Five Essential Skills for Successful

  Collaborative Relationships

9

A Person in the Green Zone

17

A Person in the Red Zone

18

Red Zone Reactive Self-Talk

22

Green Zone Accountable

  Self-Talk

23

Red Zone Environments Are

  Marked By

23

Green Zone Environments Are

  Marked By

24

Long-Term Consequences of

  Red Zone Behavior

25

Red Zone-Green Zone Feedback

  Exercise

25

Red Zone-Green Zone Feedback

  Checklist

26

Conflict Lifeline Example 1

36

Conflict Lifeline Example 2

37

Conflict Lifeline Example 3

37

Conflict Lifeline Exercise

38

Lifeline Visualization Exercise

39

Signs of Defensiveness Exercise

43

Signs of Defensiveness

44

When You Get Defensive

51

Defensiveness Action Plan

  Exercise

51

Karen’s Defensiveness

  Action Plan

53

Defensiveness Action Plan

  Worksheet

54

Two Ways to Manage Your

  Buttons

58

Unhooking Your Buttons

  Worksheet

62

First Truth First Tool

69

Congruent Delivery Tool

70

When the Messages Are Not

  Congruent

73

Congruent Delivery Exercise

74

Congruent Messages Worksheet

75

What I Have to Share

  Checklist Tool

76

What I Have to Share List

76

What I Have to Share Example

77

What I Have to Share

  Worksheet

78

Unhooking Your Buttons Tool

79

Effects of Good Listening

83

Issues That Undermine Listening

88

Implications of Better Listening

  Exercise

90

Twelve Keys to Effective Listening

91

What Is Your Belief System

  Exercise

97

How Do You Contribute? Exercise

102

FIRO Theory: Feelings, Fears and

  Behavior

110

FIRO Theory: How People’s

  Behavior Is Influenced by

  Their Feelings and Fears

110

Trick Question

114

FIRO Element B Structure

118

Monica’s and Hank’s Scores

120

FIRO Element B and the FIRO B

124

FIRO Element B Scores

127

Exploring Preferences Using

FIRO Element B Scores

Exercise

128

Element B Scores Worksheet

130

Dialogue Instructions

131

Looking for Rigidity Exercise

139

Inclusion Rigidity Worksheet

141

Control Rigidity Worksheet

142

Openness Rigidity Worksheet

143

Exploring Parental Traits Tool

149

Negative Trait List

151

How Parental Traits Affect

  Relationships

154

Mental Rehearsal Tool

155

Mental Rehearsal Exercise

157

Body-Mind Imagery Tool

158

Body-Mind Imagery Exercise

158

Developing an Objective

  Observer Tool

160

Distortion Log Tool

161

Distortion Log Worksheet

162

Distortion Log Example

163

Light Visualization Tool

164

Light Visualization Exercise

164

Accountable Friends Tool

164

Individual Daily Practice Tool

165

Ten Strategies for Building

  Collaboration

170

Collaboration Reflection

  Exercise

179

Identifying a Current Conflict

 Exercise

186

Steps of the Interest-Based

  Approach

187

Identifying Process and

  Inclusion Issues Exercise

192

Process and Inclusion

  Worksheet

193

Writing a Problem Statement

  Exercise

199

Ryan and Doug Interests Chart

203

Three Reasons It Is Easier to

  Reconcile Interests Than

Positions

206

Role Reversal Tool

206

Worst-Critic Analysis Tool

207

Cultural Issues

210

Monica and Andre Interest

  Analysis Exercise

212

Monica and Andre Dialogue

212

Understanding Interests Exercise

214

Interests Worksheet

214

Cautionary Notes!

220

Contingency Plans

220

Contingency Plans Worksheet

221

Getting Your Interests Met

225

Fair Standards and Fair

  Procedures

231

Ten Guidelines for Inventing

  Solutions

232

Ten Methods of Generating

  Creative Solutions

239

Inventing Creative Solutions

  Exercise

240

Creative Potential Solutions

  Worksheet

241

The Clear Lake Cabin Exercise

242

Straw Design as a Closure Tool

247

Force Field Analysis Tool

251

Getting Unstuck

253

Interest-Based Action Plan

  Exercise

256

A Recap of the Interest-Based

  Approach

257

Fifteen Things You Can Do

  Today to Improve Your

  Ability to Be in a Successful Relationship

265