Needs, Nouns, Verbs, and Conflict

Many arguments, conflicts, and misunderstandings are because common language uses “need” as a verb, such as “we need more time,” “we need more money,” “we need to economize,” “we need to outsource,” “we need to reorganize.” Thus, people unthinking or unknowingly jump into solutions before defining and justifying a problem. (A problem is a need chosen for reduction or elimination.)

By jumping into a solution—a means, methods, intervention, technique, or tool—by using “need” as a verb, the arguments can begin! We can argue almost endlessly about which means is better if we don’t define what gap in results a means will close. To reduce conflict as well as select solutions-in-search-of-problems, simply go back to basics: first define the needs (as gaps in results) and then consider and select the means to close those gaps in results. “Need” is an over-used word. And the way it is conventionally used leads on to means before defining and justifying the ends to be accomplished. People confuse needs and wants (ends and means) all the time. And the consequences of getting these confused are not pretty. Ever hear a family member say things like:

•   I need new shoes.

•   I need a new car.

•   I need a new dress/suit.

•   I need to go to the mall.

•   I need more allowance.

•   I need more money.

•   I need…

Well, you get the idea. They use “need” as a verb so that it takes away your (and their) choices. When one uses “need” as a verb, it is very demanding: no options, no choices…just the solution (more money, new car) that they have pre-selected. Thus, people are constantly picking solutions before they know the problems.