If you’re serious about resisting other people’s manipulations and thinking for yourself, it helps to be alert to how they’re trying to influence you. If you can spot it, it’s much easier to resist. So next time someone seeks to persuade, convince, cajole you round to their perspective, think about the strategies they’re using. Generally speaking, they’ll use emotion rather than logic. Your job, as a clear thinker, is to resist.

From the other person’s perspective, empathy is a good starting point. If someone can convince you that you both feel the same way, it seems like a much shorter step to thinking the same way. So a natural persuader will try to convince you that you’re both coming from the same point. They’ll emphasise similarities in your situation or values. They’ll tell you they know what it’s like to have kids, or work in an office, or struggle to pay the rent, or enjoy buying clothes, or own a cat. The shared experience puts you both in the same place, so now they can metaphorically take you by the hand and lead you to the conclusion they’ve chosen. Listen to them, but don’t let them lead you blindly. Question the route and the destination to be sure it’s really where you want to go.

If they can get you emotionally engaged, they will. For one thing, emotion is a powerful force, so they’ll want to get you angry about the injustice they’re campaigning against, or excited about the clothes they want to sell you, or anxious at the idea of overstretching your budget. And for another thing, it’s much harder for you to think rationally once you start to become emotional. So the higher they can crank up your emotions, the more you shut down your rational response to what they’re saying. Aim to resist the emotional response so your thinking stays rational and measured. You’ll be a much better judge of how valid their point is.

Another favourite ploy is to use weighted words. This can be more insidious and subtle, and tends to work at an unconscious level. We all do it – yes, you too – and it’s wise to recognise it in yourself. There’s more than one way to describe most things, and the adjectives you use can be powerful. Suppose you read two newspaper descriptions of the same politician. If the papers are from opposite ends of the political spectrum, they’re inclined to use different words to depict them. One might describe them as brave while the other says they’re foolhardy – both descriptions of the same thing, but they give a very different impression. Is the politician firm or hardline? Are they socially aware or woolly? These word choices can build up to create a persuasive picture that suits the person (or newspaper) in question. I’m always interested in how the media decide who to describe as terrorists, who are rebels, who are freedom fighters, who are resistance forces. Often the only difference between these terms is the way the person using them wants you to respond. So notice the word choices the other person is making and substitute your own, neutral words in your head so you can think more clearly.

Bear in mind that, consciously or unconsciously, you employ these same techniques yourself when you want to persuade someone else. So not everyone who tries to convert you to their way of thinking is knowingly manipulating or tricking you. Whether you agree with them or not, they’re entitled to hold their view and they’re entitled to express it. And you are entitled to resist it, or not, once you’ve thought it through rationally for yourself.