The 10 Essential Characteristics of an Exceptional Asker

Before I share the techniques to use when you make your asks, it is important that you know the characteristics that epitomize the exceptional asker. These are qualities that I believe everyone should strive for, adopt, and exercise whenever you make your ask. So here we go. Askers need to:

• Believe 100 percent in their ask.
• Speak with both passion and compassion.
• Listen to each and every word.
• Prepare for how the person will react to the ask.
• Take the time to do the ask in person.
• Treat each ask as a special moment in time.
• Be mindful of body language, dress, and tone of voice.
• Follow up with each ask until there is an answer.
• Thank the person regardless of the response.
• Embrace that the win is that you made the ask, not the result.

Throughout this book you have read that if you do not believe 100 percent in your ask, why should anyone else? I have observed many asks that fizzled out because the person's tone of voice was weak, their body language reflected their lack of confidence, they never looked the person in the eye at the moment of the ask, they became distracted with objects around the room, and in short they just were not present during the ask. Because you may have only one opportunity to ask any one person, you should repeat over and over to yourself that you deserve it, it will go well, and that you just cannot wait to make someone's day. Positive energy will draw the person to you, and you are halfway to getting what you want.

Speaking with passion and compassion is always an attractive and alluring characteristic. Think of all the great speeches, inspirational moments, and life lessons that you have heard and admire. What comes to mind for me are the words and the charismatic energy of Martin Luther King, Jr.; John F. Kennedy; Maya Angelou; Oprah Winfrey; and Tony Robbins. What comes to mind for you? When you speak from the heart, you let the person know that you are genuine, you care about them, and that you selected them to be a part of your next chapter in life. That for sure will draw them closer to you, and they will carefully listen to every word of your ask. Note that I used the terms “passion” and “compassion,” leading with “passion.” Be careful not to be overly dramatic when speaking and sharing your compassion about others or important causes.

Let me expand upon this through an illustration. I was working with an animal-rights group with dedicated and amazing volunteers. When it came time to explain the work they do with potential supporters, they were very heavy-handed on the compassion side, almost to the point that it made the person listening feel guilty. See if you can detect the difference between these two asks:

1. I love animals, all animals, and yet horrible people do horrible things to helpless animals. I want to shower them with the love and attention that they never received and tell everyone I meet that they should adopt one of these precious creatures. Have you or someone you know adopted a rescued animal?

2. My passion to rescue abused animals has led me to work for this important group. I am so lucky to work with volunteers every day who are dedicated to the compassionate work it takes to rescue abused animals and bring them into safe and loving families. Have you or someone you know adopted a rescued animal?

I think you see how being overly compassionate can really turn off some people and deflect them from your ask. This is why it is very important that you find a balance between passion and compassion.

The art of listening can sometimes seem to be a dying art. How many conversations have you been in when you wondered to yourself, “Did they hear anything I had to say?” Well unfortunately, when you make an ask, it can have the same result. A good rule for you to follow is: There is more power in listening than in talking. When you ask for anything, you have to keep it tight and simple. I have been with co-askers who felt it was necessary to give the person every excruciating detail, beginning with when they developed the idea and proceeding to the challenges and disasters and the comments from other people on the product—and we haven't even gotten to the ask. Of course, it is important for the person to know about the details of your ask. However, you do not have to front-load the conversation so that the only person speaking is you. This is why my formula for the ask consists of two sentences and a question. I end the ask with a question so that the next person to speak is the person you asked. That invites a dialogue, an even exchange of conversation. When the person is engaged, you have their buy-in, and now they are part of your process, not just a spectator listening to you.

I will share with you that listening was very hard for me at first. My runaway enthusiasm unfortunately gave little room for the other person to speak or contribute. So here are three techniques that I use to keep myself a better listener:

1. I put my hands down, close to my chair. When I speak I know I use my hands a lot, and if I slow down my hands it signals me to listen.
2. In every two sentences I ask a question; that clears the path for the person to speak.
3. The more I speak, the less I will get. That one is a real motivator for me. I say in my classes, “Once you have asked, if you continue speaking you will not get what you want.” That's motivation enough to stay silent.

I think if you did a word search throughout this book you would find the word “prepare” or “preparation” as one of the most used words. Why? Because preparation wins the day! There is no shortcut to the preparation you will need to do for any ask. We will go into great detail on this topic further along in this chapter, but for now, know that an exceptional asker is one who always prepares.

The next characteristic of an exceptional asker is one of my favorites. Take the time to do your asks in person. Yes, it is far easier to send a text, e-mail, or written proposal or to make a telephone call. But here is my rule, and I hope this catches your attention and that you follow it. You have a 75 percent greater chance of getting what you want if you ask in person. How did I come up with that statistic? It is based purely on my experiences. Put yourself in the shoes of the person you want to ask. If you were asked via e-mail (or worse, a group e-mail), a text, or a voice mail, how special would you feel? Not very special, I imagine, because asking in those ways sends the signal that you are not special, it does not matter whether you agree or not, and there will be others to ask.

Now let's reverse the scenario. If someone sends an e-mail or text or makes a call to set up a time to meet with you in person at your convenience to discuss an opportunity that may be of great interest to you, how would you feel? I imagine that now you sense the person took the time to contact you and to meet with you, so it must be important. You probably have a greater tendency to meet with them. This is why your goal is to do as many asks as you can in person. Asking in person tells the person you want to ask “You are special,” and “I gave this a lot of thought and selected you as someone who may want to be involved.”

The one caveat I have to this rule is that the age of the person you want to ask may steer you in the direction to text your ask, not make your ask in person. Many people have shared with me that people who are in their 20s or 30s only liked to be asked via a text message. While this may be true, I would explore first the possibility if you can meet with a person in this age group to make your ask and if this young person only wants to hear about it via a text, then do it. I would still try to meet and do it in person but if that is not what the person wants, then ask away in your text message.

Asking in person sets up the next important characteristic—treating the ask as a special moment in time. This is your one chance to get exactly what you want, so why would you blow it? If you do not treat it as something special, a great opportunity, or a new chapter in your life, why should anyone listen? This characteristic is also directly tied with the first one—believing 100 percent in your ask. If you do, then you will naturally want to single this out as a special moment and not nonchalantly go through the motions during your ask. I will illustrate how important this is in Chapter 5, when we discuss The Five-Step Foolproof Method for Any Ask.

You can prepare and trim your ask down to two sentences and a question and then sabotage your ask by wearing inappropriate clothes, slouching in your seat, or speaking in a low or annoying tone of voice. Let's break these things down one by one so I can show you how important each one is to your ask presentation. There is no one way to dress when you make your ask, but I like to look professional regardless of the person I am asking. I'm not saying you have to wear a dress or a full suit and tie every time you ask, but if you are asking someone in business, I would certainly look as professional as possible. If you are asking a friend, relative, or colleague, I would always try to look as neat as I can in casual clothes. No wrinkles, tight clothes, worn shoes, or anything that would send the signal that you didn't think enough of this special moment to look your best, even in casual clothing. A word of caution about your dress is necessary here. Pay particular attention to ensure that your hair is styled nicely, you don't go overboard with jewelry, and that your makeup is not over the top. I know this may seem beyond obvious, but even people you know size you up in seconds and their judgment about you is based largely on what they see.

Pay particular attention to your body language during your ask. Do stand straight with your shoulders back and your head and eyes fixed squarely on the person you want to ask. That sends the signal that you are confident and convinced that your ask is worthy of their attention. Is your head tilting too much? Are you looking down or away, or are you fixated on your written materials? When you sit down, are you slouched back in the seat, or are you leaning too far forward or back? All these are visually distracting behaviors that will steal attention from the person listening to you.

Just as your body language can send either a great or a distracting message, your tone of voice can do the same. For instance, if the asker is nervous, she may tend to lower her voice, to cough in between sentences, or to get dry mouth and be desperate for a glass of water. Voice and body language go hand in hand. When someone lowers his voice, he also generally lowers his head. Now will it not only be difficult to hear what he is saying, but all eye contact will be lost as well. When you ask, your voice should be clear and convincing, neither forceful and overbearing nor so low and shaky that the person begins feeling sorry for you.

The tip I have for you is to record your ask on your smart phone several times and play it back. Do you like it? I do this periodically, and I'm amazed at what I catch. At one point, I was using the word “absolutely” way too many times. The other tip I have for you is to practice your ask in front of a mirror. What do you see? I saw that I had a wicked head tilt to the right that I would never have known had I not practiced in front of a mirror.

Have you ever heard the saying “The fortune is in the follow-up?” The meaning of this expression is that if you don't follow up, you most likely will not get the fortune you seek. My saying (and I know you are so surprised I have one) is “More money is left on the table because you did not follow up and receive an answer.” The most common response to an ask is “I have to think about it.” When you hear that response, you are almost to a yes. So many people interpret that this is a no and believe the person is putting you off until another time when they will actually say no. Treat this response as a yes, and do the follow-up steps until you have an answer. All too often we leave the ask meeting without having a definitive plan to follow up. So time goes by. A lot of time goes by, and before you know it the person you asked must be asked again because they forgot crucial elements in your ask.

Here are my tips for you to follow up:

• At the ask meeting, set up a time and date when you will speak again.
• Call the person the next day and thank them for their time.
• Send a handwritten thank you note that will reach them two days later.
• Offer to send more information or to have another investor or donor contact them so they can share their reasons for making the investment with you or making a gift to your organization.
• Mix up the communication and the communicator; vary who contacts the person and what to say.

Timing is everything when you follow up. Out of sight is out of mind. If you let too much time pass between your ask and your follow-up, you might as well begin all over again because the person has probably forgotten most of what you said. This is why I suggest you call them the next day and, if appropriate, send a handwritten note. Always offer to send more information and tailor it to meet the needs requested. You do not have to send everything, just the relevant pieces. If you have people you know, like, and trust who have invested with you or supported your organization and are willing to give a small testimony, then by all means offer to have them contact your prospect so they can share their experiences. The last tip—mix up the communication and mix up the communicator—is extremely important. It is very boring if Laura picks up the telephone and leaves messages every day or every other day saying “Hi, it's Laura. Is there anything we can do to help you reach a decision?” over and over again. So mix it up. Leave voice mail, send a text or e-mail where appropriate, or have someone else make the call.

It can be very difficult and very painful when you receive a no response to your ask, but here is where the exceptional asker shines. Regardless of what you hear after your ask, always, always say thank you. After all, the person did make time for you and deserves to hear a thank you. A “thank you” says that you are a class act, that there are no hard feelings, and that while it did not go in your favor, you still give thanks. You will see the value of this thank you in Chapter 6 when we discuss “Asking U-Turns.” My rule here is “A no now does not mean a no later.” The person did not say “No, never, there is no way on this earth I will ever do what you asked,” but unfortunately that is what we hear when we get a no. So for now, just remember to always say thank you when the person answers your ask.

Last, but certainly not least, is the final characteristic of an exceptional asker—embracing that the win is that you made the ask, not the result. I know many of you right now are saying, “She's crazy—all this work to make the ask, and now we shouldn't care if we get a yes?” But that is not what I am saying. By focusing on the ask and not the result, you remove your anxiety about getting a yes. Remember in Chapter 3, “Why People Do Not Ask,” one of the most frequent reasons why people do not ask is that they do not want to hear no or interpret the no as rejection. When you focus on making your exceptional ask, you won the minute you made it. This serves many purposes.

First, you will be concentrating very carefully on all the elements listed previously, such as believing 100 percent in your ask, speaking with passion and compassion, listening carefully, preparing the conversation, making sure you do your ask in person, and dressing appropriately while using convincing body language and tone of voice. Second, you spend the time you need to stay present during your ask and avoid the urge to get it over quickly so you get your response. Third, you will appear and sound more confident if you focus on the ask, knowing you may receive a yes, a maybe, or a no. Trust me; when you place your energy on the ask and not on the result, more positive results will come your way.

Actions to Take before You Ask

Now that we know the qualities that make a person an exceptional asker, let me share with you the actions to take before any ask. Your mental preparation before you make your ask will set up your success strategy. Think of the actions in the check list that follows. Make sure you check off each one before you make your ask. This will add laser focus to your ask and place you in the absolute best mental frame of mind when you ask.

• Be personal and sincere and use your own voice.
• Treat every ask separately and distinctly.
• Invest in your project or organization before you ask others to invest or give.
• Add relatives, friends, and colleagues to your list of potential investors and supporters.
• Determine the exact amount you want as well as the date when you want a decision.

In “10 Essential Characteristics of an Exceptional Asker,” we detailed the importance of speaking with both passion and compassion and paying attention to body language, tone of voice, and attire. The first action step drills down a bit deeper. Sometimes we have a tendency to be so focused on how we look and what right words to use are that we may ignore feeling natural and relaxed. I do hope you do the exercises of recording your voice and practicing in front of the mirror; now add this further checkpoint. Make sure you feel good about how you look and sound. If there are particular words that resonate with you, use them. Whenever someone needs a few months or even a year to consider my ask, I like to say:

Thank you for considering this and letting me know the time frame that works for you. I will stay in good communication with you and then circle back so that we can keep this opportunity in the forefront of your consideration. Does that work for you?

I like to use circle back because that gives me the confidence and satisfaction that my ask is still alive, and now we are both on the same page as to when the person can take action on my ask. Select the words or phrases that work for you, and let your personality shine through. People are attracted to sincerity, and you will be in a much better position for people to consider your ask if you are sincere.

Diane was a young woman in my sales training session. She had her list of 1,000 clients—some good customers and some potential clients. I asked her to share with me how she stays in touch with her current clients. She said that she groups them in lists based on how much they have purchased. The highest-paying clients get more attention from her, more invitations, more webinars, and more e-newsletters. The clients with less business receive less attention. As a whole, this is not bad strategy because we should be paying attention to those clients who do more business with us. I asked Diane how she knew that her highest-paying clients want or need this level of attention. She didn't know—it was just her practice.

This gets to the heart of the second action step: Before the ask, treat your clients, customers, potential friends, relatives, or college supporters separately and distinctly. Your supporters and investors know whether they are getting something that is uniquely tailored for them or whether they are being lumped into a group that is receiving the same attention. Now with 1,000 clients and potential clients, this may seem like a ridiculous and impossible step to take. There simply may not be enough time in the world for you to do this with each client. However, I know how you can accomplish this very important step. From the outset, before you ask for the business, for the charitable gift, or for a neighbor to watch your house while you are on vacation, make a mental note and ask:

What is the best way we can show the value of your investment with us?

How can we fulfill your expectations when you make this meaningful and transformational gift?

How do we stay in good communication with each other, and how often would you like me to be in touch with you?

I learned to use this technique just a few years ago, and I absolutely love it, because it works. The person or company will let you know how they want to stay connected to you, and now you know the level of attention you need to give them. I have had some extremely wealthy donors tell me, “Just a call now and then is fine,” when I might have reached out to them on a monthly basis because they were among my top donors. This is how you avoid the trap of lumping people and companies together solely by their level of investment or gifts. The same applies with friends, relatives, and colleagues. If you have asked them to help you out, ask them how you can stay in contact with them or how you can keep them informed as to how their act of kindness helped you. Avoid the temptation to assume people and companies need x attention. It is so much easier once you hear from them what they want and then give them the attention they request. That's how you treat everyone you ask separately and distinctly.

I was training a mid-sized nonprofit board and emphasizing how important it was that every board member needed to make a monetary gift before asking for money. One board member raised his hand and said that he had been on the board for nine years and had served on several committees and that was his “gift.” I have heard this more times than I care to count. While I applaud and respect the volunteer hours that board members devote to deserving causes around the world, every board member needs to make a monetary gift to that nonprofit before he can ask for money.

I do not hold back on this advice. It is a horrible situation when a board member or anyone who needs to raise money asks for it and the person turns and says, “What did you give?” “How much did you invest?” You will receive zero from your that person if this question is raised and the asker has not given a monetary amount. Why should anyone give you money or support your cause if you, the asker, have not done so as well? You send the signal that it's OK for them to give, but you don't have to. That also diminishes all the principles that make up an exceptional asker.

The easiest way to address this (and the one that has worked for me) is to ask each board member to make a yearly stretch gift. I mentioned this stretch concept in Chapter 3. For some it may be $250; for others, $2,500; while for still others it may be $250,000 or more. Of course, these board asks should be done in person by the board chair and CEO or by the CEO and top development officers.

This action step of making an initial investment also applies to startup opportunities, sales asks, and everyday situations. If you are starting a new business, you naturally have startup costs, but in addition you should make an investment in your own company. When you ask for outside investors you can say:

In addition to the startup costs of x, I also put in x amount of my personal money. Your investment will join mine, and that will attract other investors. How do you feel about this solid investment plan?

If you are in sales, you can say:

I personally purchased the product (or additions to the product) and have used it for over a year. It has streamlined my business and eliminated the need for me to use three other applications. I'd be more than happy to share with you how this grew my business; can I show you now?

If you wanted another couple to join you for a vacation you could say:

We found a great beachfront condo with two bedrooms for the first week in August, as we discussed, and it's in our price range. I'm willing to put down the deposit now and we can split the expenses, including the deposit, when we get the bill. How does all that sound to you?

Make your initial investment first before you ask. It gives you the added confident advantage because you took the first investment step. Nothing can stop you because now this is not just an idea or a wish; your ask has you as the initial backer.

There is always a moment in my sessions when a person lets me know that they simply cannot ask their friends, relatives, colleagues, or business partners for money, to volunteer, or to attend an event. When I ask why, the response is usually “it will feel awkward” or “it will jeopardize the relationship.” I understand completely; I truly do. No one wants to put a person who is close to them on the spot or anticipate that the ask will change the dynamic of their strong personal connection.

As we saw in Chapter 2, asking mantra number two, “When you ask for money you are not taking something away, you are giving an opportunity.” Asking the people closest to you will never alienate them if you ask in the right way. Quite the opposite will happen. If you don't ask them, then they will feel alienated because they know you are asking other people. They sense that there is a circle of people better, richer, smarter, and more important to you and they are not in it. Many people do not believe me when I say this, but I have queried many people who were not asked, and they respond that the person who asked them knows “better” people. Think about this: The people closest to you know what boards you are on; they know where you volunteer and whether you have to raise money and that part of your role is to attend events and bring guests. When you don't ask them, they think that they are not needed and that you have this circle of wealthy folks whom you tap when you need help. So the action step before you ask is to make sure that people who are closest to you are on your list to be asked.

When you are ready to ask them, here is how you can do it without putting anyone on the spot and without changing the relationship:

Jim, as you know, I have been on this community board for a few years, and we have our signature fundraising event next fall. I have no idea whether you are interested in learning more and possibly attending. Are you interested; if so I can share some details with you?

Emma, as of September 20, I'm in charge of staffing the registration booth for our walk against cancer. I have no idea whether this interests you, but I wanted to extend the invitation for you to help out as a volunteer. If you are interested would you want me to share the information with you now?

Liam, I believe you know that I started my boutique personal training business just a few months ago. I have no idea whether you may know some people who may want to come out for a free session and learn more about my business model. Is this something we can talk about now?

The key is to say “I have no idea” which sets the ask up to be a light invitation to talk about your opportunity. It is their chance to say yes or no. This is a very gentle yet inclusive way to involve the people who are closest to you with what you need. Best of all, it works. I've seen this go very smoothly, and I'm most certain it will work for you. Just remember the last thing you want to do is alienate someone you like or love because you didn't include them on the list to be asked and then you didn't ask them.

The last action step is the one that many people find the hardest. They prepare for the ask but they do not have a definitive ask amount. The ask comes out sounding like this:

Mason, thanks so much for your time. We talked about your company buying five more pallets of sheet rock. Did you decide what you want to do?

What is glaringly missing here? Both the price and the date when you want Mason to make a decision. Here are other examples where the amount and dates are absent:

Christine, we have spoken previously about you joining our committee. We think you would be a fantastic addition. What do you think?

Charles, we talked last week about your availability to cover our soccer practice next month when I'm away for business. The team will be happy to know we don't have to cancel it if you say yes. So can you?

Madeline, you and your family have been so generous to our organization and we thank you. We have been discussing your increased end-of-year gift. Have you been able to discuss it with your family and reach a decision?

All these examples may sound like great asks, but they are missing the key ingredients of a specific amount and a specific date. When you are planning your asks and practicing, I hope you make sure you include both. Here is how your asks should go:

Mason, thanks so much for your time. We talked about your company buying five more pallets of sheet rock that would cost $1,500. Can you let us know by May 1 so we can guarantee shipment on time, which we know is important to your company?

Christine, we have spoken previously about you joining our committee. We think you would be a fantastic addition. Can you let us know by next Friday because that's when we will be putting together our meeting notice, and we want to include you on our letterhead?

Charles, we talked last week about your availability to cover our soccer practice next month when I'm away for business. The team will be happy to know we don't have to cancel it if you say yes. Can you let me know by next Monday?

Madeline, you and your family have been so generous to our organization, and we thank you. We have been discussing your consideration of an increased end-of-year $5,000 gift by December 15 of this year, which would allow us to continue our good work. Have you been able to discuss it with your family and reach a decision?

I think you can see how crystal clear these asks are and also how helpful this information can be to the person you want to ask. Everyone will be on the same page as to the amount you want and when you want a decision. You will see how important this action step is in the Chapter 5, “The Five-Step Foolproof Method for Any Ask.”

While taking these action steps before an ask may seem obvious, and you may be saying to yourself, “Of course I would do these things,” in reality many people do not take the time to prepare for them before they ask. Be that exceptional asker; take these steps before asking. Watch your success rate skyrocket!

Three Questions that Come before Any Ask

If I had an hour minutes to solve a problem and my life depended on it, I'd spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.

Albert Einstein¹

Einstein knew the importance of questions. Questions are powerful, and if you use them as preparation for your ask they become a game changer. You can use my three questions that come before any ask when you don't have too much time to prepare. Of course you know that I want you to prepare as much as you can before you ask. However, sometimes you find yourself on the spot, or someone calls you and wants to meet that day and it is your golden opportunity to make your ask. When that happens, use these three questions to prepare your ask. In Chapter 5 I will give you my “Five-Step Foolproof Method for Any Ask” that you can use when you have more time.

Here are the three questions that you should anticipate a person will ask you whenever you ask:

1. Why me?
2. Why now?
3. What will it do?

If you can, put yourself in the shoes of the person you want to ask, ask and answer these questions out loud. Then you are perfectly prepared even when you do not have a lot of time to prepare. Let me show you how this works. Let's say you meet a friend for lunch and she asks you, “How is your new business going?” You start to share with her that you have been calling potential investors to meet with them and that things are looking really good. She turns to you and says, “How much are you looking for? I may be interested.” I have to take a minute here and show you that when you hear that question or any variation of it, that is your invitation to ask.

People leave clues, and we miss every one of them.

When someone says, “What can I do?” or “What do you need?” or “I may be interested; how much is it?” that is your signal to jump right in and ask. What happens more often is that you skip over this clue and start to explain more about the project, more about what you need—more details, but you never ask. As I said earlier in this chapter, when you are the exceptional asker you are the superior listener. Listen for these clues, and do not be afraid to ask when you hear them.

So when your friend says, “How much are you looking for?” think for a few seconds about the three questions: Why her? Why now? What will it do? That will frame your response to her question, and it will frame your ask. You can say,

I would love to have you as an early investor, and your timing could not be more perfect. If I can raise the initial $300,000 this month, not only will it cover the production costs, but it will also attract future investors. I've invested $100,000; would you consider investing $50,000 this month so that together we can reach $300,000?

Look at how these two sentences and a question answered each of the three modeled questions.

• Why me? Having your friend as an early investor would be ideal.
• Why now? This emphasizes the importance of raising the money this month.
• What will it do? Reaching the goal of $300,000 would cover production costs and attract new investors.

Use these three questions if you are ever put on the spot and you need to ask. Remember to be that superior listener because you don't want to be the one who skips over the clues. If you do, your ask gets delayed, and as we all know, time is money!

While I am writing this book I am in development to create a new show that will either be on television or on an app. Yes, very exciting! One thing that we are looking into is having a brand sponsor. After all, creating, producing, and airing a show for any medium costs money. Before we approach any company to be our brand partner, I worked to answer these three questions, anticipating that our prospective brand partner would ask them.

First, why me, or in this instance, why this company? The answer to this first question is that we have carefully researched companies that support charities locally, nationally, and internationally because the show will feature nonprofits locally, nationally, and internationally. This would make the company a natural fit. The second question is always a hard one to answer, and it is the one that most people skip over. Why now? That question addresses timing. Why does it have to be done now? I like to answer this by stating my goal and working backwards. I ask myself, what won't happen if it does not get done now? In my example, we want to be the first one to have the show that can raise the awareness of the work of many charities, work through the issues that are preventing them from raising more money, give the viewers an opportunity to give while entertaining them along the way. You will see how you can use this technique more extensively in Chapter 5.

Additionally this second question—Why now?—can be addressed with the following advice. I highly recommend that when you ask, you should instill a sense of urgency. Notice I said urgency, not emergency. No one likes to be put on the spot and feel as though they have to bail you out immediately because you are in a tight situation. You can instill a sense of urgency by simply explaining why you feel the time is right for what you want to do. In my example, I would say: “The timing could not be more perfect, because right now the world is turning to nonprofits to make a bigger impact and address the unsolved needs of people and causes. Government funding anywhere is all but gone, but great corporate citizens like your company can have the ideal opportunity to be known as the charity crusader. This show would give tremendous exposure to a variety of audiences, and wouldn't you agree we need to do that now?” That is how you speak about and describe a sense of urgency. It is very powerful and very persuasive if you can position your ask as a call to action, and answering the question, “Why now?” will do that for you.

The last question, “What will it do?” is where you can talk about your vision—your motivation for your ask and how it will affect lives and bring about change. If you can quantify the impact, that would be fantastic. In my example I would say, “This show will skyrocket the awareness of great charities around the world and inspire viewers to support them. It will also do something no other show has done—reveal in dozens of ways how any charity can overcome any obstacle and emerge as the change agent locally, nationally, and internationally. Wouldn't you agree this is a first-of-its-kind show, one that can make a global impact?”

If I wanted to add some metrics to this example, I might say, “The first year of the show we will focus on seven very diverse charities that need to tackle an internal or external major problem in order to raise awareness and money. We anticipate that each charity's revenue will increase by at least 15 percent and that our viewers will even want to volunteer for some of these groups. Wouldn't you agree that increasing charitable revenue and volunteerism will have a global impact?”

Test it out. Try asking these three questions and answering them for any ask you need to make. If you need to ask a friend to recommend a medical specialist, you could say:

I know you have used many specialists and you seem so happy with each one. I need a good dermatologist right away to check out some things that have been troubling me. Can you recommend one so that I can stop worrying?

It's as simple as that. All three questions were answered.

Another example might be that if you want a promotion at work, you could say:

As my boss, you know that I have been the interim director for six months, fulfilling all the responsibilities of the director position that has been vacant. I would like you to consider giving me the title of director now, because it will demonstrate to our internal and external constituencies that everything is flowing smoothly and that our team is solid and productive. Will you consider giving me this title effective January 1?

These three questions also help you to focus your ask while not being tempted to describe and over-describe what you want to the point of distracting the person you are asking. Keep it simple, tight, and focused, and the person you are asking will most definitely appreciate it.

In the following chapter I will share with you my “Five-Step Foolproof Method for any Ask.” You can use this when you have more time to prepare your ask. So now you have the three questions to ask when you have limited time to prepare. THE ASK—we've got you covered!