9

L Is for Look for Deviations: Behavioral Incongruence

In this chapter I will provide you with a framework for observing body language—postures, gestures, and facial expressions—the meanings they often carry, and how they can indicate deception. When reading body language, you need to look at the entire body, from the feet to the forehead, so make sure you can see the entire body when you’re observing someone.

When I was training Department of Defense personnel, I would sometimes sit in the back of the room and observe the students (who had no idea yet who I was) during an exercise we created for them called “Impromptus.” Each student would be required to stand in front of the class and defend a random, controversial, and even embarrassing opinion that he or she did not actually hold for two minutes, trying to convince the class on his or her stance. For instance, one student might have to defend why women should not be allowed in the military; another might defend why cheating on your spouse is okay. Putting the students in front of the classroom made them nervous enough, but forcing them to defend a topic they were not only uncomfortable with, but completely disagreed with, added even more pressure and stress. I would observe the intense stress in their body language, making sure I could see everything from their feet to their foreheads, and document all the tells I saw in each. Once the exercises concluded, the instructor would say, “While you were doing this, a body language expert was sitting in the back of the class observing your tells. Let me introduce your next instructor, who will be teaching you behavioral congruency.” At that I would see a whole slew of tells, including rapid eye blinking, hard swallowing, pacing, self-preening, expressive eye movements, thumbs of power, feet facing toward the door with torso facing the class, hiding hands, and micro-expressions leaking from the face. These tells were coming from nerves, anxiety, and—yes—deception. The purpose of the exercise was two fold: first, I wanted to inform the students of their tells because of what would be expected of them in their professional careers; and second, I wanted to teach them what to look for in other people, and to know that these tells could be the result of deception or anxiety or both.

The body can “leak” deception through the face (expressions), the head, the eyes, the mouth, the hands, signs of uncertainty, and the nose (what I call the Pinocchio effect). Start to look for these tells in the people you feel are being deceptive with you. But remember my golden rule of three: baseline first, look for clusters of tells, and know the context in which you are seeing these tells. I like to see at least three tells, all at once or back-to-back, before I make the determination that someone is being deceitful. One tell alone is not enough to determine deception; this is what the “mind readers” do, and why they are so often wrong.

The Face: Emotions and Facial Leakage

Human emotions are universal, meaning no matter what continent you are on, what country you are in, or what subculture you are dealing with, every human being shows emotions the same way through facial expressions. Dr. Paul Ekman, an American psychologist and human lie detector, who also served as the scientific advisor to the TV series Lie to Me, is considered to be the pioneer of research regarding human emotions and how they are depicted through facial expressions. His research took him to Papua New Guinea, where he proved human emotions are expressed the same universally. Dr. Ekman wanted to prove that emotions were biologically determined and not culturally adapted. In his early research he came up with six basic emotions: happiness, sadness, surprise, anger, fear, and disgust. He later added contempt, but there are many other sub-emotions, as well: worry, guilt, shame, embarrassment, jealousy, love, relief, curiosity, and more. So why do you need to know what human emotions look like? Because when you learn to detect deception, you will need to be able to tell the difference between real and fake emotions, what true emotions people are trying to hide, and what fake emotions they are trying to portray. And, as the saying goes, you don’t know what you don’t know.

When someone experiences an emotion or emotions, the muscles in the face respond and depict those emotions outwardly. A true emotion will linger on the face in a corresponding facial expression that lasts for a few seconds. These expressions are called macro-expressions; they indicate truthfulness and sincerity. When people are supressing true emotions, either deliberately or unconsciously, they will still leak out in the form of micro-expressions, a term coined by Dr. Ekman. Micro-expressions flash across the face for a fraction of second and are very hard to detect. You will never see them if you aren’t paying attention, which is why it is critical to be on high alert when you are trying to detect deception. There are a lot of “moving parts” to the art and science of detecting deception. It is both an art and science because the finesse and expertise required to notice clusters of tells and decipher what they mean is an art form, while deciphering the biological and physiological responses that occur when people lie is a kind of science. Observing facial micro-expressions is a good tool for detecting deception, but remember: One expression by itself if not enough. You need more.

Following are the physical attributes of the seven basic emotions I listed previously, with corresponding photos. Learn what they look like (or what they should look like) so you can spot them on the faces of others. Once you learn how these emotions show up physically in the face, you’ll start to pick up on them more easily. Study people’s faces; practice makes perfect.

1. Anger. Here you can see the eyebrows are furrowed, brought down and together; the eyes are fixed steadily, almost glaring; and the lips are tightly pursed.

2. Fear. When people are afraid, they will raise their eyebrows and sometimes pinch them together. Their eyes widen, but the lower eyelids will tense up and seem to move upward. Their lips will separate and draw back as the jaw tightens. People may show fear in a micro-expression when you have discovered their lie.

3. Disgust. When people feel dislike or disgust, they will wrinkle their nose as if they just smelled a skunk. The eyebrows will furrow together, so you will see wrinkling in the forehead, and the corners of the mouth will turn down. So ladies, if you ask your husband, boyfriend, or significant other whether he likes your new asymmetrical haircut, and he looks at you, scrunches his nose, and says, “Yeah, it’s cute,” he’s probably just being kind.

4. Surprise. Surprise looks a lot like fear, but if you look closely you will see there are major differences. When people are surprised they will raise their eyebrows, but they won’t pinch them together. The eyes open up wide, just as they do in fear, but in this case they are more rounded because the lower eyelid stays separate. Sometimes you can even see the whites of the eyes surrounding the entire pupil. The mouth will open and lower jaw will drop open. Everyone in the world shows surprise in this was. Let’s say you are pretty sure your wife is having an affair, and you are pretty sure you know whom with, so when you ask her, “Sandra, have you seen Tom lately?” and she shows surprise, you’d better sit her down for a heart-to-heart conversation. She may be showing surprise because you think she’s having an affair, or she may be showing surprise because you found out she’s actually having one!

Anger.

Fear.

Disgust.

Surprise.

Happiness.

Sadness.

Contempt.

5. Happiness. True happiness is expressed in a genuine smile that reaches the eyes. So you should see lines and wrinkles (crow’s feet) around the eyes when someone genuinely smiles. You can often see models and movie stars flashing their pearly whites in a fake smile to avoid causing crow’s feet. I admit I do the same thing. People will smile when they are happy, when they are embarrassed, and when they feel like they are getting away with a lie. Some people smile uncontrollably, in a micro-expression, when they lie. My detainees used to try to literally wipe the smiles off their faces when they lied to me. Jodi Arias and Neil Entwistle, both convicted murderers, have been seen on TV in court “crying.” But strangely there are no tears—no true sadness. If you look closely, what you can see behind the facial blocking, as they cover their faces with their hands as they pretend to cry, is the corners of the mouths turning up in a tiny smile. This may seem an obvious statement, but if they were truly that sad, the corners of their mouths would turn down, not up; they simply weren’t able to control their true emotion leaking out—their happiness. This is called duping delight, another Paul Ekman term. It refers to a smile that flashes across the face when someone is hiding something or getting away with something (or so they think).

6. Sadness. True sadness is seen in the mouth, the eyes, the eyebrows, and even the chin! When someone is sad, the corners of their mouths will turn down, always. The inner eyebrows will often pinch upward and together, as well. Sometimes the chin will dimple, especially when tears are imminent. For those of you who have children, look at them the next time they are about to cry and notice what you see; then notice what you don’t see when they are shedding crocodile tears.

7. Contempt. When I ask people to define contempt, most can’t. Contempt is the feeling of superiority, moral or otherwise—the “I’m better than you” feeling. When someone leaks contempt, it means he feels superior in some way. It is usually seen in a simple half-smile; one side of the mouth turns up, while the other doesn’t. The question we have to ask ourselves when we see contempt is: Why does this person feel so superior?

Most people have no idea that they leak emotions. When I spot micro-expressions, or what I call facial leakage, I will tell the other person, but often they won’t believe me. One occurrence of facial leakage that I’ll always remember occurred when I was observing the Impromptus exercise I mentioned earlier. One woman got up in front of the room to talk about how much she hated her mother and how awful of a person she was. As she paced back and forth, talking to the floor and hardly making eye contact with any of us, I was studying her body language closely. At one point, I saw the corners of her mouth turn down for a split second before she glanced up and continued to try to convince the class that her mother was a negative influence in her life. After she was done, I said to her, “You love your mother!” (Remember that I didn’t know if she had grown up with a mother or even a mother figure; I knew nothing about her or her family.) She looked at me and almost teared up: “Yes! I hated saying those horrible things!” I told her she leaked true sadness for a split second and I saw it. She had no idea. Sometimes our emotions are so strong they come out no matter how hard we try to hide them.

Here are four short case studies on identifying facial micro-expressions. In one, it helped identify and ultimately address a problem a Marine had; in another, it helped a weapons trainer win a contract with food; in the third, it helped an interrogator obtain a confession from a terrorist; and in the last one, it proved that we all leak them. Note that all names and identifying details (including titles and jobs) have been changed to protect privacy.

Case study # 1: Micro-expressions and the CI guy

A major (Maj) in the United States Marine Corp (USMC) who was the executive officer of a particular unit in a USMC organization invited a young sergeant (Sgt) into his office to ask him about how he liked working for this particular unit. The major had a concern that the sergeant was unhappy. Here is the dialogue that ensued:

Maj: “How do you like working here?”

Sgt: “I love it, sir.” [This was followed by more enthusiastic assent.]

Maj: “Sergeant, do you know my background?”

Sgt: “Yes, sir. You are a CI guy.” [CI stands for counter intelligence.]

Maj: “Correct. That means I am trained to read people. When I just asked you that question, a split second before you answered, you leaked the facial expression of disgust.”

[The sergeant sat there quietly staring at the major.]

Maj: “So, I am going to ask you that question again: How do you like working here?”

Sgt: [A pause, then a sigh] “I hate it, sir.”

Case study # 2: Micro-expressions and hunger pains

Nic, a partner and lead weapons and tactics instructor for Weaponcraft, LLC, and a former Marine student of mine, found me on Facebook and contacted me recently to thank me for my class on body language he attended years ago. He wanted to share a success story with me to tell me how my training helped him win a big contract for his company. Here is his story:

During a recent business meeting I found myself teamed against a potentially powerful new client with a seriously short attention span. As I went through my normal rapport- building song and dance, I could see I was getting nowhere. I’m talking crickets, like, I’ve seen a more lively group at the DMV. While I worked through my presentation I realized that I was losing my client completely and knew I only had a short time to build some rapport before this whole meeting was going to be a wash. I started looking him over for a clue as to what was wrong and how I could fix it. Was I boring? Did he not like my PowerPoint? Maybe I’ve got bad breath? Once I cognitively started looking, it became all too obvious.

My client, who initially was sitting across from me, had rotated his chair and pointed his entire body toward the nearest exit, aside from his craned neck. His head was shaking side-to-side signifying “no” even though he was vocalizing “yes.” Then his hands started dancing across the desk, and his fingers were performing a tandem ice-skating routine—that is, until he found his pen. His fixation [on] that pen could be related to the first time man discovered fire—not looking good for me landing this client. Luckily I was running late to my meeting that day, and because of that, I didn’t have time to fully clean up from my lunch. As I was pondering, trying to build rapport with this guy so he didn’t walk out, I picked up my half-eaten sandwich and went to throw it in the trash. With that, all my questions were answered.

When the client saw my food and [the fact] that I was about to throw it in the trash, his eyes widened like dinner plates. My client wasn’t bored, [and] he didn’t think I was a bad choice to lead his project; he was hungry. I quickly asked if he would like to finish the conversation over a cup of coffee at the restaurant across the street; he barely had his response out before he had grabbed his coat and headed for the door. Within five minutes of my client getting some food, the deal was done, and he was a completely and much more pleasant person. There is no doubt in my mind if I hadn’t been able to pick up his subtle clues, I would have never spoken to him again once he left that room.

Case study # 3: Micro-expressions and a terrorist’s confession

It was around 1100 hours on a warm September day in 2002 in Cuba. I had just walked into my air-conditioned interrogation booth with my Pashtu linguist assigned to me for that day. As we waited for our Afghani detainee to be escorted to the booth, the sweat started to freeze on my body. He arrived in chains and the standard-issue orange detainee jumpsuit. He had a pleasant demeanor and engaged in conversation with us willingly. As the interrogation progressed, I began to notice that every time I said “al Qaeda,” he would cover his mouth to hide a smile. There was confirmed intelligence that he was a member, so I was just trying to get confirmation from him. After his numerous attempts to hide his smile (duping delight), I finally leaned in and asked, “Do you know that every time I say al Qaeda, you laugh?” He started smiling, and, again, the hand went to his mouth. “No, no,” he said. I told him, “Sometimes when people lie, they smile and laugh because they are either embarrassed, thinking they will get caught, or they are happy, thinking they are getting away with it. Which one are you?” He finally admitted to being a member, but insisted he had done nothing wrong.

Case study # 4: micro-expressions and a concerned detainee

In GTMO I experienced my very first panic attack. It happened during an interrogation—a boring one, actually. As I listened to a detainee, my heart suddenly decided to flip out. It started beating super-fast and hard, so fast that I couldn’t catch my breath. Even thought I was trying to act as though everything was okay, I must have had a look of surprise on my face, because my detainee said something, and my interpreter leaned over and said, “He wants to know if you are all right.” My heart went back to beating normally and I replied, “I hope so! My heart started beating really fast.” He replied, “I hope you are okay.” I was amazed that he had seen the emotion on my face, not to mention that he had any concern for me.

Now you can see how being able to read facial expressions—and better yet, being able to identify them in a split second to uncover someone’s true emotions—can change the outcome of a difficult situation.

The Head

One of the easiest ways to see behavioral congruence or incongruence is to look at what the head does, especially when someone is saying yes or no. Typically, if someone is being truthful, there will be congruence between what she is saying and what her body is telling you. However, if she is saying yes, but shakes her their head side-to-side to indicate no, listen to what her head is saying, not her lips. You need to figure out why there is such incongruence here. Lance Armstrong provided a perfect example of behavioral incongruence when he was interviewed under oath about his use of performance-enhancing drugs by SCA Promotions attorney Jeffrey Tillotson. This was in 2005, before he finally admitted he had been doping for years to win the Tour de France. At one point Tillotson asked Lance, “Do you deny…the statements Miss Andrews attributed to you in the Indiana University hospital?” (Betsy Andrews was a nurse who worked at the hospital; in her deposition she stated that Lance made statements while he was in the hospital about taking performance-enhancing drugs.) In response, Lance shook his head no (he moved his head side-to-side) as he said, “One hundred percent, absolutely.” His words and his body language didn’t match up; there was serious incongruence. Lance exhibited another verbal deceptive tell: He didn’t answer yes or no to a yes-or-no question; instead he answered “Absolutely.” “Absolutely” is not a substitute for yes or no! (I’ll talk more about deceptive substitutions in answers to yes-or-no questions in Chapter 10.) Lance also said “100-percent.” Why did he feel the need to add that qualifier? He didn’t use it when he answered the other questions. Liars tend to use this phraseology to convince us of their lies. Again, one tell alone didn’t prove he was lying, but he gave us three of them—a very good indication that he was being deceptive. (And, of course, the truth all came out later anyway.) I’ll discuss verbal deceptive tells in greater depth in Chapter 10.

Lying Eyes

The eye is the window of the soul, the mouth the door. The intellect, the will, are seen in the eye; the emotions, sensibilities, and affections, in the mouth. The animals look for man’s intentions right into his eyes. Even a rat, when you hunt him and bring him to bay, looks you in the eye.

—Hiram Powers

Eye contact

The eyes can show emotions, intentions, thoughts, and feelings. I am a huge animal lover; I have (too) many of my own; my friends and family think I’m crazy. For three years I was a volunteer zookeeper aid at a local AZA zoo, and I currently volunteer at another AZA institution, taking care of program animals and handling large birds of prey. I have worked with tigers, binturong, tapir, bears, primates, kangaroos, birds of prey, otters, prairie dogs, red river hogs, antelope, various hoof stock, owls, kestrels, and rabbits. I have learned that eye contact with animals plays just as an important role as it does with humans. For example, you should never look a tiger directly in the eyes, because the tiger will take it as a sign of aggression and think you are trying to provoke a fight. You definitely want to avoid that, and I’m speaking from experience. I’ll never forget the first day I met two new young Siberian tigers. It was early in the morning and they were still in their inside enclosure, waiting to be let outside so they could frolic in the pond and play with their favorite beach balls. I walked into the enclosure along with the keeper who worked with them. They were familiar with her but not with me. She knelt down on the ground, so I knelt beside her. As I did I caught the eye of one of the boy tigers, and he locked on to me. I just couldn’t tear my eyes away, probably because I knew what was about to happen and didn’t want to miss it. He lowered his head, opened his mouth, and began to pace back and forth. Then he jumped up on the cage door, which was only about three feet away from me. Talk about scary! I was a new potential threat in his domain. After a few weeks had passed, they had seen me a few more times since the incident. It was Saturday mid-morning and we had just let them out to their outside enclosure. After we cleaned the inside enclosure I went to check on them outside through a hidden metal door that the public can’t see. They both saw me at the door and came running up. I thought, Oh crap. I pissed them off again! But what happened next really shocked me. They pranced around the door, playing with each other like two big domestic cats, and then started rubbing their faces on the gate, just as my cat Titus does at home to mark his territory (usually that’s me and the furniture). I knelt down again, but this time instead of charging me, they were chuffing (a sound of pleasure and greeting). So I started chuffing back at them. It was incredibly cool, but I never doubted for a second that those big kitties could toss me around like a cat toy if they had the chance.

Hiram Powers said animals look for our intentions in our eyes. If you look a strange dog in the eye, it will look back to see whether you are scared or aggressive. It may attack either way: If you are vulnerable, it won’t be intimidated by you; but if you seem aggressive, it will want to defend itself. If you’re unsure of the animal, it’s better to look at its nose or ears. Currently, I have been experimenting with the blink rates of the screech owls I work with. I have found that they will mimic my blink rate and even the length of the blink, fast or slow, long or short. It’s amazing! I do this as a de-stressing technique before I handle them. It works, but I don’t know why yet. That’s my next research project!

In the United States we are taught that it’s respectful to make good eye contact. But staring weightily or glaring at someone is just rude and awkward. Good eye contact involves looking in the eyes, around the face, and breaking contact every so often. Do what feels comfortable and normal for you.

There are a lot of misconceptions regarding the eyes and lying. You will typically hear that breaking eye contact means that someone is lying. I actually find that to be true in most people, but not all. Some liars will give you a hard stare. They do this because they are aware of the fact that liars are thought to have shifty eyes, and so they purposely strive not to break eye contact and end up staring. Both staring and shiftiness can be indicators of deception, particularly when they represent a departure from someone’s baseline behavior, so remember to baseline a person’s eye movements before you start to make any judgment calls.

Eye movement is a normal activity when we are talking. Staring people down is considered rude and even hostile, even in the United States. In other cultures, however, it is rude to make any direct eye contact. I found this out when I was in Korea. So make sure you know the cultural norms of your surroundings. As a former archaeologist I had this base knowledge prior to my life as an interrogator, so I had an advantage of knowing about cultural norms and sensitivities. The important thing is to do what feel natural to you while still respecting the feelings and expectations of those around you.

Rapid eye blinking

People who get nervous and anxious when they lie will experience the physiological responses I talked about in Chapter 5. One of those responses is that the eyes start to dry out. A result of this is the tell of rapid eye blinking, which occurs in an effort to lubricate the eyes. Bill Clinton blinked rapidly throughout his grand jury testimony, when he lied about his intimate relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Was he nervous? Most likely. Was he lying? Yes, he was. Did the rapid eye blinking indicate nervousness or deception? In his case, I would say both. He was nervous from lying under oath. His testimony was littered with clusters of deceptive tells, some of which I will cover in the next chapter. I see instructors on the platform blinking like this when they are nervous. Unless there is something caught in your eye, like an eyelash or an out-of-place contact lens, or there is a physical aliment such as pink eye, rapid eye blinking definitely indicates anxiety and is a good indication of deception in those people who get nervous when they lie (which is most of us).

Prolonged blinking

When people blink at you slowly, it’s usually a sign of an emotional response or concentration. They could be experiencing a strong emotion, which is causing them to shut their eyes. They could be putting up a mental block up against something they heard and didn’t like, almost as though closing their eyes would protect them from whatever it was they found disturbing. They could be preparing to tell a lie and trying to think of what to say. Or, it could be that they just don’t want to look you in the eye as they lie (because remember: The eyes are the gateway to the soul). There are too many possible meanings behind a prolonged eye blink, but stacked up against other clusters of deceptive tells, it may be an indicator of deception.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP)

The use of NLP as a tool for detecting deception is controversial. Scientists, psychologists, and NLP certified trainers alike all refute the idea that NLP can be used to monitor eye movements to detect deception. The NLP theory, just like the Myers-Briggs Personality Preference Dichotomies, is said to be poorly supported scientifically, and that the initial research contained factual errors and thus has been discredited by the scientific community. I believe this is because it is not taught correctly. I like using NLP to help detect deception, and I will tell you why and how. But first, I am going to give you a very brief history on NLP in layperson’s terms.

Let’s first dissect the term. You can see that it has three distinct components: neurology, language, and programming. Neurology has to do with how our brains function—how we think. Language is what it sounds like—how we communicate. And programming has to do with managing our thought patterns and our mental and emotional behaviors. The notion that certain eye movements are related to specific thought patterns was first suggested by American psychologist William James in his 1890 book, Principles of Psychology. It wasn’t until the early 1970s, however, that psychologists began to link eye movements to different cognitive processes associated with the two brain hemispheres. In 1976, John Grinder and Richard Bandler further explored the relationship among neurology, language, and programming, and how this relationship could be used to achieve specific goals in life. It was Bandler and Grinder who claimed the science of NLP could treat problems such as eating and learning disorders, phobias, and unwanted habits and behaviors, just to name a few.

Grinder and Bandler also created the eye accessing cue chart. This chart links the direction of someone’s gaze to how that person is thinking, or what sense that person is engaging. Grinder and Bandler say that our life experiences are catalogued in our minds and are recalled by their association with an experience or a sense: visual (sight), auditory (hearing), kinesthetic (emotional, but includes touch), olfactory (smell), and gustatory (taste). In NLP these senses are referred to as modalities. For example, when I smell a certain scented candle I am instantly taken back to late 1980s when my best friend, Tina, and I would spend endless carefree summer days at the beaches in Rhode Island. In this case the olfactory sense triggers the memory.

According the chart:

• If a person looks up, he is accessing the visual senses, either to recall information (up and to the left) or create/construct information (up and to the right).

• If someone looks at about ear level, he is accessing the auditory senses to recall information (to the left) or create/construct information (up and to the right).

• If a person looks down and to the left, he is accessing the kinesthetic senses; feelings both recalled and constructed. If he looks down and to the right, he is engaging in an internal dialogue, essentially talking to himself. About what? That’s for you to figure out.

These are all general guidelines and not meant to be taken as absolutes. As they say, your mileage will vary.

The problem with using NLP as a deception-detecting tool is twofold. First, it’s not an absolute, hard-and-fast science, as different people may respond differently, with different eye movements, based on how they are wired. For example, I don’t look up and the left when accessing memories; I usually look straight in front of me, unless I am really trying to remember something like dates (which I am awful with), at which point I will usually look up and to the left. So realize that people may not be assessing or constructing the information where they are “supposed” to be, according to the chart. Second, there can be multiple eye cues in any one response. Sometimes you can observe a strong initial emotional response before the person goes to logic and reason, or vice versa. Moreover, even when people lie they tend to access some truth, and this will show up in the eye movements, as well. For example, if a teenager wanted to lie about why he came home past curfew last night and say it was because his friend’s car broke down, an image of his friend’s dilapidated car may really exist in his mind, so he will recall the image of the car and his eyes will go up and to the left (visual recall). Of course, he still may feel guilty and sad about lying, so his eyes may go down and to the right (kinesthetic, emotional feelings). And, if he suddenly remembers that time his parents’ car broke down and his father started yelling, his eyes may go straight and to the left (auditory recall). Notice that never once during this lie did the teenager’s eyes go up and to the right (visual construct), which would have been a clear sign that he was making stuff up. And finally, remember that you can’t use NLP by itself to detect deception; you need to baseline and look for clusters of other deceptive tells.

There is a secret I share with my students to get a baseline in less than a minute: If you want to know where someone’s eyes go to recall information, ask this question: “What is the sixth word in the Star Spangled Banner?” Nine out of 10 people go up and to the left as they respond. (The other one out of 10 will stare straight at me because they have no idea why I pulled them in front of the room for everyone to watch.) They are literally singing the song in their head and counting the words. So, if I asked someone, “How much debt do you owe?” and she looked up and to the right as she said, “About $5,000,” it could mean she constructed that number (maybe because she is embarrassed about how much she really owes). I would then dig deeper into that question and exploit it further to see if she were being truthful or not. A good follow-up question is simply “Really?” a questioning technique I’ll discuss further in the next chapter.

During Janine Driver’s Body Language Institute’s “Train the Trainer” weeklong program (10-plus-hour days), we conduct an exercise in which every student tells a truthful story to the class so we can baseline their verbal and nonverbal behavior, including eye movement. Then they tell two additional stories, one that’s true and one that’s made up. I caught one student’s lie fairly easily because her eye movements deviated so blatantly from her baseline. I didn’t use that clue alone to determine she was lying, of course; that would have been foolish. I saw other deceptive tells that I was able to group in a cluster, but the deviation in her eye movements was one of the clearest indications that she was lying. I was able to determine which story was true and which one was the whopper.

Once you get a baseline, you need to test it. Ask questions you already know the answers to. Ask questions that would make the respondent recall images, sounds, and feelings. Then ask him questions that would require him to construct an image, a sound, or a feeling. For example, for vision recall and construct, you could ask, “What does the inside of a UFO look like?” followed by “Describe your living room.” For audio recall and construct, you could ask, “What sound would a pterodactyl make?” followed by “Now describe the sound of a baby crying.” For kinesthetic recall and construct of feelings, you could ask, “How would you feel if X happened?” I will tell you a secret: Liars won’t have feelings associated with their lie, because it never happened. They will have to make up feelings that they think they should have had. So if you suspect your teenager is lying about why he came home late, ask him, “How did that make you feel?” If he is lying, he will hesitate by using a filler word or some other stalling technique. Remember: If it didn’t happen, he will have to imagine a feeling he thinks he should have had. This is actually one of my go-to questions when I think people are lying. And finally, if during a conversation you see someone looking down and to the left, she may be having an internal conversation or debate as to whether she ought to lie or not, weighing pros and cons. If you think this is happening, ask, “What’s on your mind?” Watch her eyes and where they go. Responses to both of the questions involve recalling information, so in both cases the eyes should be going to same area. If they don’t, you’ll need to find out why.

The Mouth

Swallowing hard

Just like rapid eye blinking, hard swallowing is the body’s response to drying out from stress. You can hear when people’s mouths dry out, in the raspy voice, and you can see it in the hard swallows and the spit that dries around the mouth. Hard swallowing indicates anxiety and nerves, and, taken with other tells, it can be indicative of deception, as well.

Disappearing lips

As Janine Driver says, “When we don’t like what we hear, our lips disappear.” If you Google pictures of Anthony Weiner that were taken when he was lying about his sexting, you can often see a clenched jaw and tight lips. If someone insistently denies something but purses his lips as he does so, he is likely pretty unhappy about whatever it is he is being accused of. My mom has naturally thin lips, but when she’s mad, she has none!

The Hands

Hiding hands

People think by putting their hands in their pockets they appear more casual and relaxed, but it is actually a message of nervousness. Anytime you hide a body part, especially the hands, you are hiding how you feel. If you hide your hands, you hide your emotions. You don’t want to come across as hiding anything, especially your true emotions, because you will look unsure, untrustworthy, and deceptive. Keep your hands out of your pockets. If you have to put them in your pockets, or it’s a comfortable stance you prefer, at least keep your thumbs of power out.

Closed palms

I’ve already mentioned showing your palms makes you appear sincere, open, and trustworthy. When your palms are open you are basically saying, “I’m showing you my hand [as in a game of poker]. I have nothing to hide.” Conversely, when you hide your palms it sends the message that you are keeping something to yourself, an emotion or a thought. People who talk with their palms facing inward toward the body (if it’s not their baseline) may be feeling insecure, or they may not be telling you the whole truth. If you have baselined someone who normally talks with her palms open and then she suddenly shifts to closing them or facing them inward toward the body, this is a deviation and may be an indicator of deception, or at least lying by omission. As always, look for other tells.

Hand to the head

Hands going to the head (face, neck, hair, top of head) usually indicates high stress and/or deception. You don’t want to give an impression that you are uncertain or untrustworthy, so try to avoid touching your face, head, and neck. But you’ll know what it means when you see others do it. Following are some examples of the different ways we put our hands to different parts of our head, and their respective meanings.

1. Hand to mouth. A hand near the mouth usually means one of what I call the four Ds: disapproval, deep thought, an internal dialogue, or deception. I’ve already stated that liars will sometimes cover their mouths to hide their deceit (or their “duping delight”). Some people will touch the area above the lip to self-soothe or help them focus. Some will do it as they stare off into space and cogitate or ruminate about something. This gesture can also indicate skepticism. Brian Wilson did this during much of his interview with Eric Snowdon. You can tell he wasn’t buying a word of Snowdon’s story! (As a side note, Snowden himself exhibited powerful and confident body language.) In the image above, Chris has his hand to his mouth and his index finger resting on his upper lip. He looks doubtful, even skeptical, about whatever Kelly is telling him, even though Kelly is showing him his palms and subconsciously saying, “I have nothing to hide.”

Hand to mouth.

When the hand covers the mouth completely it can indicate surprise, nervousness, shame and embarrassment, or anticipation; it is also often a strong signal of deception. My detainees would often cover their mouths when they lied or leaked duping delight. Unconsciously they were masking what was coming out of their mouths.

Hand to chin.

2. Hand to chin. A hand to the chin means “PBC”: power, boredom, or contemplation. I’m certain you have seen people resting their chin on their hand, whether in the boardroom, in an audience, during class, in executive profile pictures, or while watching TV. If you look at The Body Language Institute’s Website, you’ll see Janine Driver’s profile picture. Her chin is resting on her hand, and she looks authoritative and powerful. This is another power pose. As Janine says, “Put your hand to your chin to win!” Doing this makes you look powerful and confident. Try this experiment: The next time you are at work pitching a project to your manager, or at a lunch trying to gain a new client contract, or at the dealership trying to sell a used car: when you deliver information, put your hand to your chin. You will appear more trusting and confident. Try it! Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, was always pictured with his hand to his chin; it became his iconic pose. In this image Kelly has his hand to his chin as Chris is trying to explain something to him. It looks as though Kelly has already made up his mind and is standing his ground.

A hand placed beneath the mouth, cheek, or chin is a spontaneous and comfortable gesture when people are evaluating, considering, and analyzing. However, it can also indicate fatigue or boredom. When the chin is resting on the hand and the index finger points up to ear, the person is assessing matters; when the index finger rests on the top of the lip, the person is skeptical, distrustful, or potentially deceitful. You can remember what the hand to chin means by remembering the acronym: PBC—power, boredom, or contemplation.

3. Hand to neck. If someone is massaging his neck while you talk to him, he is either trying to relax tense muscles or he is stressed out, and the increased blood flow is making his neck itch. The question in your mind should be: Why is he tense or stressed? Some people will rub the back of their neck right before they lie. If you haven’t built rapport, or if you have just lost rapport, this person could be saying unconsciously, “You’re a pain in my neck.” A neck rub can also indicate flirtatious behavior if a woman touches her neck dimple and then her neck while tilting her head and exposing her carotid artery. It’s a disarming gesture that says, “I’m open.” You will be able to differentiate the two pretty easily.

4. Head scratch. If you see someone rubbing or scratching her head, as Vladimir Putin often has been seen doing in photos, it could suggest that she is either in deep thought, confused, or in a state of disbelief. It can also indicate deception, as was the case when Lance Armstrong was seen scratching his head during interviews about his doping, prior to his public admission. The head scratch can also be an unconscious attempt to draw attention away from the mouth, where a lie is about to come out. If a head scratch is accompanied by a neck scratch, the person could be saying, “I have no idea what I’m saying to you.” Of course, it could just be that the person’s head itches. If you are pitching your new idea to your boss and he scratches his head, scrunches his nose, and tightens his lips into a thin line, find another idea.

Seven Signs of Uncertainty

1. The shoulder shrug

I love the shoulder shrug because it’s such a clear signal; virtually all of the time it indicates uncertainty. But it doesn’t always indicate deception. You have to watch the shoulder line pretty carefully, because some shrugs are barely noticeable. The shoulders may rise almost imperceptibly, as little as a breath causes the belly to rise. Sometimes a shoulder shrug is so obvious and extreme, it’s clear that the person has given up. Sometimes people do this unconsciously as they commit to something, thereby belying their certainty. A shoulder shrug by itself does not necessarily indicate deception; you have to look for clusters in order to determine deception.

In November 2013, a story broke about a gay waitress, Dayna Morales, who worked at the Asian Gallop Bistro in New Jersey. She posted on Facebook that she served a couple one night and instead of leaving her a tip they left a note saying they didn’t agree with her “lifestyle.” It went viral. People started donating money to her, I’m not sure why, but she said she was going to donate the money to the Wounded Warrior project. She received about $3,000. A pretty nice gesture, huh? The problem came a week later, when the couple she served that night saw her on the news showing the meal receipt with the note written on it. Realizing it was their receipt, they knew they hadn’t written any note on there; they had, however, written in an $18 tip. They contacted the news station and were interviewed. They stated that in no way did they agree with the hateful sentiment of the message; in fact, they considered themselves to be very tolerant of others’ beliefs and lifestyles. Plus, the note wasn’t even their handwriting. The news station went back to interview Dayna, saying the couple she accused had come forward and provided their copy of the receipt, which clearly showed an $18 tip but no nasty messages; they also provided a copy of their bank statement, which showed the charge for the meal, including the $18 tip, taken out. When she was asked about how this happened, all Dayna could do was stick to her story and say, “Uh, that’s not my handwriting. I don’t know. Again—” while she continued to shrug her shoulders and raise her eyebrows. Yes, she showed behavioral congruency by demonstrating uncertainty by shrugging her shoulders as she stated, “I don’t know,” but to me it seemed more like she was saying, “I don’t know how I’m gonna get out of this.” When the newscaster asked, “Can you see why this couple is upset?” Dayna replied, “I, I guess. I mean, I’m—Sure,” shoulder shrugging the entire time. Was she uncertain that they were upset? Surely she must have known that they were upset, and why, but perhaps she was uncertain of being caught. She also used stuttering and stalling techniques, which I’ll discuss in the next chapter. Dayna exhibited a nice cluster of deceptive tells for us. Not surprisingly, it was later found out that Dayna lied and made the whole thing up. Most of the $3,000 in donations she collected from the random people who were sympathetic to her cause and had fallen victim to her scam, was returned to the donators.

2. Balling up

If you have ever felt vulnerable, sad, depressed, ashamed, or defeated in any way, you probably tried to make yourself appear smaller. Liars ball up purposefully as a plea for pity. If someone shrugs her shoulders, faces her palms upward, scrunches up her neck, and tucks her chin in, she is most likely trying to make herself appear smaller and more vulnerable. Be careful, though: Sometimes people will ball up right before they strike out in anger. Think of a cobra coiling up before it strikes. If someone is angry and suddenly becomes smaller, you may want to stand back. This is not a sign of uncertainty; this is a sign of rage about to come uncoiled.

The fig leaf.

3. The fig leaf position

I talked about the three vulnerable areas of the body in Chapter 5: the neck dimple, the stomach, and the groin area. I often see military members and government officials in particular stand with their hands clasped in front of their private parts. I call this the fig leaf stance. Although we think of this as a respectful stance, it is actually a respectful submissive stance. If you want to show respect but also confidence, rather than submissiveness, stand with your hands behind your lower back instead of in the fig leaf position. This sends the signal you are exposing all three of your vulnerable zones because you have no fear. When we feel vulnerable and stripped of power, value, or self-worth, we tend to close up and subconsciously protect our vital, vulnerable areas. In the previous image, Kelly doesn’t look confident; he looks vulnerable and self-protective.

Unfortunately, the fig leaf position has become the default pose to signify respect and a businesslike demeanor, but it actually indicates unease and anxiety. For those of you who want to make a good impression to win a new client or look powerful when up for promotion, expose your private parts (not literally!) and put your hands behind your back.

4. Self-preening

When people experience stress they often try to make themselves feel better with self-touch or self-pacifying gestures, also called self-preening. One of my biggest pet peeves, and one of the most common self-touch gestures, occurs when people stand with T-Rex arms, arms bent at the elbows and tucked in close by their sides, when they are address a group of people, whether it be five or 5,000. They still try to “talk” with their hands, but because their elbows are glued to their sides, their hands move around like those of a tyrannosaurus rex. When we stand with our elbows glued to our sides like this, it sends the message (to others and to ourselves) that we feel insecure or unsure of ourselves. Even if we are trying to exude confidence through other means, like lowering our voice, keeping a wide stance, and raising our chin, if we use T-Rex arms, we negate all of our other efforts. When we are relaxed, confident, and comfortable, we stand with our arms hanging down by our sides, on our hips, or with our hands hooked in our pockets, like James Dean. In the following picture Kelly has his arms tucked closely by his sides. He looks unsure of himself, not confident.

T-Rex arms.

Keynote speakers, TED talk presenters, teachers, and everyone else: If you are on a stage, at a podium, or at the front of a boardroom or a classroom, put your arms down! Relax them by your sides. It’s perfectly okay to talk with your hands and be animated—in fact, I encourage that—but don’t stand there with those useless T-Rex arms; you’ll look silly.

I once witnessed a Marine officer in his services alphas, a sharp-looking, olive green uniform, standing in front of a class to give a presentation. He was brushing imaginary lint off the front pockets of his uniform the entire time. When I approached him afterward and mentioned the “lint,” he had no idea that he had been doing it. He was self-preening to subconsciously soothe himself and calm his nerves.

5. Stepping back

People often ask me to observe them when they speak in public so I can coach them to be better presenters. When they lose their train of thought or get stumped, they often take a step back. When we feel uncertain we want to create distance between us and what we feel uncertain about. If you are in a conversation with someone—say, in an interview or during a date—and the person you are conversing with takes a step backward, he just put more space between you. It could be that he’s uninterested in you, or feels offended for some reason, or is simply unsure of himself. If he is lying, he may be taking a step back to create physical and moral distance between himself and the lie. Just remember the magic word: clusters.

6. The body shift

My company motto is “Move the body, change your mind; read the body, influence people.” Liars know this, and will move their bodies to change their minds—meaning, they will change their posture, sit down, stand up, cross their legs, or lift out of a chair to de-stress. I call this the body shift.

There used to be an HBO series titled Autopsy With Michael Baden. Dr. Baden is a world-renowned physician and board-certified forensic pathologist. The 10th edition of Autopsy featured two cases, one of which was called “The Lady in the Lake.” A viewer named Darlene had written to Dr. Baden via the interactive “Ask Dr. Baden” feature on the HBO Website, wanting to know what really happened to her great-aunt, whose body was found in a car submerged in a lake, years after her disappearance. Dr. Baden agreed to take on the case and eventually it became this show (which, by the way, I cannot find anywhere, online or on HBO). This episode contained one of the greatest body-language training videos I have seen, but because of the sensitivities, which I will share in a moment, I think it was pulled off the network and archived for eternity. Baden examined the skeletal remains found in the car to determine the cause of the death. The producers tracked down the man who was married to Darlene’s aunt at the time she disappeared years ago. Both Darlene and Daryl, the son of the deceased woman, were interviewed on the show; neither of them trusted or liked the guy that Daryl’s mother married (I’ll call him Steve because I can’t remember his real name). One day, when Daryl was very young, a pre-teen, he came home from school to the motel that his mother owned, and where he lived with his mother and Steve, to find his mother gone. Steve told Daryl she took off, and then he left Daryl at the motel, never to be seen by Daryl again. HBO found Steve living in Florida and asked him if he would agree to be interviewed by HBO (but it was really by undercover police officers) on the death of Daryl’s mom in return for monetary compensation. Steve agreed. During the videotaped interview, the cops changed their line of questioning to be slightly accusatory. Steve picked up on this, became visibly nervous, and asked to end the interview prematurely. Steve displayed myriad verbal and nonverbal deceptive tells during the interview—so many, in fact, that my colleagues and I used it at one point as a training video for deception. Steve was blinking uncontrollably and was swallowing hard; he was literally drying out from anxiety. At one point he became so visibly uncomfortable that he actually lifted up out of his chair (a body shift) and turned to look for an escape, the exit door behind him! He was in full fight-or-flight mode. He also was exhibited numerous verbal deceptive tells, such as stalling techniques (answering a question with a question, using pauses and filler words, and so on). The last I read he was still living in Florida. This guy was a textbook liar, and anyone trained in detecting deception would agree.

7. The Pinocchio effect

When Carlo Collodi wrote The Adventures of Pinocchio in 1883, I wonder if he knew about the Pinocchio effect. He created this fictional character that was made out of wood but longed to be a real boy, and whose wooden nose grew every time he lied. Did you know that when we stress or lie (assuming we are everyday liars and not powerful liars), our noses actually grow? Fortunately, or unfortunately, you can’t see it with the naked eye. When someone is stressed out, the tissue in the nose becomes engorged with blood, making it swell ever so slightly and itch. So when you see nervous people swiping at their noses, it’s because it’s itching and, yes, growing like Pinocchio’s. During Bill Clinton’s grand jury testimony regarding his denied affair with Monica Lewinsky, he swiped at his nose numerous times and even hid his nose in his hands. Scratching the nose is an almost certain indicator of stress. Whether it’s also an indicator of deception will be more apparent when you add the next batch of weapons to your lie-detecting arsenal.