SEVEN

Agility

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.

—Tony Robbins

Personality agility is the ability to energize all six types in us. This allows leaders to respect the uniqueness in others and adapt their approach to maximize the people they lead. Agile leaders recognize that no type is better or worse, smarter or less smart. Each one has unique purpose and value. Each one is capable of contributing. Each one is responsible for their choices and behaviors.

Personality diversity is not an obstacle to be overcome. It is an opportunity to see more, be more, and do more. This potential can be realized by using the tools and skills of PCM.

Agility helps the Thinker in us find the most effective method to help each personality type be productive.

Agility helps the Persister in us respect and honor each person according to how they are built.

Agility helps the Harmonizer in us care for and affirm people for who they are, no strings attached.

Agility helps the Rebel in us stay flexible and creative in our leadership.

Agility helps the Imaginer in us realize the endless possibilities of diversity.

Agility helps the Promoter in us quickly get to what works best.

Agile leaders keep their focus on the most important goals and purpose while adjusting their approach depending on the personality of the people they lead.

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As soon as Kayla got back to her desk she searched LinkedIn for Mr. Fredricks, her fifth-grade math teacher. She found him! He was still teaching math but had moved from Texas to Oklahoma and was now teaching at the high school level. Kayla sent this message, asking to connect with Mr. Fredricks on LinkedIn: “Greetings Mr. Fredricks. I don’t know if you remember me, but you taught my fifth-grade math class at Roosevelt Elementary in Dallas. It was almost 15 years ago. I’m doing an assignment for my new job and would like to interview you.”

OLD STUFF. NEW LENS.

Four days later Kayla got a response. Mr. Fredricks accepted Kayla’s invitation and sent a message. “Hi Kayla, I’m sorry I don’t remember you. It’s been a long time. I’m happy to be interviewed though. I’m available most afternoons between 4–5 p.m. Would that work for you? My email and phone number are in my profile information if you want to connect with me that way.” Kayla and Mr. Fredricks set up an appointment for the next afternoon.

Kayla was nervous for the call since she had mostly negative memories of Mr. Fredricks. For some reason though, she felt drawn to talk to him. Since learning about PCM, Kayla was truly curious about how personality was involved in some of her most significant relationships growing up. The best-case scenario, she figured, was that she would gain appreciation for his personality and let go of some old baggage. Worst-case scenario is that he’d act the same and she would feel hurt and insignificant again.

Mr. Fredricks picked up the phone. “Hello, this is Chris Fredricks. Is this Kayla?”

“Yes,” Kayla responded. “This is Kayla. Thank you for accepting my invite for an interview. It’s been a long time and it looks like you’ve moved and changed to high school math.”

“Yeah. I made the shift about five years ago. And, you can call me Chris.” Chris continued, “I got married and my wife is a high school teacher. She got a great job offer in Oklahoma, closer to her family, so we moved. The only opening I could find was in high school, so I gave it a try. It’s been a good fit for me.”

“That’s great. I’m happy for you.” Kayla felt unexpectedly comfortable. “So, I have a new job, too. My degree is in marketing and I am working at ProcessCorp now. I just started a month ago.”

“I’ve heard about ProcessCorp,” Chris interrupted. “They are known for being one of the best places to work in Texas. How do you like it?”

“I love it! I was pretty miserable in my previous jobs and didn’t even imagine a place like this could exist. The reason I reached out to you actually has to do with integrating into my new job here. I’ve been mentoring with my department head and we’ve been talking about trust. I am supposed to interview people about how they define trust. Can I ask you a few questions?”

“Sure, go ahead.” Chris seemed open to the question.

“Well, let’s start with your definition of trust,” Kayla waited.

“Hmm, let’s see. That’s an interesting question. How do I define trust?” Chris was silent for a few seconds. “I’d say that trust has to do with integrity and character. I try to walk the talk and I expect others to do the same.”

“Interesting. Would you describe some examples of what you mean?” Kayla inquired.

“Sure. When I got married, I told my wife that I’d love her for better or worse. So if I’m having a bad day that’s not an excuse for me to love her any less. I made a commitment and I follow through on it. I expect the same from my students. I have high standards and I ask a lot of them. When I say the assignment is due Friday, I mean it.”

Kayla was feeling a little anxious now. It seemed like Mr. Fredricks subscribed to a different trust question than Kayla, but she continued. “Mr. Fredricks—I mean Chris—if you don’t mind, could you tell me if this definition of trust has changed at all for you over the years?” Immediately Kayla recognized her Harmonizer Please You Driver. She was tentative and lost assertiveness temporarily. While Chris was contemplating his answer, Kayla gave herself a quick pep talk. “It’s okay for me to ask these questions. Mr. Fredricks agreed to be interviewed and this assignment is important to me.”

Before Chris spoke, Kayla jumped in, “Chris, let me ask that again. Have you always defined trust this way?” She felt much better after asserting herself.

“Yes and no,” Chris responded. “I didn’t used to care so much about integrity and character. Earlier in my career, probably when I taught you, I would have defined trust as being dependable and competent. I trusted teachers who were on top of their subject and knew their stuff. I didn’t trust the touchy-feely ones who only seemed to care about making sure students were happy. I would spend a lot of time preparing for class because I wanted students to trust my knowledge and competence. I wanted them to be able to depend on me to know my stuff. I wanted parents to trust me to instruct their children correctly.”

Kayla noticed herself forming a hypothesis about Chris’s personality structure. Probably more Persister energy now, more Thinker energy previously in his life. She decided to stay curious.

“So what changed?” Kayla probed, this time with more confidence.

“I’m not sure. I do remember one significant moment during a parent-teacher conference back at Roosevelt. I was explaining to a dad why his daughter was almost failing my class. I described that she didn’t speak up and ask questions. When I offered to help during class, she wouldn’t say anything. When I’d ask her probing questions to try and get her to figure it out on her own, she would shut down. She made silly mistakes on homework and tests, like she wasn’t thinking. I knew that she understood the material better than that. I was quite critical of this student, right in front of her.”

Kayla felt a strange sensation coming over her. It was like déjà vu. Surely he wasn’t talking about her. There must have been other Harmonizer Phase students in his class. He would have remembered her, wouldn’t he?

Chris continued, “I’ll never forget what her dad did next. He asked his daughter to leave the room and give us some privacy. Then he told me that his daughter was afraid of me. He explained that she didn’t feel safe speaking up because I was asking all these questions and she couldn’t think clearly. He explained that his daughter had gotten top grades in math class the year before and that the teacher was supportive and compassionate.

“I remember feeling really angry and wanting to lash out at this dad for the negative comparison. Teachers hate that. But I held my tongue. I said something about just wanting his daughter to be successful, but I didn’t really acknowledge what he’d said. It stuck with me though.”

“Oh my gosh!” Kayla reacted inside. “That was my dad!” Kayla didn’t recall any of the details of that particular parent-teacher conference, but she did remember being asked to leave the room and feeling rejected. She never had the courage to ask her dad about it and he never said anything afterward. Kayla felt ambivalent. Should she reveal the connection, or let it go? She noticed a small amount of compassion for Mr. Fredricks.

Kayla gathered her thoughts. “That must have been hard, Chris. Did that influence your definition of trust?”

“Yes it did,” Chris responded. “I reflected a lot on that situation. I wondered if that girl’s dad was right. I didn’t want students to be afraid of me. I wanted them to love math. My wife also influenced me a lot. She’s really good at connecting with students and adjusting how she communicates with each one so that they can hear what she’s saying in a way that they can understand. She’s always telling me, ‘You can’t unlock a lock with a lock. You have to unlock a lock with a key.’ She says that unless students trust you, they can’t really give the energy needed to learn. You’ve got to find that key that unlocks their energy.”

“That’s the same thing my new boss has been saying!” Kayla felt a connection. “She says that trust comes in different flavors and in order for people to trust us, we have to find that key that fits their definition of trust.”

“This is why my definition of trust has changed. I now believe that if I care about students and I want them to learn, then I have to walk the talk. I can’t be satisfied with doing my thing in my own way and expect them to learn. It’s not one size fits all. If I know this and don’t do anything about it, I’m a hypocrite.”

Kayla didn’t know what to say. She wondered if Mr. Fredricks was now in a Persister Phase. He also seemed to be showing a lot of Harmonizer energy. She wanted to ask so many more questions, but that was beyond her current assignment and there was still the secret she was holding back.

“Kayla, if I could go back in time, I would apologize to that student and her dad. I would tell them I’m sorry for being so rigid in my approach and not realizing how unsafe she felt. I’ve made a lot of changes in my teaching style and one of them is to be more supportive and compassionate. I’ve gotten much more flexible. I bet this girl wasn’t the only student who felt that way. I probably pushed her away from loving math and I am sorry for that.”

Kayla’s eyes filled with tears and she felt a lump in her throat. She took a deep breath trying to gather herself and tried to hold back her emotion. But Mr. Fredricks must have noticed. “Are you alright, Kayla?” he asked. “Is it something I said?”

She couldn’t hold it in any longer. Through the tears and lump in her throat Kayla shared her secret. “That girl was me, Chris. Honestly, it was not my intention for this to happen and I didn’t remember that situation until you described it. My dad never told me about your conversation.”

“Oh my goodness, Kayla. I don’t know what to say. I feel embarrassed. I am so sorry.” Mr. Fredricks was silent.

“It’s okay, Chris. You said everything I needed to hear. I accept your apology and I’m so grateful for this unexpected turn of events.” Kayla felt like a huge weight had been lifted. She was smiling through the tears.

Kayla and Chris spent the next 15 minutes talking about how their lives had changed and how much they appreciated positive influences in their lives. Kayla told Chris about PCM. While they were on the phone, Chris searched the internet for PCM in education and found a couple of books that had been published on the topic. He was excited to order one and learn more.

Kayla couldn’t wait to call her dad, which she did on her way home. She told him the story and they both had a good cry as they replayed that experience and talked about their relationship growing up. Kayla’s dad asked if she wanted to come over this weekend for dinner and they could talk more about what she was learning. She was so excited!

PERSONALITY AGILITY

Kayla was eager to tell Pauline. At their next meeting, she spent over half their time sharing what had happened, oblivious to what Pauline may have wanted to talk about. Pauline didn’t mind. Things were going just where they needed to go.

“I’ve been talking nonstop and completely lost track of the time,” Kayla apologized.

“Not a problem at all. I love hearing about the breakthroughs and connections you are making. It’s amazing how you can go back and rebuild relationships through the lens of PCM. I did that with my dad just before he died. We didn’t have the best relationship growing up. He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and managed to keep things under control for six years going from treatment to treatment. The time came when he recognized that it was a losing battle and continuing to fight it only made his quality of life more miserable.

“My dad’s mind was still sharp, so we decided that it was more important that we spend our precious time together strengthening our relationship. That meant tying up loose ends and dealing with unfinished business. That was six years ago, just when I was really getting into PCM. I spent a whole weekend with my parents revisiting some of the pivotal times in our relationship through the lens of PCM. It was so amazing to see things differently and have more appreciation for how hard we tried even when we were totally missing each other’s motivational needs. We affirmed our unique personalities and made amends. My dad passed away six months later. I am so grateful for that time we had and the gift of PCM.”

“Wow, Pauline. That’s a powerful story. I feel more hopeful about strengthening a lot of relationships in my life.”

“Over the last few weeks we’ve learned a lot about how a better understanding of personality helps us see more, do more, and be more.” Pauline went over to the whiteboard and wrote in all capital letters the word AGILITY.

“How do you understand this word, Kayla?” Pauline asked.

Kayla’s immediate reaction was, “Flexibility, right?”

“Yes, and what else?”

Kayla thought for a moment. She remembered some dog agility videos she watched the other night while scanning social media. She also remembered Mr. Fredricks saying that he had become more flexible with students. “What did those have in common?” Kayla wondered.

“I guess it’s more than just flexibility. There’s more intention to it. Agility includes deftness, like a border collie negotiating an obstacle course. It’s remarkable how they move through it, approaching each challenge with just the right set of skills. Or like Mr. Fredricks, my old math teacher. Now he intentionally adjusts his style to meet students where they are at and this requires a lot of skill and commitment, not just flexibility.”

“I love where you’re going with this!” Pauline said enthusiastically. “If personality is like an obstacle course, agility is being able to negotiate all six types within us and within others, and to do it deftly, to use your word.”

“I get it,” Kayla replied, “but I don’t like thinking of personality as an obstacle, as something getting in our way. I used to see it that way, but now I see each personality type as a huge opportunity with so much potential. If I’m a border collie, I become one with the course like a masterful dancer!”

Pauline went with the metaphor. “The obstacles aren’t there to trip you up. They are there to bring out your best. They aren’t separate from you, they are part of the dance, right?”

“Yes! Seeing people through is what happens when we view personality as our partner in the dance of life. It’s in us. It’s around us. And when we know how to leverage it, it brings out the best in everyone.”

“Do you think dogs have personalities?” Kayla couldn’t resist the tangent.

“Absolutely! You should talk to Mario. He has a list going of different dog breeds and their unique PCM personalities. It’s pretty cool.”

Pauline brought their conversation back to the topic. “There’s another thing about personality agility to keep in mind. It requires a lot of respect and humility. If you get arrogant and think you’ve got it all figured out, it’s easy to miss something and crash. The most agile leaders I know have a lot of respect for each type in them and honor those differences in others as well.”

Kayla checked her understanding, “So a key ingredient for developing personality agility is true respect for the value of each type within us. No type is better or worse, smarter or less smart. Each one has unique purpose and value. Each one is capable of contributing. Each one is responsible.”

“Yes, that foundational mindset is critical. When we use the skills of PCM, we can make that mindset a reality through how we treat each other. I’m so excited to see what you do with the communication tools you are learning.” Pauline seemed genuinely excited for Kayla.

“Me too!” Kayla agreed. “I am excited to learn all the details about each type and get specific strategies to develop my agility.”

“For your homework I want you to think about this one question.” Pauline explained, “We know that agility requires that we ride our elevator to different floors of our personality so we can access the qualities and perspective of that type within us. The question is, how do you make sure your elevator is running smoothly? How do you gain access to all these types in you? Going back to the dog agility metaphor, how do you make sure your dog shows up fit and ready to do their best? Will you play with these questions this week?”

“Got it. Will do, Pauline.” Kayla was exhausted from the emotional and mental work she’d done in the past week but felt happy and satisfied.