It’s funny how we unconsciously fall into a pattern of behaviour with people. Sometimes different patterns with different people (even though you are fundamentally the same). Things that often vary include how demonstrative you are, how much you share with them, how much you talk about feelings (or not). I guess that explains why there’s so much variation in what we say to different people about how much they mean to us.

On one level, if someone knows that you love, care, value and appreciate them, you could argue that it doesn’t matter much whether you actually say so. It’s only words, and you show them in everything you do how much they mean to you.

Or do you? Some people have such a low opinion of themselves, they don’t recognise others’ appreciation unless it’s spelt out in capital letters right under their nose. Or they can tell you care, but they don’t realise how much – they know you like them, but they aren’t aware how much their friendship means to you. Actually, unless you tell someone loud and clear how much you value them, they don’t know.

What’s more, it feels really good to have someone who matters to you tell you that they reciprocate your feelings. Why not give someone that pleasure, if you care about them? Your family and friends may not realise just which qualities you treasure in them, so why not hold up a mirror to them and let them see what makes them so special. Tell them that they’re a great listener, or you love them for their ability to make you laugh at yourself, or there’s no one better when you just need sympathy, or it’s wonderful to have a friend who really gets your love of music, or you’ll never forget the way they looked after you that week you broke your arm.

Listen, you don’t have to get all gushy and emotional, just be on the lookout for opportunities to let people know how much they matter to you, and why. Sometimes we don’t realise what our best qualities are if we’re not told, and if your nearest and dearest aren’t going to say the words, who will?

How many people do you know who have lost someone important and wished afterwards that they’d told them, when they were alive, how much they loved them? Not that you need to wait until someone is on their deathbed. Just make it normal to let your closest friends and family know how much you appreciate, value or love them. You’ll never regret it. So what’s to lose?