As we saw in the last Rule, there will be people who don’t like you. Who knows why… Maybe you have some habit that doesn’t irritate most people, but really gets to them. Perhaps they’re jealous. Or they have some misconception about you. Or your relationship to them isn’t conducive to liking each other – maybe you have some position of authority over them that they resent, or perhaps they dislike your brother or uncle or friends and are tarring you with the same brush.

Needing to be liked is a common characteristic, and it can help us to make friends. Clearly you’re more likely to be popular if you want to be than if you don’t give two hoots. However, many people who want to be liked find it hard to cope with being disliked, even by people who they dislike themselves. Now, that’s just not logical. OK, I agree that feelings aren’t logical and shouldn’t have to be, but I want to spell out what an unrealistic position this is. Once you recognise how daft it is, you may find it easier to overcome.

Think about it. If you don’t like someone, why would you care what they think of you? Why is their opinion of any interest? In some cases, it’s even flattering to be disliked by someone you have no respect for. The fact is that if you’re happy and comfortable in the relationships and friendships you have, if you’re satisfied that you’re playing by the Rules, if you have no regrets or embarrassment or shame about the way you behave, you won’t allow other people’s judgement of you to colour your own self-judgement. In other words, if you’re confident in yourself, you’ll be able to shrug off other people’s dislike and tell yourself, ‘That’s just the way they are. It’s nothing to do with me’.

Sometimes you want to be liked by someone because you have a great deal of respect for them. As a Rules player you will not often find yourself disliked, especially by those you admire. What is more likely to apply, if you’re under-confident, is that you’ll think people dislike you when in fact they don’t. So confidence is the key to overcoming this too.

Over time, following the Rules will give you confidence. It won’t come overnight, but when you realise you’re living your life well, and doing your best by other people, you’ll come to feel more comfortable in your own skin. Hang out with the right people – people you respect and who build you up – tackle any demons in your past that hamper your self-image, and you will eventually get to a point where it doesn’t matter to you if a few people, who you have little to do with, don’t particularly like you. So what?