Before you dig into work, you’ll want to dig deeper into agent/client relationships you’ve entered. You may be all over it when it comes to self-care on the job, doing what you do to stay chill under pressure. But your clients need constant reassurance that you are the one agent for the job. They need support.

We’ll get to the nuances of the agent/seller relationship in the next chapter. For now I’m going to focus on buyers. But still, the first section about personality types applies to all clients. Remember: today’s buyer may be tomorrow’s seller.

So, in one way it’s like your clients are your family. And you are like theirs. For this agent/client thing to work – to become a functional working relationship – you can learn to play off one another’s styles, feelings, and emotions to the advantage you both. Win-win. This process may begin at an office meeting, a lunch, or at a first showing. It will continue to the close and often beyond. It’s business but it’s more.

In another sense, quality real estate agents are as much therapists as they are concierges, middlemen, facilitators of property – and family. But wait, the client is coach! You’ve got to sort this out. Read on.

Assessing Personality Types

How well do you really know your client? Sit down with their portfolio, you know, the one you’ve already constructed from everything you know about them. If you have partners in your firm, it’s a team meeting. Who is this client? What do they want? What are they like?

Before you agree (or adapt your style) to work with this person, check with your co-workers and see which of you, personality-wise, is best suited to build this relationship. This goes back to the psychology of “mirroring” – knowing how to approach someone physically, in speech, grammar, and attitude. You must establish trust, confidence, and comfort as you establish business chemistry.

Know what to expect – craziness. You’re going to get easy clients and you’re going to get difficult clients. You’re going to have the nightmare client who is all over the place, the client who can’t keep a schedule, the client who won’t let you breathe, constantly calling for an update. You’ll have the clients who annoy you to death, trying to do your job for your then calling you about it.

You’ll get the slow client, the stoned client, the abusive client, the client who twists your words so much you’ll have to send a follow-up email right after every conversation to document your verbal exchange. (You should do this always, by the way.) This will get tough. Hang in there.

Take a breath. Your client is coach, the boss. You don’t have to agree with their management style, but you have a goal. You promised to please, and in doing so you will make money. Baby steps.

With that said, you don’t need to take crap all the time. Early in the Altman Brothers career, Matt had a client who turned from annoying to abusive. Matt hung in there, deal after deal, taking the hits for the team. Why? We needed money. We were growing a business. Eventually after half a dozen deals and three years, Matt had to break it off. The guy was a total jackass, constant drama and mean about it, too. He viewed Matt as the hired help, not a superstar on his team. Matt had enough.

We decided, Matt decided, that it wasn’t worth his time or mental state to work with this “gentleman” anymore. So, he didn’t. I recall his relief, the weight off his shoulders. I was relieved. This man would get Matt so pissed off that this negative energy became contagious.

As for me, I had a client who around the office we called “the slug.” This guy always wanted me to show him houses, but he’d never buy. He’d fly in every few weeks and take a few weeks of my time with endless showings, never wanting to pull the trigger. Nothing was ever right for him. Nothing was good enough.

At first, I hung in there for the deal, the close. Then, I hung in there for the challenge, the perseverance, just to prove it to myself. I remember questioning in my head if this guy just wanted to be friends or if he was trying to pick me up. Still, I hung in a bit longer, my eye on the prize. This is the game, to hang in there, don’t quit, and make the money.

After three years, I saw our longest running non-buyer client, just as I was about to waver and move on, at a party. “The slug” introduced me to a friend of his. “This is my agent,” he said, “this guy’s gold.” The friend hired me right there. “The slug” solidified my open. I sold the new client a $13 million listing in our second month. That’s why you stick around. That’s why you put up with the nonsense. That’s why we make money. And that is why you will, too.

Analyzing the Buyer

Beyond an initial meet, some research on Google, some questions asked and answered, and a study of their social media profiles, what is it you think you know about your buyer?

I may know their money and enough about their needs to know (or trust my gut) what kind of property to show them first. But that doesn’t always mean THEY know their needs or what they think their needs are. Sometimes our lives change before our heads catch up. The best agents get to know the mind of the individual, what makes them tick.

If I have a new buyer, I’ll set-up 10 homes to show based on the buyer’s likes and dislikes. That requires 20 more little negotiations: I must coordinate a workable time with the listing agent as well as the buyer. Of those 10, I’ll target the obvious requests first and throw in a few wildcards later, a few dreams – the first wave.

I watch my client. He keeps saying he loves modern as he drools over Mediterranean. I make a mental note. I know a little more of where to steer this guy. At the next few listings, I dig a little deeper, learn a bit more.

I had one client who kept telling me she wanted a four-bedroom house for now. She kept saying that. A four-bedroom house “for now.” I couldn’t help but think, “What was later?” Could I find her a four-bedroom now, then down the line get her a bigger home, having her and her husband as repeat clients? Maybe.

Then my wheels kept turning. Where was her husband? He’s at work. She’s driving this bus, and it’s heading toward her wants, her needs. It seems they probably agreed on a reasonable mid-size house for their family now so as not to risk too much of their wealth.

Understandable, but I saw the signs. She was not pleased with the four-bedrooms I kept bringing her to. Did she really want that, or was she feeling confined by the agreement made with her husband? Maybe both if there were no reasonably priced five-or-more bedroom homes out there. I found one, a five-bedroom. I sent her a note, “This is your new home.” She wanted to see it immediately.

Yes, it was more expensive, but not by much. We walked through. She fell in love. Immediately she asked me how was she going to sell it to her husband. I carefully considered the question, not to disrespect either one. “Spend a little more now, no need for transition later, you’ve already arrived, so no need to upgrade down the line. That nuisance could be avoided now with a little more investment.” That was it. It was all she needed to hear, and the home was what she always wanted. The couple walked the house that night. She loved it, so he loved it. Even more, the rationale made sense to him and the price jump wasn’t ridiculous. They made an offer the next day. Done. I closed.

If I hadn’t been listening, if I had taken her word for it about a four- bedroom, I’d still be taking her around town, spending my time not pleasing her while I could have been pleasing another client. I could have been closing another property, making more money. She, my client, was just not ready to listen to herself. I helped her mentally get there, and I like to think her family is happier as a result. In fact, I know they are. They keep sending me business and they love their home. I had “learned” the buyer. Hell, I analyzed that buyer. I was agent as therapist. I worked and I closed.

Calming the Buyer’s Fears

In the office we say, “Buyers are liars.” They’re not liars on purpose, unless they misrepresent funds, which I saw a lot in my days as a mortgage broker. Rather it’s just that you haven’t taught them who they are now and what they really like, or how to speak knowledgably about what it is they think they like, or how to minimize their real estate fears – all in the name of realizing the house of their dreams.

This is a good time to remember, from early in Part I, Daniel Kahneman’s two systems of thinking. System 1 thinking is fast and intuitive. For a client buying a house, this simply means liking the aesthetic, the location, and the home itself based on its initial appearance. System 2 thinking is when a person digs deeper to analyze if that home will be the right fit for them in every other way.

Kahneman writes that there’s a crossover between the two systems: System 1 thinking can be useful, and the so-called logical analysis of System 2 can result in a poor decision. As a solid real estate agent, you need to be aware and prepared that you’ll have to help your client make a decision based on both types of thinking.

Sit the buyer down. Make a list of all of your showings. Detail the positives and the negatives. What did they react well to? What not? What did they say they wanted versus what they truly enjoyed? Price, materials, rooms, designs?

Be like Benjamin Franklin, who took the “Pro and Con” chart to a new level by assigning priorities to certain aspects, and help your buyer make such a list. The trends will appear. Properly assess the homes, the priorities, what was important, and what wasn’t. Show them, analyze, discuss, and redirect your search accordingly. You now have a map. You now have mentally supported your client, and you have focused their priorities using a visual learning tool. They now view you as caring, attentive, and smart. They are comfortable. They are happy.

If your client is still a ball of stress, call in reinforcements. People freak out about uncertainty, complexity, and risk. People get overwhelmed with options, possibility, and expectation. Have you ever planned a wedding? Right. Me too. You may have watched it on BRAVO.

Your job is to minimize these fears, feelings, and emotions by going over every one of these aspects with your client. Put them at ease by acknowledging any concerns they have, from a kitchen gutting to a foreclosure.

If symptoms still persist, remember the goal and remember your own support systems. Your job is to get to the prize as fast as possible for all. Your job is to open, work, close. Call upon your Dream Team to consult on solutions to overcome the fears your client has. Life is not so scary when you see that the answers are attainable.

Call upon other agents. If I’m struggling to find a home in a super- aggressive market, then my client is struggling to. Bring in another agent, double your team, double your strategy, double your effort. You are agent as therapist. Put the buyer at ease. They’ll take the ride longer. They’ll hang in with you. You’ll find what they want. You’ll win. You’ll make money.