RULE 3

Other people’s money belongs to them

When you read in your daily newspaper that some celebrity has spent a fortune on yet another mansion, or invested part of their wealth in an exciting new project, or given away millions to charity, the odds are that you think it’s up to them if they want to be stupid/generous/take risks. You shrug and move on to the next story, or maybe turn to the financial pages to find some ideas for making your own fortune.

It’s harder when it’s your parents though, isn’t it? Or your friend, sibling, work colleague, neighbour? Suppose your brother decides to spend all his savings on buying a holiday home, or your best friend wants to plough all their money into some business idea you think will crash, or your parents want to make a big donation to a charity that’s special to them, or your colleague wants to spend thousands on cosmetic surgery that you don’t think they even need. Are you still going to shrug and turn the page?

Sometimes it’s not easy. For a start you need to remember a key Rule, ‘Never give advice unless it’s asked for’. That can be difficult enough. After all, you might be really concerned that these people are making a terrible mistake. But, you know, you might be wrong. Maybe if your brother never uses his holiday home, he’ll still be able to sell it at a profit. Perhaps your colleague will gain huge confidence from the surgery, even if you can’t see why.

Maybe your reservations aren’t about making bad financial decisions. Perhaps you just think these are irresponsible things to do with money.

Actually, the reason is irrelevant – it doesn’t matter what you think. People are allowed to be irresponsible with their money if they want to. It’s theirs. Maybe they don’t approve of some of your choices, but you don’t want them telling you so, because it’s none of their business. You may think they are profligate with their money – while they might think that you’re a Scrooge who has no idea how to enjoy what you have because you’re too busy making more of it. But they don’t say so (I hope).

So there are two things here. The first, and I hope the easiest, is about keeping your mouth shut unless you’re asked for an opinion. If you are asked, you can say what you think but don’t be fooled into supposing that gives you the right to put pressure on people to accept your advice. They may listen and then disregard it, and that’s their prerogative.

The second thing is about what you actually think privately. It’s not enough just to keep quiet. You also need to understand properly that it’s none of your business what other people do with their money. You might think, ‘Well, I wouldn’t have done that’, which is fine. But don’t judge, or get emotionally involved. Why? Partly because you wouldn’t want other people judging you, and partly because the sooner you stop fretting over stuff that’s nothing to do with you, the sooner you can focus on your own life. And that’s got to be good.