RULE 9

If they give it to you, it’s yours

I think we’ve pretty much established by now that other people’s money belongs entirely to them, to do with as they please. So it follows that you can do as you like with your own money.

But where did your money come from? Does that make a difference? It shouldn’t, but for some people it does. If you’ve earned it through your own graft, you’re probably fairly comfortable with making your own decisions about what to do with it. Ah, but what if it was given to you by someone else?

I’ve known people tie themselves in knots worrying about whether it’s OK to do this or that with money given to them by family or friends, or inherited from someone who isn’t even alive any longer to see how they spend it.

Let’s be clear. If someone gives you money it not only becomes yours legally, but also morally, emotionally, psychologically. That’s what a gift is. If someone gives you a birthday present of, let’s say, a framed painting, do you feel obliged to consider which wall they would hang it on? If they gave you a bottle of perfume or aftershave, would you check with them before using it? No. Of course not. And money is just the same.

It’s a different matter if you’ve been lent the money, or given it for a specific purpose. If your parents say, ‘We’d like to give you some money to go on holiday’, you’d either use it to go on holiday, or you’d discuss with them whether it would be OK to use it for something else. If your friend lends you money to set up a business, you don’t go out and buy a sports car instead. But I’m talking about gifts of money, freely given, to be yours.

Some very non-Rules parents (this wouldn’t be you) give their children money as a means of control. They proffer it as a gift, and then make remarks later about ‘If I’d known you were going to waste it on this...’ or ‘Is that what you’ve done with our money?’ They think that because the money came from them, they have a right to oversee what you do with it. Well, they don’t, not if there were no conditions attached at the time they gave it to you. So don’t let them guilt-trip you. You can choose whether to take the money, knowing what they’ll say and whether your choices will influence future gifts. But that is a pragmatic decision, with no room for guilt.

So no matter how other people’s money becomes your money, once it’s in your hands/wallet/bank account, it’s yours, and you’re free to do as you please with it. Spend it or save it, but – either way – enjoy it.