Why Can’t I Get a Word in Edgewise in Meetings?

That punch-in-the-gut feeling of being cut off or ignored is something we’ve all experienced—and women suffer it more than men.

Research across cultures shows that men dominate conversations, interrupt more, and have their suggestions taken more seriously by others—even by women. Assertiveness by a woman in a male-dominated workplace is more likely to be viewed as “bossy” and “abrasive”; conversely, men who act identically are more likely to be termed “decisive” and “assertive.”

Many self-help and business gurus have said that women’s views are unfairly sidelined because their speech is too “feminine”—punctuated with phrases that are termed “softeners,” such as “sort of,” “just wanted to …”, and “I’m sorry but.…” They say these make the speaker sound hesitant and indecisive to others. Objective research shows, however, that this theory is mostly hot air. Men use this kind of speech just as much as women.

So why are men such verbal bulldozers in the workplace? Male dominance at work has less to do with language and biological authority, and more to do with entrenched, global views of men having authority and taking command, while women are seen as more passive and family-focused. This work divide started around 10,000 years ago, when humans began farming in settlements, and whether we like it or not, these roles have seeped into the world’s psyche: patients feel more assured when their surgeon is a man, and air passengers say they are more relaxed when the pilot’s voice they hear has a baritone rather than a soprano pitch.

Despite this, research shows that the most effective teams are mixed gender, and that strong female role models (especially in positions of leadership) help shatter stereotypes. We all have our part to play by being aware of this traditional norm and by striving to find and work with others who see the world differently to us.

unbalanced

In a mixed-sex discussion group, women tend to get equal airtime only when the group has a ratio of at least four women for every man in the group.