We all behave differently with different people. You may play mad games with your children and suffer their jokes at your expense first thing in the morning, and then later stride confidently into the office as a powerful determined executive and play that role until the end of the working day. But if you stick to a limited role and leave too much of the real you at home, you severely limit the possibilities in your interactions and things get stuck.
Playing a role has some advantages in a work environment – relationships appear clear and tidy in their hierarchies and everyone knows where they stand. But the rigid rules crush the possibilities of genuine open conversation and relationships fail to thrive.
Risking the personal provides the way not only to better connection, but also to a whole list of benefits. Chatting to people is a way to keep your ear to the ground, to hear what is going on behind the scenes and pick up the underlying state or culture in a group or company. In casual chat, you pick up important information and new ideas. You learn more about people's talents, potential, experience and skills.
You may wonder whether mild-mannered Laura would cope with more responsibility at work, but hearing how she fought with the authorities to gain a good education for her disabled child, you realize that she has hidden strengths as yet untried in the workplace. When you chat with laid-back Dan at the Christmas party and discover that he's raised thousands in funds for his daughter's riding charity, you recognize there's more to him than meets the eye. At the same time, as employees hear about their leader's humorous struggles with navigation on a boating holiday, they warm to his openness and humility.
You motivate people by understanding them, and there's nothing like a casual chat for finding out what makes people tick. You can then acknowledge them in the way they like to be acknowledged, and get the best from your relationship. If people chat to each other at work, it brings them together and builds a sense of common purpose.
