Getting to know you

It's important to know yourself. Strangely enough, most of us don't know ourselves very well. A person may have a nervous habit that is apparent only to a spouse, a friend, or someone else who knows the person well. The pressure of standing before an audience may cause the person to exaggerate the habit. That's why a video camera is a useful device for speakers' training. If you could see a video of yourself delivering a speech, or practicing a speech, you could probably detect many problems that would be fairly easy to correct. This is absolutely the best way to evaluate what you say, how you say it, and how you look while you're saying it.

If seeing yourself on video is impossible, ask your spouse or a friend whether you have any distracting mannerisms. After you have made a speech, ask someone in the audience to evaluate your body language, gestures, and appearance. Be sure you make it clear that you're not asking for a general opinion of your speech. Approving remarks such as ''I liked your speech'' are of little value. You need specific comments. Constructive criticism is hard to come by. Most people, especially friends and colleagues, don't like to criticize. If someone tells you your speech was ''good'' or ''great,'' don't take the comment too seriously. If the person says you mumbled, slouched, mispronounced words, or whatever, believe it.

Posture is an important part of body language. The best posture for a speaker is to stand up straight, arms at his side, legs slightly apart, weight balanced equally on both feet. You want to feel and look relaxed, but not to the point of slouching or leaning on the lectern, which will make you look tired or bored.

One of the problems most of us have when we speak is what to do with our hands. With some speakers, the hands seem to have a will of their own. They do all sorts of things the speaker doesn't want them to do and may not even know they do. They need to be brought under control.

Don't stand with your hands clasped in front of you or your arms crossed over your chest. In body language, these positions are said to mean, ''Keep your distance.'' Don't fidget with anything such as keys, a pointer, or a pencil as you speak.

The best place for your hands is at your side except when you're using them to make an appropriate gesture, to refer to a visual, or to manipulate your speech notes. Having made that observation, however, I will say that keeping your arms rigidly down all the time might make you seem too stiff. You can relieve this stiffness by putting one hand in your pocket briefly now and then or by allowing one hand to rest gently on the lectern. For men at least, putting one hand in the trousers pocket is a natural act that creates a feeling of informality. Do not jam both hands in the pockets and leave them there. And don't hold the lectern in a double-handed death grip. That makes you look nervous, and it will make you feel nervous.

Don't use too many gestures. Gestures are to speaking what punctuation marks are to writing. Used sparingly, they add clarity and emphasis to the message; overused, they can be distracting to the audience. Imagine reading a sentence that had a comma or an explanation point after every word or two. And, imagine! listening, to a speech, in which the speaker punctuated! every! phrase by pounding! his fist, on the table! Nerve-wracking, wouldn't you say?

A certain management guru and author of several fine books on management did a series of commentaries on a televised business program. This man punctuated almost every word with a karate chop of his right hand. It was so distracting that I could barely concentrate on what he was saying. I thought it remarkable that the show's director evidently didn't point this out. I have a feeling that the speaker was so concerned about being seen as just a talking head that he used the constant gesturing as a way to enliven his commentaries. Whatever his reason, it didn't work. Better a talking head than a chopping hand.

Be careful about the kind of gesture you make. For example, don't point your finger at anyone in the audience. To some people, pointing is a threatening or intimidating gesture. If you have reason to single out an individual, as you might during a question-and-answer period, try to do it in a way in which you don't have to point. For example, you can use words and eye contact. Say, ''Yes, the lady in the blue dress has a question,'' and look directly at the woman so as to exclude others.

My best advice is to keep body movement of any kind at a minimum. Use only gestures and movement that serve some purpose. Above all, make your gesture appropriate to the context, or, in the parlance of the theater, ''suit the action to the words.''

We might make the same observation about facial expressions. I know a man who owns a heating and air-conditioning business. He does his own television commercials, and when he speaks of the glories of having your heating system checked at the beginning of each season, he seems always to wear a frown. He can't help it; it's the way his facial muscles work. He would look equally foolish with a perpetual grin. In neither case would his facial expression make me want to use his company's service. I suppose he ought to stick to radio.

When you speak, your facial expressions are nonverbal communications as surely as are gestures. They can convey a full range of emotions that the audience will associate with the message. Unfortunately, the association the audience makes may be invalid because the speaker's emotions, and thus his facial expressions, may be affected by tension or even fear. Most of the time, you're unaware of your facial expression of the moment. Relaxing your tensions and overcoming your fear can help ensure that your expressions will be in keeping with the messages you wish to convey.

Try to look relaxed and pleasant most of the time. An occasional smile can't hurt anything.