David in her planning at all. Annette figured she must have unconsciously chosen not to involve David because of their previous difficulties. She was also caught in the riptide of the fear of surrender. The last thing she wanted to do was to ask David for his help because she thought she’d have to do everything his way.

Annette continued, “So, I just decided that I had to believe that everything was going to work out just fine. This opportunity wouldn’t have dropped in my lap unless I was supposed to succeed with it. The meeting went great. I covered everything they needed and I was able to answer all of their questions. I even tossed in a joke that the CEO laughed at. Ever since then, things have been different between David and me—lighter, more fun. He doesn’t crowd me anymore and I even ask for his help now and then.”

Annette’s faith came from a confidence in the natural order of life. She didn’t appeal to a deity, she believed that life is good and that everything happens for a reason. Once she decided that everything would be fine, her faith quieted her fears and centered her body so she could field questions and connect with the company’s leadership. She was poised enough to even crack a joke!

David also discovered how taking a leap of faith sets in motion a series of worthwhile lessons. He proved to himself that he didn’t have to control every element of every situation. He also saw, firsthand, the practical nature of faith. He figured out that the best time to rely on faith was when all other options had been explored, or when life-changing lessons needed to be learned.

Taking those separate, but connected, leaps of faith returned David and Annette to the flow. Their relationship became easier and their work improved. Now when one of them is the least bit worried, the other smiles and says, “Have faith.”

The moment to speak your request has come. It is now time to “make the ask,” to show the world that you are a valued person, one worthy of help. It is time to show the world how to make a request for help with faith, clarity, and strength.