A question I get asked often is “Now that I have acknowledged my privilege, how can I help? How can I be an ally?” The answer is to understand the different waves of oppression, as well as limiting othering. Allies are people from dominant groups who actively work to tear down oppression, and oppression has to do with forces that use power dynamics to limit opportunities and growth for people of different groups by systematically taking away their identities and power.

Sociologist Yiannis Gabriel describes othering as the process of casting a group, individual, or object into the role of the “other” and establishing one's own identity through opposition to and, frequently, vilification of this other. According to him, the problems of the twenty-first century come down to othering. And he's right! Othering is the direct opposite of creating a culture of belonging. It promotes tearing other people down and is segregation by design. Even though as humans we have a tendency to categorize people based on their differences, the power to assign meaning to what being different is resides with us. If we engage in othering, we promote alienation and the effects of that. Othering creates disadvantages in institutions. It makes it less likely for people to gain access to opportunities like mentorship and promotions. It also makes people feel devalued.

The fact of the matter is that it is profitable to be divisive. The news cycle—even our sports talk shows—are centered around group-based ideologies. Group-based ideologies become complex because they transcend religion, ethnicity, and politics and include geography, mindsets, and traditions. When you think about this, I can see how overwhelming it is to even attempt to establish connection. It will take a long time to achieve the harmony that I know we can achieve, but I believe it is possible. It might take generations, even, but that shouldn't deter us from doing the work. Just like generations of slavery and colonialism affect us today, who is to say that generations of connecting across cultures won't impact tomorrow? Big-picture thinking is so important.

We live in a world filled with so many people, and yet it is possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone.

2016 was a particularly emotional year, in which many, including me, felt alone. For context, I had been thinking about the 276 female students who had been kidnapped by the terrorist group Boko Haram on the night of 14–15 April 2014 in the town of Chibok in Borno State, Nigeria. A majority of the schoolgirls still hadn't been rescued, and I was frustrated because I felt like no one was paying attention to the situation. All this was on my mind as I was approaching the C train in New York City on my way back home from work. I just wanted to rest my head, so I found an empty seat and decided to sink into it, close my eyes, and escape for a little while. The only thing was that as I was about to close my eyes, I saw a young gentleman who looked to be about my age wearing a hat with a simple handwritten message that read, “I hope I don't get killed for being black today.” I looked at him, the hat, then back at him again. We made eye contact and I couldn't help but nod in quiet agreement.

The brief escape I had planned for myself turned into despair, then anger, then an attitude resembling “I have got to do something about this!” This feeling of not being heard and feeling alone wasn't just happening in my home country with the kidnapped schoolgirls, but also in my current country of residence.

This, unfortunately, is the reality for marginalized people all over the world. As you can imagine, my mind instantly went into all sorts of directions, and I began to think about why the man had that written on his hat by replaying a few events in my head.

A few days earlier, Terence Crutcher, a 40-year-old black man, had been shot and killed by a white police officer in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Months before that, on July 6, 2016, Philando Castile, a 32-year-old black American, was pulled over while driving in Falcon Heights, Minnesota, and killed by a Minnesota police officer in front of his two loved ones. Alton Sterling had been killed the day before on July 5.

Frankly speaking, 2016 sucked, because it seemed like anything could happen when driving while black. There was tension in the air, which even spilled into sports. Colin Kaepernick, an American football player at the time for the National Football League, had had enough and started a silent protest to raise awareness of these issues. This brought about its own set of issues and sparked all sorts of debates.

On one end you could hear things like:

• “He must be starving for attention.”
• “He can't be sincere.”
• “Wait, doesn't he have white parents?”
• “Respect the troops!”

And on the other end, there were sentiments that this was a misdirection from real issues that affect black and brown people today. I definitely agreed with the latter. After listening to all this, all I kept saying to myself was some are arguing about how Colin should protest instead of trying to solve the problem he was protesting against.

With all this going on, I started to think about how people of different backgrounds can get involved in solving some of the problems that occur as a result of perpetuation of negative systems today. After all, a large part of the world was finally getting a glimpse of what it is like to live in a world that feels set up to work against you.

If you're reading or listening to this and you feel like you want to do something about this, I want to offer the following.

Understand How History Plays into What Is Going on Today

The number-one thing I always say in response to anyone seeking to be an ally on the issues at play is to read up on privilege and systemic oppression throughout history. There's a difference between knowing the definition of oppression and knowing the effects it has had on education, media, workplaces, the economy, and human psychology. Start off with these books:

• The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
• The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander
• I Am Malala: The Story of the Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban by Malala Yousafzai
• Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
• Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela
• Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nicholas D. Kristof

Reading all these books will also give you an understanding of how inequality, inequity, and injustice creates an unfortunate cycle of oppression that in turn leads to many of the problems we experience today. It will also give you an idea of many people's lived experiences other than your own. One cannot fix a problem if one does not understand it. You have to develop a habit of continuously learning of different cultures and history.

Understand the Complexities of Your Identity

Earlier, I talked about how we all have multiple identities. An understanding of your identity against the backdrop of the histories and cultures you're learning about gives you insight into your privileges, how people perceive you, and how you can go into the areas you have access to with your power and fill in the gaps.

An understanding of your complex identity will also help you address your guilt and, sometimes, shame. Make no mistake, if you have committed to being an ally, this is something you will experience, and if you don't address it, it will turn into self-hate. If you hate yourself, you won't be able to love others. When you're paralyzed by self-hate, inaction is the most comfortable action to take. The thing is that it is natural to feel guilt, but that guilt can be a source of connection with people who look like you. I'll give you an example: I often give diversity and inclusion workshops and after my workshops, without fail, a group of white people come up to me to tell me how bad they feel and apologize for things that have been said and done to me. I tell them that it's okay and turn the tables by asking them a question. I ask what they will do about what they heard. Do you know what I hear most of the time?

I hear a variation of these three things:

“What can I do?” “Who wants to hear from me?” And “I am the last person anyone wants to hear from,” which I immediately point out as a privileged position to be in.

Don't be trapped by the ancestry of your identity or ashamed of it. Be ashamed of the systems that disempower people based on their identities. When you understand the complexities of your identities and the privilege you have as an ally, you're able to understand who agents of oppression are and identify overt and covert forms of oppression. It is up to you to decide whether you will push through discomfort to do something about what you learn.

Just because history is repeating itself doesn't mean we have to repeat it. In order to work against negative, perpetuated systems, we need allies to please stand up!

• If you're in the media, push for stories to be more diverse. Push past the single-story narrative that exists, as Ngozi Chimamanda Adichie eloquently discusses in her TED Talk.¹
• If you're in law enforcement, push for accountability and sensitivity training. Encourage superiors and subordinates to spend extensive time in the communities they serve.
• If you're in any business, push for diversity to be the foundation of your company. One company doing just that is August; check out their methods at https://medium.com/21st-century-organizational-development/tackling-team-diversity-tactics-lessons-and-data-4e97be328e0f.
• If you're a Christian or of any faith-based denomination, encourage integration and find out about other types of churches. Days of worship tend to be very segregated; look for opportunities to practice your faith with people from different demographics.

Understand That Intersectionality Exists

Intersectionality is the theory that the overlap of various social identities, such as race, gender, sexuality, and class, contributes to the specific type of systemic oppression and discrimination experienced by an individual. It is a term that was coined by law professor and social theorist Kimberlé Crenshaw in her 1989 paper “Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory and Antiracist Politics.”² Understand that people are not monoliths and avoid using simplistic languages to define groups of people that might share a particular social identity.

So what can you do? Be intentional about understanding different people. Make it your lifelong mission.

Do Something!

In conclusion, there's a lot you can do as an ally. We are in the midst of a new civil rights movement, and I believe that more people can be allies if they want to be. The problem with saying “I'm colorblind” is that it's the wrong response to today's realities. One has to see color in order to appreciate it. The world is made up of a wonderful array of people with different shades, so why be blind to it?

The problem with saying “I have black friends,” “I have Asian friends,” “I have Muslim friends,” or “I have Ibo friends” is that it implies that you're not part of the problem—but, as addressed earlier, there's much work that needs to be done and there is much you can do as an ally. Yes, it's great to have friends in marginalized communities but it's better to dismantle systems that destroy lives of people in marginalized communities.

The problem with saying “All Lives Matter” is that it perpetuates a narrative that persists today that says that since black athletes can make a lot of money and Barack Obama can be president, there isn't a race problem at all. It diminishes the oppressed. Think about it this way: If you fractured your thumb and started paying more attention to it than your other fingers, does that all of a sudden mean that your other fingers don't matter? Nope. So say black lives matter with pride and fight until true equality is achieved.

There's so much work to be done, but I believe we can all get it done if we work together, acknowledge our privileges, and use them to fix the system. It will be hard work, it will take time, and it will make you uncomfortable, but let's not let our differences divide us; let's use our differences to make a difference.