What’s Most Attractive in a Long-Term Partner?
The things we look for when we’re choosing a life partner, whether consciously or unconsciously, often depend on our own status, sex, and sexuality.
A lasting romantic relationship has many strands, and sexual attraction is generally the first to show up. Science tells us that almost-symmetrical faces are what sets our hearts aflutter. Our biological urges may regard this symmetry as a very crude marker of good health and genes.
Biological beauty is important, but a degree of social currency is also very attractive to some. People who seemingly “cheat” the matching hypothesis system by gaining wealth, status, and power may zoom up the league table. Overweight, older tycoons might end up marrying someone much younger and beautiful. In terms of physical attractiveness alone, these matchups make little sense: none of the obvious evolutionary qualities mark out the tycoon as a healthy partner-in-the-making. Instead, security and influence compensate for any biological “weaknesses.” It appears that, when it comes to status, love can truly be blind.
Sexuality plays a part in attachment. Heterosexual women look for men with markers of high testosterone: mainly physical brawn (giving him the ability to intimidate others and protect the family) but also high cheekbones, a chiseled jawline, and a strong brow. For heterosexual men, part of a woman’s allure is her ability to bear children: wide hips, large breasts, and soft features mean lots of estrogen. The pitter-patter of tiny feet may be years away from a first date, but the heterosexual sex drive has been honed to see the bigger picture.
Studies show that both straight and gay men place a higher premium on looks than social standing when seeking a long-term partner, whereas straight women tend to be influenced by a man’s status. Gay women, on the other hand, tend not to be influenced by either and instead seek out honesty over all other traits.
Every union needs compatibility in order to go the distance—lust isn’t enough to last. Rom-com fans might think that opposites attract, but this belongs firmly in fiction. Psychological research, online dating, and social media data prove that birds of a feather flock together, so your friends and partners are likely to share your attitudes on politics, religion, and morality.
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nurture your love
Every partnership has its trials and tribulations, but surveys tell us there are a few key components that will make the relationship stand the test of time.