CHAPTER 2
WHY CAN’T EVERYONE BE LIKE ME?

Cultural diversity and inclusion thrives when people with unique perspectives work together to achieve common goals.

—Candice Bernhardt

Diversity in the workplace really isn’t anything new. The workforce of the past may have appeared homogeneous, but diversity was present. During the past several decades as society has become more mobile and workplace demographics have changed, we’ve become more aware of diversity. Beyond changing demographics, diversity includes those biological, physical, environmental, and cultural differences that differentiate us from others, and that distinguish us as individuals or groups of individuals.

Each of us possesses many unique characteristics that are often described as dimensions of diversity. There are primary or core dimensions—those dimensions that are unable to be changed and often visible to others. These are characteristics that we can’t control and that have a powerful and sustained impact throughout our lives. They include age, ethnicity, gender, mental/physical abilities and characteristics, race, sexual orientation, and gender identity.

In addition to these core dimensions, there are secondary dimensions—characteristics over which we have control and are able to change, that are less visible to others, and that are more variable in the degree of influence they exert on our lives. They include:

   Education.

   Geography.

   Socio-economic status.

   Marital/family/parental status.

   Military experience.

   Religious beliefs.

   Work experience.

   Work/communication style.¹

Diversity dimensions aren’t the only things that differentiate and shape individuals. Also impacting our behavior are cultural dimensions or variables. Culture is the acquired knowledge people use to interpret experiences and generate behavior. Culture is shared by almost all members of social groups and is something older members of the group pass on to younger members. In addition to shaping behavior, culture structures our perception of the world—our attitudes, beliefs, and values.

Management consultants Fons Trompenaars and Charles Hampden-Turner identified seven dimensions of culture after 10 years of researching the preferences and values of people in different cultures around the world. Their findings were detailed and published in their book, Riding the Waves of Culture. They found that each culture has its own way of thinking, its own values and beliefs, and different preferences. What distinguishes one culture from the other is where these preferences fall on the continuum of each dimension that they identified:

   Rules vs. relationships.

   The individual vs. the group.

   How far people get involved.

   How people express emotions.

   How people view status.

   How people manage time.

   How people relate to their environment.

Appendix: Seven Dimensions of Culture

Whereas Trompenaars and Hampden-Turner’s research focused on cultures within countries or national groups, culture extends to other social groups. Think of the social groups to which an individual may belong such as a religious group, a professional group, the organization where he/she works, the department or team within the organization, and a book club or a group associated with a hobby, to name a few. The most basic social group of all is the family, and families come in all shapes and sizes. Each of these groups has its own distinct culture and variables within that culture. Beyond the dimensions identified by Trompenaars and Hampden-Turner, there are other variables that run along a continuum that may be observed within a particular culture or social group. These can include, but aren’t necessarily limited to:

   Problem-solving style (linear/logical vs. lateral/intuitive).

   Communication style (direct vs. indirect).

   Extrovert vs. introvert.

   Approach to change (change oriented vs. tradition oriented).

   Approach to conflict resolution (confrontation vs. harmony).

Chapter 8: What’s Your Type?

Consider some of the following diversity dilemmas that can occur in the workplace:

It was frustrating for Gloria whenever she had to have a conversation with Veena, an associate on her team. Veena always looked down at her shoes and never looked Gloria in the eye. Gloria would wonder if Veena was engaged in the discussion and understood what she was saying. Worse, she was wondering if Veena was hiding problems about the assignment from her. What Gloria didn’t understand was that Veena came from a culture that believed that less eye contact is more respectful. Because Gloria was the team leader, Veena was merely showing her respect.

Kate and Jack are part of a team that develops products for clients. Kate is an engineer on the design side of the team and product excellence surpasses all other considerations. Jack, on the other hand, is part of the sales team and is always eager to close the deal. Relationships surpass all other considerations and he’s out to please. He’ll promise the customer that the company can make any design change requested and then advise Kate what has to be done. The two often end up having heated discussions!

Sarah, a fairly recent college graduate, feels as if she is expected to carry the workload for her department—two coworkers and the manager. Her two coworkers, both of whom are parents of small children, frequently take personal days and leave early because of family obligations. When she recently asked to leave early to attend to something, her manager denied the request saying that the project needed to be finished that night and she was the only one who could stay late. Sarah had promised her cousin that she’d look in on her 85-year-old mother, Sarah’s aunt, while her cousin was out of town on a business trip. The manager assumed Sarah had no family obligations because she was single. Sarah is now beginning to resent her coworkers.

An organization recently changed to a business-casual dress code, a change that was embraced by most of the staff. Jorge overhead this remark in the hallway about his team members: “They are so arrogant. They think they’re superior to the rest of us with the way they walk around in their suits all the time.” What the critic didn’t realize was that members of Jorge’s team were often called to unscheduled, external meetings where business attire was expected.

Barry, a finance director, was listening intently as Michaela was talking about her company’s experiences moving to a shared services model where each division would receive support services from a centralized department, rather than have separate HR or accounting departments in each division. When she started talking about the cost savings achieved, Barry’s face lit up. Michaela, who spent her career in HR and organizational development, saw his expression and immediately said, “But I’m very worried about the people in our shared services unit. We’ve cut staff to the minimum and expect much more work from them. I’m concerned that they are going to burn out.” Barry began to object when Michaela reminded him that there are costs associated with burnout, starting with turnover. Barry was looking solely at the metrics and the costs. Michaela understood those issues, but was also concerned with the people side of the business.

Differences Matter

Although diversity may have always existed in the work force, its nature and extent continue to change dramatically. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reports statistics about the U.S. labor force that includes demographic characteristics from the Current Population Survey (CPS). The statistics provide information regarding gender, race and ethnicity, disability, education attainment, family and marital status, foreign-born workers, veterans, age, and older workers.²

Generational differences are a big force in today’s workplace. We will soon have five generations in the U.S. workforce: Traditionalists, Baby Boomers, Generation Xers, Millennials, and now the Internet generation, who are on the cusp of making their entry. Each generation brings its own experiences and points of reference, leaving many to wonder:

   Do employees understand how work is done differently in different generations?

   Do employees understand customer needs, interaction, and work styles from different generations?³

Each of us sees and experiences the world differently. We and a coworker are often presented with the same information. We take in that information—what we see and hear—and process it. We are going to notice certain things about the information and our coworker is going to notice different things about the same information. We each pay attention to different things.

After we’ve processed the information, we interpret it, give it meaning, and draw conclusions. However, our coworkers interpret the same information differently using their experiences, values, individual diversity, and cultures, and potentially draw a different conclusion. We each give the same information context by drawing on our own past experiences. As information is processed and interpreted, it can be given a different meaning by different people leading to different conclusions being drawn.⁵ Different stories will emerge.

Stereotypes, Socialization, and Assumptions

A stereotype is an over-generalized belief that is affixed to all members of some identifiable group (think dimensions of diversity and culture). A stereotype is biased material that may have been the basis of our socially constructed reality—our truth. In the worst case, when we are unaware of our biases, stereotypes can be fixed and inflexible notions about a group that blocks our ability to think about people as individuals. Many of these generalizations are based on misconceptions and errors in judgment and they are often disrespectful. Nevertheless, stereotypes and biases remain a constant part of our everyday thinking. Consider a time when someone made an assumption about you based solely on one of your dimensions of diversity. Then think about how it made you feel!

We develop stereotypes through socialization—the process through which we learn how to act according to the rules and expectations of a particular culture. Keep in mind that we are each part of many different cultures or social groups.

Socialization is the way we learn to perceive our world: how to interact with others, how to act in certain circumstances, and what our culture or social group defines as good and bad, right and wrong. Socialization allows a group to create members whose behaviors, desires, and goals correspond to those considered appropriate and desirable by the group. For example, physicians take the Hippocratic Oath to do no harm. That oath forms the basis of their behaviors in the medical profession. Through socialization, the needs of the group become the needs of the individual.

The bottom line is that when stereotypes form the basis of our belief system, they lead us to assumptions that get in the way of our ability to lessen tension, address conflict, and solve problems.

Rachel and Alex are project managers. Monica, a new associate, has been assigned to work with both of them. When it’s time for performance appraisals, both Rachel and Alex are asked to provide input to their director about Monica’s performance. They are on opposite ends of the spectrum in their thinking. One example is that Rachel gives Monica very high ratings for her organizational skills whereas Alex rates her much lower. Rachel protests and provides an example of Monica’s work product, which has summarized and arranged data in charts and graphs. Alex replies that he always has to request that things be done over because the material Monica produces for him is never clear. On further probing, their director learns that the difference lies not in Monica’s work, but in Rachel’s and Alex’s approaches. Rachel has taken the time to show interest in Monica and explains the nature and scope of the project as well as the work product she expects from each assignment. Alex, on the other hand, believes that Monica should take the initiative to learn about the project on her own, just as he did, and merely leaves her written instructions via e-mail.

One of the reasons Rachel and Alex have a different story to tell about Monica is that they have vastly different backgrounds. Rachel was raised in a supportive, nurturing family whereas Alex’s parents were distant and aloof. Their individual backgrounds have shaped their work style and influence their perspectives of Monica’s performance.

Different perspectives and interpretations are normal and not necessarily good or bad. Problems and conflicts arise when we become blind to things outside our prism and experiences. If we believe our view is right and all others are flawed, we become blind to opportunities and possibilities.⁷

Rachel and Alex will continue to have a difficult time agreeing about Monica’s performance until they recognize the noise that’s hindering their communication—noise or barriers that are hindering the receiver (let’s say Alex) from getting the message that the sender (Rachel) intended, and the reverse. This noise includes the dimensions of diversity and culture discussed earlier. Rachel and Alex have to recognize the barriers as a cause of their communication problem and work to overcome it.⁸ They have to get rid of the noise by identifying the lenses and filters that distort the message.

Appendix: Barriers to Communication

Beyond Two Stories

In order for Rachel and Alex to move forward, they each must get past the belief that their view is right and that the other is wrong. Getting past that belief is a process for everyone, a process that will take some time, understanding, and patience.

First, each person needs to understand how their individual story was shaped, and recognize that their past experiences led them to develop implicit rules by which they live their lives and construct their truths or beliefs about the world around them—in other words, how they were socialized. For example, Rachel, who was raised in the nurturing environment, believes that everyone should take an interest in and help to develop new associates. Alex believes that people should show independence and take initiative, and that they are responsible for their own development. Both people need to examine their own pasts, their implicit rules, and their own beliefs.

In examining your individual story, it’s important to recognize that some or many parts of your own knowledge base may have faulty data—data that you may have been given throughout your life. It’s helpful to ask yourself:

   Where did I learn that?

   Was the source credible?

   Have I been exposed to different perspectives?

   Am I wrong?

   Am I willing to step out of my comfort zone and grow?⁹

Understanding your own story prepares you for the next step: understanding the other person’s story. This takes some courage because it involves having a crucial conversation with the other person, the type of conversation that is often difficult. As unpleasant as these conversations are, they are necessary to bridge the gap between what we think we know and what we actually know, the gap between where we are on the continuum of any of the cultural variables discussed earlier and where the other person is. We have to be willing to develop the skills that will allow us to temporarily suspend our beliefs and worldviews in order to entertain the beliefs and worldviews of others in a non-judgmental manner. We have to be willing to accept that our socially constructed reality—our truth—may not be the only truth and, in fact, it may be wrong.¹⁰

Chapter 4: What’s the Problem?
Chapter 5: Listen Up!

The goal of having these conversations is to learn more about the other person so you have an opportunity to stand in their shoes. If Rachel could pretend for a moment that she were Alex, tried on his point of view and felt about Monica’s performance the way he felt, it could bring her to a different level of understanding. Consider the experiences, realities (your truths), and background that you are bringing to the issue and contemplate what information you’re missing about the other person. Ask the other person:

   Can you say a little more about how you see things?

   What information might you have that I don’t?

   How do you see it differently?

   Can you say a little more about why this is important to you?

   How are you feeling about this situation?¹¹

Respectful Curiosity

Respect is critical in all human interactions. Respect is dignity—giving positive attention to another person, listening to them, and acknowledging them whether you agree or disagree with their opinions or points of view. Respect is giving value to the other person as a human being, just as you would like them to give value to you. Respect provides the opportunity to look again with attention—to recognize the person, not just the different opinion. When we respect the other person, we look past the differences that may have kept us from fully seeing and understanding them. We look past the barriers and noise and give the other person the chance to be seen and to be heard.¹²

As you become curious, don’t forget that people communicate differently. Some people have a direct style of communication, whereas others have a roundabout way of sharing information. An extrovert may be more open and forthcoming about her background and personal life than an introvert. However, another extrovert may wish to separate work from her personal life, not realizing how relationships impact work objectives. An introvert, on the other hand, may overlap between work and personal life because he believes that good relationships are necessary for all aspects of his life. These differences contribute to the difficulty of critical conversations.

One way to begin these conversations is to share something about yourself. You expose some of your own vulnerability by doing so and lay a foundation for asking questions. Rachel might start a conversation with Alex talking about her family—describing family gatherings and explaining how close her immediate (parents and siblings) and extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) were to each other, and how they could count on each other in times of need. Even if Alex doesn’t offer information, it might be easier for her to ask him some questions now that she’s shared information. She might learn that he was an only child and that he was raised in a geographic area away from any relatives or that his family relocated often. This information could help both of them understand their own and the other’s work style and reframe their conversations about Monica’s performance.

Personal Initiatives

Fortunately, not everybody in the workplace is the same. How boring that would be! The variety of differences that exist in today’s workforce present opportunities and challenges for everyone: employees, managers, and HR professionals. There are steps everyone can take to learn to appreciate and respect everyone with whom they work:

   Be authentic and find ways of communicating that allows yourself to be known and get to know others.

   Model behavior that includes respect for others, their opinions, interests, perceptions, values, experiences, and culture.

   Address differences and misunderstandings with a commitment to learning and resolving disagreements in a respectful and timely way.

   Communicate clearly, directly, and honestly.

   Encourage others to share their thoughts and experiences, and accept their frame of reference.

   Be willing to confront errors in judgment when you’ve relied on stereotypical thinking.

Appendix: Diversity Self-Assessment Planner

Essential Tips

   Diversity in today’s workforce is multi-dimensional and complex.

   Our individual diversity makes us unique and influences how we see the world and interpret information.

   Successful problem solving requires everyone to look past their biases and stand in the other person’s shoes to see the issue from their perspective.

   Challenge your assumptions.

   Respectful curiosity and regular dialogue can lead to recognizing, respecting, and reconciling differences.