What do you do when the conversation splutters and dies or never actually gets going?
Remember that your brain is affected by how you feel. Maurice let himself feel intimidated. Keep breathing, it'll help you think; and encourage yourself by remembering times when you have felt good and been in control.
Remind yourself of equality in conversation. If you have internal blocks such as “He's senior to me, it's his call,” or “He's going to think me stupid,” you'll feel daunted. Reassure yourself that you are an equal partner at this moment.
Remember that any simple question or remark can move the conversation forward – for example, “How are you finding the conference?” or even a weather remark: “Great day for the conference isn't it?” or “Good to be inside on a rainy day like this, isn't it?”
9.2 Stop Faking It
Sometimes people get stuck because they decide to hide their ignorance and then can't keep up the pretence.
9.3 Slow Down
At the other end of the spectrum from the awkward silence lies an equally disabling inability to stop talking – you start wittering and your words run away completely out of control. The tendency to witter comes from nervous tension – just as silence does. In this case, instead of shutting down your brain's ability to think, the anxiety shuts down your ability to listen. So, to avoid those gaps where you might be expected to listen, your subconscious rushes you forward and your words tumble over each other.
9.4 Know the Rules of the Game
Sometimes a conversation doesn't work very well because the other person plays by different rules than you. The answer is often then to join them in their game!
Some people ask questions, some don't; some dislike being interrupted while others expect it and enjoy the energy of mutual interrupting. Judge the moment; be attentive to the other person's reaction and find out what works.
9.5 Being Flexible
Flexibility is exactly what you need when a conversation becomes difficult. Basically, if it's not working, do something different!
If your contributions to a conversation are always statements, try a question instead. If you mostly find yourself asking questions of the other person, practise creating statements instead.
The more you can adjust your behaviour without losing your sense of who you are, the better you make a connection, even in trickier circumstances. If you can speak tough to match toughness, and gentle to match gentleness at the appropriate time, the other person will feel you've got the measure of them and be easier to deal with.
If you encounter difficulties, you might like to imagine yourself in a different role from the one you actually hold. If you want to stand up to a strong personality for instance, imagine yourself in a more senior position and speak and act accordingly.
