CHAPTER 7
DON’T DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND!

I don’t know exactly where ideas come from, but when I’m working well, ideas just appear. I’ve heard other people say similar things—so it’s one of the ways I know there’s help and guidance out there. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to receive the ideas or information that are waiting to be heard.

—Jim Henson

It’s time for performance appraisals and salary decisions. Ron, the manager, comes to talk to Celine, the HR director, about one of his employees, Megan, whom he describes as an outstanding performer. Ron proposes giving her a 7-percent increase because she’s a “hard worker.” Celine responds that the salary increase budget is 3 percent this year and that if he exceeds that for one employee, he’ll have to take it away from someone else, assuming he wants to give everyone a 3-percent increase. Ron proposes that Celine meet him halfway, split the difference, and give Megan a 5-percent increase, thinking to himself that if Celine agrees, that’s more than the 4.5 percent he originally was going to propose. He sits back in the chair thinking that he’s done a good job negotiating this deal.

Was what Ron doing negotiating, or was he merely bargaining from a position? Was he solving the issue of recognizing his outstanding performer? In their book, Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher and William Ury present a four-step process for negotiating issues:

   “Separate the people from the problem.

   Focus on interests, not positions.

   Create options.

   Insist on using objective criteria.”¹

When you’re in a conflict, you’re problem solving. You’re identifying, addressing, and resolving issues just as you are in a negotiation. The same four-step process applies. The people issues involved in conflict and problem solving have been explored in earlier chapters. We’re going to take a look at the rest of the steps in the process in this chapter.

Focus on Interests, Not Positions

A position is a stand we take in an argument, negotiation, or conflict. It is what we demand from the other person(s). Interests are what we really want: our needs, desires, and concerns. When positions become the focus of the conflict, the problem can get covered up along with any useful solution.

Consider the following:

Dale’s boss makes the following statement to him: “This is not the type of work I’m used to seeing from you. Maybe the project needs to be assigned to someone else.”² Dale’s boss is obviously not pleased, but what is his true interest? Does he really want to take the project from Dale, or is that the position he is taking? Isn’t what he needs Dale to do—his interest—is to improve his work?

Lenora is feeling a great deal of pressure now that her daughter is in grade school and becoming more involved in activities. Lenora’s husband travels frequently for his job, leaving her with the primary responsibility of getting their daughter to and from child care before and after school. She enjoys her job and the company she works for, but she’s considering leaving and looking for part-time work. That’s the position she’s leaning toward, but her underlying interest is to have more flexibility and strike a good work-life balance.

Lixin is a Web developer whose performance has been good, but she needs more growth opportunity. She is placed onto a new project that gives her the chance to develop new skills necessary to advance. Brad, her supervisor, has received feedback from Arne, the project leader, about Lixin’s interaction with the new client. Arne indicated that Lixin’s communication skills are poor and that she doesn’t come to meetings prepared to discuss items on the agenda. He’s hinting that he wants her off the project because she’s a poor reflection on the team. Brad is adamant that he wants Lixin to stay. From past experience, he knows she’s always prepared and has no trouble communicating.

In any conflict, think about what your interest is and then separate your position from your interest. In other words, don’t draw a line in the sand! Be able to articulate your interest or interests to yourself and to the others involved, and to explain why it’s important to you. Be excited about your interests and make them come alive. When you discuss them with the others, be specific and give good information. Making your interests come alive will increase the likelihood that the other side will agree that your interests are important. It will help to move the discussion away from positions.

Trying to determine and articulate your interests to yourself is often the first battle you have in a conflict. This may be a good time for you to go to the balcony. In negotiations, the balcony is often used as a metaphor for a detached state of mind where you can see a scene clearly from afar. It’s a place of perspective, calm, and clarity.³ Going to the balcony is a technique often used when you need to take time out, for example, when you’re in a heated argument. Remember Victor from Chapter 4. He wanted to take a break, cool off, and have some time to reflect. The balcony can also be a place you go to in order to prepare before you even enter a discussion or bring up an issue that could lead to conflict. It gives you the opportunity to assess and evaluate the situation objectively, just like an outside party might do.

When you give yourself the time to reflect on your interests, you also want to be thinking about the interests of the other side. In Chapter 2 we discussed learning more about the other person so we can better understand their story.

Chapter 2: Why Can’t Everyone Be Like Me?

If you take the time to look at the situation from their perspective, to stand in their shoes, it will give you the opportunity to contemplate what they really want; that is, their interests. Think about the position they’ve taken and then ask yourself why they might be making this demand. What might it be that they really want? Underlying your interests and their interests are both individuals’ needs and values. If you can gain a mutual understanding of those interests, a better understanding of each other’s story, you can begin to make informed decisions and be better equipped to create options to resolve the conflict.

When Brad sits down to talk with Lixin to discuss the feedback he received from Arne, he learns that she’s upset, but not surprised at the feedback. She recognizes that the assignment is a stretch for her and it’s the first time she’s had the opportunity to interact directly with a client. However, she’s receiving little guidance from Arne and often hears about client meetings at the last minute, giving her no time to prepare. That’s why she’s communicating so poorly, and she knows it’s a bad reflection on the team and the project. She’s frustrated that she’s not being given the visibility or level of technical responsibility she expected. She can’t work with Arne and wants to be reassigned.

Brad quickly realizes that there are a number of issues involved in this situation. He has to separate them and then determine what everyone may want. Both he and Lixin are interested in developing her technical skills—one mutual interest. Brad, Lixin, and Arne all want the project to be a success—another mutual interest. However, Brad is not certain if Arne has a more primary interest, namely using this assignment to advance his own career. If that’s the case, he’ll have to deal with that issue separately. Isolating the issues and the interests associated with each will help Brad address these conflicts.

Appendix: Position vs. Interest—An Exercise

Let’s go back and see how Ron and Celine are doing. As Ron sits back smugly in his chair, Celine is thinking that there are budget constraints and published guidelines for managers to adhere to in making salary decisions. She wants to be fair to everyone—that’s her interest. Ron has already made it clear that he wants to give Megan a much larger raise and not take money away from other employees in order to do so—that’s his position. Celine can’t help but wonder why. What’s the underlying reason that he’s taking this stance? “Ron,” she says, “I know that you want to be fair to everyone; so do I. If I agreed to let every manager do what you’re proposing, it would bankrupt us. I know Megan’s a hard worker, but so are your other employees. What’s really going on?” Ron confesses he’s concerned that Megan may be looking for another job and he doesn’t want to lose her. She’s got very strong skills, takes the lead on tackling tough tasks, and gets along so well with everyone. Now Ron and Celine are on the same page—their mutual interests are employee recognition and retention. Realizing that neither wants to lose Megan, they are ready to move to the next step: creating options for mutual gain.

Create Options

Ron may have thought he was “negotiating” with Celine when he suggested that she meet him halfway in determining the raise to give Megan. However, problem solving is not meeting someone halfway, nor is it making an either/or proposition.

When the people involved in a conflict stay locked in their positions, they tend to think that there are only two solutions to the problem: the one that’s good for them and the one that’s good for the other person. This stifles any creative thinking. If you take the approach that Ron did, splitting the difference, people are then encouraged to ask for more than they really want and can make unreasonable demands. In fact, that’s exactly what Ron did. He really wanted to give Megan a 4.5-percent increase, but he started by asking for a 7-percent increase.

Problem solving involves finding creative solutions that satisfy all identified interests—mutual or otherwise—of all the parties. When you move the discussion away from positions and start exploring interests, as Celine did, you recognize that there is a mutual problem (not his, not hers), and your collective focus should be solving that problem. Knowing that there was a risk of losing a valued employee, Celine and Ron were able to propose several options that would recognize Megan’s contributions:

   Celine suggested giving Megan a combination salary increase of 3 percent and an additional bonus of 2 percent. Because the bonus was a one-time event, it wouldn’t escalate her salary beyond the standard.

   Ron suggested that he could send her to a conference to represent the organization. This would recognize her hard work.

   A new project was being awarded to the company and Ron could assign Megan to it, which would give her more visibility.

When Jack and Kate stopped bickering and recognized that their shared interest was customer satisfaction, they were better able to focus on the client. They had to determine the client’s interest. Jack believed that the client wanted the product customized or tailored to its needs. Kate pointed out that if they did this, it would result in a substantial cut in the company’s profits and Jack’s commission. She saw two options which she discussed with Jack:

   If the client wants a customized design, are they willing to pay a higher price for the additional costs associated with tailoring the product to their specific needs?

   Would the customer be willing to explore a solution using off-the-shelf components that would give them a customized product for their needs without incurring the significant cost increase?

Too often problem solving is done in an unfocused way. Emotions take over or solutions are offered before interests are clearly identified. Remember the discussions in Chapter 4 about having effective conversations and getting and giving good information?

Celine and Kate both took the opportunity to go to the balcony and cleared their heads to gain the perspective they needed to see options from an unbiased viewpoint. When Celine did it and started presenting options to Ron, it sparked his creativity. Her focus brought him into focus. Whether she realized it or not, Celine started a brainstorming session with Ron.

Brainstorming is an excellent technique to use to create options and engage in imaginative thinking. In brainstorming, anything goes and any idea is acceptable. For brainstorming to be successful the people involved must agree on the problem to be addressed; multiple problems or interests may require separate brainstorming sessions. Everyone has to agree to the following guidelines:

1.   Any and all ideas are encouraged, no matter how unconventional or wild they may appear. The objective is to generate as many ideas as possible.

2.   No idea is criticized or evaluated during the process. This is the Golden Rule of brainstorming. Evaluating the ideas comes later.

3.   All ideas that are offered are written down. Nothing is discounted or ignored.

After the brainstorming session, useful ideas can be highlighted and discussed. This can occur in another meeting.

Brad met with both Lixin and Arne separately. Confident that the issue they had in common was client satisfaction, he then brought them together for a brainstorming session. He reviewed the guidelines for the session and asked them to each state the problem as they saw it. They were all in agreement that they wanted to ensure the project’s success and deliver a quality solution to the client. Here are some of the ideas that they generated:

   More frequent team meetings to provide status updates and briefings regarding information Arne had received from his daily meetings with the client.

   Daily e-mail updates from Arne to the team.

   Bi-weekly meetings between Lixin and Arne to discuss technical details and feedback.

   Weekly meetings between Brad and Arne regarding team performance and individual member performance.

   Coaching sessions between Brad and Arne to develop his people management skills.

   Allow Lixin to attend client meetings with Arne so she can have firsthand information and better understand the client’s needs.

   Meetings between Lixin and Arne prior to client presentations so he can critique her reports and provide feedback.

   Assign Lixin to work with another team member in a peer-to-peer mentoring arrangement.

Brad is pleased that so many good ideas were generated. Just as he had hoped, there were several options that could work rather than opposing options and points of view. He asks that they all break for a few hours and come back in the afternoon so they can begin evaluating the ideas and come up with some good alternatives. He knows that there are other interests he’ll have to work on with Lixin and Arne independently, but this brainstorming session has been a real breakthrough.

Objective Criteria

The last step in the process of coming up with a solution to the problem or conflict is to identify objective criteria against which options and/or potential solutions can be evaluated. Objective criteria are independent of each person’s will, and are practical, relevant, and legitimate. How do you develop and use objective criteria? Think in advance about fair standards and fair procedures. Fair standards are based on things such as market value, precedent, professional standards, scientific judgment, or equal treatment.⁵ Safety or quality standards are examples of fair and independent standards. Objective criteria can also include precedent, efficiency, and costs.

Objective criteria should appeal and relate to shared interests and shared standards. Shared interests can be common interests of the larger community, such as the company or the industry in which the company operates, as well as the mutual interests of the individuals involved in the conflict. Objective criteria can be based on shared standards or values, such as equality, fairness, integrity, or quality.⁶ Remember the discussions in Chapter 2 about culture and cultural variables. Most importantly, the criteria must be fair and reasonable, and often there are many relevant criteria. For that reason, you should research in advance which might best apply, show why those criteria more favorable to you are more relevant, and show why those less favorable to you are less relevant.⁷

Consider the following examples in which fair and reasonable standards were applied:

A small consulting firm had a re-occurring project with a client. Every year when it came time to do the work, the client would complain about the price, which was always the same, and ask for a discount. The president of the consulting firm had to remind the client that the price they were being charged was the same price that other clients with the same size project were charged. If they gave this client a discount, it would not be fair to all the others.

Raphael had worked hard on a paper presenting the findings from research he had done for a new program his organization was about to implement. He was going to present the paper at an industry conference. He was approached by Sheila, a vice president in his organization, who asked him if she could present the paper on behalf of the company and be named as a contributing author, even though she was not part of the research team, nor had any involvement with the program. His mind raced through a multiple of possible responses, but he knew he did not want to compromise his values. He responded, “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Organizations develop policies and procedures to establish objective criteria for handling a wide range of management issues, such as how people are hired, paid, or promoted, which travel expenses are allowable, and how to procure outside goods and services, just to name a few. Through policies and practices, organizations can set a framework for treating people with respect and fairness. Many times policies represent the organization’s response to the external environment, such as laws and regulations, and can offer a degree of legal protection to the employer and employee alike. Policies should reflect the culture and values of the organization, set and communicate expectations, and assure consistency in the way people are treated.⁸

When Lenora comes rushing into the office late one morning, her stress is at a high level. Her daughter was especially cranky this morning and they were late leaving the house. Her boss, Angela, can’t help but notice her tension and comes to see what the problem is. Lenora confesses she needs more balance in her life and is looking for part-time work. Angela is concerned and they begin to talk through options. The company is going to start a pilot telecommuting program in just a few weeks and Angela thinks that Lenora would be a good candidate because she meets the criteria for the program. The nature of her job is fairly independent, and she can connect virtually with others in the office. Lenora is self-motivated, has good time management skills, is familiar with the work and the company, and is a valued eorgamployee.⁹ Although she can’t guarantee that this will be a permanent solution, Angela encourages Lenora to seriously consider this. They need employees like Lenora to make the program a success. Lenora quickly realizes that she’s fortunate to work in a job and in an industry where flexibility can be offered.

Salary decisions, like the situation between Celine and Ron, should always be based on objective criteria. Savvy organizations benchmark their pay practices against external standards, especially those in their industries. They conduct salary surveys to see what other similar organizations are paying for similar jobs. In determining salary increases, a matrix is often used that considers an employee’s pay in relation to the job’s pay grade and the employee’s performance rating. This was the standard to which Celine was holding Ron accountable. She was also considering what other employees in Ron’s department with the similar experience and performance history were making and how much of an increase they’d receive. She wanted to make sure that all of the salary increases were fair and consistent.

Drawing a line in the sand and arguing from one side of the line or the other will not resolve a conflict; it will only exacerbate the situation. Resolving conflict means that you have to be tough on the problem, but soft on the people. The people involved have to move off of their positions and identify and satisfy all the interests. Creative alternatives and solutions based on the interest need to be devised and the final agreement must be fair, reasonable, and objective.

Essential Tips

   Focus on the problem and not the people involved in the conflict. Stand in the other people’s shoes and look at the problem from their perspective. Strive to maintain good relationships.

   Interests help you see the real problem. Identify all of the interests of all of the parties to the conflict.

   Go to the balcony to see things from a different perspective. It will help you to gain clarity.

   Imagine that anything is possible. It will help you to invent the most creative options. Some of the best solutions have come from wild ideas.

   After a brainstorming session, take some time before you evaluate the ideas.

   Use objective criteria to evaluate those ideas. If you do so, it is more likely that the solutions will be good for and fair to both sides.