Don’t you hate it when people patronise you, or moan at you, or emotionally blackmail you? In fact, lots of people do even smaller things that really wind you up – they mumble, or leave doors open, or tap their feet incessantly, or hum out of tune when you’re trying to concentrate, or always walk out of the room in the middle of a sentence, or the midd…

Sorry. I’m back now.¹³ Where was I? Ah yes, people who leave you feeling frustrated, irritated, anxious, depressed, stressed, or otherwise not as you’d like to feel. You really shouldn’t let them do it. Why not have a word and get them to change their behaviour, or if necessary aspects of their personality?

I’ll tell you why not. Because it won’t work, that’s why not. Occasionally you might tactfully persuade your partner or your mum to stop phoning during your favourite TV programme, or not to slam your car door, but for the most part you’ll get no joy. You’ll just create resentment and arguments. And frankly, if everyone you knew kept asking you to change this or that little habit or characteristic, can you honestly say that you’d studiously adapt to all their requests without complaint?

So it’s out of your control. Except, hang on a minute, there’s one thing that is still within your control. Yep, your own reaction. You might not be able to stop your friends’ little habits, or indeed stop strangers from stepping on your toes, or keeping you waiting, or not listening properly to what you’re saying. But it is entirely in your control whether you let it get to you, or whether you let it all wash over you.

This also applies of course to inanimate objects. When your car runs out of petrol (which is never your own fault, obviously), or the Internet connection goes down, or it’s raining and you’re not dressed for it, you can still choose how you react.

I know it’s harder to respond cheerfully when it’s raining and you’re running late than when you’re relaxing on a sunny beach, for example. But to be honest, if you can’t change your response you’re dooming yourself to frustration and misery, and how will that help? No, if you want to enjoy life as much of the time as possible, you need to take control. That doesn’t just mean taking control of your actions, but also taking control of your reactions. You can be inconvenienced and mind, or inconvenienced and not mind. Your call. I know which I’d prefer.