5 Big Blunder
Making Small Talk and Networking Inappropriately
Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
—Benjamin Disraeli
Knowing how to network and make appropriate small talk can open doors that determine lifetime success. If you are not networking today, you may be missing some wonderful opportunities. Be prepared with the proper protocol for any situation in which you may meet someone or make a contact that could be beneficial to you. Stay on your toes so you do not lose any opportunities.
Bob couldn’t figure out why his phone never rang after handing out 1,000 business cards in two days.
Ask Yourself These Crucial Questions
What topics are appropriate when conversing during networking situations?
Do I know what I want to achieve at every networking event?
While I am making small talk with someone, do I know what I am trying to get out of the interaction?
Networking and Small-Talk Specifics
Most people are uncomfortable making small talk. You should always prepare for small talk and networking opportunities ahead of time. Having a plan in mind before you go out will make the situation easier for you. The following “Small-Talk Don’ts” will keep you from offending someone. We’ve included some “Small-Talk Do’s” as well. These small-talk tips can be used in all business situations. They will help you initiate conversations and open doors of opportunity.
Do your research and be prepared to hold a conversation using that information. Take time to learn about the person and the company.
Plan three items or stories to share.
Prepare four generic questions to ask. Make sure they are open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.
Use the newspaper, an experience, current events, or books and movies as subjects.
Think about each item or issue carefully. Consider the ramifications a topic might have, questions it might generate, or opinions that others might have on it.
Small-Talk Taboos
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A discussion may center on something that is of little or no consequence to you, but the topic may be of great importance to the person with whom you are having the discussion. Always keep in mind that not all people think or feel as you do!
Small-Talk Don’ts
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Small-Talk Safe Topics
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Small-Talk Do’s
Shake hands firmly and introduce yourself
Be aware of the other person’s time
Keep a positive attitude
Smile
Thank the person for the conversation when finished
Ask leading questions from what the person is enjoying discussing
Listen carefully, this will give you more to discuss
Ready. . . Set. . . Talk
“Hi. I’m Kim Zoller with Image Dynamics. It’s nice to meet you. This looks like an interesting meeting. How long have you been involved in the association?”
Don’t continue speaking. Listen to the response to your question.
“How did you get started in your business?”
Don’t continue speaking. Listen to the response to your question.
“What do you enjoy most about what you do?”
Don’t continue speaking. Listen to the response to your question.
“What significant changes have you seen in your industry through the years?”
Don’t continue speaking. Listen to the response to your question.
“What do you see as upcoming trends?”
Don’t continue speaking. Listen to the response to your question.
Tips
Take a deep breath and relax. Figure out what your body is saying.
Wear your name tag on your right lapel.
Hold your drink or food in your left hand so you can shake with your right hand.
Use a mint if you need one. Do not chew gum.
Hand out business cards only when you are specifically asked for them. Ask for a business card in return and follow up.
Ask for a business card at the end of the conversation if no one has requested one of yours.
Make eye contact before you start the conversation.
Extend your hand and introduce yourself, giving your full name (and your company name when applicable).
Ask questions. Be interested, not interesting. If someone thinks that you are only interested in talking about yourself, you will come across as conceited and disinterested in anyone else. You will also seem less interesting than you really are!
Use the person’s name throughout the conversation, but be careful not to overuse it.
Be careful when you compliment another person. Compliment someone only if you sincerely feel that way.
Wait to see if the other person brings up personal issues before you start talking about them.
Never discuss personal problems. Negativity is always a reflection of your personality.
Talk about a relevant article you have read recently or a seminar you have attended that you feel might enhance the conversation.
Keep abreast of world events.
Keep a log of all of the contacts you have made.
Keep track of all of your discussions and any other pertinent information (that is, what you were wearing, specifics about each of the people you met, family, hobbies, and so on).
Creating a Lasting Impression
You may not be remembered for good manners, but it is a certainty that you will be remembered for bad manners.
Gather business cards and follow up.
Send a handwritten “Nice to Meet You” note.
Never promise something that you cannot deliver. People will remember forever.
If you see an article about someone you know or have met, cut out the article and send it to that person with a note. You would be amazed at what an impression this makes!
The world is a very small place. Once you have burned a bridge, you may have burned many. News travels fast, and your reputation is all you have.
Networking and Socializing Over Meals
Many deals are sealed at the dining table. If you are not comfortable doing business over a meal, you may be losing out on a great number of business opportunities. Business dining is about business. When you are eating a business meal, remember that you are there to build rapport and build your relationships.
Hosting
Ask the person(s) what type of food they would like.
If you are partial to a particular cuisine, make sure that your guest likes it as well.
When you do the inviting, you are the host and you should pay the bill. Vendors are the one exception to this rule: they usually pay the bill.
Let your guests order first.
Do not start eating until everyone has their food.
Being a Guest
Do not start eating until the host starts or gives you the go ahead.
Do not order the most expensive item or wine on the menu.
Handling the Check
When you are the host, arrange beforehand for the check to be given to you.
Do not argue about paying the bill if the other person insists on paying. If you feel that you should be the one paying the bill, suggest that the other person get it the next time.
Seating Arrangements
If hosting, allow your guests to face out or face the better view. There are two basic reasons for doing this: first, it is just more polite; and second, it is better to have your guest be distracted by a passerby than for you to be distracted. If you are looking at everything but your guests, they may think that you are not interested in them. Never take the chance that your behavior might be interpreted in the wrong way.
Place Setting
When you first sit down to dine, the table may be filled with glasses, silverware, and plates of all different shapes and sizes. If you are at all confused, think of a BMW automobile. The letters BMW are read from left to right. Read your place setting in the same way—starting at the left and moving to the right. Think of the letter B as standing for your bread plate, which is located on your left. The letter M stands for your meal plate (or your entrée plate) and is located in the center. The letter W stands for your water glass and all other glasses or cups for liquids. These are located on your right just above the knives, spoons, and cocktail fork.
Bad Ideas for Ordering
Long pasta, such as linguini or spaghetti, if you do not know how to eat it properly.
Carbonated drinks
Body Language while Networking
Actions speak louder than words. Sound familiar? Make sure your body language sends a message about how happy you are to be there.
Stand confidently and extend your hand immediately when meeting or greeting someone.
Eye contact must be maintained while shaking hands and talking to someone. Don’t worry about what others are doing. Stay focused.
Your posture must be erect and confident. If you slouch, you send others the message that you lack confidence, that you are not friendly, or that you are unapproachable.
Keep your arms uncrossed, even if you are more comfortable crossing them. Crossed arms may send a message of boredom or defensiveness.
Kissing, Hugging, and Touching
Cultural differences dictate the norm. Learn the differences and behave accordingly.
Take the lead from your client or associate, as long as he or she stays professional.
If you are uncomfortable with the cultural norm, fake it. Build rapport, don’t break it.