Social media etiquette

Yes, rules are made to be broken, and I’d rather you take a playful and experimental approach to your social media platforms than become a cookie-cut automaton who is boring and not worth time and attention. Having said that, there are some basic principles in relation to how to engage online that I think are worth adopting.

These should be familiar to you. I could say, ‘As in real life, so online’, and assume you always behave well, but we know that different contexts support different types of behaviour. For example, even though you’re both a pedestrian and a motorist, you behave differently when you’re on foot and when you’re behind the wheel. When you’re on foot you probably glare at the driver who is trying to push into the intersection as you cross at your own pace, and when you’re the driver you sit there impatiently, wishing the pedestrian who seems to be deliberately sauntering would just hurry up.

So here are some of the benchmarks of good social media behaviour:

• Be polite. Remember to say please and thank you. We don’t like being taken for granted in real life, and online it’s the same. There’s a human being on the other side of every comment.
• Give more than you take. When you find material you know someone else will love, send it to them. Ask them about themselves. When they ask a question, respond. Of course there are exceptions, and I’m not suggesting you should listen endlessly to someone who is determined to drone on and drain your energy, but there’s way too much me, me, me out there. Give a little. No, give a lot. If your mindset is always to share something of value with others, then you are creating a lot of great social karma (using that word loosely).
• Listen more than you speak. Be interested in people, and listen to what they are saying. You will learn more from listening to what customers, connections and friends are saying than from trying to promote yourself. That’s so boring.
• Think reciprocity. The best relationships in life happen when the intention of each towards the other is good. Although ‘win–win’ was overused in the eighties, it’s just as powerful an approach to business now as then and, let’s face it, throughout history. Mutual benefit. As my wonderful friend Kare Anderson says (follow her @kareanderson), ‘Mutuality matters’.
• Be who you are. But do so consciously. As a tool, social media amplifies your presence and message. If you’re fun-loving and frivolous then there’s no point presenting yourself as serious. If you’re serious and analytical, cut the ‘awesome’. Be authentic but also aware of how you impact others. Self-awareness is critical at work and in life — and online, where people don’t have the benefit of body language and tone when communicating.

Now a few behaviours to avoid:

• Shun controversy. It’s so tempting to dive in when there’s a trending issue that you’re passionate about, but unless it’s core to your values and how you present yourself publicly (for me that would be equality), be careful. Issues that cause controversy are typically complex and require analysis, patience and the right conditions to be genuinely discussed. One-liners can really backfire. You also learn quickly that some issues you don’t consider controversial can seem highly provocative to others. Many a person has been sacked because their racist or sexist comments did not reflect the values of the company they worked for, and many of those people thought they were joking.
• Don’t be sarcastic. I’m loath to say don’t joke because some good, clean mucking around can be fun. I am saying, though, that you need to tread carefully. Social media platforms are a bit like texts, in that you cannot read the tone and have no visual clues. Remember, the person on the other side of the world does not know if you’re up or down, if you had a good or bad day. I once had trouble sending a response in my Twitter direct mail to someone who had asked me a question, so I sent him a tweet saying I was having a problem with DM. He took it that I meant my ‘problem’ was that he was speaking to me there, and being a very respectful person he immediately withdrew. I had to explain that the glitch was technical — that Twitter was no longer allowing me to send links. Even the most innocent communication can be misconstrued. So be mindful.
• Don’t be negative. Ever been out to lunch with someone who complained about the weather, public transport, their boss, their team, their kids, the trip over to see you, the service, the food? It’s a sure route to feeling depleted and drained. These are not people you should spend much time with. Best to allow them to find others of like mind rather than allowing them to feed off your energy. Don’t go in, don’t go in and don’t go in. (Of course, saccharine people can be just as draining. Stick with authentic people.)
• Cut the spin. It’s great that so many people are getting online, but the downside is that many corporates think it’s a new place to put your spin. Don’t do it. While you’re here as a person you are also a representative of your company. If a customer complains that their parcel has not arrived, don’t say, ‘We regret your experience and advise that on average we successfully deliver 1 billion parcels each year’. They don’t care, and nor should they. Here’s an alternative suggestion: ‘Really sorry to hear that, can you tell me a bit more using DM?’ The customer is not always right and I am not for a second suggesting you defer to everyone, but let’s cut the scripts. Please.

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