Sometimes, you're not completely stuck in a conversation, but it's not really flowing either and you need some back-up tools. So here are a few to try:

10.1    Comment on What You've Already Heard

You can hark back to the other person's previous statement and make a comment about it to show that you are still interested.

Imagine for yourself various questions you could ask. The same openings can be used in many different contexts:

• What's it like? What was it like when you …?
• Tell me about it? Tell me about …
• How is it? How was it?
• How did it feel, when you …?

10.2    Encouraging Nods and Grunts

Sometimes a conversation falters because of lack of positive feedback. I coached a team leader who hated conference calls because they meant she had to speak into a void without the feedback of seeing anyone's response as she spoke. Most people find it much easier to speak if they know that the other person is attending to what they have to say.

A face-to-face conversation can feel like talking into a vacuum if the other person fails to give signals that they have heard you. If I announce to someone that I'm thrilled to have just won a competition, I appreciate some little noise to show that the other person has heard and noted my comment. Just a brief “Oh great!” or “Good!” will do – or even a cheerful grunt! It's surprising how encouraging non-verbal sounds can be in showing speakers that they're being listened to and understood. Try “yeh?”, “uh-huh”, “oh”, “mmm” and “yay!” – all gold-dust noises! Body language – a smile or nod – works well too. Turning or looking away has the opposite effect, even if you are listening well.