What to say to motivate, encourage, persuade and influence others
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.Ralph Waldo Emerson
In Part 1 you will have learnt what makes for brilliant communication skills and how to develop them. You will also know that communication is rarely straightforward. So often it’s dependent on context; the circumstances and situation in which communication is happening. In Part 2 you will find specific situations and see how those communication skills work in practice.
Knowing how to motivate other people means knowing how to guide them towards specific goals. Whether those goals are initiated by you or by the person themselves, your aim is to give them the confidence and belief to achieve those goals.
You can get people to work on and achieve goals by making demands or being manipulative, but that’s forcing people to achieve things in a way that works for you and probably only serves your interests. You might succeed in getting things done, but you won’t succeed in winning support.
Whether you are hoping to motivate your teenage son to clean his room or persuade a group of colleagues to follow a particular course of action, there are several key communication principles you must follow.
- To begin with, ask yourself what you already know about the other person that might help you to engage them. What’s their communication style? Do they, for example, respond well to conversations that take place while you are both involved in an informal activity?
- Be clear about your message. Make sure you know what exactly you want to persuade the other person to do; what you want to get from the conversation, email, phone call or speech. Simplify the message and don’t ramble on. People who successfully motivate others make it easy for them to understand.
- Listen. Communicating effectively involves both being understood and being understanding. Listen not just to what is being said, but also to what is not being said. That is what good motivators and influencers do. Tell the other person what you want and then listen to their response. Be a good listener and take their point of view into consideration. People are far more willing to cooperate if they feel acknowledged, understood and appreciated.
- Ask questions. Find out what the other person wants. What incentives do they need? What are their concerns? Acknowledge and address those needs and concerns. Persuasion requires and involves emotion, but don’t let feelings take over. Discuss ways to overcome any barriers.
- Once you’ve addressed needs and concerns, accentuate the positive. State the benefits, explain what’s in it for them, and deliver it as the most attractive possibility. For example, ‘Put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket every night’ is likely to mean a lot less than the message, ‘If you put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket each night, they’ll be washed and dry and ready for you to wear the next day.’
Lee is the manager of an adult education organisation. He had to persuade all the freelance tutors to join a national professional association for teachers, trainers and tutors. The problem was that the tutors had to pay the annual membership fee themselves.
From formal appraisals and informal conversations, Lee knew that apart from being well paid and securing plenty of work, what was important to the tutors was ongoing training and professional status.
Lee listened to their concerns and reflected back what he had understood. He explained that although he understood the tutors resented having to pay a fee out of their own pocket, he felt they would get a good return for their money. Lee pointed out the benefits: if they agreed to join the professional association, tutors would have access to a wide range of training, run exclusively by the professional association for tutors’ professional development. This would enable them to keep up to date with their vocational or subject specialism, as well as the latest practice in excellent teaching and training methods.
Lee said that the association was working hard on the tutors’ behalf to influence national decision-making and policy about a pay increase. He also pointed out that other adult education organisations required membership of this association, so if the tutors signed up it would increase their employment opportunities.
The tutors were convinced – they all took out the membership!
Giving advice and information
Whether it’s asked for or not, advice can be either hurtful or helpful; it can disrupt relationships or it can have a positive effect. It can provide new ideas and information, and help the other person identify their options, make a decision, move forward and take control.
To make sure your advice is well received, bear in mind the following.
- Listen carefully. Although you may have some insight or have experienced a similar problem, you need to listen carefully to the other person first. Listen and learn as much as possible about their situation. If you need clarification, ask.
Being an active listener will not only help you give good advice, it will also make it more likely that the person will take your advice. Why? Because you have listened and checked your understanding, it will be relevant advice. But if you don’t really feel qualified or knowledgeable enough about something to give advice on it, say so. - Having listened carefully, and if you feel you can help, make sure that the other person actually wants your advice. They may just want to offload and for you to listen. Be a supportive listener, and wait for your cue to respond.
Check with the other person what exactly they want advice about – what is their goal? Most importantly, ask them, ‘What do you want to happen?’ so that you can tailor your advice directly to the person’s stated goal or outcome.
Ask, ‘Do you want some ideas to improve the situation?’ or ‘Can I suggest something?’ or ‘Can I give you my opinion/advice?’ - Keep your advice short and to the point. Tailor the advice directly to the other person’s stated goal or outcome. Even if there appears to be a correct answer to a problem, think what other possible courses of action there might be and, together with the other person, consider the pros and cons of each. Help them to come to their own conclusions and decisions. When you’ve talked for a few minutes, bring it back to them: ‘What are your thoughts about that?’
- Avoid judging. Think back to the last time you gave someone advice. Did you express concern and understanding or were you frustrated, angry or worried about their situation? When you feel like this, you may think you are giving good advice, but you are probably coming across as negative or critical.
Use positive language. Rather than start your advice with, ‘Why didn’t you …?’ or ‘You should have …’ accept what’s done is done, and focus on what they can do next. Try something like, ‘How about …?’ or ‘It might help to consider …’ - Know when to let go. Even if the other person asks for your advice, they won’t necessarily take it. Their feelings and emotions about the situation might be different from yours, so you can never be sure that your advice is right for them. Don’t be surprised if a person rejects your good advice and decides to follow their own (potentially disastrous) course of action.
If you’ve been in a similar situation, think about what you learnt. Then, rather than say, ‘That happened to me, you should do what I did’, simply share your experience, by asking, ‘Would you like to hear how I managed when that happened to me?’
For example, imagine someone you knew confided in you about a health problem they had that you had also experienced. The other person’s feelings and emotions about the situation might be different from yours, but by sharing your experience they might be able to pick up some insights rather than feel they have been told what to do.
Use the power of example rather than the force of knowledge!
Giving compliments and positive feedback
Giving compliments and praise, expressing appreciation and gratitude are all forms of positive feedback. Not only can this brighten someone’s day, but positive feedback can also encourage and motivate the other person to keep up the good work.
When you praise an employee or colleague, show appreciation to a friend or family member, or say thanks to a company or individual for good service, your remarks will let the other person know that their actions have been noticed. This can develop empathy and rapport because it shows that you have made an effort too; you have bothered to acknowledge their actions. Putting it in writing shows even more effort on your part while also giving the person a permanent reminder of the praise.
Too often, though, you can worry about getting the wording right and so end up not saying anything at all. Just remind yourself that a genuine sentiment phrased a bit awkwardly is better than no appreciation being shown at all.
To help you, follow these steps.
- Start with the reason why you are complimenting or praising the reader. Be specific. Sometimes the most memorable compliments are the most specific ones, because it shows that you were paying attention. For example, ‘I want to say thank you for helping to look after my mother during her stay here’ or ‘I want to congratulate you on your success in getting the funding for our next project.’
- Acknowledge personal qualities or special efforts. For example, ‘Your concern and patience with Mum and your sensitivity to her needs have been much appreciated by me and my family’ or ‘Your expertise in this area and your willingness to put in the extra time was brilliant.’
- Explain what a difference their efforts have made. People feel good if they know that they have made a difference. So, if what they have done has had a positive effect on you, tell them! ‘Your concern helped me feel better.’ ‘Your support has reassured me.’
When you tell the other person that they have made a positive difference, they can then feel good about themselves and encouraged because of the impact their actions had on you. And there is no way they can deny your compliment without sounding silly: ‘No, it didn’t!’
Be aware, though, that for some people and in some cultures, it is polite to deny compliments and impolite to accept them. Sometimes a person may refuse a compliment for this reason. Don’t press the point – the appropriate response from you is a smile and a simple nod of your head. - Express appreciation. ‘Thank you.’ ‘I really appreciate it’.
Finally, if you’re giving a compliment or expressing appreciation in person, don’t forget: your body language, tone of voice and facial expressions will show that your compliment or appreciation is genuine.
Accepting compliments and praise
The best way to accept a compliment is like a gift; just say ‘thank you’. If you want to add something, make sure it is positive.
- ‘How nice, thank you.’
- ‘That’s the best thing anyone has said to me today (this week/in a long time). Thanks!’
- ‘Thank you for telling me.’
- ‘Thank you. I really appreciate hearing that.’
- ‘Thank you. I’m pleased too.’
If you receive a compliment on a job well done and you didn’t do it alone, make sure you acknowledge those who helped. ‘Daryl and Ruth were such a big help. I couldn’t have done it without them.’
How to make small talk
Small talk can be a big challenge! Small talk doesn’t come easily to all of us; often, the fear of coming across as fake, dull or stupid makes it difficult to screw up your courage and initiate small talk, let alone maintain a conversation.
But being able to make small talk can help you to create all kinds of connections. It can open doors to all sorts of people and possibilities. Small talk can lead to big talk, which can lead to big people and big opportunities!
Remember, good communication skills require confidence and empathy. The golden rule is to be, or at least appear, friendly and approachable. Your aim is not to impress, it’s to show that you are a relaxed and sociable person who is open to exchanging a few pleasantries.
Be positive. Don’t start off with a moan or a complaint; say something positive. Smile, make eye contact and keep your body and gestures open and relaxed. Don’t stand too close to people. Do not stand too far away, otherwise they will think you are afraid of them or stand-offish.
Making the first move
Initiating conversation is a bold step; fear of rejection is the main reason why people don’t make the first move. If you’re at a party, convention or any other social gathering, choose a person who seems approachable – someone standing by themselves is a good bet – then just look them in the eye, smile and say, ‘Hi, I’m [give name]. What’s your name?’
Do you forget names easily? It will help you to remember a person’s name later in a conversation if you repeat their name when you are introduced to them: ‘Nice to meet you, Hannah.’ If you later find that you’ve forgotten their name, admit it. ‘Gosh, I’m sorry, can you remind me of your name?’ Once they’ve told you, don’t make a big deal of it, simply repeat their name and move on with the conversation. ‘Hannah. Thanks. Well, as I was saying …’ It won’t be nearly as tough as you think, and remember: the longer you leave it, the more embarrassing it gets to admit you’ve forgotten.
Asking good questions
One of the most important qualities for engaging another person in a conversation is your curiosity and interest. Your interest will be apparent in the way you ask questions, a crucial communication skill (see Chapter 3).
You don’t need to have the perfect opening questions (even if you start with the usual questions, ‘What do you do?’ ‘How do you know Rebecca?’ ‘Have you been here before?’) but you do need to be interested in the answers.
Ask open questions that require more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, and give the other person more of an opportunity to talk about themselves, their opinions or experiences.
Listening well
Supposing you started by asking, ‘What do you think about all this rain?’ Listen for something in the other person’s reply that might suggest a direction for the conversation to take. For example:
You: ‘Can you believe all this rain we’ve been having?’
Other person: ‘Oh, I don’t mind the rain. It’s good for the garden.’
You: ‘Do you like gardening?
Or:
Other person: ‘I’m just glad I don’t live by the river any more.’
You: ‘Where was that? Did you get flooded?’
Follow up on what the other person says. If they say they’re feeling great, ask why. If they say they’re exhausted, don’t just reply, ‘Oh dear, are you?’ Follow up on it; ask why. Ask questions and, more importantly, listen and respond to the answers.
Cultural differences
Why is the weather a common topic? Because it’s changeable and unpredictable. Also, it’s a safe, neutral subject to start with. Talking about the weather lets you and the other person take small conversational steps until you find common ground and can move on to other subjects.
Questions about family are usual in some cultures, although it may be inappropriate for one man to ask about another man’s wife. In cultures that are status-oriented, such as China and Japan, small talk between new acquaintances may include several questions that help establish each other’s social status.
In some cultures, conversation moves quickly to the point; in other cultures, people talk about other things long enough to make a connection and establish a rapport with the other person. And, in some cultures, meetings usually begin and finish with small talk but have a clear transition to the main purpose of the meeting. Other cultures might expect small talk not to happen until the end of a meeting.
Listen out loud. Show that you’re listening by making eye contact and nodding, and by using verbal cues (‘Uh-huh’, ‘Really?!’, ‘He didn’t!’) – all let the person know you’re listening and you’re interested. The more positive feedback you give, the more others will enjoy talking to you.
Say something. Although you might be genuinely interested in what the other person has to say, don’t keep firing out questions, or the other person will feel that they’re being interrogated! ‘How do you know Sarah?’, ‘What do you do?’, ‘Where are you from?’, ‘Where do you live?’, ‘Where do you work?’ That’s too many questions in one go; think how you would feel if you were asked that many questions!
But maybe you hesitate to talk about yourself. You may not be comfortable with opening up or you’re concerned you might come across as self-centred; you find it easier to turn the focus on the other person. Don’t forget that communication is about an exchange of ideas, information and feelings – it’s two-way, so make a contribution yourself.
Don’t worry about coming up with clever conversation starters. Just about anything you find curious or interesting can start a conversation and keep things rolling.
Try commenting on something that both you and the other person are experiencing; your environment and what’s around you. For example, instead of saying, ‘Don’t you just love this restaurant?’ which can be answered with a conversation-killing ‘yes’, say, ‘I really love this restaurant.’ Even if they’re just being polite, it’s likely they’ll ask you why, which opens up another opportunity for conversation.
By drawing on shared experiences to create conversation-starting questions or statements, it’s more likely the other person will have an opinion on the matter to share in response.
Say something about what you’re interested in and then ask for their opinion. You might, for example, say something about a book you are reading or a blog or website you’ve found interesting. What about a film you have recently seen, something funny, useful or interesting you heard on the radio or TV? Or an interesting theory you recently heard? Did you lose your keys or find £10? Maybe you ate at a new restaurant recently, or heard some great new music. Tell the other person, then ask if they’ve had a similar experience.
Your work, travel, news stories, celebrity gossip: everything is a source of information, ideas and experiences that can be discussed.
My friend Zara was driving to a fundraising dinner when she heard a discussion on the car radio that asked people to choose between two superpowers: would they rather have wings so that they could fly, or own a cloak that, when worn, would make them invisible?
‘I mentioned it when things had gone a bit quiet,’ Zara recalled, ‘and just as they had in the radio programme, men preferred the wings and women the cloak. It really opened up the conversation; it led on to several other topics.’
Go off on a tangent. Small talk does not have to end at the topic it started at. Pick up clues from questions and answers and use them to move the conversation on.
Often, awkward silences appear in conversations because you are worried about saying the right thing. Learn to stop looking for the perfect conversation and instead just say whatever comes to mind. If you feel like talking about the pizza you had for breakfast, do that. If you follow it up with a question, ‘What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had for breakfast?’ you’ve opened up the conversation. You’ll discover that it’s fine to let go and talk about whatever you feel like.
It’s not a competition. You do not have to try to top the other person’s stories with fascinating tales of your own. The goal isn’t to prove to the other person how exciting and interesting you are. The goal of small talk is simply to make a connection and see where it takes you both. Smile, be interested, ask questions, take a genuine interest in other people’s lives and say something about your own.
Once upon a time, it was considered impolite to bring up religion or politics, money or health (yours and theirs). Now, pretty much anything is up for discussion, but do look for any clues (particularly non-verbal signs) that the other person may be feeling uncomfortable.
Also, know when to stop and pull out. If the conversation feels like climbing a hill of sand then it may be time to move on or let silence take over. You can’t connect with everyone, and some conversations simply refuse to take life! Making small talk involves knowing when it’s time to let go.
Either way, end the conversation with something nice. For example, ‘It was nice talking to you’ or ‘Have a good evening.’
From silence to small talk to more meaningful conversation
Last week I was given a lift home from Bob, the friend of a friend. We had made a little bit of small talk and then there was a quiet period as we drove through the countryside. We passed a cyclist. I live in Brighton and I remarked that the London to Brighton bike ride was happening that day. Bob told me he used to live in Crawley, which is one of the towns on the event’s route. I was born and brought up in Crawley and this one remark, triggered by remarking on a cyclist, was the beginning of an interesting conversation.
If you’re still terrified by the idea of talking to strangers, challenge yourself to talk to one stranger a day, every day, for 30 days. At a shop, café, cinema, theatre, with anyone who works with the public – because they’re used to people making small talk. The point of this exercise is to get you used to talking to people you don’t know and form the habit of starting a conversation.
If you do this enough, you’ll eventually get comfortable being yourself around people. While you should expect your first time to feel strange and scary, look at the big picture. Do you really think you’ll still be just as shy once you’ve done this ten times? Twenty times?
Networking
Networking involves exchanging information, contacts and experience. Whether it’s for social or professional reasons, effective communication skills form the heart of networking.
Today, technology has added a new dimension to networking. With only a person’s name, you can Google them, look at their LinkedIn profile, their Facebook information and, if they tweet, their Twitter stream. But online social networking doesn’t detract from the importance of networking face to face with other people.
Yes, networking takes time and effort, but there are other people out there who want to build genuine, mutually beneficial relationships.
Who to network with?
There are two opportunities: you can network with people who share the same ideas and interests (professional or social) as you; or you can expand your horizons by networking with new people about new ideas and interests.
If you’re not feeling confident and think you need practice with networking, start on comfortable ground; do something that interests you. Find an organised club; look through websites and social networking sites, to find other people who share some of your interests and goals and who you can meet up with. Love gardening? Find a gardening club or talks and lectures run by, for example, the Royal Horticultural Society or the National Trust.
Volunteer for a cause that you feel strongly about. Put yourself out there. When you are busy doing something that is fun and meaningful, your networking skills and ability to form connections will start to feel natural.
Also, people who are shy or introverted tend to be a lot more open and talkative when they’re doing or talking about something they’re interested in or passionate about. If you find people who are just as keen on board games, hiking or singing as you are, then you’ll have a much easier time establishing connections.
Next, expand your comfort zone. Look for opportunities to meet new people and enjoy new experiences. Successful networking, whether for business or pleasure, requires widening your horizons. Talk to people who work in a different department from you, or take up a completely new hobby or interest – one that involves a high level of social contact – a book or film club, wine tasting society or potholing club.
Be prepared to meet people you don’t like; when you’re networking, you’re going to have to sift through the people you don’t want to know to meet the people you do want to know.
How to network
Find out who knows whom. When you’re talking to people, find out what they do for a living and for fun, as well as what their partner, sons and daughters and close friends do for work and recreation.
You meet Julia at your book club. It comes up in conversation that her sister is an expert horsewoman. A few weeks later, your nephew mentions he’s always wanted to learn to ride a horse. You phone Julia and ask if her sister would be able to give your nephew a private lesson as a birthday gift from you. Julia’s sister agrees; your nephew is thrilled. A while later, Julia needs some help marketing her new business. Your nephew’s girlfriend is a freelance social media marketing consultant; Julia employs her. Your nephew’s girlfriend is very grateful and, in return, introduces you to a photographer who takes some excellent photos for your new website. And on it goes!
Find the extroverts. As you network, you’ll find that some people are very good at it; they seem to know everyone! Get to know these people first because they can introduce you to others who share or widen your interests or goals.
Be nice. Since you’re looking to create mutually beneficial relationships, make the first move and do something to make a contribution. You can offer information, advice and compliments. You can also invite people to a meal or occasion at your home and introduce new people to each other. As long as you’re honest and genuine, you’re establishing good relations with people and opening future opportunities.
Reach out and ask. The next time you need something, cast a wide net and see what happens. Remember to make it easy for others to understand what you need. Then, make a few phone calls or send out an email stating your situation. Don’t apologise. Don’t say ‘sorry to bother you’. You have nothing to be sorry about; you’re simply asking if anyone has the information or resources to help you.
Keep in touch. Maintain your network. If, for example, you read or hear something that might be of interest to someone you know, send it their way. If it’s something bad, send a message of commiseration or sympathy. If you hear about something good that’s happened to them, send a message of congratulations.
Giving presentations
If the polls and surveys are to be believed, public speaking is one of the things that people fear the most. Whether it’s giving a speech at a social occasion or at a business presentation, many people find public speaking terrifying.
Why is this? There are a number of reasons, all related to negative thinking. Thinking such as ‘Something will go wrong’, ‘I’ll forget my words’, ‘I’ll talk too quickly’, ‘People will get bored’, ‘Everyone will think I’m stupid if I can’t answer their questions’ and ‘If it’s not a complete success it will be a complete failure.’
Fixating on these negative ways of thinking evokes memories, images and feelings in your mind that create anxiety and can undermine your confidence. And yet, confidence is exactly what you need: you need to believe that you can do it.
Well, the good news is that with a reasonable amount of preparation, you can do it!
As well as confidence, a good presentation requires you to have empathy. Why? Because if you put yourself in the place of the audience, you will have a good understanding of what your presentation needs to have – in terms of structure, content and delivery.
Being an empathic presenter
Think about the last presentation you attended, whether it was at a conference, at a meeting, or a speech at a social occasion. What made it good? Was it clear and concise? Was it easy to follow – did you know what the presenter’s main points were? Was it interesting? Entertaining? Did you learn anything?
What made it bad? Did the presenter ramble and waffle? Was it difficult to follow – did you know what the main points were? Was the presenter dull and boring? Patronising even?
Learn from past presentations you have attended.
Just like any other communication, the quality of a presentation rests equally on what you say (content) as how you say it (performance). This means making sure that your message is clear and that you have made it easy for your audience to understand.
There is no substitute for preparation.
Preparation
Decide, first, what the purpose and main message of your talk is and, second, the main points you want to make. Make a list of these two things as your starting point.
Good presentations then follow this formula: tell the audience what you are going to tell them, then tell them, and then tell them what you have just told them.
What this means is that you start with an introduction, telling your audience what your main points will be. Then you talk them through your main points, giving evidence and examples to illustrate each point. Finally, you summarise what you’ve just talked about.
Write out the presentation in rough form. Review it. You will find things that are irrelevant or unnecessary. Delete them. Check it flows smoothly and logically from one point to the next. If there is something you cannot easily express, possibly because you don’t clearly understand a specific issue, consider leaving it unsaid.
Next, prepare cue cards with the key points. Use bullet points, keywords and phrases as prompts for all the important points you want to make. This way, you can glance down at the cue cards to remind you of your next point, and then elaborate with free speech. This might seem nerve-racking at first but if you rehearse well beforehand, a quick look at a bullet point on your prompt card as you talk should be enough to remind you.
Never read from a script. This might help avoid hesitations and rambling deviations, but it’s difficult to communicate well with your audience if your head is stuck in a piece of paper!
Don’t forget to number your cards in case you drop them. But, if you are using PowerPoint slides, then these will serve as your prompts and as a guide for the audience.
Rehearse your presentation – to yourself at first and then in front of a friend or colleague. Ask for honest feedback – what is good and what can be improved?
Anticipate the questions you’re likely to be asked and be ready for them with concise and credible answers. Adapt them for the particular audience you’re addressing.
Making the presentation
Keep to the time allowed. If you can, keep it short. It’s better to under-run than over-run. Stick to the plan for the presentation, don’t be tempted to digress – you will eat up time and could fail to make all your points.
At the end of your presentation ask if there are any questions. Listen carefully. If a question is complicated, rephrase it to simplify it without changing the meaning. If it’s angry, recast it in neutral language. For example, ‘So you want to know if, in the light of recent reports in the press, the company will reconsider its position on redundancies?’
As you answer a question, begin by looking at the questioner, then look at the rest of the audience to show that the answer is meant for everyone. You can discourage persistent questioners from asking repetitive follow-up questions — and give someone else a chance to ask their question — by looking at a different area of the room as you finish your answer, and invite a question coming from there.
Delivery
Speak clearly. Don’t shout or whisper – judge the acoustics of the room and, if you’re unsure, ask if everyone can hear you.
Don’t rush: try to speak fairly slowly and remember to pause after each key point. Pausing at key points also has the effect of emphasising the importance of a particular point you are making. Listen to Barack Obama – he does this very effectively.
Use your hands to emphasise points but don’t indulge in too much hand-waving or moving around. Ask the person you are rehearsing with to give you feedback on your body language.
Avoid moving about too much. Pacing up and down can unnerve the audience, although some movement helps to keep the audience engaged.
Watch how stand-up comedians make use of their body language and stage space. Comedians like Michael McIntyre and Billy Connolly move around a lot. Anyone old enough to remember Dave Allen will recall that he delivered his whole routine perched on a stool.
Which style do you prefer? Which style feels more comfortable to you?
Look at the audience as much as possible, but don’t fix your sights on one person – it can be intimidating. Pitch your presentation towards the back of the audience, especially in larger rooms.
Face your audience when talking, not the whiteboard, flipchart or display screen behind you. (Which is what I did recently – despite having been told that one person in the audience relied on lip-reading. The situation was resolved when it was suggested that a colleague could write on the board while I concentrated on the talking.)
Keep an eye on the audience’s body language. Know when to move on and when to stop.
PowerPoint slides
PowerPoint slides can help provide a clear and concise structure through which to express your ideas and information. However, your audience doesn’t need another boring PowerPoint presentation. Even though you might be nervous about public speaking, don’t make the mistake of just writing your text on the screen and then reading it out. This is not communicating with your audience. If it’s all on PowerPoint, people might wonder why you don’t just sit back and watch like the rest of the audience!
Your presentation should be thought out before you think about the slides. That way, you avoid letting the slide show dictate the content and structure of your presentation.
Always keep in mind that the slide show is there to support your presentation. Rather than make your talk unnecessary, it should need your narration to make complete sense. So bear in mind the following.
- Keep text to a minimum. Too much and you risk making the slides difficult to read; your audience will struggle to read and listen to you at the same time.
- Aim to limit words to a maximum of 35 per slide and bullet points to 5 per slide. Use a reasonable font size and a typeface that will enlarge well.
- Where possible, express your ideas and points with pictures and images. They can create instant impact and can be easier to remember.
Finally, to keep the audience engaged, if you are not actively talking about it, switch off the display, or replace the slide with some form of ‘wallpaper’, an image or logo.
Do
- Avoid being too ambitious – don’t try to cram too much into the time you have available.
- Keep it simple – remember a basic rule of communication: plan to get a few points across fully.
- Write out notes to refer to during your talk – use bullet points and keywords as prompts.
- Start with an introduction – begin with a brief summary of what your presentation is about.
- Use examples to illustrate and emphasise your ideas and main points.
- Ask questions. It helps to keep the audience engaged and focused.
- Summarise again at the end of your talk.
Don’t
- Write out what you have to say in long-hand and then read it out word for word.
- Try to let your audience know how much work you have put into the presentation or how clever you are. People are only interested in understanding what you have to say and learning from it.
- Rely on PowerPoint to do the presentation for you.
- Give out handouts during your talk, people will read them instead of listening to you!
If you’re well prepared, you should feel positive and confident. And if you’re still sick with nerves, do what one friend of mine does: wear fabulous shoes!
Interviews
If public speaking is one of the things that people fear the most, interviews must come a close second. And for similar reasons, all related to negative thinking. Thinking such as ‘I’ll dry up’, ‘I’ll talk too quickly’ or ‘I won’t know the answers to the questions.’
But, just like public speaking, for an interview there is no substitute for preparation.
First, do your research. Research the company/employer’s services, markets, competitors and trends. This information will prove useful for two reasons. First, when you’re asked the inevitable questions about why you want to work for the company. Second, you may be competing against an internal applicant, so knowledge of the company will limit their advantage over you.
On the day before the interview, read your application form again. Many of the questions you will be asked will arise from what you have written in your application. You need to remember what you have written and think about what questions might come out of what you have said.
For a positive first impression, when you meet the interviewer, shake their hand firmly, look them in the eyes and say ‘hello’. These first few seconds are so important in creating a favourable impression. Keeping your body language natural and positive (smiles, head nods, good posture) will help you to project a confident image.
Practise shaking hands. A limp handshake signals low confidence and self-esteem. On the other hand, an excessively strong handshake will communicate an aggressive approach.
Ask a friend, someone who is confident and assertive, to give you honest feedback. Keep practising until you get it right.
Listen. Don’t let your nerves, expectations or prejudices influence how well you listen. Listen for feelings and values as well as for facts. Avoid formulating a response in your head, or interrupting while the interviewer is still speaking.
Clarify. If you are uncertain what the interviewer is asking you, repeat their question back to them. For example, the interviewer might ask, ‘How do you think you would cope with the challenges?’ To which you might ask, ‘Are you asking me how I would cope with the day-to-day challenges of the job, or with the challenges of working for a company that is in the middle of restructuring?’ This approach will show that you will have the confidence to seek clarification in the job if and when necessary.
Answer questions in a confident, firm voice. Don’t mumble or rush or be too hesitant. Follow the question-answering rule: be specific, give examples and be positive. Answers should not be one word or one sentence, but equally should not go on too long.
For example, in answer to the question, ‘What skills and strengths will you bring to the job?’ you would need to think of actual experiences that illustrate the qualities you would bring to the job. So you might answer, ‘My main strengths for this job would be patience and a calm and flexible approach. For example, in my last job, whenever we were close to a deadline, I was able to remain calm, which helped me to think clearly and to suggest ways we could rethink our priorities in order to meet the deadline.’
Positive communication
One of the interview questions that you can prepare an answer to is, ‘Why do you want to leave your current job?’ It may be that you are bored to tears by the work and hate your manager, but don’t say that. You should never criticise your current employer or manager, otherwise you’ll come across as a moaner, a whinger and a whiner. The interviewer will want to hear positive answers that, for example, reflect an interest in your career progression and development. So you might say that having been in your current role for some time, you now want some new challenges and extra responsibility.
If you don’t know the answer to a question, say so. Never lie.
Before the end of the interview you will probably be asked, ‘Are there any questions you would like to ask?’ You may well have some questions, but it’s also possible that you have been given all the information you need and everything has been covered. If so, say so.
Meetings and groups
Meetings can play a useful role in getting people together to make something happen. Too often, however, meetings provoke more dread than excitement. Although the responsibility for organising and running a meeting lies mostly with the person conducting it, as a member of the group, you do have a role to play. By taking the opportunity to practise using effective communication skills, you can make sure that something worthwhile is achieved.
- Be prepared. Before the meeting takes place, make yourself aware of the point of the meeting: the agenda, aims, expectations and the issues being addressed. Read the agenda.
- Go with a purpose: to say something and/or to learn something.
- If you’re not sure if you’ll have anything to contribute, listen. Listen and maybe you’ll learn something interesting or useful.
- Take the opportunity to practise reading people’s body language and other forms of non-verbal communication. Does their non-verbal communication match what they say?
- If you find it difficult to sit still and listen, take notes. Scribble down ideas, flashes of insight and questions.
- As always, if you have something to say – questions, ideas or information – be specific. Decide what exactly you want to say. Give examples to back up your points or ideas.
- If other people aren’t being heard say, ‘I’d like to hear what … thinks.’ Ask the quieter members for their responses, ideas and opinions.
- If you are unclear, paraphrase what you have heard and ask for clarification.
- Leave the meeting with a clear idea of what will happen next, what people have committed themselves to and what the intended outcome is.
How to write better emails
Emails are generally shorter than letters. They are usually written to request something or in response to a request or question. Informal English, abbreviations and absence of standard greetings are common in emails.
But, like letters, emails need to include a clear reason for writing: the main point, or points. They need to be polite and easy to understand.
Subject line
Use a descriptive subject line. Explain what the email is about in a few words. This introduces the content of your email. Be short but specific. Instead of writing ‘Urgent’, write ‘Meeting at 10.30 about pay rise’. Avoid writing subject lines such as ‘Hello’ or ‘Good news’ or ‘Message from Jane’, as some email providers automatically delete these as spam.
Use a new subject line each time you start a new topic, rather than hitting ‘reply’ to a past email on a different subject.
Greetings
Of course, you can copy the sender and use the same greeting that they have; it’s fine to echo the greeting used by the person with whom you’re emailing. But if you are the one to write first, here are some possible greetings.
‘Hi’ or ‘Hi + first name’ are informal, and you can use this for friends and colleagues. You can also use ‘Hello’ or ‘Hello + first name’.
More formally, whether to use the recipient’s first name rather than surname will depend on who you are emailing. In business and work situations, if you have communicated with the receiver previously and they are at a similar level to you, then the use of their first name would be appropriate. If the receiver is more senior to you, or if you are in doubt, it would be best (particularly in the first communication) to use the person’s surname together with a title – for example, ‘Hello Mr Botha’. If you are writing to a group of people, you could write ‘Hello all’, or ‘Hello everyone’.
Some people use ‘Dear’, then the recipient’s name. That is appropriate for a business letter, but it’s too quaint for a business email. It is also too intimate for a business email. If you do insist on using it, to avoid being overfamiliar, you must balance it by using ‘Mrs’, ‘Ms’ or ‘Mr’. So, instead of ‘Dear Louise’, it should be ‘Dear Mrs Campbell’.
Often, people who would never in a letter write ‘Nina’ or ‘Jack’ or ‘Mr Murphy’ with no introductory word first, do not hesitate to do so in an email. But, even in an email, it can appear quite abrupt to bark out someone’s name like that!
Finally, having no greeting at all is usual if you are having an email conversation – that is, a succession of emails going back and forth between you and another person. Using email in this way is almost like texting. In these situations, you don’t need to write any greeting or name.
Starting your email
Start with a clear indication of what the message is about. Here are a few of the most common reasons for writing an email, along with some sentences you can use to start.
- Replying to a previous email or other contact.
‘Thanks for your phone call.’
‘Thanks for meeting with me yesterday.’
‘Thanks for the information.’ - Making a request.
‘Can you tell me …?’
‘Would you be able to …?’ - Giving brief updates.
‘Just to let you know …’
‘I’m emailing to update you on …’ - Changing plans.
‘Sorry, but I won’t be able to meet you next week.’ - Referring to an attachment.
‘Thought you might find the attached file of interest.’
Your email should then go on to give the full details in the subsequent paragraph(s).
Try to keep to only one point in each email. Often, if you include too many points, the other person simply replies to what they think is the most important point and genuinely (or conveniently) forgets to respond to the other points. (Be aware of this when you are replying to emails; check that you have replied to every point.) If necessary, you can send more emails on different points. Simply say, ‘I’m going to send you another email next, about …’
Layout
If you do have more than one reason for writing, give each reason, idea or subject its own paragraph. The extra space helps your reader to understand you have more than one reason for writing. Use plenty of space; don’t make the reader have to work to read your email.
Lists are a good way to split up information and make it easier for the reader to understand. For example:
When you come to the meeting, please bring:
- examples of your work
- ideas for future projects
- examples of competitors’ work (so we can see what we’re up against!)
- information about any legal issues we might need to consider.
Use bullet points in lists; they draw the reader’s attention to the fact that each one is a separate point.
Be careful what you write!
Keep your emails informative and polite. Remember that the reader could forward (deliberately or not) your email to other people, so only write what you would be happy for other people to read. (No gossip, no personal comments, no offensive comments, no confidential information and no sarcasm.) If in doubt, phone or have a face-to-face conversation instead.
To be safe, assume that all your emails will be read by everyone in the country!
Angry emails
If you are angry or upset with the recipient of your intended email, start with a new blank email and do not fill in the ‘to’ or ‘address line’. This way you avoid inadvertently sending the email, only to regret it when you’ve calmed down. Type up how you feel and why. Vent all your feelings. Do not send! This is especially important with email, where you can type up and send an angry email as fast as you can throw a shoe!
When you do respond for real, keep to the facts and make ‘I’ statements rather than accusative ‘you’ statements. (‘I am upset by your comments’ rather than ‘You have upset me.’)
Try never to say ‘never’. It’s better to move to an unequivocal position gradually. More often than not, you can reach an acceptable compromise along the way.
If the issue is sensitive, or the email long, ask someone else to read it too. Ask them if they would be offended by such an email if it were directed at them.
Endings
Common endings are ‘Best wishes’, ‘Regards’ and, when relevant, ‘Thank you’. ‘Yours faithfully’ and ‘Yours sincerely’ are usually too formal for an email.
Finally, ask yourself these questions: ‘Is this clear?’ ‘Does my reader know what to do next?’ ‘Is this polite?’
Leave enough time for a response. Recognise that requests that may take only a few seconds to write and send may take much longer to fulfil. But if more than a few days have passed and you haven’t received a response, forward your original email and politely ask if your recipient received it and has had time to consider what you wrote. It may be more effective to follow up by phone.
Receiving emails
When you receive a reply, acknowledge it. A simple ‘Thank you’ may be enough. In fact, when you receive any email, unless you specifically intend not to reply, ever, always reply, if only to say that you received it and you’ll give the sender a full answer in a couple of days, when you’ve got the relevant information they need, or you have, for example, got through a particularly busy period at work.
Brilliant communicators always acknowledge the emails that they receive. So, if you want to avoid being perceived as flaky, inefficient, unreliable and disorganised, always reply.