Chapter eight

Keep going and stay confident

This is the closing chapter and I’m nearing the end of the book. In this chapter, I want to give you the skills to maintain your self-confidence and keep it in good order for any eventuality, because you have to play the long game at work. You have to stay fit for purpose and that means maintaining staying power and resilience. That way you’ll stay a step ahead and be ready for anything that’s thrown at you. You’ll be on top of your work and find it so much more satisfying, meaning that you can enjoy life more, too.

Staying on track

Even when you’ve worked out your goals for the way ahead, it can be so easy to be distracted from the simplest of plans. Even finding the time and energy can become impossible. But, even in the busiest life, there is so much you can still do to stay on track, if it’s truly what you want. Regrets later in life are so much harder to deal with than finding ways to keep your show on the road now.

Here are some straightforward strategies that can help you stay with your plan, keep your energy levels high, and reach your goals.

Super strategies for reaching your goals

1. Tell someone your plans. Tell someone you trust about your plans. That way, they’ll ask you about them, making you more likely to make progress. Or, find a positive and encouraging friend who has time to be your coach or mentor and give you support and encouragement.
2. Write down your plans. Keep your plans in your personal journal (or whatever you prefer) and make this your route map. You can set up your electronic devices to flag up your targets.
3. Choose realistic and manageable targets. Decide on real manageable targets, rather than having vague general ideas or aims that are beyond your reach. Choose realistic and achievable aims and outcomes. Use a SWOT analysis (think about Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats), or anything else you’re familiar with, to see the full picture before choosing targets.
4. One or two steps at a time. Keep your eye on the overall plan, but take on just one or two items at a time. Don’t take on more than you can cope with.
5. Remember why you’re doing this. Remember the expected benefits and disappearing negatives. Note down all the benefits you (or others) will gain from your plans, and all the negatives that will disappear when you achieve them. Read these often.
6. Monitor progress. Check your progress at the same time every week or every month, at a time you know you’re most likely to have space in your schedule.
7. Be positively flexible. Don’t dwell on negative experiences. Everyone has them. See them as just another part of the overall process. Take stock and move on. If something isn’t working, try something else. Be ready for change.
8. Make it worth it. Pick out rewards for yourself for each sub-goal reached successfully, with a special reward chosen for when a major aim is achieved.
   

Setbacks happen - but you can get over them

There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.

Colin Powell, former United States Secretary of State, b. 1937

One day everything just slots into place, whilst on other days you can be all fingers and thumbs and do nothing right. But the bad day soon passes, to be replaced by a number of better, more hopeful and more useful, days when you can take another step forward and feel more positive. Setbacks happen to everyone. They are so common as to be considered a standard part of life. So much so that you’ll be less fazed and cope much better with a setback if you expect this to happen somewhere along the line and know that it’s not all down to you. Any number of outside circumstances can bring about a setback for you, and then there are the slip-ups and mistakes we all make for ourselves because we’re human. All this is part and parcel of the learning process and of life itself. Just make sure that you don’t give up, but keep trying and stay on track.

What you can do

1. Build setbacks into your plans. Be ready for success and achievement, but be ready for a disappointment and a setback, too. Both happen to us all.
2. Keep your plans flexible and keep your options open. There is no point in setting yourself up to fail.
3. Don’t just have rewards for successes, work out ways to reinvigorate and pick yourself up after a setback. Try a motivational course, a networking event, a short course, or a retreat.
4. Don’t always blame yourself. Our plans are often spoilt by ‘circumstances beyond our control’ which are nothing to do with us. It most certainly won’t always be just down to you.
5. Ask for some feedback. If you don’t get a job or promotion, or an appraisal has been a concern, or whatever it is that you feel is a disappointment or a setback, don’t just go away and lick your wounds, ruminating on what’s wrong with you, or why these things always happen to you - and then decide not to try again. Find out more about what has happened and why from those concerned. This is considered quite usual in these circumstances and you can find out things that will help you to improve and move forward.
6. Have your own debrief if the setback has involved just you. Think things through, decide what went wrong and why, and decide what to learn from it to take forward. If others were involved, get together for a joint debrief. There’s so much to learn from this to make success another day much more likely.
7. Have lots of ideas. Thomas Edison, who developed the first electric light bulb in 1880 said, ‘If you want to have a good idea, have a lot of them.’ Most entrepreneurs will tell you the same. Many of their ideas don’t work out - but it takes only one idea to produce a major success - so don’t be afraid to try and fail. Every successful person will have done this, too.
8. Consider having a mentor, life or business coach to support, encourage and motivate you, and be there as an objective sounding board.
   

Keep on with your personal journal

I hope you’ve been making some use of your personal journal, which was introduced at the beginning of the book. Great, if you have. But not a problem if you haven’t, or you’re just dipping in to the book here and there. It’s never too late. You can easily pick up on it now, or even after you’ve read the whole book.

Wherever you are on this, here’s a review of the ways I introduced for using a personal journal:

1. Make a short note describing your day (or longer if you want to) each evening or first thing next morning. You can use a single word or phrase, such as good, OK, more positive today, disappointing or fair. Or maybe use an appropriate ‘smiley’ (or ‘emoticon’) instead. If numbers appeal more, just score your day on 1 to 10 or 1 to 100. When you look back over these notes, it really helps you to see where the good days and bad days were and, if cross-referenced with your work and home diary, you’ll maybe see reasons for these. Sometimes this can show that maybe you’ve had more good days than you thought. It’s so easy to remember only the tough days.
2. Write down three good or positive things that happened each day. At the end of each day, take a few moments to think back over the day. It need not be anything major. Start with every day to get the idea, then maybe three or four times a week. Studies show this can alter your mindset for the better.
3. Keep a note of the really useful stuff. Go right to the back of your journal and start a new page by writing a heading at the top, ‘Useful stuff’ (or any other title you prefer). As you work through the book, when you find a particularly helpful idea, thought or explanation, you can make a short note of this, along with the page it was on.
4. New stuff to use now, soon, or later. I also suggested that you make up three lists on three separate pages, as you work through the book. Put these somewhere easy to find, maybe at the back or centre of your journal. Here are the headings for your three lists:
5. Changes and techniques you’re starting now.
6. Changes and techniques you want to start soon.
7. Changes and techniques that you’ll get to work on later.
8. So, as time progresses, you can move items around as they move from soon to now, or from later to soon. If you are using an electronic journal, a quick cut and paste will do it. If you’re on paper, using small ‘stickies’ on each page, means you can move them around easily, too. You can make a start to this now, if you haven’t done this yet. It really helps you stay on track.
   

My top 10 confidence boosters

1. Never forget your strengths and don’t be too hard on yourself. Keep a list of all the things you’re good at, for your eyes only. Be honest, but not modest. They don’t need to be huge things: keeping a tidy desk, sticking at things, good memory, and so on. Read the list every week, and add to it whenever you can. No one’s perfect. We all make mistakes. It’s not always your fault, either - it’s often someone else to blame.
2. Look after your health. Fully fit, you can achieve so much. Regular enjoyable exercise builds stamina, strength and resilience. Eat a healthy diet and get your sleep. Make breaks, leisure and relaxation part of your week and part of your everyday routine, just like brushing your teeth. Enjoy looking good and making the most of yourself. People will reflect the good feeling back to you.
3. Be calm and cushion yourself from stress. Avoid hurrying and rushing. Build and maintain your resilience against stress. Simple relaxation and stress management techniques will calm your body and mind and can be a lifesaver. Relax every day, even if it’s just for five minutes. Use mindfulness for at least a minute at some point every day. Those few minutes will pay you back handsomely.
4. Remember you have rights as a human being, and they apply in the workplace, too. Here are just some of them: you have the right to your own opinion, to be treated with respect and as an equal, not to be bullied or put down, to be listened to, to fail, to make mistakes, to try again.
5. Behave assertively (not aggressively). Respect your own needs and those of others, know how to compromise and say no when you want to. Where there is disagreement or conflict, be prepared and ready to negotiate or compromise. Whenever possible, aim for a ‘win-win’.
6. Plan, prioritise and organise - know where you are, where you want to go and how you plan to get there. Be sure of what you want. Think about and plan this carefully. Decide on your first step and act on it. Be ready to adapt your plan as and when needed. Whatever the task ahead, prepare for it. Practise, too, if it’s relevant, e.g. a presentation. Spend real quality time doing this, as this will up your game as well as bolster your confidence and self-esteem.
7. Body language. Walk confident and talk confident and you’ll look and feel more confident. Head up, shoulders and body relaxed, making regular eye contact. Open a door confidently as you come into a room and make an entrance. Open posture, firm handshake and warm calm voice show you’re happy for people to come and talk to you. Speak clearly, with rhythm, enthusiasm and momentum. Add passion, too, if you have it, and charisma may follow!
8. Write things down, like your plans and targets. And keep using your personal journal. Make it into what you want it to be and what works for you.
9. Visualise. Create a video in your mind’s eye of the situation you want to deal with more confidently. Make this as clear as you can manage and go through it frame by frame, dealing with it successfully and coping with any difficulties.
10. Regularly review how things are going. What went well? What wasn’t so good? Decide what you want to take forward. Take forward what is working. Be flexible and ready for change. Onwards and upwards.
    

A few words to finish

Continuous effort, not intelligence or strength, is the key to unlocking our potential.

Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister, 1874-1965

So, there you have it. It’s all there for the taking. And it’s all about putting in the effort and keeping going. You can also refer back to these confidence boosters at any time, or to any other part of the book. But, whatever you do, don’t go straight out and use what you’ve learned to resolve your biggest, most sensitive or delicate problems. You need to practise many of the skills we’ve talked about, before letting them loose. Take these new skills on board one at a time, try them out in low-key everyday situations to become comfortable with them, and then you’ll be ready for the off, when the time is right. This is just a starting point and I’ve given you a springboard for change. I wish you fantastic success and achievements with your new skills and enhanced confidence.