There are a certain number of questions I like to ask professionals when I interview them for a job. One of them is, "What kind of boss do you enjoy working for?" Without fail, among other things, every single person has answered, "A boss who isn't watching over me all the time."
Of all the managers I have met, interviewed, and worked for and with, not one has ever admitted to being a micromanager. Yet many of them were. Micromanaging is a trait that no one really likes or admires, so no one likes to admit that they might be guilty of this troublesome behavior.
One client I worked with, a manager at an engineering firm was, to my way of thinking, the classic engineer: very bright, very linear and concrete in his thinking, and very process-oriented. He decided he wanted his direct reports to complete weekly status reports. (I am of the opinion that much of what is contained in a status report is never read or necessary to include, but that's another topic.) This manager, Don, instructed his staff to report on almost every move they made. As it turned out, Don had instituted this practice because he had issues with one of his six staff members.)
I learned from Don's employees that they were spending approximately two hours each week preparing the reports. That meant 5 percent of their time was spent writing reports about what they were doing the other 95 percent of the time! Needless to say, they resented doing the reports, and had a hard time believing that every detail was necessary. In fact, Don often read them, and when he did, he would e-mail individual staff members with many questions, which required even more time to respond. Worse, when he was angry, he would write his e-mail criticisms in capital letters, the equivalent of e-mail yelling. Clearly, it would have been less time-consuming and more effective for all concerned if Don had given individual feedback to his one troublesome engineer. Then he could have asked his staff to prepare a broad summary, and ask questions for clarification when necessary.
What do we really mean by "micromanaging?" The term came into our language in the mid-1980s, when computers became prevalent in the workplace, and jobs and communication became more complex. Micromanagement is an attempt to control or to manage in excess—excessive detail and excessive control.
Why do managers micromanage, even though no one likes to admit it and no one wants to work for a micromanager? Here's what I think:
Highly insecure managers are so afraid of failing they believe they have to closely monitor the work of their staff.
Managers have staff members who are making too many mistakes or are highly undisciplined.
Managers work in very punishing corporate cultures; no one is forgiven for making mistakes, and no one learns from them either. People are blamed and punished.
Managers have bosses who are micromanaging them.
Some managers think that they are just smarter than everyone else.
The dynamic between a manager and subordinate is complex, and very interesting. Managers typically want their staff members to be able to work independently, be productive, and make them look good. Staff members want to be provided with the tools they need to succeed, be treated with respect, be supported within the organization, and be permitted to do their jobs with autonomy.
How many managers have you worked for in your career? How many of them would you like to work for again?
In some ways, we rely on managers less than we used to in today's business environment. More and more professionals just want to be left alone to do their jobs. At the same time, managers serve as the links in an organization, connecting the top with the bottom, to ensure that the goals of the organization are being met.
When it comes to constructive conflict, there are some critical skills that managers need to have:
The ability to rise above destructive conflict, using problem-solving skills, not judging or blaming.
Compassion and respect for their staff.
Mediation skills and as neutral a stance as possible in the treatment of staff members.
Emotional intelligence—knowing how to resonate with others.
Ability to give honest and direct feedback, both negative and positive, on a regular basis.
The willingness to be introspective and honest about themselves.
Ability to assign work and projects with clarity, avoiding redundancy.
Knowledge of how to use rewards to support teamwork and healthy competition, and how to prevent backbiting among the staff.
Earlier in the book, I told you the reason I believe most people are fired is that they alienate too many people, not that they are lacking in skills. On the other side of the equation, I believe most employees leave their jobs because they are treated poorly, in one way or another, particularly by their managers. If a professional believes that his or her manager is disrespectful, dishonest, or demeaning, that person is not going to stay long at the firm. And if economic conditions or personal circumstances require the professional to remain, his or her efforts will be diminished, due to fear, anger, and mistrust, or all three.
When I work with professionals in conflict resolution, especially managers who also have managers, one of the major topics that cause great consternation is how to confront one's manager.
If you have issues with your boss, and you want to address them, one thing is of paramount importance: Make sure you are doing your job, and doing it well. Too many times I have met professionals who are quick to complain about their supervisors; they see all the warts on their boss, but don't see (or want to look at) their own. That is a major mistake! You must keep in mind that your boss has more power in the organization than you do. Your bargaining power increases exponentially if you have proven yourself to be a valued member of the team.
Here is the story behind Challenge 6: Get your boss off your back or continue to be micromanaged?
Jocelyn was a loan officer at a mortgage company in St. Louis. She had gone to grad school and earned her MBA, and had been in the mortgage and banking industry for 18 years, doing quite well.
Over those years, she had been through both boom and bust. For a while not so long ago, she had been making a great living, and her company was hiring new staff. More recently, however, the staff had been reduced dramatically, by 50 percent, and she was grateful to still be part of the team. Her income was not what it once was, but she and her husband both worked, earning satisfactory livings.
Jocelyn knew her stuff and did a good job, marked by maximum loan approvals and minimal errors. She was regarded as a valued member of the loan team. At one time she had managed a staff of six; now she had just two people, so more work and responsibility fell directly on her shoulders. She didn't mind, though, for she had a solid team, and she knew the business inside and out. She also was confident the downturn would not last forever.
Still, new regulations, high anxiety about the mortgage/credit market, regulatory agencies breathing down their necks all contributed to rising stress levels and sinking morale.
Jocelyn's new manager was Barb, a fast-talking, high-energy, take-charge woman. Barb had been the manager of another branch in the city until the corporate office had merged three offices and put Barb in charge. She was a tireless networker: she belonged to multiple industry organizations and was on the board of three nonprofits. She took care of herself, too, working out every day at the gym.
Barb and Jocelyn did not get along. Barb was a micromanager, and she didn't want her staff talking to senior management—that was her job. Whenever Barb came to the office (two to three times a week), Jocelyn felt sick in the pit of her stomach.
Barb's routine was to review the files of the loan specialists, sit down individually with Jocelyn and her peers, and grill them. Barb's goal was to increase the revenue for the office— which was fine with Jocelyn, of course. The conflict arose because, according to Jocelyn's perception, Barb never trusted that Jocelyn was doing enough. It was one thing to be coached, Jocelyn felt; it was another thing to be dictated to.
Jocelyn, after all, was no novice; she had been in the industry 18 years! And it wasn't that she objected to suggestions—she could always use them—it was that Barb had a way of talking to Jocelyn that made her feel she had just gotten out of school. Barb would call Jocelyn and ask her the most mundane questions, implying that Jocelyn had made errors that she hadn't.
This kind of interaction was getting to Jocelyn more and more, and she began to feel trapped, even though she was aware that another mortgage company in town would probably be glad to hire her. But she didn't really want to jump ship at this time, as she also knew things were too uncertain at the other company. Still, she couldn't ignore the mounting tension between her and Barb.
Jocelyn had tried to ask Barb to back off on two occasions. On the first attempt, Barb acted astonished and dismayed. "Do you have something to hide?" she asked Jocelyn. That was a totally ridiculous question from Jocelyn's point of view, so she made light of the conversation and moved on, all the while seething inside.
On the second attempt, Jocelyn asked Barb if she trusted her. "Of course I trust you, Jocelyn," Barb responded. "Senior management has been dissatisfied with this branch's results, and that means we have to work together very closely." Jocelyn knew full well that senior management thought highly of her—they had told her so numerous times. She also knew that the results at all the branches were bad, not just hers. As a matter of fact, her branch was doing better than most. Consequently, Jocelyn concluded that Barb was trying to make herself look good at Jocelyn's expense.
Jocelyn walked away from that conversation more incensed than ever. She was now concerned about how she looked to senior management, in spite of the positive feedback she had gotten from them in the past. She was also concerned that she would blow up in Barb's face one day, something she really did not want to do.
Shortly thereafter, Jocelyn came upon Barb in her office, going through the files on her desk. That was the last straw.
Jocelyn was familiar with The Working Circle from attending one of my seminars. At the time, she wasn't sure how useful it would be to her, but now decided to give it a try. It was either conflict resolution or hara-kiri! Conflict resolution would be a lot less messy.
It's important to note here that when Jocelyn filled out the Conflict Styles Questionnaire, her score was 21, a mark indicating highly aggressive tendencies, and her primary response was to attack. Fortunately, she was well aware of these aspects of her personality, and was wise enough to recognize she had to avoid acting on them.
So, on a Saturday morning, while sipping a cup of coffee, she took out The Working Circle diagram, and began to answer the questions.
Jocelyn took out her mental camera and took these snapshots of the situation:
She loved her job, and no matter what anyone implied, knew she did it very well.
She had a good relationship with her previous manager, as well as with senior management.
Her loan numbers were always among the best in the region.
She was infuriated with Barb.
If she didn't do something soon to address the problem, she was afraid she was going to lose her temper at Barb.
An important reason she wanted to stay at the firm was that she had some deferred compensation, and wanted to cash in on that before she left the company (if she eventually decided to leave).
The situation was becoming steadily more untenable.
Jocelyn drank another cup of coffee, and though she feared the situation might be hopeless, she remembered she always told her kids that you need to try until you believe you have given your all. Now, she decided to listen to her own advice and continue answering the questions in the Circle.
This was a tough one for Jocelyn. Everything was so frustrating, and she was so angry, that nothing seemed negotiable. Her reaction isn't unusual. Often when we feel stuck in a very problematic situation, we think it's absolutely hopeless. It's important to remember at such times that we always have choices; they might not all be palatable, but we always have them.
For now, Jocelyn decided to skip this question and go on to the next one. Maybe after answering Question 3, she might be able to come up with responses to this one.
This question posed much less of a challenge for Jocelyn, and she began to write furiously:
Being spoken to and treated the way Barb was treating her was totally and absolutely nonnegotiable—and unacceptable!
Defending her reputation was mandatory.
She would not be pushed out of the company; if she left, it would be on her own terms.
Jocelyn was determined to collect her deferred compensation; she had to wait only another six months.
By the time she finished answering this question, a few negotiable items came to mind, so she returned to Question 2.
Jocelyn came up with two items:
Whether she would approach senior management was negotiable. She had a good relationship with two senior managers, and would feel comfortable speaking with them about the situation with Barb. But Jocelyn also knew that if she did that, and Barb found out, Barb would be furious.
Working in another branch was a possibility she was willing to consider. The company had six branches in St. Louis, and Barb managed three of them. The other three were managed by another woman, Leslie, whom Jocelyn liked.
In going back to Question 2, Jocelyn began to feel a bit more hopeful—she had reminded herself that she had options. She still had no confidence that Barb would in any way change her behavior.
The Working Circle, because it is a circle, allows you to go back and forth among the questions before you get to Question 6, the game plan. Jocelyn was making good use of the Circle.
She went on to the next question.
Jocelyn sat back and thought, rerunning various old movies in her mind. Suddenly, an experience that happened at her current job came to mind. Formerly, she had a loan specialist on her team (when times were good) who was well meaning, but made too many errors. Jocelyn wanted to give her an opportunity to improve, because hiring another person would be costly and time-consuming.
So Jocelyn started monitoring the loan specialist's performance daily. Soon, her performance improved greatly. Jocelyn continued to monitor her on a daily basis, until one day the specialist asked her why she was still checking her work that often: wasn't Jocelyn pleased with her improvement? Jocelyn acknowledged that the specialist had a point and reduced her checks on her work to a couple of times a week.
What did Jocelyn learn from that experience? To manage more closely when there are problems, and reward with greater autonomy when someone's performance has improved. She realized this could be an important point to make when she spoke to Barb.
Another lesson Jocelyn learned from the past was when she attended a conference two years earlier and heard someone speak on emotional intelligence. The topic intrigued her. What she learned was that people perform their jobs more effectively when they feel they are trusted. Jocelyn did not feel trusted, and believed that if Barb gave her more room and a bit of trust, she would have a greater chance of succeeding.
These lessons from the past were helpful to Jocelyn, yet she still found herself going back and forth between feeling hopeful and hopeless about the situation, so she moved on to Question 5.
This question was easy for Jocelyn:
She was outraged at how she was being treated
She was worried that she would lose her cool in front of Barb.
She was not very hopeful that Barb would be anything but Barb.
"Okay," she thought, "let's see what kind of plan I can come up with." She poured another cup of coffee and continued.
Because she felt mixed about the possible results, Jocelyn was uncertain where to begin. She was also being very cautious because she knew her temper might get her in trouble; above all, she wanted to act like the professional she believed herself to be. She didn't want to behave like Barb. Still, Jocelyn was aware that usually her first impulse was to attack, and that, she knew, would not improve the situation. It wouldn't help her deal with Barb, and it certainly wouldn't do anything for her self-image. With those thoughts in mind, this is the plan she wrote:
Review her results and amend her projections, with an eye toward making more aggressive attempts to increase revenue (a challenge in this economy!).
Ask Barb to have lunch with her. Meeting in a restaurant would increase the chances of their having an amicable, professional conversation.
Relate to Barb the information about emotional intelligence she had learned (without making it sound as if she knew something that Barb did not) and how professionals thrive best in a trusting environment.
Design a program that would incorporate Barb's need to micromanage and Jocelyn's need for greater autonomy. It would include less frequent formal reporting and more informal discussions on her progress.
Ask Barb to respect her privacy and professionalism: if she had a question, she should ask Jocelyn, not rifle through her desk. (She would, she knew, have to approach this carefully, for sure!)
Finally, if her plan failed to achieve the results she wanted with Barb, Jocelyn intended to approach senior management and ask for a transfer.
As she reviewed her plan, she felt butterflies take wing in her stomach. This was not going to be easy.
Jocelyn was very clear about this question, so answering it quieted the butterflies, and her anger at the same time.
She would improve her ability to control her temper—something she wanted to do professionally as well as personally, with her family. This was the most important of all.
She would put Barb on notice that Barb's management style was not working for her.
She might be able to have a positive impact on her relationship with Barb.
Absolutely! Jocelyn could either influence Barb to improve her behavior or she will ask for a transfer. Jocelyn thought that her positive standing in the company could assist in her efforts to influence Barb. And, Jocelyn thought as she finished her coffee, this challenging situation, together with The Working Circle, will make me a better professional, wife, and mother—if I can curb my temper.
Let's take a look at the Masculine-Feminine Continuum to see the range of choices available to Jocelyn.
Jocelyn's normal style would have leaned more toward the masculine, attacking side of the continuum. (Remember that "masculine" does not refer here to gender, but to a conflict style.) Now, however, before scheduling the lunch with Barb, she thought and thought of different ways to introduce the subject of Barb's management style and the effect it was having on her morale. Specifically, she reflected on active listening and the use of "I" messages, and came up with a plan.
Two weeks later, Jocelyn saw her window of opportunity. She asked Barb to lunch, and though Barb looked at her somewhat quizzically, she accepted. At lunch, Jocelyn followed her game plan.
"Barb, I need to talk to you about how we work together. I have always been successful, and I certainly want that to continue. I know how hard times are, and how pressured you are. What I am asking for is that you trust me, and give me a bit more room than I have now to function more autonomously."
Barb put down her salad fork and stared at Jocelyn. "Are you telling me I crowd you?" she asked.
"I am not accusing you of anything; I just need to spend less time reporting my actions to you and more time working the program and increasing revenue."
Jocelyn paused, waiting for Barb to respond.
"You know, I have been a manager for a long time, and I know exactly what I am doing. If you aren't happy, that's not my problem," Barb said finally.
"Oh, no," thought Jocelyn. "This is what I was afraid of. Barb is intransigent, sees none of her shortcomings, and is totally unwilling to compromise." Jocelyn felt her anger heating up. But she managed to keep her cool.
"It's not about being happy or unhappy," replied Jocelyn. "It's about bringing in the results we both want. How about if we tried, for one month, this plan I have put together?" Jocelyn brought out her plan, which included what she would do and how often she would report to Barb.
"I'm the manager, and you really don't dictate to me how to manage," Barb replied angrily.
It became clear to Jocelyn at this point that Barb was jealous of her and that no matter what Jocelyn said Barb would have a negative response and deny her own culpability for the conflict.
Now Jocelyn faced a choice: "Do I continue this conversation?" she asked herself. "It is clear that Barb is becoming more agitated, no matter what I say, because she thinks I am challenging her authority. And I am getting more and more angry myself, and I don't want to blow up."
She took a minute to butter her bread before speaking again to Barb.
"Okay, I just thought that I could make life easier for both of us. I know you have issues galore, and I wanted to take less of your management time. Let's just have lunch." She managed to bite her tongue to keep from saying anything she'd be sorry for, then smiled and continued eating. It was a good move because the pause gave Barb time to get a grip on herself.
"You know, Jocelyn, you're a good loan officer," Barb said, "and I appreciate that. I'll look at your plan and get back to you. How's that with you?"
"Actually, that's fine with me," replied Jocelyn.
With that, they moved on to other topics and to finish their lunch.
Jocelyn waited for three weeks to hear feedback from Barb about her plan. It never came, and she vowed not to bring it up again. She waited another two weeks, then gave up hope altogether. Still, she was extremely proud of herself: she had modified her conflict style, had tried to institute change, and had followed her plan.
Now she continued to do so: she went to see the senior manager she liked and told him that she wanted a transfer. She did not mention Barb; that would have been counterproductive. (She did believe, however, that the senior manager knew exactly why Jocelyn asked for a transfer; he was a very smart man.) She said, instead, that there were personal reasons for the request. She also said that she believed she could bring new ideas to a different branch and in a slightly different market.
The transfer was granted, and Jocelyn moved to another branch two months later.
Whenever Jocelyn and Barb ran into each other, Jocelyn would smile and greet Barb in a friendly manner. "Hi, how are you" Jocelyn would ask—admittedly thinking all the while, "Who the hell cares?"
The lesson of this challenge is a very important one. Implementing The Working Circle does not guarantee that we will get the result we are hoping for, but we will gain valuable insights and experience. For her part, Jocelyn did extremely well: she matured as a professional and became a positive role model for other employees and her family. She eventually got transferred and received her deferred compensation. And, in fact, Jocelyn did facilitate a win-win: Barb got what she wanted, and so did Jocelyn!