Oh no they don’t. Some confident people think they know where they’re going. Some people know where they’re headed in one respect or another – they have a career plan, or a dream of where they’d like to live, or an idea that they’d like to settle and have kids, or that they definitely don’t want kids. A few people even have some thoughts about how they’re going to reach these goals. But none of us really has a clue.

I know some people look enviably confident, but it is just a veneer. Either that or they’ve learned to be at ease with feeling lost, so they take it in their stride more readily. You see, no one can possibly know for sure where they’re going. That’s part of what makes life such fun. It’s always worth having a plan – if you’re going for a long hike you’d be wise to take a map, even if you’re not sure which paths you’ll be following. A game plan is very useful, but even if you haven’t got yours sorted out yet, don’t imagine that puts you way behind everyone else, because it doesn’t. They’ll all find it much harder to adapt when life throws them bouncers, whereas you’ll find it easier to go with the flow.

Sooner or later you’ll work out what you want, and you’ll have something to work towards. But even if you reach it, it won’t necessarily be by the road you expected. I spent years trying unsuccessfully to become a writer, while doing all sorts of other jobs. Kept getting knock-backs from publishers. Then, out of the blue, a friend of mine was asked to write a book which he didn’t want to do, but gave my name to his agent. It all came together from there. Those years of writing to publishers were entirely unnecessary.

For most of us it gets better as we get older. But we’re still pretty lost. We just get better at looking as if we know where we’re going. Sometimes it all goes swimmingly for a while, and then life lands some completely unexpected blow that throws everything off course.

It’s easy to feel that you’re the only one who hasn’t a clue. And that makes you feel even worse, and knocks your confidence further. But I promise you, we’re all pretty lost. At least if we have any sense. Because life blows you this way and that, so even if you can see your goal, you might not get there. I know a couple who were very settled and happy, careers going well, probably thought they knew where life was headed. One lunchtime they ate some mushrooms they’d foraged locally – something they’d often done before. Bang! Their life turned upside down in a few hours. Both of them were on dialysis for the next few years, unable to work properly.

So having a clear plan is useful, but it’s no guarantee. Meanwhile, lots of people out there are trying to look much more confident than they feel. So don’t sweat over it – you’re certainly not alone.