My grandmother had a fabulous collection of outfits which she’d collected throughout a lifetime of travelling and working in theatres. When she got older, she stuffed them all in a trunk and when we visited as children we’d use them for dressing up. Some of them were, frankly, far too good for this, as my mother often used to point out – while we were busy ruining them. My grandmother always waved her away, saying, ‘Darling, I don’t care. People are more important than things’.

On the face of it, this is so obvious it hardly seems worth mentioning. However, it’s frighteningly easy to forget it when your own property is at stake. I’m still not sure if my grandmother was right about the costumes (as teenagers we’d have loved some of those outfits, if only we hadn’t been allowed to trash them years earlier), but I’ve frequently seen people worry so much about property it gets in the way of relationships.

Some people would rather fall out with a neighbour than concede them one inch of land, or a section of fence, that might well belong to the neighbour anyway. I know other people who won’t lend perfectly replaceable items in case they get damaged, despite the damage this might cause to the relationship with the person wanting to borrow it. I had a relative who hardly ever visited when we were kids because she was too worried about what might happen to her house when she was away. And I know countless people in whose houses I can never really relax for fear I’ll leave a fingerprint or squish their carefully plumped cushions.

Most of the time, there’s no conflict between people and things, and you can enjoy both. But it’s easy to get sucked into the kind of materialism that puts property first, without even noticing you’re doing it. Then when conflicts like the examples I’ve just given do arise, you can get your priorities the wrong way round.

Look, please feel free to own as much as you like and can afford, but make sure that you don’t allow it to control you. Keep it firmly in its place, give it a good talking to, and don’t let it get uppity. It’s just stuff. Very nice stuff maybe, but still only stuff. Whereas people… well, everyone is irreplaceable. If you lost everything material that you owned, but kept your family and friends, you’d be fine. But the other way around?

This Rule is especially useful when it comes to those objects of sentimental value that were given to you by special people, or remind you of someone you love. Maybe even someone who has died. Of course you treasure them, but remember that they only have value because of the person they represent. The person themselves – or your memories of them – are far more important. So if you lose that ring, or break that ornament, or tear that photo, it’s not the end of the world. After all, it’s only a thing.