CHAPTER 9
WHOSE FIGHT IS IT ANYWAY?
Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able to is courage. Walking away with your head held high is dignity.
—Anonymous
Remember The Hyde Company from Chapter 1? They moved into a new, wonderfully designed office building with open space to allow for collaboration and private meeting rooms. The well-designed work spaces allow for individual privacy. This is a huge change for the workforce who’d been working in private offices in their old building. Carlo and Bethany have workspaces next to each other. Bethany is having a difficult time adjusting to the new work environment and Carlo is not making things any easier. He has a loud voice that carries, constantly barges into her space, and interrupts her when she’s on the phone. She often goes into one of the small private meeting rooms to get away from him. The problem is those rooms have glass walls; Carlo can see her and seek her out for questions. Exasperated, Bethany goes to Sheila, their manager, and asks her to do something with Carlo because he’s creating a disruptive and hostile work environment.
Chapter 1: What’s New at Work?
Before she decides on a course of action, Sheila needs to learn the nature of Carlo’s behavior to determine if it might be some form of workplace harassment.
Chapter 10: Are You Playing Nice in the Sandbox?
Assuming that harassment is not an issue in this situation, then she has to consider the following:
Who owns this particular conflict?
If she takes steps to resolve the problem, could she be perceived as taking sides with Bethany?
If she steps in and exerts her authority, will Bethany miss the opportunity to develop her own conflict-management skills?
As the company is encouraging more collaboration among its employees, will she dilute their ability to do so if she solves the problem for them?
Sheila is aware that Carlo’s voice projects and in the open space, it can sound louder than he intends. Bethany, on the other hand, is often slow getting Carlo what he needs, which frustrates him. What Sheila sees is a third story: a non-judgmental, unbiased view of what’s occurring between Bethany and Carlo. Sheila has an interest in the conflict because it involves two of her team members, but she doesn’t own it. She can, however, take some action to bring it to a resolution. She can act as a mediator.
Learning to Mediate
Mediators are third parties who help people solve their problems. They help people in conflict find their own solutions. Think of a marriage counselor, mutual friend or peer, HR professional, manager, or team leader—these are people who may be called upon because they have the vantage point of a neutral observer.
Mediation is facilitated negotiation and, as we pointed out in Chapter 7, negotiation is problem solving. Mediation is an approach to resolving conflict that does not involve an imposed solution. The people involved decide how the problem will be solved and any resolution achieved is consensual. One positive outcome of mediation is that it encourages communication. Everyone involved has an opportunity to better understand the other sides and the other stories. Additional issues may surface that provide greater insight. The exchange of information in a cooperative manner strengthens working relationships. Another positive outcome is that the process helps develop problem-solving skills for those involved in the conflict.
Sheila understands that, as a mediator, the option of resolving the problem herself is eliminated. The solution must come from Bethany and Carlo. She also understands that she has the ability to see the third story. She can describe the problem in a way that rings true for both of them.1 She can move them toward a more collaborative relationship, which supports the company’s goal. However, she has to remain objective.
Her next steps will be:
Defining the business problem that’s impacting the workplace and communicating that problem to Bethany and Carlo.
Scheduling a meeting for the three of them and securing their agreement to attend.
Defining roles at the beginning of the meeting. She has to be clear that she will be facilitating the discussion between the two of them, and not asking questions or giving advice or opinions, even if she’s asked.
Setting guidelines at the beginning of the meeting. She’ll want to encourage Bethany and Carlo to identify their individual interests, ask questions, and propose solutions. Once again, she’ll have to be clear that she will not be asking questions nor proposing the solutions. Proposing solutions and agreeing on a resolution is their responsibility.
Chapter 7: Don’t Draw a Line in the Sand!
Managers should:
Be sensitive to the working relationships among your team members. You need to be aware of how your employees do their jobs, not just if they do their jobs.
Be open and encourage team members to talk with you and with each other. You’re not responsible for resolving conflicts in which you’re not directly involved, but you can make sure that issues are open and not masked.
Gain an understanding of the interests of the parties involved in the conflict. It will help you to be more effective in the event you are called on to mediate.
Appendix: Preparing to Mediate: A Checklist
Who Owns the Conflict?
As we’ve been observing, workplace conflicts are not simple. The nature of each conflict is unique. There are often several underlying issues resulting in more than one conflict to be resolved. It’s important to identify and separate the issues to determine who owns which conflict and how each is best resolved. A guiding principle—in fact a Golden Rule—of conflict resolution is that the problem should be solved by the individuals who own it. Remember Harrison from Chapter 4? He knew he had to have a difficult conversation with Louise and didn’t hand it off to someone else.
Randall recently promoted Juanita into a supervisory role giving her responsibility for the work of one employee, Tricia. Juanita doubts that this is positive for her because she has no prior management experience and Randall is not very supportive. Randall told her that Tricia was “unmanageable.” Though Tricia is very good at customer service—she supports the organization’s patrons and there’s a desire by some to retain her—she doesn’t take direction well and often has disagreements with her coworkers. If Juanita doesn’t accept the promotion and manage her, Tricia will be without a job. Juanita is aware that Tricia has been moved around the organization a great deal. Within a matter of days, Randall advises Juanita that a complaint has been received about Tricia’s attitude and that Juanita needs to handle it.
Does Juanita own this problem? Without more information about Tricia’s employment history, it’s difficult to pinpoint who owns it. Most likely, several people in the past failed to take ownership and passed it on. Unfortunately, it’s all too common that problems are ignored, swept aside, or moved around, resulting in larger conflicts. It’s very possible that this situation is just a symptom of a larger, systemic problem in this organization.
Renata has an abrasive personality. In meetings, she’s especially aggressive, cutting people off when they are talking and making snide remarks about ideas that are presented. Recently, when she was having problems with her computer, she stormed into IT and began to make accusations to Mark that he or someone else from IT had worked on her computer during the night. Before Mark could respond, she threw insults at him and stormed out. Mark sent an e-mail to his manager about the incident and his manager went to talk to Renata’s boss, Albert. Albert is well aware of Renata’s outbursts, but he is conflict adverse. He has continued to tolerate her behavior because she’s such a good performer—thorough, precise, and very creative. In desperation, he takes the situation to his director, Sergio, imploring him to handle Renata and the situation. Who owns this problem?
Sergio realizes that Albert is as much a part of the problem as Renata is. Albert has been failing to manage her behavior and it’s now time for Sergio to manage Albert’s unwillingness to step up. Sergio explains that he sees their mutual interest in maintaining good working relationships among all the staff in a fast-paced environment and Albert agrees. Sergio points out that the organization has a policy that describes standards of conduct to which all employees must adhere, regardless of level of performance. There is also guidance on corrective action that should be taken to address inappropriate behavior.
The facts supporting Renata’s behavior are clear. Mark’s complaint, which he relayed in writing, is only one of several written complaints that have been received within the past three months. Clearly, Renata has not been working harmoniously with others and she has ignored feedback given by Albert, which could be considered as insubordination. There is more than enough probable cause to take management action in accordance with the conduct policy and place her on a final written warning advising her that, absent improvement in her behavior, further action will take place.
Chapter 11: What’s an Organization to Do?
Recognizing that Albert owns the Renata problem, Sergio insists that Albert prepare the final written warning, with his assistance. He also insists that Albert, along with human resources, deliver it to Renata. He wants to remain in the background in order to discourage Renata from thinking that she can bypass Albert and come directly to him. Albert is reluctant, but he recognizes that he has to step up. He asks Sergio if they can get some coaching for Renata. Before he agrees, Sergio suggests that when Albert and Renata sit down, they do some brainstorming to determine how Renata might work on her attitude. Sergio wants Renata to claim ownership and responsibility of this problem. He wants her to be accountable and live up to expectations.
Chapter 6: You Want Me to Do What?
What is the difference between coaching and counseling?
Coaching is a process to enable learning and development to improve performance or meet career goals.
Counseling is working with an employee to get behavior to change.
Renata must to learn to work better with her peers. Counseling is the help she needs at this time. If she turns her behavior around, then coaching might be appropriate to help her to advance in her career. Albert, however, would benefit from coaching at this time.
At the same time, Sergio recognizes that he owns the problem involving Albert’s management skills. He suggests that they have a brainstorming session of their own to come up with some ideas of how to help Albert be less conflict averse. They both own that problem.
I’m Not in It!
As it was yet another day in the cold winter when the county’s schools were closed, Karina didn’t have a choice but to telecommute. Fortunately, her organization had a liberal telecommuting policy. She had a report that her boss needed her to proofread and edit, and then send off to be printed for a meeting the next day. She knew she could have it finished to get it to printing by the 2:00 p.m. deadline. At 12:30 p.m. she e-mailed it to her boss as well as a coworker, Diego, whom she confirmed was in the office that day. Because the production team required a printed copy as well as a soft copy, Karina asked Diego if he could print the report and submit both the hard and soft copies to the production department by 2:00 p.m. She also left instructions regarding the number of copies she needed, the required binding, and her cell phone number in case there were any questions. Karina also received a confirmation that her e-mail to Diego was delivered and read.
At 4:30 p.m. Karina called Diego to check on the status. Diego’s voice froze. He’d been so busy covering for someone on sick leave that he never acted on Karina’s request. Karina got extremely upset and began making nasty accusations. Diego responded in kind. At that point, their mutual boss approached and overheard the heated exchange. He’d been in meetings most of the day, but assumed that everything was under control. He was furious to learn what happened and threatened to write both of them up, but not before instructing Diego to call the production department’s manager and see if they could get a rush on the job. They could, as long as they get it down right away; he’d have it the next morning in time for the meeting.
Next morning, the blame game between Karina and Diego continues. Brittany, who’s always cheerful and concerned about others, sees Karina in the coffee room and asks if everything is okay. Karina lets loose with all of the details about what happened yesterday, pressing Brittany to plead her case to their boss. Brittany takes a step back, looks Karina in the eye and says, “Sorry, Karina, but I’m not in it!” Brittany has the good sense to realize that she didn’t own this conflict. It’s not her fight and she doesn’t want to be involved.
Know When and How to Intervene
Sheila and Sergio are modeling good behavior and setting good examples. Brittany should be recognized (and rewarded) for having the good sense to stay out of other people’s conflicts. Knowing when and how to intervene is essential. Unfortunately, not everyone has good sense and that often creates rather than solves problems. Also, certain circumstances require specific actions whereas others require expert help. Let’s look at some unique circumstances.
Until recently, Vivian has had a history of good performance as a claims reviewer and processor. She has received awards for her efficiency and low error rate, and is called on to help train new employees. Lately, however, her performance is slipping. She’s processing fewer claims and her errors are increasing. Even worse, she’s been impatient with her coworkers, snapping at them and accusing them of interfering with her work. Filipe has received the brunt of most of her accusations and his patience has run out. None of these changes have gone unnoticed by Tamera, her supervisor. Tamera knows that she’s got to intervene and schedules a time to meet with Vivian.
Tamera starts the meeting by expressing concern about Vivian’s declining performance. Before she can share her information, Vivian becomes very defensive and accuses Tamera of being unfair. “After all, I’ve had the best performance in the department for years. Doesn’t that count? And Filipe, his mistakes are impacting my work!” she shouts. Tamera senses that there is something going on in Vivian’s life that’s contributing to these work problems. She is tempted to ask, but decides not to. Instead, she follows the guidance she has received in management training—stick to the facts. She presents Vivian with the statistics regarding her performance, pointing out that, yes, she’d done great work in the past and that is why there is concern. Tamera also describes several situations where she’s observed Vivian making snarky remarks to her peers and shouting at Filipe. Tamera then says to her, “Vivian, I need you to get back on track before your performance goes below acceptable standards. I want to support you and help you correct these problems. That’s why I’ve developed an improvement plan so we can both monitor your progress.”
At that point Vivian bursts into tears and confesses that things aren’t going well at home: Her husband has moved out, money is tight, and she can’t afford to lose her job. Tamera silently sighs with relief, thinking that at least Vivian acknowledges that there is a problem. She tells Vivian that the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is a resource that can help with her personal problems. Although it’s Vivian’s decision to take advantage of that support, Tamera advises that she is going to make a management referral to the EAP for Vivian based on her performance and behavior changes.2 Vivian will still be accountable for improving her performance and behavior. Tamera made a wise decision to let the professionals at the EAP counsel Vivian because the underlying causes of her work issues are personal problems. Her responsibility is to continue to manage Vivian’s work.
Rosario and Hilde have been working together for years. Friendly at work, they never see each other outside the workplace. Hilde notices some subtle changes in Rosario; she’s not as upbeat and pleasant as usual. When she expresses concern about these changes in her disposition, Rosario confides that she’s having problems with her teenage son. Hilde suggests she calls the EAP—in fact, presses her to do so. Rosario adamantly refuses. She doesn’t want outside interference with personal problems. Hilde decides to call the EAP on Rosario’s behalf and is told that the counselors can’t assist unless Rosario calls directly—and in fact, they can’t discuss Rosario’s problem with her. Hilde is outraged and goes to human resources to complain that the EAP is not providing the service it should and insists that the company make a management referral to the EAP.
Was Hilde right to intervene? No, she doesn’t own this problem. Unless Rosario is having performance or behavior problems that are affecting her work, there is no basis for a management referral and if there were, it would have to come from Rosario’s manager, not Hilde. The EAP was correct in refusing to discuss Rosario’s problem with a coworker.
Chapter 11: What’s an Organization to Do?
Ivan’s supervisor, Greg has been making unwanted and persistent sexual remarks and advances toward him. Ivan has asked for them to stop, but Greg always responds with flippant remarks like “Loosen up!” or “Chill out. I’m kidding.” Exasperated, Ivan takes his concerns to Greg’s manager, Mariana. Was Ivan correct in asking Mariana to intervene?
In this case, Greg’s behavior—which included unwelcome advances and requests for sexual favors—can be described as sexual harassment and the company not only has a right to know, but a legal obligation to investigate Ivan’s complaint.3 Ivan was not only correct in getting his manager involved in this conflict, it was his legal right to do so.
Savvy organizations recognize that conflict is not always bad. They recognize the characteristics of good conflict and leverage it into innovation and creativity. They encourage their employees to be accountable for their role in a conflict situation and give them the tools to manage and resolve their problems. They empower them to solve their own problems.
Essential Tips
Problem solving does not inherently involve a top-down approach. It’s not the manager’s role to intervene every time employees clash.
Solving employees’ problems for them reduces collaboration and makes them dependent on their manager.
Conflict can be change trying to happen. Help your employees develop conflict management skills.
Conflict may not be essential in the workplace, but being accountable and solving your own problems is.
Know when to intervene and know when to walk away.