Fail Your Way Forward

Sometimes It Takes One Step Back to Bound Light-Years Forward

BECAUSE OF THE business I’m in, I’ve probably experienced more failing than the average employed person. But this part of the book isn’t filled with Kelly Clarkson song lyrics about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, or motivational sayings emblazoned on posters with bald eagles soaring over the Rocky Mountains. It’s about putting the brain-spinning, shock-and-awe, bawl-your-eyes out, knee-jerk reactions aside and learning to process setbacks in a way that leaves you poised to grab the next opportunity.

When my company in Tampa laid off what seemed like the entire 11 p.m. newscast, I took the news hard. Even though I knew from the moment the news director uttered the words, “We’re going to part ways,” it didn’t have anything to do with my own performance, my skills, or how I interacted with my team, I was devastated. It felt like a betrayal. How was I supposed to act like everything was coming up roses on-air for the remaining time I was there?

Of course, as you have likely experienced yourself, setbacks can include so much more than getting let go from your job. There are the day-to-day mistakes, incorrect handling of situations, and unexpected bad outcomes. It’s the way you process these bumps in the road, or seemingly enormous catastrophes, that’ll shape your career going forward.

PREPARE FOR WORKPLACE ARMAGEDDON

The idea of preparing to be laid off, even when you just start a job, sounds paranoid. But hear me out. If the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports the average employee stays at his or her job just 3.2 years, doesn’t that mean you should always be prepared for what’s next? Compare that to the “lifers” of our parents’ or grandparents’ generation, where after graduation they’d hold one job for the rest of their lives. Preparing for what’s next, no matter how secure you are in your current position, will keep you light on your feet and on top of your game because you’ll be ready for whatever setbacks come your way. I’ve been doing it my whole career, and when I was laid off in Tampa, it helped me land in a bigger market at a better station in a city I love.

Even after being named one of the top leaders in television by the trade publication Broadcasting and Cable, winning my station’s digital media star award twice, and being at the helm of a number one rated newscast, I should have felt invincible. But I knew I wasn’t. Nobody is invincible. It’s a lesson I learned when my contract in Charlotte was coming to an end and it was time to find another job to advance my career. My confidence was at an all-time high with dreams of big stations with big paychecks. “Good Morning America,” here I come! Three years earlier, when I was going from Kansas City to Charlotte, the job search was a cakewalk. Back then, I was 26 and being courted by major market cities like Dallas, Boston, Chicago, and Miami. Even a recruiter for one of the networks wanted me to interview for an anchor job on their early morning national newscasts. (Obviously, I didn’t get that gig, but was flattered nonetheless.) This experience gave me a false sense of security when, in 2013, the TV landscape had changed dramatically. There were fewer high-profile television jobs available because of an influx of other ways to consume media like through apps, on social media, and YouTube. Salaries were going down, and I suddenly found myself overqualified for half the positions available. It took twice as long to find a job that didn’t tick all the boxes off my dream gig wish list while still providing me with a nice salary.

So, how do you prepare for a potential layoff? The best way to approach it is by not making it a time-consuming process, but rather a task you do in manageable bits and pieces as you go.

   Everything Update: For me, this means keeping samples of my on-air work—clips from out in the field reporting to anchoring breaking news. It’s a lot easier to save and glean these work samples as you go versus going back into the archives and thinking back to what work you’ve done, trying to scramble as you get booted out the door. This could also mean saving email addresses and phone numbers, and projects and materials you think illustrate what you do best and will impress down the road. Setting reminders to periodically update your résumé, LinkedIn profile, and cover letter also come in handy, so if you do end up leaving your company unexpectedly, you can spend more time on the hunt versus gathering everything you need.

   Forever Networking: Sometimes when things are going smoothly at work we get complacent and we feel like there’s no need to network because we know enough people in our industry, or we put relationship building at the bottom of our priorities list because we just get busy. But the truth of the matter is, when you find yourself laid off or in need of help these are the people you’ll be calling on to help. It’s much easier to make those phone calls or to reach out when you’re already at the top of their mind, instead of having to explain, “Hey, remember me from that conference in Baltimore back in 2018? Yeah, I need a favor.” This applies not only to in-person relationships but online, too. LinkedIn is not only my favorite tool to keep up with people professionally, it’s something easy and can be done when you’re in a time crunch. Posting regular updates on career achievements, projects, and overall lessons learned on the job takes minutes and keeps you exposed to your online network.

   Side Hustling: Remember how earlier, in Chapter 7, I asked you what makes you happy, because it’s crucial in how to make a name for yourself? That question doesn’t only apply to personal branding. What makes you happy can also translate, and in my opinion, should translate into a side hustle, AKA a secondary income stream. Whether it’s making jam to sell at the farmers market or something larger scale, like reselling National Hockey League tickets online, having a secondary passion project has benefits for one’s creativity that may not be fulfilled at work and at the same time brings in income. Even if the goal of a side hustle isn’t to replace your full-time job income, knowing it’s there and available to you can bring comfort when setback strikes.

I SAW THE SIGN (ACE OF BASE WAS ONTO SOMETHING)

Part of being able to find dignity and strength to move forward comes from analyzing and making logical sense of what happened. Being prepared for a looming layoff or workplace disaster can also give you a head start in preparing for your next move. In hindsight, I really should have seen my own layoff coming. Just months earlier, the older staffers were offered early retirement packages. Promotional segments for my newscasts were few and far between, and a whole crop of job openings with much lower starting salaries popped up out of what seemed like nowhere. That was the higher-ups’ way of stealthily communicating changes were on the way for everyone and I should have listened to my gut that something was very, very wrong.

   Use Your Intuition and Follow the Clues: Journalists second-guess almost everything we’re presented with. It’s part of the territory to look past face value and dig to find the real story. Even if you’re being told you’re doing great at your job, take note of things that are out of the ordinary, even if they seem small. Did you get left out of a special planning meeting or a big project? Are your colleagues getting assigned tasks you’re usually in charge of? Do you see an abnormally high number of job postings for your organization? If managers are acting differently toward you, either in a friendly way or avoiding conversations, perhaps you’re not being paranoid. You’re looking for clues that could mean the difference between getting blindsided or being prepared for whatever happens next.

LAID OFF. REDISTRIBUTED. CANNED. WHATEVER YOU CALL IT: YOU’RE FIRED

One of my mentors once told me, “If you haven’t been laid off or canned, or your contract not renewed, then you haven’t really lived.” Chances are, it’ll happen to you at some point in your career. In fact, a 2017 study by Rutgers University’s John J. Heldrich Center for Workforce Development showed one in five workers in the United States has been laid off in the past five years. You can prepare all you want, but how you respond to being laid-off and the way you behave the rest of your time at your job is just as important as getting hired in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong. If you’re caught stealing reams of paper from the Xerox machine to sell on eBay or are constantly showing up late and not pulling your weight, then yeah, maybe you deserve to be fired. But more often than not, the decision to lay someone off isn’t personal and is completely out of your control. What you can control is your mindset: you are on the losing end of something totally circumstantial that you have no control over and no matter what you did can’t change.

So how do you function when you’re asked to train your replacement? Look your boss in the eye and have a conversation? The psychological toll can be so much higher than the loss of salary! In my case, I had to pretend nothing was wrong and do it all while smiling and on camera for the whole market to see. Here’s how I did it.

How to Handle a Layoff with Class and Dignity: Holly’s Cake

One day after an anchor was laid off at my television station in Florida, the receptionist hauled a beautiful, towering four-layer chocolate fudge cake into the newsroom. The accompanying card read something to the extent of “Thanks for the memories!” and was signed with a flowing, cursive “H,” which stood for Holly.

Word was, Holly took the news of her layoff like a champ. Her expression was like the emoji with a straight line for a mouth: deadpan the entire time as our boss broke the news and proceeded to inform her he had to leave in order to make his Thursday afternoon tee time. After we all joked about the cocoa confection being possibly laced with arsenic, my team dug in and collectively began scooping forkfuls into our mouths like famished barbarians. It wasn’t until after the chocolatey carbs and the sugar-coma began to set in that it occurred to us, either Holly was the sweetest woman on the planet for having the grace to be laid off and send over a cake . . . or she was sending a wry message essentially saying since she was laid off and not given a proper send-off, she was giving herself her own send-off with a decadent, fudge “F-U.”

I decided she was doing both, and silently applauded her actions in my head. Yasss anchor queen, yasss!

Holly’s cake was the opposite of my own experience when I was let go three years into a four-year deal in Tampa Bay. My company had just purchased another media group and was looking to make some major changes in how television news was presented. They wanted to appeal to Millennials and a younger, more lucrative demographic. They thought it would be done by using slang, covering trending topics from Facebook, and doing more entertainment, TMZ-style news. The changes were sweeping, and frankly most of us didn’t fit the mold. Sorry, but I’m not a comedian, a YouTube star, or someone who calls criminals “scumbags” on the air. Ethics and storytelling reign supreme in my book.

When the news was broken to me on a Tuesday, my emoji face couldn’t be further from the straight-line mouth Holly so classily exhibited. My expression was three emojis at once: the exploding brain emoji, the waterfall of tears devastated emoji, and the green vomiting emoji.

The sudden shock, anxiety, panic, anger, and devastation were too much to bear. My hands and arms went numb, and the executive assistant had to rush in with a frozen towel to bring feeling back to my body. How could my employer praise me six months earlier for having the best social media numbers and for my dozens of public appearances speaking at schools and doing community outreach, then kick me to the curb? I felt betrayed and powerless and made no effort to hide it.

What happened to all the “reacting 101” advice I doled out in Chapter 1? Tailoring my emotions for the situation at hand? Yeah . . . I forgot all about it!

The good part about this was, I think my boss and the HR manager who sat across the shiny walnut executive table felt some kind of pity for my pathetic meltdown. Their emotionless, hard faces softened into a “Sorry, not sorry” half-apology expression as they sent me home for the day and offered me the rest of the week off so I could decompress and digest the news.

Not only did I digest, I decided I would give myself the rest of the day to pity party, calling my agent (who was vacationing in the Caribbean but made time to listen to my tearful moaning), my best friends, and closest family, all while eating copious amounts of butter-coated pasta and full-fat cheese puffs. Then, I would get back on my feet and never let them see me sweat.

   Pity Party It Up (Just Not Forever): There’s a time where feeling sorry for yourself is completely, 100 percent a-okay. Allowing yourself to wallow in your own sadness gives you time to take all the feelings of loss, anger, and betrayal and get them out of your system. It gives you time to hit rock bottom and find the motivation to get up off the couch and back in the game. There’s a point where commiserating with yourself and friends about your situation becomes so pathetic, your brain automatically kicks into recovery mode to get you back on your feet (unless you’re like a friend of mine who has been on a continuous eight-year pity party—he sucks the life out of most real parties).

I think part of the reason why my boss offered to let me take the rest of the week off (don’t believe the myth workers are only fired on a Friday, mine was a Tuesday) was partially because he didn’t want to be reminded of the sniffling/tear-stained employee he had just broken. But I had made a commitment to speak to an elementary school the next day about, ironically enough, resilience when faced with challenges. In their case, bullying. So, instead of taking the rest of the week off, I made the presentation, came in early, and shot a bonus story that day. I ramped up my social media even more. Not only did I want to prove that my departure was going to be a loss for the company, I was going to leave my mark and go out on top. My class and grace weren’t going to be a chocolate fudge cake, but me kicking as much ass as I could, acting as if nothing was wrong and setting myself up for something even greater ahead.

   Talk Class, Not Trash: As my colleagues were called one by one to the general manager’s office in the subsequent days after my own layoff and were alerted their services would no longer be needed, the grumblings about our boss and station started percolating. By commiserating together, we became closer than ever, bending over backwards to help one another find a job and triumph after our setback. This was our coping mechanism. But when anybody in the public, or potential employers, asked us about our television station, we chose to emphasize the positives and never back talk our company for making this decision. Trash talking is seen as a reflection of your behavior on a regular basis, not just once. A recruiter even pointedly asked me how I felt about my news director and the way I was let go. Knowing this was a test, I responded diplomatically that I didn’t particularly appreciate the fashion in which we were all alerted but held no ill will toward my superiors, because they obviously were tasked with following through on a companywide edict. The recruiter called my agent the very same day to say how pleased she was to hear I didn’t hold a grudge and that my show of respect and stamina would be positively looked upon.

   Knock, Knock, Who Gets Let In? While getting laid off isn’t anything to be ashamed of, it’s key to allow only your core group in on what you’re going through. My core group (or “squad,” as the cool kids say) was vital in helping me get back on my feet and helping with the job hunt. This is the group of people in your network you can count on after a career disaster. Not the ones who say, “Reach out if you ever need anything” and leave you high and dry. I mean the people who’ve got your back and would offer you a room under their roof if you suddenly were homeless. The people who don’t just say, “I’ll see what I can do” but instead say, “I got this.” The ones who would keep your secrets even if it meant they’d get in trouble themselves for not spilling the beans. It was this group who helped me make calls or reach out to television stations across the country where they knew the managers. Setting these parameters helps you stay focused and able to exert energy with those who deserve it.

THE ULTIMATE MOTIVATOR: DAN

Remember that journalism workshop I hosted with Dan Rather? Not that he was in my squad, but I trusted his judgment and advice explicitly. His point of view would be different from the guidance from the rest of my inner circle. My friends are accomplished in their own ways, but only Dan can call himself one of the original “Big Three” nightly news anchors, along with competing legends Peter Jennings and Tom Brokaw. I sent Dan an email two days after I got the news. Following is part of his email response:

I encourage you to believe in yourself, believe in your vision of what news should be and what kind of anchor/reporter you want to be. I do think that if you are smart (and a little lucky) and are steadfast, steady and determined that you can make a difference. Especially if you fear not. Don’t let them scare you. You’re too good at what you do not to do well wherever you practice your craft.

Good luck. Godspeed. I’ll be pulling for you.

Courage,

Dan Rather

For weeks I carried those words with me on a tiny strip of paper in my wallet. Now, I still carry those words, but in transcended form. They’ve become words I believe in and apply to everything I do.

   Who Is Your Dan Rather? Nothing is as big a motivator as when someone you look up to puts their faith in you when it feels like your team/company/the world doesn’t see your value. Even if you don’t have a mentor or someone like Dan, what’s stopping you from reaching out or seeking some kind of guidance from someone you admire and strive to be like?

   Drop the Right Line: Since the person you’re reaching out to may be the president of a company, a celebrity, or someone not as accessible as the average person, you’ll have to use a bit of perseverance. When I’m on the hunt to interview someone who is high profile, I start with LinkedIn, and message him or her directly through the pro feature, which goes directly into the person’s email. Or, I’ll find the name of his or her assistant by scouring Google or reach out to someone else in the same network. A short, concise message, not a rambling oh-woe-is-me lament with too many details, more often than not gets a response. It may take a while and you will undoubtedly fail, but just like finding a job, all it takes is one “yes.”

By handling the layoff with class and confiding in the right people (versus expressing my bitterness and feelings of betrayal to anybody who would listen or writing an anonymous blog about how awfully my employer treated me) I not only healed, but I had 100 percent sparkling reviews when potential employers made reference calls about me. In the end, this led to a job in a bigger city that’s a better fit.

SETBACK IN STRIDE (CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE)

When I was 27 and promoted to the main anchor position at my station in Charlotte, I should have yelled from the rooftops when my boss broke the news. My career trajectory had happened much faster than I could have ever dreamed of. The face of an entire television station! These were positions so coveted, the primary anchor usually rode out the rest of his or her remaining career at the station. How exciting! But instead of beaming and furiously nodding my head in acceptance, tears instantly poured from my eyes. They weren’t the happy kind either. They were overwhelmed tears. The only thing I could think of was how the woman I’d be replacing would take the news . . . and how I would fill her shoes.

Sonja was known as the mother of our newsroom. She was kind and gentle with a calm demeanor, which translated on-air and made her wildly popular with the audience. She led by example: organizing baby showers for expecting coworkers, and showing up early or leaving late whenever it was necessary. Plus, she was such a good listener she could have set up a booth in the parking lot and moonlighted as a drive-through therapist between newscasts. Sonja had been at the helm of the 11 p.m. newscast for decades and had deep roots in the Charlotte community. After all, her entire family hailed from the Queen City, and her father was the first African American mayor. Now, she’d be anchoring the afternoon and early newscasts, known loosely in television as the #2 anchor spot. Not #1, where she had reigned for almost more years than I had been alive.

The next day when I rounded the corner from the hallway to the makeup room with warp speed, I nearly body slammed with Sonja. Here I was, clutching my XXL jumbo-sized hairspray and hair dryer, looking as pale as if I had seen a ghost. I wailed, “Sonja, I’m so, so sorry! Please don’t think I’m taking your job! Please don’t hate me!” Immediately, in her motherly, compassionate way she wrapped her arms around me in a great big hug, the same way she did on my first day at the station. She then stepped back, hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eye, and said words I will never forget.

“Dion, you’re not taking my job! I’m happy for you! We all go through seasons in life, and this is going to be a new chapter for me. It’s your time to shine! Plus, now I get to go home and eat dinner with my family at night.”

This was the most mind-boggling, relieving, and enlightening experience ever. In those 30 seconds, I learned how being secure in who you are, your abilities, and what you have to offer the world can give you perspective and help you see the positives of setback and how it may not really be a setback. One day, I aspire to be my own version of Sonja.

   See the Positives When You’re Stuck in the Negative: Sometimes we are so clouded by a setback, like a missed promotion or demotion, we don’t look at the fringe benefits. An experienced producer friend of mine was just passed up for a coveted 11 p.m. time slot in lieu of the 6 p.m. newscast. While he said he was disappointed, he told me the 6 p.m. position would not only allow him the ability to be home with his family at the end of the night (versus getting home at well past midnight) but that it came with perks like medical benefits and an additional week of vacation. Ask yourself if this setback is actually a blessing in disguise and the kick in the pants you need to chase your real dreams.

THE PHILADELPHIA INCIDENT: LEARN PERSPECTIVE (THE THREE CS AND DODGING THE BULLET)

It was the spring of 2013, and I had just gotten in the back of a taxi (ridesharing wasn’t yet a “thing”) and called my husband. I told him we should start looking at places to live in Philadelphia. The interview for a very big job (one that, in hindsight, was a bit of a reach) had gone so swimmingly smooth there was no way this wasn’t in the bag. First, a flawless two-hour anchor audition complete with ad-libbed breaking news about a fake Apache helicopter making an unexpected landing. There was instant chemistry with the people I met and one of the managers even told me which neighborhoods to live in. But the clincher: the VP of news telling me not to accept any jobs until she had a chance to check with corporate and call my agent. The feeling of Brotherly Love was running through my veins and I couldn’t wait to eat apple cider donuts in the fall, have regular lunch dates with friends at Reading Terminal Market, and run up the stairs of the art museum to the Rocky theme song.

As the weeks went by, my agent and I were continuously encouraged with the request not to sign another contract, not to extend at my current station, nor respond to other possible offers. Insiders I had met during the interview told me there were only two other people in serious contention, but I had made the biggest impression on the staff.

Then one day, nearly two months after that glorious interview, my future seemingly solidified and my goodbye email already crafted (okay, maybe I jumped the gun on that one) I got the call while out running errands. The station had decided to go with someone else. A woman from a smaller market who was blonde, white, and looked very similar to the woman she was replacing.

Spirit crushed, there I was, feeling like I did as a child again, asking myself why I wasn’t a blonde white woman instead of who I was. Had I just lost again because of what I looked like? My legs gave way and I sunk into the driver’s seat and sat in the parking lot of my local Target long enough to alarm the rent-a-cops who even knocked on the window asking if I was okay. The red-and-white bag containing floor cleaner and toothpaste was still in my hand.

For months I took the news like the opposite of Sylvester Stallone. A loser. My headspace was constantly occupied by an endless loop of reliving the interview. Did I do something wrong? Was my ad-lib not comprehensive enough? Maybe I should have dyed my hair blonde. But the only blonde Asians in TV news seemed to be in Los Angeles! While I knew the business was subjective and the decision was probably completely out of my control, the rejection still sucked, and I thought about it constantly. It wasn’t until months later that a mentor told me this particular station ownership group was notorious for having their corporate bigwigs make the hiring decisions. It didn’t matter what the staff at the station thought of me, it was out of their control and had been from the beginning.

This not only kept me from going off the deep end, it also taught me an important lesson.

   The Three Cs: You didn’t create it. You didn’t cause it. You can’t change it. Remembering these things can help you not only cope but make sense of what happened and bring you closure. You know the feeling of getting dumped for no reason or even worse, ghosted? There may never be an answer as to why it happened, but understanding these three concepts can help you come to terms with, and get over, a setback.

   Ask if You’ve Dodged a Bullet: Five years after I didn’t get the job I thought I was a shoo-in for, I was shocked to learn most of the on-air talent I had met during my interview were gone. After asking a couple of acquaintances from a journalism convention who worked at the station why there had seemed to be such a large exodus of employees in recent months, they relayed some of the station’s dysfunctions to me. One even told me I had “dodged a bullet” by not getting the job. As much as I wanted the Philly role at the time, I realized, in hindsight, maybe what you think you want isn’t all it’s cracked up to be after all. Shortly after, I was offered a job as the early evening anchor at a station in Tampa Bay. Philadelphia soon became a distant memory, as I traded the cheesesteaks and the Liberty Bell for stone crabs and sandy beaches. While it wasn’t quite what I thought I wanted, it was an excellent career move.

BIGGER, BRIGHTER, BADDER (MAKE MORE THAN ONE DOOR OPEN)

The saying “when one door closes, another one opens” is fine. But when you encounter a career setback, it’s time to watch some YouTube tutorials of “This Old House,” find the materials, and make your own door. This can be through hustling contacts or thinking outside the box. When a young, homeless web developer named David Casarez lost his job in the summer of 2018, he stood on a street corner with a sign that said, “HUNGRY 4 SUCCESS TAKE A RESUME.” He ended up with more than 200 job offers, and landed a permanent job about a month later.

   What Can You Do? I get that David’s strategy was beyond unorthodox and not realistic for most people. But how can you push the envelope a bit to create your own door? Years before the Marie Kondo tidying phenomenon was a Net-flix hit, Jenny, a woman who is now my friend after I did a story on her, was working a miserable finance job but loved tidying in her spare time. She tracked down Marie at a book signing and basically convinced her team to hire her as an unpaid assistant, so she could learn the method. That led to a paid job. To some, this may seem outrageous, but Jenny had nothing to lose and was ten times happier than when chained to her desk crunching numbers all day.

You Just Never Know (How I Got Here and How You’ll Get There)

Forget Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. It’s more like two degrees when it comes to your career, no matter the industry. There are almost 326 million people living in the United States. Yet, why is it I could be on a street corner in New York City and catch the eye of an ex-boyfriend I haven’t seen in 15 years who just happened to be getting in a cab? Or wandering the streets of Tokyo and see an old neighbor of mine from Boston? While I can’t explain the science or the mathematical odds of this happening, I can tell you the world is a whole lot smaller than even the saying implies . . . and you can use it to your advantage.

When I asked a former agent of mine about a job opening in Los Angeles, he pretty much shut down the idea immediately, using the excuse that stations there liked to hire native Californians to read the news. Having never lived in California would be a black mark on my résumé. While, yes, it’s a benefit in the TV industry to work where you grew up (nothing helps one’s popularity like being a hometown kid) there are plenty of people who work in cities they had no affiliation with. (I mean, Oprah freaking Winfrey is from Kosciusko, Mississippi, population just about 6,891.) Good thing I didn’t listen to that agent (and subsequently fired him), because guess what? Five years later, I’m working in California. What helped me make up for my lack of West Coast ties was the wide and wild web of people I knew throughout the years but had no idea would play a role in getting me to where I wanted to be.

When my agent looked into a job for me in San Francisco, I knew despite my accomplished résumé, there would be hundreds of applicants and I needed an inside edge in order to rise to the top of the applicant pool.

This is when my networking skills and willingness to ask went into overdrive.

While talking to Iris, my reporter bestie in Syracuse about my job search, she dropped a bombshell. Her photographer, whom she worked with every day for 10 years, had dated a woman who was now a news director in San Francisco. Turns out, it was my current news director! He also worked with my former coanchor in Charlotte as well at my station in Tampa before moving to Syracuse. She started shrieking and five minutes later, her photographer was on the phone with my now boss.

This got me thinking. Who else is out there who could be of help in my quest? Here’s a few strategies on how to get started:

   Snoop Sensibly: If the Iris/photographer example wasn’t kismet enough, I just happened to be doing some background research on the managers at the station in San Francisco and noticed a newly retired photographer I used to work closely with during public appearances. That person was a first-level connection on LinkedIn with the news director. Since Larry and I had a good relationship, I had no shame in calling him to ask what their connection was. Turns out Larry was a mentor to her as she was starting out as a producer! As soon as I mentioned applying for the job in San Francisco, he offered to call the news director (again, on her personal cell phone) and sang my praises. For that, I’ll never be more grateful. Channel your inner reporter by scouring LinkedIn, social media, and search engines for any and all possible connections.

REJECTION CAN BE AWESOME . . . EVENTUALLY

Whether breaking up with a high school sweetheart after 10 years or being passed over for a big job, I get rejection. Second only to actors in Hollywood, I’ve probably been rejected more times than the average human being. Not just for jobs, but on a daily basis by sources or man-on-the-street interviews. (What do you mean you don’t want to weigh in on the current political climate for the entire world to see?!)

Nearly every time I’ve gotten a “no,” something better happens. Instead of seeing a rejection as a negative, let’s change the meaning to make it a kick-in-the-pants motivator to keep pushing for something better.

Graciousness in Acceptance . . . and Rejection (The Cruffins)

As soon as I woke up the day after my job interview in San Francisco, I got in line at one of the hottest bakeries in the city: Mr. Holmes Bakehouse. After standing in line long enough for my calves to ache, I practically cleared them out of their signature hipster muffin–croissants, called “Cruffins,” before they sold out for the day. (For a while, sweet tooths would actually hire people via TaskRabbit or Craigslist to wait in line early in the morning to secure their servings of flaky goodness. That’s how in demand they were!) Those two beautiful gold-foil-embossed boxes of hard-to-get, Instagram-worthy pastries cost at least four times the price of Krispy Kreme, but I wanted to make an impression—a sweet, thoughtful impression that not only screamed exclusivity but showed my appreciation for everyone taking time out of their day to interview me. Yes, my future teammates were worth the $4 per Cruffin and the wait in line

The treats were a hit. Even the general manager wrote a note to say how much everyone loved the surprise. (Scientists do say sugar is more addictive than cocaine. Maybe I had somehow drugged them into euphoria.) Shortly after, I got the job.

While I wouldn’t recommend going to these lengths for every interview (A friend once asked if she should send a cheese pizza after a phone interview. Uh, the answer there is a resounding no.) and I certainly wouldn’t recommend this after not getting the job, there are certain measures that ooze gratitude, appreciation, and class and set you up for . . . who knows? Maybe something even better the next time around.

   Make It Memorable: Would I have made the same impression with stale Dunkin’ Donuts as I did with artisan-crafted non-GMO/organic/locally sourced pastry? Probably not. So, the same applies for after you get rejected. A nice card (preferably not the 99-cent cheap-o cards at the bottom of the Hallmark display) with a message that reads something like, “Thank you for the opportunity to interview for your position. While I’m disappointed it didn’t work out, please keep me in mind for the next one.” And add a personal tidbit to the end. When I didn’t get a job in Dallas, I included a line that said, “Next time, I’m getting the baby back ribs!” a play on the pathetic and too-healthy salad I ordered at the BBQ joint we went to for my interview dinner. Years later, when I ran into that manager at a convention, one of her first questions was if I had made the right choice at the hotel breakfast buffet.

   Continue to Follow Up: Even though I didn’t get the job in Boston . . . or DC . . . or Philadelphia and I don’t want the jobs now, I still, on occasion, take the time to email the news directors or various managers during holiday time to let them know what I’m up to and to wish them season’s greetings. November and December make for the perfect built-in excuse to connect. Because the gesture is a positive one, and one where you’re not asking for something, you come across as genuine and kind, not desperate as if you need a job. It also leaves a positive message with the employer to remember you for the next round of hiring . . . just in case.

THE EVERYDAY F**K UPS

Screwing up sucks. Screwing up in front of the boss and hundreds of thousands of viewers is a whole different beast, and it used to eat me up inside until I couldn’t sleep and developed that subconscious jaw-grinding problem.

The goal is to train your brain to face a mistake head-on and get through it and not let it affect how others view your work, so you can go on to thrive.

Permit Patty: A Case for’Fessing Up and Moving On

Let’s face it. No matter how good you are at your job, how careful you are in crossing every “t” and dotting every “i,” you’re bound to make a mistake. A faux pas. A snafu. A momentary lapse in judgment. Whatever you call your f**k up, how you respond to it can be the difference between making a full recovery and going on to thrive, or having a black mark on your record, being on a never-ending mental treadmill reliving what went wrong, or potentially losing your job. As much as we’d like to have our own personal Olivia Pope clean up our scandals and missteps in our careers, the only person who can fill that role in real life is you.

In the summer of 2018, America was experiencing a news phenomenon. People, behaving badly, perhaps in a racially charged way, were being caught on camera. The videos would go viral, racking up millions of views, shares, and even more rage-filled comments. Accompanying the viral videos, Instagram posts and stories would be an alliteration nickname. “Coupon Carl” in Chicago, for calling the cops on a black woman, accusing her of trying to use an expired voucher for incontinence pads. “Barbecue Becky,” who called the police on a group of African American people grilling at a lake in Oakland, California. “Pool Patrol Paula,” who was caught hitting a black teen, calling her the “n” word, and then biting the responding officer. Yeesh, was this the zombie apocalypse or something?

Then, there was “Permit Patty.”

My photographer and I were staked outside a condo complex across the street from the Giants stadium, where a woman known to the world as “Permit Patty” was holed up. She was at the epicenter of the latest viral video scandal to circle the globe—a white woman, caught on camera, appearing to report an eight-year-old black girl for selling water on the street outside her home without a permit. The story spread like wildfire. The original Instagram video (complete with funny expletive) depicting the woman seemingly hiding from the little girl’s mother and calling the police has been viewed millions of times to date. (Patty was adamant she did not call the police. It just “appeared” that way in the video.) Forget about the immigration crisis and the thousands of crying children separated at the border. Whatever the reason, the universe just couldn’t get enough of Miss Patty.

Since the incident happened less than 10 minutes from my station, I was determined to be the first local reporter to score an interview with her. After some persistent reaching out (in my world, that includes at least five phone calls and an equal amount of texts), Permit Patty’s representative finally texted me back. The message read, in part, that his client was “traumatized,” and didn’t want to do any more on-camera interviews.

Yes! Even though he declined my request, it was an in. As you know from this book, once you find the “in”—it’s usually all downhill from there. One thing I’m known for is a pretty good success rate turning the “in” into an “in-terview.”

So it began. Back and forth. Back and forth. I was starting to develop carpal tunnel in my thumbs from frantically texting and trying to get this “PR expert” to understand my reasoning why his client should grant me an interview. I explained how, if his client was “traumatized” now, she’d be a whole lot more traumatized if the story kept growing. Speaking out was her chance to tell her side of the story. A chance at the world to empathize with her situation. Control the narrative and be in control of the story. It felt as if I was getting close. Mr. PR said to “hold on” and I anxiously held on with bated breath. This was going to be awesome! I would have the biggest story of the day.

Twenty minutes of “holding on” later, I watched in disgust as the CNN reporter cockily signaled to his cameraperson and strode into her building. Seriously!? The only logical conclusion was they signed a pay-for-play deal, which included a gag clause where she wouldn’t be able to talk to any other media outlet.

Grrr. After working the story for hours, wasting my time with Mr. PR Genius, and I get a silent slap in the face? It wasn’t exactly a good day. As I resisted the urge to broadcast what just happened all over Twitter, and thought about the snub well after I went home from work, I took comfort in knowing soon enough that Patty’s PR guru would understand my point: by not putting the story to bed, it was about to get a whole lot messier for his client.

Lo and behold, not only did the story stay alive, it intensified. Another station, who was also denied an interview, kept digging into Patty’s actions that day. Turns out, she did indeed talk to the police, but called 9-1-1 to do so. Calling 9-1-1 isn’t the same as calling the police, but from the phone records, you can hear Patty get transferred to the police department. Whether or not she purposely evaded that minor detail didn’t matter. She looked even worse in the eyes of millions and ended up resigning from her job as CEO of a medical marijuana company.

You should have listened when you had the chance, PR guy.

NOW. NOT TOMORROW. NOT NEXT WEEK. NOW (THE IMPORTANCE OF IMMEDIACY)

The Permit Patty story is a prime example of when an apology is needed; time is of the essence. How many politicians have you seen go down in flames for not’fessing up to their misdeeds? (Anthony Weiner, we all knew it was you in those topless selfies.) The same goes when the blame is on you. By not acting quickly, you’re giving the impression you don’t care. The quicker you can take care of the situation, the quicker others will get over it and the quicker you can get on with your life.

Here’s my three-step process to contain a faux pas, and move on with professionalism and as little damage to your reputation and career as possible.

Own It!

C’mon. Be honest! Are you really at fault? If you are, then you are! Shifting the blame to someone else just makes the situation worse, because you look like a wimp, someone else gets thrown under the bus, and the mess-up then continues to grow. If someone else is responsible in addition to yourself, mention it, but you’re an adult: take the heat for your own actions. Oh, and don’t lie or lie by omission. It’s amazing how easily someone can find out the truth.

Apologize Sincerely and Succinctly

Don’t say more than you need to! A reporter I used to work with would get nervous and start rambling during his apologies. So much so I started feeling badly for him and had to pull him aside and give him a talk on why he was digging his own grave the more he rambled. Plus, your job isn’t to keep reminding others of your blunders; it’s to get past them.

Work Your Butt Off

Regaining your team’s trust after a gaffe takes a whole lot longer than proving yourself in the first place. Just like a cheating spouse lavishing his or her partner with flowers, gifts, and lovey-dovey pet names after getting caught in the act, you have to work twice as hard to prove yourself. The only thing that erases a mistake is an overabundance of stellar work, and nobody can take that away from you.

WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS

As much as I’d like to wrap this chapter up in a neat little bow, let’s get one thing straight: career setbacks are never fun. From the unintentional mistakes to the unfortunate developments at your job that result in something that is beyond your control like being let go, these create inconvenient, stressful, and sometimes embarrassing and heartbreaking times.

To an outsider, looking back at that time of transition from one Bay Area to another, many things don’t look right on paper. The cost of living in San Francisco is astronomical (It’s the most expensive city in the country, with the average home price at $1,300 a square foot. Tampa Bay was $200.), yet I’m not making more money. I’m no longer the face of a television station. I work weekends and more hours than I ever imagined were possible.

But at the same time, it takes being pushed out of something cushy and comfortable to realize your full potential and find true joy. Being back on the street reporting shouldn’t have been seen as a career demotion. It was an opportunity to meet seemingly ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things. It was exciting and energizing and helped me remember why I got into the industry to begin with: to help others by telling their story. Sure, living the Florida life of leisure, state income–tax-free, toes in warm sand and surf was good. But it turns out, coasting wasn’t for me. A setback can reignite passions and drive and force you to create opportunities for yourself that’ll make you feel alive. For me, I’m alive for the first time in my career and in my personal life. The adventure to new surroundings is better than anything I dared to dream of back in Florida. A former mentor had a saying: You’ve never really lived until you’ve been fired. When you’re in the moment where it feels like the world is caving in, don’t forget that feeling of fulfillment is just beyond the horizon and may not happen until you decide to fail your way forward.