I wrote this book to shine a light on the harmful social norms we have accepted, ignored, and perpetuated. Social norms we have made turned into cultures that cause exclusion. I wanted to shine a light on how today's social environments as presently constructed can lead to more harm and division. My hope is that as we become aware of these behaviors, our roles in the perpetuation of these behaviors, and make sense of our past, we get back to caring for each other and being more empathetic. After all, it is what most of us are wired to do. It's human nature.

Don't believe me? Virtually all of us (some more than others) have mirror neurons, or imitation biases, as they are sometimes called, that fire when our brain cells are activated, such as when you see someone smile and you find yourself immediately smiling back in response or when you see someone stub their toes and you immediately wince as if it had happened to you. The same thing happens when we see others yawn. Mirror neurons show that our brains are actually wired for empathy. According to Giacomo Rizzolatti, one of the neuroscientists who discovered these neurons, “We are social beings. Our survival depends on our understanding the actions, intentions, and emotions of others. Mirror neurons allow us to understand other people's mind, not only through conceptual reasoning but through imitation. Feeling, not thinking.”¹

We suffer greatly when our social bonds are threatened or severed. One aspect of human nature is to protect ourselves from harm. I find that, in the name of self-preservation, we have defined the wrong things as threats. I hope that as you have gone through this book, you have begun to see how a lot these so-called threats fuel our biases and promote misinformation and that negative systems have created false narratives of division. The things that cause division, like patriarchy, slavery, and homophobia are all human creations. We need to challenge ourselves to do better. As a generation, let us be greater than our worst impulses and create more inclusive environments and celebrate intersectional identities. It is harder to turn to hatred when we understand the lived experiences of others.

Valuing Collaboration

We need to develop our cultural intelligence and recognize that not everyone sees the world through the same cultural frame of reference that we do. We need to understand our own cultural assumptions and stereotypes and how they influence others and their behaviors. This takes understanding the value of the people you lead and the people around you. The best way to do this is to include them in every conversation you're having. The key to inclusion is engagement, and that means actively seeking input. Great connectors recognize this and so they prioritize collaboration.

What we all can do as connectors is to create a personal board of directors that includes people from different backgrounds. By purposefully spending time with people with very different worldviews from you, you develop the ability to see things from a macro and micro level. If you're an executive, that means you are intentionally surrounding yourself with people who think differently from you. If you're an entrepreneur, you're in constant conversations with mentors who bring different perspectives. If you're an online personality, you're creating groups with the social platforms you're involved in and engaging with people from different backgrounds in conversations around your industry.

You want to make sure that the people who feel the most different understand that they belong. You want to want to make sure that the quietest in the group understands they have a voice, and this starts with you inviting them to the table. Inclusion requires us to actively commit to being open to learning and embracing new ways of thinking, doing, and behaving. Start to do this and watch as the walls we have created collapse and become bridges—bridges to connection.

Connecting via Technology

As far as technology goes, great connectors understand how to use this equalizer to connect humans. They use technology to educate and provide opportunities for everyone on the table. At any time, you can connect with whoever you want whenever you want. When you put down this book, many of you will immediately look at your phone. Heck, some of you might have been doing it right now as you are reading and you are connecting with people who are not physically here. Research shows that this trend is only going to continue. Gartner estimates that by 2020, there will be about 20 billion Internet-connected things in the world.² That includes more than just computers and mobile devices.

Whether you like it or not, we are in a very, very connected world.

We're sharing with each other, human to human, in a very real way. We're no longer limited by the geography of where we live and who we know. Inclusive leaders recognize this and start to use this fact to create supportive, interactive communities based on common interests.

Instead of pushing people apart or turning them into machines, inclusive leaders understand how to use technology to make us become more human and connect with each other as we never could before.

Sandy Hoffman, a diversity and inclusion executive, said, “It's critical that the human connection is aligned with the technology connection to allow the power of collaboration through Inclusion.”

Inclusion Beats Division Every Time!

Leaders of tomorrow must know how to succeed with all these differences. We must attempt to understand our changing world so that we can leverage our differences the right way. My concern with the world today is that too many people are not listening to each other. In fact, many people have responded to the changes that I mentioned earlier with fear and anger instead of love and understanding. But I believe that there's hope, and I believe that we can change the world. It is no easy task, but there are two reasons why people don't believe they can change the world today: fixed mindsets and limited worldviews.

We can't afford to be shortsighted, because when you change the way you see things, the things you see change. Individuals with a fixed mindset seek to validate themselves. Individuals with a growth mindset focus on developing themselves.

The work to change the world does not end at the offices of law enforcement or governments. It begins with us, in our backyards, our families, our schools, our spheres of influence, and our minds.

All of us are leaders in some shape or form and we are growing up among each other, so our actions matter. We are each a symbol in some way. We can be symbols of love and hope or symbols of hate and intolerance.

There's a lack of trust in our world because most people refuse to accept responsibility for their actions or acknowledge the power that comes with their privileges.

So I want you all to be aware of the actions you take, because what we all decide to do in public and private has the potential to influence policies today and tomorrow. Let's make sure those actions are improving our self-awarenesses, acknowledging our biases, celebrating the differences around us, finding common ground, and being a voice for the voiceless. Let's practice courage.

To this point, I remember watching one of my favorite comedians, Hasan Minhaj, say something in his Netflix stand-up special Homecoming King that really struck me. He was recounting a story in which his father told him something he would never forget. His father said: “Your courage to do what's right has to be greater than your fear of getting hurt. So Hasan be brave, Hasan be brave.”³

Powerful. So I want to challenge you to brave. Choose to do what is right over what hurts.

History is made by those who have the courage to act, and so my call to action for you all today is to educate and make sure you don't perpetuate. Instead, communicate. The fact of the matter is that you have a choice. You can choose to see a world and do nothing about it or you can choose to see a world that is hurting and participate in changing the narrative.

Whichever choice you make, you are changing the world in some way. My hope is that you choose to do the latter. And so I end with this question.

Will you use your difference to make a difference?