5

Create Competence

To master your motivation, create competence. To create competence, you need to

   Feel effective at managing everyday situations

   Demonstrate skill over time

   Feel a sense of growth and learning

Competence reflects your need to grow and learn each day. A toddler incessantly asks, “Why?” Her basic nature is to learn. A child learning to walk is full of joy. He falls but gets up because he relishes learning this vital skill that will make him more effective in life. Creating competence can be exhilarating. I’ll never experience the thrill of dunking a basketball off a fast break or kicking the winning goal at the World Cup, but I have been elated by writing a quoteworthy sentence or watching my Italian husband delight in homemade pasta sauce.

I was working with my colleague Dobie on a complicated project. Her eyes were bloodshot from days of analyzing data. I asked her if she was okay. She responded, “You know, I’m physically exhausted, but I’m also excited. Working on this project makes me feel smart.” As it happens, Dobie is smart and competent at what she does—she had just accepted the fact for herself. She was effective at managing the day-to-day demands of the project. She was demonstrating real skill. She felt she was growing and learning. She was effectively creating competence.

Brett loved almost everything about his job until he met Sally. He dreaded dealing with Sally. He described her as experienced, smart, and high performing but also as a bully who insulted team members and created high anxiety during meetings. Brett admitted he was intimidated by Sally—which was problematic because he was her manager! With emotions flaring and excuses flying, Brett would hang up from calls with Sally feeling exasperated, exhausted, and embarrassed for himself at being so inept.

After taking a motivation workshop offered by his company, Brett readily admitted he needed to create choice and connection to improve the situation with Sally. To his surprise, it was after answering the questions to create competence when “the magic happened.” Brett had begun to question his ability to lead—and it was affecting more than his relationship with Sally. He had to admit that he was lacking the skill to handle conflict and deal with an aggressive staff member. Brett successfully reached out for guidance to help foster a better working relationship with Sally.

What I found inspiring about Brett’s story was how a high-level manager mastered his motivation by admitting his inability to deal with a situation. One of the most important aspects of creating competence is an openness to being coached. Studies on coachability show that no matter your job—sales, competitive athletics, or entrepreneurship—proactively seeking to improve your interpersonal and work-related skills is directly correlated with productivity and role-related effectiveness.¹

Don’t Be Fooled by Assuming Competence You Don’t Have

Have you ever watched the auditions for a television singing competition? A contestant steps up to the microphone with total confidence. She is optimally motivated; after all, she enjoys singing and has been taking lessons to grow her skill. She truly believes she’s a great singer because of all the praise she’s received from family members afraid to tell her the truth for fear of crushing her dream. Admirable intentions. But as you listen to her audition, you wish someone had loved her enough to provide an honest appraisal.

As you might predict, the judges tear down the auditioner’s performance. She can’t believe it. Her competence has just been shattered—and she’s in denial. When it comes to a specific goal or task, it’s not enough to think you’re skillful if you are not. To create competence on a specific goal requires more than feeling confident in your ability. At some point, you need to demonstrate competence.

Competence doesn’t necessarily equate to mastery. It depends on your goal. Maybe you haven’t mastered the goal of schussing down black diamond ski runs, but you can create competence if you are effectively managing the bunny slope and focusing on what you learn so you see progress each time you ski down the hill. But your competence will ultimately erode if you’re embarrassed or frustrated to still be snowplowing down the bunny slope after years of lessons and practice. If you haven’t progressed toward your goal of skiing black diamond runs, chances are good that you’ll give up even attempting to ski.² But if your goal is simply to enjoy being on the mountain, hang with your friends, and sip spiked hot chocolate beside the fire at the end of the day, snowplowing the bunny slope may be all you need to create competence.

Are You Undermining Competence?

To avoid undermining competence, practice actions from the list below.

   Stop emphasizing outcomes and short-term results over learning and growing.

   Don’t discount or avoid training, instruction, and advice.

   Avoid focusing on my mistakes instead of lessons learned.

   Develop the mindset and skillset of a self leader who proactively asks for the direction and support I need to achieve my goals.

   Remember that perfection is the enemy of progress.

   Ignore outside criticism that I’m not up to the task—unless it’s legitimate feedback for getting up to speed on the task.

   Craft an action plan for achieving my goal that includes a learning plan.

   Cease comparing myself to others and judging myself as inferior. Instead, use information about how others are doing as data that informs my learning plan.

   Never assume competence—if I haven’t demonstrated I am able to do something, open my mind to learning something new.

Don’t underestimate the power that comes from being able to manage your everyday life with effectiveness. Marie Kondo is living proof of this power. Her book on the life-changing magic of organizing, folding, and cleansing—or tidying up, as she refers to it³—has sold over seven million copies worldwide with over eight thousand five-star reviews on Amazon! She makes reorganizing your closet and drawers meaningful: keep only the items that spark joy. But what makes people giddy is learning how to fold everything from socks to shirts and store them vertically. (If you don’t believe me about the giddiness, ask me about my scarf bins.)

Motivation science explains the success behind Kondo’s approach. Her lessons on how to make meaningful decisions about what “stuff” to keep, donate, or toss create choice and connection. But the magic happens when you learn the skills necessary to organize your space, sparking the joy of creating competence.

If you’ve ever felt inferior, ill-equipped, inept, scared, fearful, frustrated, or impotent when it comes to your goal or situation, then you know what a lack of competence feels like. Taking actions to stop undermining competence is important, but you can create competence by asking yourself key questions.

Questions to Create Competence

Ask yourself targeted questions to create competence:

When it comes to my goal or situation,

1. What skills or experience do I have that might prove helpful?

• What core competencies can I draw from to manage the challenges I face?

• Why are drawing on my skills, experience, and core competencies important?

2. What new skills could I develop?

• What progress have I made in my skill development?

• Why is developing skills and making progress important?

3. What insights have I gained—or might I gain—that could help me moving forward?

• Why is moving forward important to me?

• Have I made mistakes? Why is learning from my mistakes meaningful?

• What have I learned that will help in the future?

These questions create competence. When your motivation is suboptimal because you feel overwhelmed or inadequate, focus on appreciating what you might learn from the experience or pursuing your goal.

Create competence by learning from your mistakes and then sharing your wisdom with others. Visit the Master Your Motivation page at www.susanfowler.com to learn more about creating competence.