Chapter 8. The Secret Language of Influence in Business

Most of my speaking events in 2007 were to teach employees, salespeople and upper management of large companies how to use body language to be more influential.

If no one has shown your people how to effectively influence others with a primary focus on the context, environment and non-verbal communication, this is the biggest untapped resource in your company.

I used to tell people how much money companies make after implementing changes, but the numbers are so ridiculously out of line with standard training or speakers, I literally quit doing it.

The Secret Language of Business is nowhere more important or profitable than at the office and in the field.

Let your salespeople learn how to understand nonverbal cues and they become confident. Let them learn how to send "buying messages," and they increase sales ... a lot.

A great deal of research and study is focused on the effects and practical applications of body language and nonverbal behaviors in the world of business. Everything from the way you dress to the way you walk to the way you talk have influence on your business interactions, often in ways that might surprise or even horrify you. In this chapter I'll take you through the basics of body language in the general business environment and then go into more detail about specific business situations—meetings, selling, hiring, peer-to-peer interactions, and manager-to-subordinate interactions.

The Business Environment

The business environment is a world all its own, filled with norms, nuance, contradiction, and competition. Negotiating your way through this complex maze can be a difficult and frustrating process of learning. Most of that learning comes in the form of on-the-job training where you dive right in and learn valuable lessons by observing others and making your own mistakes along the way.

The body language typically found in the business environment varies depending on the nature of that environment. Four common environments are:

  1. Conservative

  2. Casual

  3. Industrial

  4. Academic

In each of these, you will find many different expectations and norms as well as some interesting contradictions. A particular non-verbal behavior in a conservative environment might be accepted and even expected, but in an industrial environment it might be sorely out of place and rejected. Let's look at each of these examples in a bit more detail.

Conservative. This business environment is very traditional, very structured, and very regimented. It is an environment found in a bank, a legal office, or corporate headquarters, just to name a few. The dress is formal, the interactions are controlled and business oriented, and the overall focus is on business rather than people. These are generalities, of course, but tend to be true to one degree or another in a conservative business environment.

If you are in a conservative business environment your body language should be controlled and formal. There should be no loud laughter in the hallways, no walking around whistling and humming a tune, and certainly no spontaneous outbursts of emotion or feelings. Structured and disciplined are probably the best words to describe the expected nonverbal behaviors in this context.

A conservative business environment is really quite superficial in many ways. Everyone practices controlled, deliberate activity, and most pay a great deal of attention to what others think of them and their abilities. You will rarely, if ever, detect emotions or feelings during most interactions, and close, personal friendships are not at all common. Competition is usually an underlying theme in this environment, and it can be brutal at times.

Casual. This business environment is very modern and increasingly common. It is an environment often found in a small or medium-size business, an insurance office, or a consulting firm, just to name a few. The dress is business casual at the most, interactions are more open and genuine, and overall focus is an even split between business and people. Friendships are more common and tend to be more genuine.

If you are in a casual business environment your body language should be less controlled and more informal. It's okay to laugh a bit and socialize a bit to build rapport. There is an understanding, either stated or implied, that a healthy balance between work and home life is encouraged. This is not an excuse to slack or behave in a silly or immature manner, but rather a general feeling of allowing more personal expression as part of fulfilling business expectations.

A casual business environment is much more genuine in most ways. Interactions are less controlled and more authentic, and people feel much more comfortable expressing themselves with enthusiasm and energy. There is often still a sense of competition in a casual business environment, but instead of being an "I win, you lose" approach it is more often an "I'll help you win, you help me win" approach.

Industrial. This business environment is an interesting mix of characteristics. It is usually found in manufacturing companies, repair shops, and construction firms, just to name a few. The dress is usually casual for the administrative and management staff but durable and work related for the rest of the company. Employees in this type of environment usually work in ways that are physically demanding and require specific attention to safety and training.

If you are in an industrial business environment, your body language should be willing, active, and unafraid. It's okay to joke and laugh as long as you are working hard and carrying your fair share of the workload. The workday may be structured around a time clock, or it may be structured around completion of specific tasks or milestones. There is usually a firm dividing line between regular time and overtime, except for management and supervisory personnel.

An industrial business environment is often perceived as a somewhat categorized structure—administration and management in one category and frontline workers in another category. There may be an us vs. them attitude to some extent, but there is often a real sense of comraderie and togetherness, especially among frontline workers. There is often a strong set of norms and expectations for independence as well as mutual support.

Academic. This business environment is another interesting mix of characteristics. It is found at colleges, universities, and think tank organizations, just to name a few. The dress is generally business casual for everyday activities, with some disciplines accepting even very eccentric kinds of clothing. More formal dress is expected for more structured activities, especially for administrators and other members of the leadership group. Employees in this type of work environment may fall into different categories depending on whether they have earned tenure.

If you are in an academic environment, your body language should be fairly open yet thoughtful. Diversity is usually a hallmark of the academic world, in terms of thought, opinion, and background. An exception to this would be seen in a think tank environment that is dedicated to a particular point of view or perspective rather than knowledge and study in general. The workday can vary greatly, and there is usually a great deal of emphasis on study, research, publishing, or the general advancement of knowledge. Interactions may be philosophical and passionate or technical and scientific, depending on the specific discipline or area of focus.

An academic environment is often perceived as liberal, free thinking, independent, or a combination of these and other descriptions. The term "academic freedom" is a real-world issue in this environment, and at the same time there may be pressure to perform in terms of research and publishing.

Note

In the more detailed sections that follow I will focus on a typical business environment that is somewhere along the spectrum from conservative to casual.

Meetings

The body language you use in meetings can have a very real impact on the conduct and outcome of those meetings. If you appear fearful or uncertain, the results will likely be vastly different than if you appear confident and informed. When you are conscious of your body language and nonverbal behaviors, you can dramatically influence the meeting process.

Where you sit Take a seat at the head of the table if you are the leader or in charge of running the meeting, but otherwise select a seat somewhere along the sides. If there is someone in the meeting who you find difficult or with whom you are likely to disagree, try not to take a seat directly across from that person because that sets up a very competitive, confrontational body posture.

How you sit Sit with an upright posture not with a slouch. Lean slightly forward if you like, but don't lean casually on the table. If you keep your arms on the table, rest them in a slightly open position with fingers together and refrain from playing with your pen, pencil, or paper. If you keep your arms off the table, rest them on the arms of the chair with your elbows pointed slightly outward. Avoid sitting with your elbows close to your body as this makes you appear timid and afraid.

Should you sit? In some circumstances you shouldn't sit for a meeting at all. If the meeting is short and focused on making a decision of some sort, then stand up for the conversation. This puts you in a more powerful position and also encourages participants to focus on the issue and come to a decision in a timely manner.

Control your hands. Keep your fingers together when you gesture with your hands, and keep your gestures small in scope and below the level of your chin. This helps others perceive you as sincere and knowledgeable rather than exaggerated and emotional.

Carry as little as possible. Try not to come to meetings with huge stacks of papers, books, calendars, or an obviously thick and overstuffed briefcase. This creates the perception that you are disorganized and/or a worker bee who does the work assigned by others. Instead, come with a pen, a notepad, and perhaps a handout for others attending the meeting. This creates the perception that you are organized and a capable decision maker.

Follow the ground rules. Most meetings have a set of behavioral ground rules, either written or assumed. If you don't know what they are, ask someone ahead of time so you avoid inadvertently violating them. Even if you don't agree with the ground rules, conduct yourself within their boundaries so that others will pay attention and consider your input. If you deliberately violate the ground rules, others will pay far more attention to your behavior than to your input.

Selling

Your ability to send appropriate body language and accurately read the body language of others is a key component of your ability to sell successfully. It doesn't matter what it is you're selling; it could be a product, a service, even an idea or concept. What's critical is that you use body language and nonverbal cues to help the selling process reach a successful outcome.

Establish rapport. This is important when first getting to know a client, but it is also important when working with a client on a continuing basis. Use mirroring body language, listening body language, and reciprocating body language to put the client at ease with you. Keep your tone of voice calm and unhurried, and ask open-ended questions. Unless the client very obviously wants to make a purchase, you may not want to try selling them at all. There will be plenty of time for that later on.

Minimize gestures. Don't wave your arms, point, or use your hands excessively to make gestures unless it is appropriate for illustrating a process or an activity. Keep your gestures mild and nonthreatening so the client does not feel pressured or intimidated.

Choose the appropriate relative position. By this I mean you should consider carefully where you sit or where you stand when working with a client. If you are just getting to know the client, let him sit in the power position with his back to a wall and your back to the door.

If you are negotiating price, don't sit squarely opposite each other in a competitive posture.

Never take a position relative to the other person so that he feels trapped, intimidated, or pressured.

Use your voice as a nonverbal tool. Many people who sell something for a living spend a lot of time talking with clients and potential clients on the phone. In those situations your body language is not visible to the other person so you may be tempted to slouch back, put your feet up, or treat the conversation too casually. Remember that your body language influences your voice and its impact as a nonverbal tool, so use the same behaviors you would in person. Stand up or sit up straight, smile, use a comfortable hand gesture, and so on, because all of these come through quite clearly in your voice.

Note

The Most Important Lesson I Ever Learned in Nonverbal Communication

Learning this has made me hundreds of thousands of dollars.

If your counterpart is right-handed, you will be received better and have a far greater likelihood of making the sale if you are seated off to that person's right.

This extraordinary phenomenon is little known and took me completely by surprise one afternoon when I was teaching high-level executives at the University of St. Thomas in Minneapolis how to use nonverbal communication to make sales and create more productive work environments.

What happens is that when right-handed people look to the left, they tend to activate more of the right brain in contrast to the left. This means the person will shortly feel anxiety, fear, or nervousness that is not readily explained.

When right-handed people look to the right, they tend to activate more of the left brain. This is predictive of people feeling more at ease, comfortable, and relaxed.

The full explanation of why this occurs is a complex neurological phenomenon and you can read about it at www.kevinhogan.com/theright.htm

For now, simply know that the right brain is home to autobiographical and emotionally charged memories. Most of those memories are very disconcerting and easily activated under stress.

There is also a lengthy discussion of how to communicate to left-handed people to put them at ease in the second half of the article.

The rule I teach people is that "right eyes lining up when you say hello, makes everything all right."

If your right-handed counterpart is ever looking off to his left for an extended period of time you can predict with certainty he will feel very uncomfortable and you will almost certainly lose the sale, respect, or focus of the individual.

Hiring

When you are in the position of hiring, your body language is a powerful part of the process. It doesn't matter if you are the ultimate decision maker or if you are a member of the interview panel, your nonverbal behaviors still have an important influence. They influence the person being interviewed, they affect the quality of the information you uncover during the hiring process, and they create an important first impression for the potential new hire.

Use an open body posture. Your job during the interview process is to uncover the information you need to make a decision about which person to hire, and, in order to do that, you need to use an open body posture to encourage each person to feel as comfortable during the interview as possible. This is not just to be nice; it is a specific method of getting applicants to open up, reveal their true thoughts, and break through the inevitable posturing and superficial behavior that occurs.

Watch for nonverbal cues. Watch the interviewee's nonverbal cues to help you determine when more follow-up questions or greater attention is in order. For instance, if you ask about a previous employer and the interviewee looks away, fidgets, or shows deceptive body language, then you should use follow-up questions rather than simply accepting the first answer.

Watch for too much control. Some people are quite skillful as interviewees, perhaps because they have done a lot of it or because they have received training and coaching. There is nothing wrong with interviewees conducting themselves with polish and professionalism, but when their body language is too controlled and too perfect you might have reason to question them further. Someone who is very controlled at hiding his true position can be a potential problem employee every bit as much as someone who appears deceptive in his answers.

Be consistent. Make a point of keeping your body language and nonverbal cues consistent from interview to interview. It can be exhausting to conduct multiple interviews on the same day or on consecutive days, so guard against letting your nonverbal behaviors creep into successive interviews. Each interviewee deserves an equal chance to be evaluated, and if you allow yourself to let your fatigue or other issues show through, you might miss something important about a particular candidate.

Peer to Peer

Peer-to-peer interactions in the business world can be sources of conflict, information, negotiation, encouragement, or any other of a number of things. Your body language can have a strong influence on the value and outcome of peer-to-peer interactions so it is well worth paying attention to how you come across to the other person. Let's look at these few examples more closely.

Conflict. If you are in conflict with a peer, keep your body language as open and neutral as possible. You don't want to shrink back or appear submissive, but neither do you want to appear too aggressive or dominant. When your nonverbal behaviors are open and accepting, your peer is likely to consciously or unconsciously mirror that behavior. This puts you both in a much better position to resolve the conflict in a constructive rather than destructive way.

Information. Many peer-to-peer interactions are for the purpose of sharing or gathering information. In these situations your body language should encourage the other person to provide information freely. Nodding your head, gestures that communicate "go on, I'm listening," taking notes, and keeping an interested facial expression are all good ways to get the most out of these kinds of interactions.

Negotiation. Negotiation interactions are inherently give and take, sort of like dancing back and forth until you each settle into a comfortable position. Just as with a conflict situation, during negotiation your body language should be open and assertive rather than dominant or submissive. You will have a much harder time coming to agreement if your nonverbal behaviors scream "I'm going to beat you," such as pointing, standing too close, or using a tone of voice that is too forceful.

Encouragement. When someone comes to you needing encouragement, your body language serves as proof of the accuracy of your words. If you are telling that person you care and want to help, but your body language is showing you are impatient and want to get back to what you were doing, your encouragement is not going to be very successful. On the other hand, you can have a very positive effect on that person if you focus your attention, listen closely, keep an open body position, and nod your head along the way.

Manager to Subordinate

Manager-to-subordinate interactions are particularly important because they have the potential for creating so many other ramifications. If you are too aggressive you may be accused of being overbearing; if you are too accommodating you may be accused of being weak. Conversations related to job performance are particularly tough, because you need to clearly communicate the need for improvement while offering encouragement that improvement is within reach.

Because the manager-to-subordinate relationship involves one person having a higher status and more power than the other person, the person with the most power must be the most cautious about using it appropriately. Even the appearance of dominance through aggressive body language can create human resources problems if the subordinate interprets your nonverbal behavior as intimidation or inappropriate use of power.

Whenever possible, conduct these kinds of interactions in the open or at least with the door open. This helps avoid situations where it's your word against the subordinate's word and nobody else witnessed the interaction. Keep your body posture neutral and your gestures relaxed, no matter how animated or energetic the discussion becomes. Remember, you are in the power position literally and figuratively so you have an even greater responsibility to ensure your nonverbal behaviors match your words.

There are times when your subordinate is timid, uncertain, or inexperienced in the business world. When this happens your body language can serve to either help the subordinate gain confidence and experience or to crush what little confidence he already has. Recognize your subordinate's nonverbal cues such as submissive posture, hesitant voice, and difficulty making eye contact. Respond with your own nonverbal cues to build rapport, establish trust, and encourage the person to communicate openly and honestly.

Chapter 8 Takeaways

  1. Body language and nonverbal behaviors are important in the real world of business. They influence how you are perceived, how you are treated, and even the level of success you might achieve.

  2. The business environment requires different body language than the personal or private environment. Expectations and perceptions can vary greatly depending on the nature of the business environment. Four common business environments are conservative, casual, industrial, and academic.

  3. Your body language during meetings affects how those meetings unfold and the outcomes they produce. Nonverbal cues to consider include where you sit, how you sit, whether or not you sit, how you use your hands, what you bring with you, and how well you adhere to the accepted ground rules.

  4. Your body language when selling and your ability to read the body language of your client are important to your sales success. Establish rapport, make an effort to minimize gestures, choose the appropriate position relative to the other person, and remember to use your voice as a nonverbal tool.

  5. Your body language when hiring can affect how the hiring process proceeds as well as the quality of the interviews you conduct. Focus on using an open body position and watch for nonverbal cues from the interviewee to determine if/when additional follow-up questions are in order. Watch for interviewees who are so controlled in their body language that they appear to be covering something up, and be sure that your own body language is consistent from interview to interview.

  6. Your body language during peer-to-peer interactions affects the quality and outcomes of those interactions. Some of the most common types of peer-to-peer interactions involve conflict, information exchange, negotiation, and encouragement.

  7. Body language is particularly important in manager-to-subordinate interactions because the manager is in a position of greater status and power. Inappropriate nonverbal behaviors can lead to misunderstandings, accusations, or poor mentoring of staff in need of development and support.

Chapter 8 Worksheet

  1. Review the Chapter 8 Takeaways and answer the following:

    • Which key point(s) did you find most interesting? Why?

    • Which key point(s) did you find most surprising? Why?

  2. Think about the type of business environment where you work and decide if it is conservative, casual, industrial, or academic. What are the characteristics that caused you to decide on that specific type?

  3. Think about the last meeting you attended and the body language of the people who were there. Pick one person and describe his body language in terms of the following:

    Where the person sat.

    How the person sat.

    Whether the person sat.

    The person's hands.

    What the person carried in to the meeting.

    How the person followed the ground rules.

    How did that person's body language affect the conduct and outcome of the meeting? What could the person have done differently to improve either one?

Note

Extra credit: Answer question 3 again, this time focusing on your own body language and nonverbal behaviors.

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