Chapter 8
Life-Altering Principle #2
Reclaim the Canyon
Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
—Viktor E. Frankl
The interactions you face on a daily basis can often be trying. Some guy cuts you off in the middle of the highway. Your boss is on a rampage because the company just lost a big account, and your desk is located closest to his office. Your neighbor's dog ruined your prized rose bush. Many of these events are beyond your control, but what you can control is your response to them.
Most people focus on the times when things are being said or done, but the periods in between are just as critical. It's in these “areas of silence” that you can choose the best path for you. Leveraging this sacred space into a powerful asset will enable you to live the life you desire and Reclaim the Canyon.
Reclaim the Canyon is the principle of establishing space between life as it happens and your reaction to those events.
The Power of the Pause
When faced with adversity—such as missing a bus that makes you late for work or having a heated exchange with a friend—how do you normally react? Do you immediately let the incident take full control of your mind, body, and spirit? Is your day pretty much over from that point forward? Our reactions are often similar to how we step over a crack in the sidewalk. They happen swiftly, without thought, and with no regard for what we might be stepping into on the other side.
How different would your life be if your first response to an upsetting event was simply a pause—a long, thoughtful pause comparable in size to the Grand Canyon?
It's within this pause that you can quiet your emotions, gather your thoughts, and rationally consider the situation and the best way to respond to it.
Of course, a long pause is not always practical. There are times when an immediate response is vital, such as when a child is standing in the way of a speeding car. It's for these kinds of emergencies that we're wired to respond in a split second.
For most everyday situations, however, it's perfectly okay to meaningfully pause while you gather your thoughts. Many top communicators, such as President Barack Obama, are renowned for taking their time to consider internally many sides of an issue before articulating an opinion.
Knowing how long a pause to take and how to vary that pause appropriately depending on the complexity and scale of the issue involved, is a skill you'll develop over time. But the first and most important step is to change your reaction from instantaneous and thoughtless to becoming the result of meaningful consideration.
Communication as Manipulation
Avoid giving others the power to dictate the amount of time it takes you to respond. This is your sacred space. It's within this space that you have the power to maintain perspective. Without it, it's easy for others to manipulate you.
Both positive and negative communications are, at a basic level, efforts at manipulation. While this may sound cynical, the fact remains that you can't blindly accept anything at face value.
For example, when someone tells you “wow, you're cute,” or “you're so smart,” or “you did a really good job,” the natural response is for every fiber in your being to light up. You instantly assume the person's intent is to make you feel good, and so you feel good about the communication.
However, other people sometimes have their own agenda when they issue a compliment. What if this person needs bus fare and he wants you to be in a positive mood before hitting you up for it? What if the person knows her current love interest is going to be walking by in a few minutes and she wants to engage you in conversation to make herself appear attractive? By not reacting instantly, you avoid allowing yourself to be controlled.
On the other hand, when someone tells you to “go to hell,” your first instinct is to believe the person wants you to lose control and become angry, and, in most cases, you do. But what if this person had a really rough day and you just happened to be in the middle of her hailstorm? What if this person just lost his wallet and is in a state of panic? What if the person is mentally unstable? Maybe the appropriate response is to remain calm and not get involved in someone else's drama or possibly help the person regain a state of balance.
If you react instantly and obviously, you make it easy for others to manipulate you, and you shut out the possibility of a more nuanced and on-target response.
Of course, sometimes things are precisely as they appear. A friend might say something nice to you because she loves you. And a colleague might curse at you because he's truly upset.
Further, even if a communication is a blatant attempt at controlling your behavior, that doesn't mean you shouldn't go along with it. If the person is a friend or colleague, your interests will typically be aligned with what the person wants you to do.
The point is to be aware of what's happening and to make conscious choices. If you stop to consider before reacting to both positive and negative comments, you'll be in control of how the words of others make you feel about yourself.
Remember: pause first—speak second.
Take the Initiative
One of the key elements of successfully implementing the concept of Reclaim the Canyon is to take the initiative. Most people believe life simply happens and events are outside of their control. This is dangerously wrong. There are unquestionably times when random things happen, such as a hurricane or an act of terrorism. However, the majority of your experiences are within your control to guide and manage.
To effectively accomplish this objective, establish control of your experiences. This isn't as difficult as it may seem. For instance, assume you're driving your car to work. Seemingly out of nowhere, another driver crazily cuts in front of you and slams on the brakes. Your likely response is to become furious, start screaming obscenities, and let the incident ruin the rest of your day. You have totally responded to this experience.
Alternatively, you had the ability to take the initiative as you drove to work. You could've made the effort to be fully aware of your surroundings—checking your mirrors, taking careful notice of other drivers, and trying to anticipate what might intercept your path. In this scenario, you probably would've spotted the reckless driver sooner, and slowed down or switched lanes to avoid getting too close to the other car.
As another example, assume the company you own is on the verge of failing, but you have the opportunity to pitch a major client that could keep your firm in the black for the next two years. You can simply create the pitch based on your experience with previous clients, deliver it, and wait for the client to make his decision.
Alternatively, you can first talk with the client to make 100% sure that you understand his needs and desires. You can even make an initial presentation before the official pitch to receive feedback and ensure you're on track to seal the deal.
Granted, there may be times when you won't have access to key decision-makers. However, with enough creativity and determination, you can find ways to leave as little to chance as possible, stacking the odds in favor of your success.
Taking the initiative enables you to gain control of your life by reducing the effect of external forces.
Leveraging the principle of Reclaim the Canyon will enable you to significantly reduce the apparent “randomness” in your world and empower you to embrace life with open eyes. By mitigating the effects of the actions of others, you'll avoid being at the mercy of their whims. And consciously maintaining awareness and control over interactions will help you prevent many negative events from ever happening.
- Leverage the area of silence between what's being said and done to choose your best path.
- Change your reaction from being instantaneous and thoughtless to being the result of meaningful consideration.
- Avoid giving others the power to dictate the amount of time it takes you to respond.
- Pause first—speak second.
- Avoid being at the mercy of the whims of others by mitigating the effects of their actions.
- Take the initiative to prevent negative events from happening and increase the chance for realizing positive results.
- Side-step life's continuous drama barrage, and handle each moment in an appropriate manner.
