Chapter four

Speaking in front of others

Speaking up in groups, large and small, has caused butterflies in human stomachs for thousands of years. Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, wrote three books on the subject in the fourth century BCE. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who doesn’t have some degree of nerves or anxiety before stepping in front of a group, whether 4 or 400, myself included. Even as an experienced presenter and speaker, I still found that the chattering and expectant sound of an audience waiting in a hall for me to speak produced a stab of anxiety. So, some level of anxiety about speaking in front of others is completely normal, even if your audience is just two or three people, or even just one! I’ve coached many people who found that training just one other person still produced jitters.

A touch of stage fright?

But if this anxiety or stress seems to be more inhibiting for you than you would expect, there is a lot you can do to feel more confident. Some people naturally feel at ease in front of others, and just adore being in the limelight: TV presenters, famous singers, dancers, actors, and all the rest. But lots of others don’t. It’s a personality thing. Actress and singer Hayden Panettiere, who is 23, from the US country music drama series, Nashville, recently (June 2013) explained in an interview that, when she was just seven, she appeared on Jay Leno’s NBC chat show with no nerves at all. But she went on to develop stage fright when she was around 12 and had become more aware of what she was doing. Though much improved, she is still apprehensive before she goes on stage to sing.

But as Chapter 1 explained, if you’re not naturally at home speaking in front of others, you’ll have other corresponding strengths. In particular, you’ll probably be a good listener and organiser and be keen to do well on all tasks, which will more than make up for any shortcomings. Thousands of people feel like a duck out of water when they first try to ski or drive but, with a bit of practice, they soon feel assured and at home.

Others find they are nervous speaking because they’ve had a bad experience, perhaps the first time they spoke in front of others, and that could have been at home, school or elsewhere. Experiences like that can create a negative association, and avoidance behaviour, as well as doubts about your own abilities - all totally unfounded. Chapters 1, 2 and 3 have explained how to have more faith in your own abilities.

But, even if you’re not a natural, or have had bad times, this is a skill like any other, which you can learn all about and practise doing, until you do begin to feel more at home in that situation. One of my colleagues, some years ago, had just graduated and was in her first job. She found herself a complete bag of nerves days before some training she had to do:

I knew my subject and was organised and well prepared so, despite myself and my nerves, I did a sound job - not a stunning star performance, but a good solid job. Because I could do the most important parts of the training - being prepared, knowing my stuff and fulfilling the remit. There’s no need to have the X-factor, just to do the job and tick the boxes. Star performances and scintillating rhetoric can come later!

I bumped into her again not long ago and she is now an experienced, able and confident speaker. She still gets apprehensive about bigger groups or if she is addressing her peers or authority figures; but don’t we all? After all, nerves in situations like these just show that we care and want to do well, and what’s wrong with that? Even the Prime Minister must have nerves on the drive to Prime Minister’s Questions every week.

Simple changes that can produce large paybacks

Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.

Victor Kiam, American entrepreneur, 1926-2001

The previous chapter focused on assertiveness and introduced the important role of your unspoken body language in being able to say what you want to say. This chapter picks up these ideas and broadens them to encompass speaking and saying what you want to say, while others listen to you. This could be any situation where you are expected to speak on your own, even for a short time, rather than taking part in a social conversation.

This could be contributing to a team discussion, reporting back to the charities committee, training one other person in a specific piece of work, giving a talk to 10 colleagues, or giving a presentation to 200 delegates at a conference. To avoid clumsy text, I’m using listener or listeners to describe whoever it is you’re speaking in front of.

Where can speakers go wrong?

This may seem an odd place to start, but it is a sensible one, I assure you. One of the best ways to become more confident speaking in front of others is to address the anxieties you have about it. So, have a think about it - what makes a bad speaker? What is it you don’t want to do when you speak in front of others? You’re at a meeting at work, and listening intently. What is it that sets your mind wandering off? What annoys you? What makes a poor impression on you? Here are some answers to these questions that I’ve collected from those around me recently. How many would you agree with?

Speakers can go wrong in the following ways:

• arriving late;
• starting late;
• talking too fast;
• not smiling or introducing themselves;
• giving too much information;
• not pausing to give listeners time to think;
• using content that’s not relevant;
• starting a conversation with one person;
• not responding to the listener’s reactions;
• spending too long answering questions;
• using lots of gestures;
• telling jokes or stories that are not funny;
• jiggling change or fiddling with their hair;
• not providing necessary notes;
• speaking too slowly;
• not being heard clearly;
• speaking in a monotone;
• patronising the listener;
• criticising people needlessly;
• boring people;
• making it hard to follow points;
• not having any eye contact with listeners;
• talking mainly to the slides
• using too many slides;
• using too much text on slides;
• taking slides away too quickly;
• using distracting special effects on slides;
• going well over time.
  

So, you’re off to a good start. Just avoid doing anything on this list, and you’ll be a good speaker by default. Now, here are some of the more positive skills and characteristics you can easily aim for, to become even better.

Keeping people’s attention

What you may not have realised is that, in almost all cases, attention is yours until you lose it. It’s a bit like innocent until proved guilty. On most occasions where someone starts to speak, all eyes are on them, and there is an expectant hush. So, all you have to do is keep it that way. You put your head round a door, and everyone turns to hear what you have to say. You’re the invited speaker, or you’re asked to deliver your report, or you’ve simply asked a question in a meeting. Everyone will be listening. How you lose that attention is by doing anything on the previous ‘bad speaker’ list.

Being organised and prepared

1. Do your homework. Be as prepared as possible, so that you understand the situation you’re going in to, and what your role will be. Whether it’s a morning huddle, a quick verbal report to the team meeting, or a formal board meeting, make sure you’re up to speed. Ask someone if you have questions. Take the time to have these laid out ready where you want them before you begin.
2. Plan what to say. Don’t prepare word for word notes to read out. But plan what you’ll say, and in what order. Make up short notes and headings to use as prompts and cues. Make sure what you’ll need is laid out and easily to hand, and in the right order. Practise if a demo is involved. Get your key statistics, facts and figures together in front of you, along with any names you might forget. Do a run-through before the day.
3. Try not to do too much. The commonest mistake beginners make is to try to cram too much into the time available. Think of what you would be able to absorb in similar circumstances, and use that as a guide.
4. Prepare the room. Make sure what you need will be there, be that flip chart, pens, overhead projector (OHP), DVD player, computer, or whatever. If you are going to use OHP, TV, DVD or computer equipment, arrive in good time to check that they are in working order and to get them set up ready to run.
   

Ways to make speaking easier

1. Look at your audience, scan gently around everyone as you speak to include them. Don’t fix your gaze on the back of the room or on one person. Share your gaze with everybody in the room, looking around however many you’re talking to with a slow, gentle movement back and forth.
2. Body language - theirs. Notice the listeners’ body language, and use it to tell you when they are interested in the point you’re making, or when you’ve made your point and they’re ready for you to move on.
3. What to wear? Something you feel comfortable in, preferably with layers you can shed/add, if necessary. Avoid wearing anything that will distract your listener!
4. The average human attention span is not long. After about 10 minutes listening to someone, we are all likely to lose concentration, so it’s best to change what you’re doing in some way after about 8 to 10 minutes. This is a good time to introduce an anecdote or start some kind of activity or demonstration.
5. Use your hands to emphasise and enliven a point, but watch out for over-use and repetitive hand movements which are distracting.
6. Positioning. Make sure you are clearly visible and in a central position. Make sure none of the equipment is restricting the listeners’ view of you.
7. Move around if you can. It is more relaxing and more interesting for you and your listeners, and gives you more authority and presence. But avoid repetitive pacing, like a tiger in a cage!
8. Mistakes/clumsiness. Everyone makes mistakes or drops things occasionally, even seasoned presenters. If you appear upset or flustered by this, this can actually make your audience nervous for you, making them feel uncomfortable. The best thing to do is simply acknowledge what you’ve done, possibly with a quick joke - that helps them to relax and, consequently, you relax too. Quick comments like, ‘It’s too early in the morning’ or ‘Needing my lunch’, and so on, are useful.
9. Memory aids. Bear in mind that people can’t absorb or remember every detail of what they hear and they can often lose track of where the speaker is - you do, don’t you? So summarise regularly, and have a set of notes to hand out if you want people to take away something more concrete.
10. Humour can be very good, too, if used appropriately and confidently. Leave it out if you don’t feel sure of yourself with it.
11. Visual aids, props and anecdotes all really help to maintain interest, keep it real and get points over (more on this later).
    

What should you say?

1. Be prepared. Prepare your content well (see earlier section).
2. Make it interesting. Introduce lots of variety, and changes of emphasis from what you’re saying, to a visual aid to look at, to something for them to do or think about, to a prop to look at, or a well-chosen anecdote, and so on. This maintains their attention and interest and enlivens the whole experience.
3. Talk to them as equals. Make it relevant and meaningful to your listener. Don’t be too theoretical or use jargon, unless you explain what it means and it aids understanding. Avoid talking above or below your group’s heads.
4. Use the ‘rule of three’. The ‘rule of three’ technique has been used in writing and in speeches for hundreds of years. It is very powerful and emphasises points, making them more memorable, and more persuasive. So, you might say, ‘We can get this project done faster, more cheaply and on time.’ Many of today’s ‘sound bites’ use this technique. Here are some examples, old and new:
   • Julius Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici (I came, I saw, I conquered).
   • Film title: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
   • French motto: Liberté, égalité, Fraternité.
   • Tony Blair: Education, education, education.
   • Fire safety motto: Stop, Drop and Roll.
     
5. Make sure they remember. The old adage for content when public speaking is, ‘Say what you’re going to say, say it, say what you’ve said’. This is still a good one, as listeners take in less than you think. Even the adage makes use of the ‘rule of three’!
   

How to get the best from your voice

1. Getting started. Speak in clear everyday language. Watch out for speaking too quickly, especially at the beginning, when you might be a little nervous. Make a few very general welcoming statements to start you off, as this lets your listeners tune into your voice. Practise your first few sentences so that you’ll be able to remember them, even if nerves kick in.
2. Pace. Vary your pace, but never speak too quickly. The pace of everyday speech speeds and slows, so just keep that going. In the first scene of the 2010 film, The Social Network, which dramatises the invention and development of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg is seen speaking to his girlfriend in a quick-fire, non-stop monotone, so much so that she can no longer stand it, and promptly dumps him.
3. Allowing ‘thinking time’ for your listener. We all need this to absorb what’s being said. So speak fairly slowly, make points clearly, and leave little gaps for a point to go fully home in your listener’s mind.
4. Tone of voice and mood is important. Aiming for a warm, gentle, smooth and friendly tone, in tune with what you’re saying, is well worthwhile.
5. Projecting your voice. For larger groups, a public address (PA) system is likely to be in place and for smaller groups you won’t need one. It’s the in-betweens that sometimes will not have a PA system. That’s alright if you have a strong voice that projects easily. But what if you have a quiet voice that doesn’t carry well (as I have) or you are talking to 20 or more people in a hall with poor acoustics and a noisy heating system, or a créche at the back (as I have!)? Well, you can project even a quiet voice better if you imagine you’re speaking to a friend at the other side of the road. Seeing a voice coach can be a great help, too, if this problem won’t go away. You can also bring your own PA system, just like the aerobics instructor or dance teacher. These are easily available, and not too expensive.
6. Keeping yourself in the mix. While all of the above are important, keep your own particular brand and style of speaking at the heart of it. Practice helps a lot to blend this all into one complete whole. But never lose sight of who you are.
   

I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail, than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.

Robert H. Schuller, American motivational speaker, b. 1926

How to get the best from visual aids

Visual aids are any ‘aid’ used by a speaker in addition to simply speaking - this could be a demonstration of some kind, resources to show to people but, most often, it’s a slide show. Though you may think it’s more to do with entertainment, the most important use of visual aids is to ‘aid’ the understanding of the audience by using another medium. This happens in five main ways:

1. It varies the content from speech only.
2. It emphasises the main points of a presentation.
3. It gives structure and order, to help lead the audience through your points.
4. It summarises points once they have been made.
5. It presents figures or graphs.
   

General tips about using slides

1. Slide shows. Computer slide (or acetate) presentations are quick and easy to produce, and very effective. If you are not familiar with the computer software for this (usually Microsoft PowerPoint), sign up for a course. Make sure your slide is being projected onto the screen and is in focus. Take a few minutes to check this out before your audience comes in.
2. Avoid clutter, bling and small print. Don’t make too many points on a slide. Three or four simple points at most. Nothing too detailed. Use font size 14 or above. Don’t be tempted to clutter slides with too much colour, movement and graphics - this actually distracts from your points instead of ‘aiding understanding’.
3. Give people time. Remember to give time for the audience to take in your slide - they have never seen it before, and need more time than you think to absorb it. Many a group has lost interest in a speaker that way!
4. Guide your audience. Summarise where you are often, and regularly point out the part of the slide you are discussing, to keep the audience on track.
5. Back up. Always have back-up acetates in case of equipment failure.
6. Ready for anything! Be aware of the context you will find yourself in and suit your visual aids to this. You may have hi-tech facilities, or you may just have a white board and pen. Always check what is going to be available. Due to overbooking, I once had to facilitate a training session in a hotel honeymoon suite, with nothing but a flip chart and a few felt tip pens.
   

Coping with authority figures

Sometimes, people who represent authority can be particularly daunting. Talking to the boss about career progression or salary is a good example of when you might lack confidence. Here are some suggestions, which may make this kind of thing easier to deal with:

• Keep in mind the benefits of talking with this person and see it as a stepping stone along the way.
• The old ideas like this one still work well - imagine the person or people in authority are in their underwear, sunbathing on the beach, or on the toilet - it helps to make them seem more human and on a more equal footing with you!
• Have your questions ready and don’t be afraid to have some notes, your laptop or tablet with you - the person in authority will have theirs, so you can too.
• Be sure of your facts and know your rights in the situation - do a bit of research first, if necessary.
• Keep a ‘good’ attitude - pleasant, friendly, warm. Keep to your main points - don’t be distracted from them. Use the other body language and assertiveness techniques from Chapter 3.
  

Charisma

In a chapter about speaking to others, it’s difficult not to begin to think about charisma. Some people just have this kind of aura or magnetic personality that draws people to them, and encourages people to want to hear what they say, copy what they do, and be more like them. They can light up any room they enter. Princess Diana, Martin Luther King, Beyoncé, Johnny Depp, Nelson Mandela, Marilyn Monroe. Charismatic people communicate and establish rapport effortlessly. So, what exactly is charisma? Pinning down such a nebulous concept is notoriously difficult to achieve.

Don’t be concerned if your score isn’t as high as you would like. Few of us are naturally charismatic. But there are ways that you can increase your score on this test, and be more charismatic. Everyone, given self-belief and effort, can develop charisma, either to bring out when needed, or as a more permanent way of being.

Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.

William Shakespeare, poet and playwright, 1564-1616

Here are ways to improve and develop charisma. There is guidance on how to do all of these in other chapters of this book:

• Relax.
• Look and sound confident.
• Like yourself and like other people.
• Be interested in people and sensitive to their needs and emotions.
• Be in touch with other people’s emotions and your own.
• Don’t be afraid to show your emotions.
• Look and sound positive.
• Be self-reliant.
• Look and sound full of energy and enthusiasm.
• Speak with passion and conviction.
• Develop your own vision, purpose and message.
• Make people feel special.