In a way this Rule follows on from the last, because one of the best ways to avoid self-pity is not to think about your own problems too much. Don’t sit at home moping, get out there and think about other people’s problems instead.

We all have friends and acquaintances who are going through hard times. Think about how you can help, what support they might need. It might be practical or just be a listening ear. You could drive them to their hospital appointment, do their shopping for them, help them with their CV, look after their kids for a day, help get their report written on time. Or they might just appreciate a phone call every week or an evening out so they can talk through their problems.

This is a great distraction for you and a big support to them, and it’s so much more than that too. When you help other people, it puts your own troubles in perspective and it makes you feel good about yourself. That builds your self-esteem because you feel worthwhile (rightly) and over time that helps you to feel more positive and better able to cope with your own hardships.

You’re not limited to looking around your own group of friends to find someone who needs a bit of bolstering. Lots of people volunteer with charities or other groups in order to focus on other people and be genuinely useful while making themselves feel good at the same time. Almost all of us have some time to do this if we want to. You might have to give up regular visits to the gym, or the odd night out with your friends, or the odd night in with the TV. We can all tell ourselves we have no spare time, but that’s usually because we’ve chosen to fill it up. You can choose how you fill your time and you can give up one thing to make room for another. You have to decide which makes you happier in the long term.

If you decide to do this (and I really recommend it) you can give up anything from an hour a week to as much time as you like. You can pick a role with little responsibility or one with a great deal. You might spend an hour one evening a week helping at a local sports club or put in several days a year as a school governor. You could organise a jumble sale or just help run one of the stalls. You could even find a role where you only help at certain times of year – volunteering at the local half marathon or an old persons’ home Christmas party. The more people-focused the better. It’s fine to spend time at home stuffing envelopes for a good cause, but to get the full benefit of volunteering you also need to interact with the people you’re supporting.

Remember, this will help you as much as it helps them – it’s a win/win. It takes you out of yourself and gives you a huge positive boost that you can then carry over into the rest of your life.

There. See? You haven’t thought about your own problems for nearly two pages.