NINE

Seeing People Through

There is no paycheck that can equal the feeling of contentment that comes from being the person you are meant to be.

—Oprah Winfrey

Success is knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential, and sowing seeds that benefit others.

—John Maxwell

Kayla didn’t particularly want to work on her PCM Leadership Design project but she forced herself to dabble here and there. She did accept Pauline’s invitation to make some time at work for the project. She felt a little weird about it, but nobody seemed to mind. Kayla was conscientious to make sure her teammates knew what she was doing and that it didn’t interfere with any other responsibilities. They were all supportive.

Kayla experimented with some of the other suggestions in the personal action plan that was attached to her PCM Profile. She brought in a few pictures from home to put on her desk. She took a risk and wore some of her favorite clothes that were more playful and expressed her creative side. She asked Pauline if there were any new, novel, or creative projects she could work on. Kayla was pleasantly surprised how welcoming her team was of her efforts to meet her Rebel Phase needs, and how good it felt! Her energy and enjoyment for work steadily increased, as did her enthusiasm about her Leadership Design project. She even introduced herself to Mia and had a great conversation but stopped short of inviting her out for coffee. Kayla figured she wouldn’t push the social aspect.

When Kayla met with Pauline for their final integration meeting, she felt a mixture of anticipation and sadness. “I’m excited to share my project with you, and sad that our regular time is coming to an end,” she disclosed.

“I hear ya, Kayla,” Pauline responded. “This is always bittersweet. I really enjoy getting to know new employees and watching them grow. I often wonder if I am getting the better end of the deal! I learn so much every time.”

Pauline paused. “Okay, Kayla. Let’s get started. This session is all yours. I’m so excited to hear what you came up with.”

“Great. Is it okay with you if I start from the top, go in order with the four parts of the project?” Kayla felt a little nervous and found herself losing assertiveness.

“Absolutely, Kayla. There’s no right or wrong answers. I am just so happy to learn more about you and how this stuff is impacting your life.”

Kayla had her project pulled up on her laptop. “In no particular order, here are my role models of the six types and how they serve me as a leader.

“First is Imaginer. I’m going to have to say my mom. I wouldn’t have said that before learning about PCM. I love her and admire her, but never appreciated the value of her Imaginer part before. She worked night shift in the laundry of a big hospital. Most of the time she was alone. I could never do that. I’d go crazy! But she loved it. I think her Imaginer type thrived on that solitude; she could work with her hands instead of interacting with people all day. Even though she was pretty introverted, she found energy to interact with the family when she was at home. I think that’s because she got enough solitude at work so she could ride her elevator to her other floors. She has put up with my dad for almost 30 years! The other thing I admire about her is that she never seemed to get flustered. She was calm no matter what happened.

“I remember when I was eight years old, I fell and cut my head on some playground equipment. I had to go to the ER for a couple of stitches and my mom came to pick me up from school. I was bleeding all over the place and everyone was freaking out except my mom. I remember feeling better when she arrived just because she was so calm.

“How does the Imaginer type in me help me as a leader? It’s my least developed floor so I have some work to do. What I have realized is that my Rebel Phase can get pretty excited about stuff and sometimes I don’t think before I talk or act. That can get me into trouble. My Imaginer part can help me reflect and ponder things more fully and see other sides to a situation. This could really help me as a leader, being able to see things from different perspectives and imagine other ways of approaching a problem. My sense is that Imaginer types are also nonjudgmental. They take in what comes without a need to evaluate it. People need a nonjudgmental presence in order to feel safe and creative, and my Imaginer can help with that.”

“Fabulous insight, Kayla,” Pauline reacted. “I certainly value the Imaginer type and had never thought of the part about being a nonjudgmental presence. That’s so important when you are trying to foster creativity and innovation. Cool stuff! Pardon the interruption though. Please continue.”

“Next is Promoter. My Promoter role model is my dad’s best friend and bandmate, Jim. They literally called him the band promoter because it was his job to get gigs. He was really good at making connections and finding opportunities. He was so charming and persuasive, they used to say he could sell ice cubes to Eskimos. Promoters get a bad reputation because of their manipulative distress behavior. I saw that once in a while from Jim, but for the most part, I only saw his amazing charisma. I could watch him perform all night. He had this presence about him that just drew people in. No one was a stranger to him; he could start a conversation with anyone.

“As a leader, I can really see the value of the Promoter when it comes to enthusiasm and optimism. I can use this part of me to help keep things positive and look for opportunities. I can be a champion for the team goals, company mission, or even persuade people to believe in themselves when they are doubting. My Harmonizer and Rebel make for a pretty good cheerleader, but the Promoter adds another level of intensity and action-focus that can come in handy when it’s time to seize opportunity or make a bold move. I also realized that the Promoter is brave. Jim used to get even more confident when the stakes were high. I could use some of that when my Harmonizer wants to back away from conflict or avoid a risky situation.

“Any comments about my Promoter choice?” Kayla paused.

“Nope. Lovin’ every minute of it! Carry on.”

“And now—drum roll—the Rebel!” Kayla was finding her stride. “I was going to pick my dad, but I didn’t. I picked a historical figure, Thomas Edison, as my role model. I think he had a strong Rebel part because he was super creative and had a clever outlook on life. My favorite quote of his is, ‘I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that will not work.’ What a great perspective! This quote has always helped me when I bump up against my Rebel Phase issue of responsibility, especially when I mess up. It reminds me that even during failure we are always learning. That’s part of creativity: trying stuff and seeing what works and what doesn’t work. It’s important that we forgive ourselves, learn from mistakes, and keep trying things.

“I’d say Edison also had a lot of Thinker and Persister energy in his condo because he talked a lot about the value of persistence and hard work.

“Rebel is my Phase so it’s probably the most important component of my leadership style. Not only do I need to use that energy positively as a leader, but I must take good care of it because it’s the engine that motivates me. My Rebel can be a great asset in leadership because it brings the positive energy and creative problem-solving. We can’t be serious and focused all the time! Sometimes we need to lighten up and laugh at ourselves, or explore crazy ideas to see what we come up with. Laughter is the best medicine, you know.” Kayla looked at Pauline with a wry smile.

Pauline winked.

“And it’s not just fun and games with my Rebel,” Kayla continued. “The other thing I bring to leadership is the ability to be in the moment with people. I believe it’s called presence. My Rebel type doesn’t need to worry about what happened before, or what’s going to happen next. I can be fully present in the moment and relish an idea, revel in someone’s joy, or commiserate with their discouragement. I think that’s another way to support a safe place where people can be themselves and give 100 percent.”

Pauline’s tone was reflective when she interrupted, “I love that, Kayla. That’s something I really struggle with and need to work on. My Thinker is always planning ahead or rehashing the past. I often find myself thinking about what I’m going to say next instead of listening to someone with full attention. Here’s a little fun fact. The Rebel hasn’t always been named that. One of the earlier names for this type was ‘Reveler’ precisely because of their ability to enjoy the moment.”

“Awesome!” Kayla reacted. “Yeah, I’m a Reveler. One time I cried when I was eating fresh-caught Maine lobster at a seafood restaurant. Lucas thought something was wrong. Nope. I cried because it was so darn good.”

Pauline laughed.

“Next is Thinker,” Kayla continued. “I chose Mario. I’m really intrigued and impressed with Mario. He is so meticulous and logical with his work. Everything he does fits together and makes sense. He is super knowledgeable and applies what he knows to his work. If he doesn’t know something, he learns about it. Me, I would just guess or move on to something else if I didn’t know the information. Mario is always early for meetings. He told me once that his philosophy is, ‘If you’re on time, you’re late.’ The other thing I admire about Mario is how responsible he is. He takes his duties seriously and always owns up when he makes a mistake. He is constantly looking for ways to learn and grow and improve his contribution. Pretty amazing. Sometimes I worry that he puts too much pressure on himself to be perfect. I suppose it’s a fine line between excellence and perfectionism.

“Thinker is the next floor up after my Rebel so I can get there pretty easily. As a leader, this type is helpful for keeping track of information and applying logic to decision-making. When emotions are running high, I can use my Thinker to stay objective and focused on our goals. My Thinker is a very hard worker and loves to complete tasks. Sometimes the difference between good and great is simply the time and effort we put in. When I am supporting Thinker Base or Phase people, I can energize my Thinker to appreciate their need for a logical plan, notice their work, and recognize the value of their time.

“Ready for the last two?” Kayla asked.

“I’m ready!”

“Okay, so the next one is Harmonizer, which is my Base floor. This part has been with me the longest and forms the foundation of my personality. I can certainly see what you said about this part being my preferred way of interacting with the world throughout my life, regardless of changes in my motivational needs.

“My role model is my grandmother. Her name is Josie, and she’s turning 90 this year. I love her! My grandma is the most loving, warm, and welcoming person I know. My earliest memories of her include big hugs, sitting on her lap, playing games, and getting the cutest stuffed animals from her for my birthday! Her house always smelled so good, usually because of something she was cooking. She loved hosting guests, so I got to know her neighbors and friends really well. I always felt safe and valuable with grandma Josie. Even when I did something wrong, she had a way of disciplining me that let me know she was angry about my behavior, but she still loved me unconditionally. Did I mention she was the best hugger ever?”

Pauline smiled, “Hugs are the best. For Harmonizers, at least!”

Kayla continued, “Harmonizer energy supports a safe and welcoming environment that values each person for who they are. Even though we don’t all want hugs, my Harmonizer can totally get behind the philosophy that different people need different things to function at their best. The Platinum Rule was a big eye-opener for me. My Harmonizer cares about people and the Platinum Rule gives me a better way to show that caring in a way that’s not self-centered. I’m good at tuning into how others are feeling. I just have a sense about it. My friends tell me I have ‘feel-o-meters’ that can pick up how people are doing even without them saying anything. This can come in handy as a leader to help me stay tuned in to how people are doing, not just what they are doing.

“Any comments before I do Persister?” Kayla paused.

“Nope, I’m ready to hear it.” Pauline was sitting on the edge of her chair.

“My Persister role model is Lucas’s dad. I was going to pick Lucas, but we’ve talked enough about him,” Kayla chuckled. “His dad is a stellar example of the Persister type. He started his construction company from the ground up with a clear vision that is never compromised. Treat your people with respect, set high standards, and exceed customer expectations. He walks the talk. He’s a tough boss and expects a lot from his people, but he also treats them with respect. He started a mentoring program for men who have struggled to maintain employment or have been in jail. He gives them a chance to work for him and requires that they meet personally with him once a week. He listens to their stories and offers guidance, like a father. This program has been a huge success and he’s even gotten recognition from the mayor for it. Lucas really looks up to his dad.

“I’ve been thinking about the Persister type in me and I came up with this analogy. My Persister part is like my backbone. It’s what keeps me upright and standing tall. It is the part of me that maintains a posture of integrity and purpose. As a leader, I can use my Persister to keep us focused on what matters most. It’s the part that reminds me to say what I mean and do what I say. It can give me courage to speak my truth and share my opinion about what’s right and wrong, even when it might not be popular. I bet a lot of our client companies have leaders with strong Persister parts in them. They are looking for consistency, dependability, trustworthiness, and integrity. My Persister can stay tuned into that and make sure we bring that character to all of our relationships.”

“You nailed it, Kayla!” Pauline affirmed. “I’ve experienced the same thing. I’ve noticed in positions of higher scope and authority, particularly in more traditional companies, there’s a lot more Persister energy. In newer companies I am seeing more Rebel and Harmonizer energy because they recognize how important safety, inclusion, and creativity are to success.”

“So here comes the not so pretty stuff, part two about distress,” Kayla said, half joking. “I’ll start with my Base Harmonizer distress since it’s been with me the longest. When I don’t get my Base motivational needs met in positive ways, my first sign of distress is that I get tentative and play it safe. I worry about making people upset so I don’t ask directly for what I want. It’s really sneaky. Most often I start a sentence with, ‘Is it okay if …’ or ‘Maybe we could …’ instead of just saying it. This is a problem in leadership because it shows lack of confidence. Not that we need to be confident all the time, but it’s important that leaders are comfortable with who they are and are willing to speak their mind.

“My deeper Harmonizer distress was more common before I Phased to Rebel. I would start to second-guess myself, wondering if I’m really worthwhile and if I deserve to be here. I would criticize myself with statements like, ‘That was stupid!’ or ‘They don’t care what you have to say.’ Eventually it influenced my behavior, and I would say silly things, like, ‘This is probably a dumb idea, but what if we went out to eat tonight?’ Like, really!? It’s just a setup for rejection. I made silly mistakes, not because I was dumb, but because I was questioning myself. Then, when people reacted negatively, I would take it as confirmation that I really was dumb or worthless.

“It’s pretty obvious how this could harm my credibility and effectiveness as a leader. Nobody wants a leader who puts themselves down and invites everyone to either criticize them or feel sorry for them. I’ve worked for leaders like this and it’s really awkward.

“So how do I manage this? The first part is becoming aware of the signs. PCM has really helped me recognize stuff going on inside of me that I never realized was distress and negative attention. Since my Phase shifted to Rebel, probably when I went to college, I haven’t experienced the deeper Harmonizer distress very often at all. That’s probably because I deal with anger more effectively now. I don’t let stuff build up inside and I’m more willing to say something when I’m angry. What I can improve is giving myself permission to take care of me, even if that means doing things alone, like riding my bike or curling up with a good book. I’m glad Lucas supports me spending my time outside of work with some of my new work friends. This really fills my tank. Something else I’ve been surprised about here at ProcessCorp is how open people are about their feelings, positive and negative. I love to talk about feelings and feel connected in that way.”

“I’m so glad you can get your Harmonizer needs met at work as well, Kayla,” Pauline affirmed. “I feel happy hearing that. What about your Rebel Phase?”

Kayla was ready for that question, “My Rebel Phase is a bit newer to me, so I’m still getting the hang of it. We’ve talked quite a bit about my Rebel distress in our sessions. At first, I feel confused, like I don’t know what’s going on. I try hard to understand but I don’t ask for help or get clarification. If I don’t recognize that, I can quickly slip into blamer mode to get negative attention. I get really negative about everyone and want to make it everyone else’s problem. I can get whiny, which drives Lucas crazy. Even worse, I sometimes say, ‘I don’t care!’ when someone is trying to get me to take things seriously. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I don’t want to feel responsible; that’s my Rebel Phase issue. So I act like I don’t care and it really pushes people’s buttons. All it does is invite more negative attention from people. Provoking is definitely my negative intention!

“Here at ProcessCorp I’ve learned so much about how to get my Rebel Phase need for contact met positively. I move around a lot and love making contact with different people throughout the day. The social stuff is great. I’m enjoying biking more than ever, even when I do it alone. Last week I asked you for something extra novel or creative I could work on. That’s an example of me taking initiative to do things that help get my needs met. I’d like to get back into playing my guitar. My dad tried to teach me when I was growing up, but I never really practiced. It was boring. I’m going to look into lessons. That could be really fun!

“Like I said, my Rebel Phase is a work in progress, so I’m learning every day. Oh, and the most important thing: When I bump up against my Phase issue of Responsibility, I repeat the mantra, ‘Feel it, share it, ask for help, solve it with your special set of skills.’”

“Wonderful!” Pauline exclaimed. “We are all here to support you! You are a rock star!”

Kayla continued with Part Three of her Leadership Design project. “The more I do the stuff I just mentioned, the better off I’ll be. For my daily action plan, I put together a few things I can build into my routine to help me stay healthy. These are things over which I have control, so I don’t have to rely on others to make the first move.

1. I need my sleep. I feel so much better when I get enough sleep and don’t have to rush in the mornings. For the most part I can control how much sleep I get.

2. Quality time with friends. I want to do more things with my friends who accept me the way I am and like to have fun.

3. Biking. If I feel like biking alone, I will give myself permission to do that. If I want company, I will ask someone.

4. At work, I will make a point each day to reach out to different personality types around me and practice seeing them through with the PCM skills I am learning. If I’m not sure how, I will ask them for suggestions.”

“What a wonderful plan, Kayla,” Pauline spoke up. “I really like how you focused on things you can control. Much of life is out of our control, so the more we focus on keeping our tank filled, the more resilient we will be when life throws us curves. I encourage you to keep this plan front and center and make adjustments as you go. I am sure you will find some things don’t work as well as you anticipated, and you’ll discover other things that work great.”

“Thanks for the encouragement. I will.” Kayla felt empowered. “Now for the final part, the personal mission statement. This was the hardest, but I came up with something. I kept trying to create this perfect masterpiece, but I remembered you saying that you’ve modified yours several times. That helped take the pressure off for me.

“My personal mission statement is:

“My mission is to help people realize their full value so they can make a positive ruckus, and have fun doing it!”

Kayla held her breath.

Pauline closed her eyes and paused as she let Kayla’s mission statement sink in. Then she erupted, “You are a trip, Kayla! I love it! What a great expression of who you are and how that can make the world a better place! You took some risk putting yourself out there like that. Good for you!”

Kayla felt an inner peace and joy come over her. She had taken a risk and it felt so good. For a week she had stressed over using the word ruckus but kept coming back to it. She had first learned the word while reading one of her favorite marketing blogs by Seth Godin, who was always encouraging people to go make a ruckus—in a good way, of course. Kayla wondered how much Rebel energy Seth had in his condo. Regardless, it gave her permission to let her light shine, and she was proud of herself for putting it into her personal mission statement.

“I’m glad you like it,” Kayla began. “But I didn’t write it for you. I wrote it for me. I like it.” They both laughed. Kayla reveled.

After a few moments, Pauline spoke. “Everyone at ProcessCorp has their own PCM Leadership Design. I want you to keep this where you can look at it regularly. It will become an integral part of your personal and professional development plan. It’s okay to update it as you gain more awareness and confidence in the skills of PCM. This is part of our culture so you can count on PCM being around you every day. The more you practice and develop your skills, the more effective you will be as a leader.

“Kayla, you’ve made so much progress and it’s been a joy going through this with you. You really are a remarkable person and I’m glad you are part of the ProcessCorp family.”

Kayla felt the tears welling up. She didn’t hold back though. Hers were tears of joy, purpose, and anticipation. She couldn’t help herself. “Pauline, can I give you a hug? I am so grateful for our time together and all that I’ve learned.”

“Absolutely, Kayla!”