Step 10

Consolidate Learning and Bring Closure

“I know that all good things must come to an end and I’ve had an incredible ride. I just want to end it on the right note.”

—Alonzo Mourning

During the Association for Talent Development’s 2018 International Conference & Exposition, an ardent proponent of company mentoring programs stood up in a room of a couple hundred development professionals and asked, “Why are we talking about an end point for a mentoring relationship?” He sounded frustrated. He went on to say that he hoped all the relationships he had helped establish in his company program would go on and on. If you are feeling the same way he did, let me put your mind at ease: I am not proposing an end to the relationship (that is optional); rather, this is a completion to the structure of and focus on deliberate development.

There are numerous advantages to having an end point to the mentoring relationship; let’s consider three:

1. The first advantage relates to the expectation at the start of the relationship. Though some won’t say this, many people do not want to sign on to a voluntary relationship with no end in sight, no matter the benefits. That original partnering, expectation setting, and planning for outcomes is much cleaner and clearer if you share an expectation of what you will be working on and how long that might take.

2. Working toward an end point puts structure and momentum into the process. It gives it a beginning, a middle, and an end to work toward. This helps keep momentum focused on ensuring goals are met.

3. Having no articulated end point makes it awkward for one of the partners to announce they want to wrap up. In fact, it may cause the closure to be painful, with either a mentor feeling taken for granted or a mentee feeling dismissed. When no closure is planned, the relationship may morph into something else, and you miss the important opportunity to review what has been accomplished and plan for next steps.

I learned a lesson about wrap-up the hard way years ago, when I responded to the request for mentoring of a bright and driven professional. We had a fairly in-depth process as I supported her through crucial career transitions. After a couple years of working together, with significant career advancements, she started postponing meetings, and then stopped communications altogether. Apparently, she had fulfilled milestones, was feeling confident in her new role, and no longer had a need for her mentor (me!). Yet, I had been invested in helping her through hard times and wanted to savor the positive results she was now seeing.

Thinking back, we had never really discussed wrap-up; I had never initiated a closure conversation, and I was left hanging. In the years since, we have exchanged the occasional email; and in her last email, she sent a company announcement for her latest big promotion and wrote, “Thank you again for the mentorship! I hope I continue to make you proud. :)” Really uplifting, for sure; yet I realize that final step of wrap-up would have taken us even further.

Though it can be mixed with emotion—something you might want to avoid—this final segment of mentoring should be illuminating, enjoyable, and gratifying. Think of it as a graduation, worthy of celebration! Consult Figure 10-1 for an overview of the wrap-up process.

FIGURE 10-1

THE FOUR-PART PROCESS FOR CLOSURE

Anticipate Closure and Keep the Wrap-Up in View

If you were developing an organizational change process that was to be presented to management in six months, you would create a plan, gather your resources, and get to work. In the early stages, you might get so wrapped up in the project launch and involving many stakeholders that you need to tweak the timeline a bit. There could be so much more you’d like to do, new questions have been raised; you wish you could cover it all. But, you recognize the importance of the deadline and work toward addressing the remaining priorities in the allowable time. Within a month or so of the deadline you would be pulling all the elements of the project together. You would have focused energy, right to the end.

The mentoring process is like that. After you are past the planning phase and into the thick of things, you can get lost in the heat of the moment, find new avenues to explore, and want to keep going. Of course, you might extend your time for a little bit. However, once the end point is identified, in the last several weeks it is important to discuss closure and plan for it.

Identify the End Point

Perhaps when you started the mentoring, you left the end point flexible. That’s OK. However, be mindful that toward the end of mentoring, mentors sometimes get caught up in the enjoyment of the relationship. They forget about the purpose of mentoring: the mentee’s growth and increased confidence and independence. Be vigilant for signs that the energy is waning and goals have neared completion, even if you do not want the relationship to end. You can approach this by simply asking for an in-depth check-in on progress, and, as part of that, the two of you will look at how much mentoring is left and the best timing for wrapping up. That way, you are both part of the decision and the planning for the important final portion of the mentoring.

Tool 10-1 identifies the signs that it is time for a mentoring wrap-up. If you and your mentee experience two or more of these signs, open the conversation about what you would like to do next. It still may not be the right time to wrap up, and you might decide instead to rev up your process. But at least you will have the importance of doing closure well on the radar.

TOOL 10-1

SIGNS IT IS TIME FOR A MENTORING WRAP-UP

• You both agree that the goals of mentoring have been completed. • There is less drive in the conversations; it is far less engaging even though there are more items to discuss. • Your mentee has grown a good deal, and has gained confidence, self-awareness, and experience; now it is time for them to act with greater independence. • The focus of the meetings has morphed into something else, and you are no longer working on professional development goals. For example, you may have become the “cool parent” to them, or, occasionally, when the mentor is the younger of the two, you may end up feeling like a peer and want to be friends. • There is a new pattern of postponing, shortening, or canceling meetings. • There is a significant life change for one of you, such as a move to another location or a big career change.

Recall the mentoring pair of Tomás and Bernice from our discussion in step 3. Bernice wanted to work with Tomás so that she could move from being an HR policy enforcer to a trusted advisor of company leaders. Tomás really drove home the point of setting solid, ambitious, and doable goals. That was an important step for Bernice, as she got clarity on just what she needed to do. Tomás was a seasoned mentor, and Bernice got into a rhythm of formulating fieldwork (for trying out new behaviors) to conduct with the managers she supported in between their meetings.

At each meeting she would discuss the impact of what she tried in terms of her self-confidence, the client response, and the results that were achieved in moving that manager to think more strategically about managing the team’s performance. If something did not work well in her interface with the client, she would report that to Tomás and look at possible reasons and new avenues to try. Over time, she got terrific results. Within a few months, managers were emailing her and stopping by her desk for guidance. Her work was shifting from policy enforcer and doing cleanup of employee relations issues to providing counsel in advance of crucial department actions.

Tomás was truly gratified by her level of commitment and the results she was getting. So, when Bernice asked if they could keep the mentoring going beyond the original planned end point, he agreed. Over the next couple months, things changed. Though they had set new goals, they were not nearly as urgent for Bernice. During discussions, they would go off on tangents, and there was no pressure to bring it back on track. While Bernice seemed to still be enjoying the conversations, Tomás started wondering about the purpose of the meetings. When he talked it through with his mentor peer group, he realized he had kept the relationship going because it felt good to have such a successful protégé. He recognized he was going down the wrong track; it was time to wrap up the mentoring and decide in what way they might continue the relationship … maybe a visit every few months as a catch-up.

If you find yourself wanting to extend the time together, you might dig deep to uncover what is going on. Tool 10-2 offers some guidance.

TOOL 10-2

THE MENTOR’S REFLECTIVE GUIDE ABOUT EXTENDING THE MENTORING RELATIONSHIP

• What is the importance of extending the mentoring relationship? • In what ways, other than the stated purpose of mentoring, is this relationship enriching me? • How can the closure process be a growth experience for me? • If we both want to stay connected, what is a productive way to continue the relationship? • If I do not want to continue the relationship, how do I handle that conversation thoughtfully?

Prime for Your Closing Discussion

Planning for this final step adds a great deal of value in identifying what was accomplished, sharing feedback about what stood out in your mentoring process and what the mentee has learned about themselves in this process. It certainly adds perspective as “an opportunity to share your hopes and vision for your mentoree’s future, to affirm the growth you’ve seen, gain feedback from your mentoree on his/her experience in being in this relationship with you and to share what you have gained in the process” (ManagementMentors 2011). You will also anticipate next steps beyond mentoring, particularly on the mentee’s career or development journey. Your encouragement and excitement for their next steps is something your mentee will particularly want from you. Importantly, the wrap-up also signals a change in the nature of your relationship; you are no longer working within the agreement you planned for months or years ago. The official commitment for meetings will end.

As the mentor, you take the lead on the wrap-up discussion, which may occur in one or two conversations. Keep your focus on making the wrap-up conversations realistic and positive. It is quite possible that not all expectations were met. Yet the discussion “is a blameless, no fault, reflective conversation” … “even when the relationship has been problematic, the conversation can be constructive” (Zachery 2012). A great deal of growth can be acquired for each of you when the relationship has been bumpy. Conversely, the experience may have far exceeded expectations. Whatever the outcomes, leave the relationship on great terms. You will forever be the mentor they had and looked to as a role model.

You will each come prepared for a rich and meaningful conversation. As you each anticipate the upcoming wrap-up, discuss and consider:

• targeting an approximate date and how many more meetings you will have

• identifying and filling development gaps in the remaining time, for instance, having conversations and trying certain behaviors that your mentee wants to learn more about, such as handling a tricky negotiation or making a certain type of presentation

• gathering feedback from others; for example, the mentee asks for observations of others on the specific behaviors they were addressing

• drafting questions you will use for that meeting that you both agree on; this includes a look at goal accomplishment as well as how you worked together

• identifying areas in which you would particularly appreciate feedback

• exploring the option of keeping in touch.

Individually Prepare for the Conversations

Your mentee can prepare by reviewing the jointly designed questions in advance and jotting down notes. For the most part, they can focus on things that occurred during the mentoring period, such as actions they took, new behaviors tried, and new mindsets adapted, all toward achieving the goals that were set. In addition, they will plan for the feedback they want to give you about how the mentoring conversations affected them. If there is unfinished business or results that were not within your joint control (for example, not getting a hoped-for promotion), that is good material to be considered for the “next steps” portion of your discussion.

Getting perspective on the changes that have occurred for the mentee over a period of time—whether six months, a year, or longer—can be complex. Tool 10-3 describes a method I often recommend. The mentee is asked to consider the usual way of handling a typical situation (such as, interactions with dissatisfied customers or taking a stand on marketing decisions) just prior to the mentoring, compared with how the mentee handles it now. Because you can never know what will occur during the course of mentoring (given available opportunities to test new behaviors, job change, or evolving goals), the particular focus of “before and after” is determined closer to the time of wrap-up. By answering these questions and looking at the differences of the two scenarios, evidence of changed behavior and mindsets becomes apparent.

Now onto the mentor’s preparation. Remember Hilman and Jaqui from step 5? Hilman, the mentor, struggled with some reactions he was having toward Jaqui’s behaviors and was able to do a mental check on those and then move onto a highly productive discussion with her. In subsequent meetings, they focused a good deal on Jaqui’s self-awareness and impact on others.

TOOL 10-3

BEFORE-AND-AFTER SCENARIOS

• Mentee identifies the typical situation (e.g., “Developing IT solution project plan with client”).

• Use the open space to describe details of the typical situation at two different times: before (looking backward to just prior to mentoring) and after mentoring (current).

• Summarize what has occurred and be ready for the wrap-up discussion.

While she had received feedback from her managers that she always seemed to see things only from her own perspective, no one had ever really worked with her on her emotional intelligence skills.

Hilman’s work with her opened up a whole new world. She could sort out her internal feelings of self-worth driving her behaviors and leading her to make assumptions about her co-workers. Once she became more self-aware, without even thinking about it, her behaviors were changing. She became more authentic in her interactions and tuned into what others were saying and doing. Her relationships at work greatly improved.

As Hilman prepared for the wrap-up conversation, he looked at her goals and realized the ones she had originally articulated seemed less important compared with her emotional intelligence maturity. He also thought about the significant events in their conversations that were turning points for him, and all that he had learned from this sometimes-challenging relationship, and he was grateful. He prepared thoughts to share with her about her achievement of goals; how impressively she took on the challenge of increasing self-awareness; and the positive changes he had seen in her behaviors and through the stories she related. He also thought about what she could do next—not about his opinion of what she “should work on” (that was up to her), but more about keeping her development going, finding trusted colleagues to speak with, journaling, and joining area associations.

Hilman also prepared himself for potentially unexpected topics that she might bring to the meeting. He felt uneasy about her wanting to reexamine some of their more uncomfortable conversations. He got mentally set to handle this by determining he would focus on the following four actions: answering her questions authentically yet positively; ensuring there would not be any blaming; being open to another conversation if needed; and, leaving the conversation on a positive note.

In your preparation for the wrap-up conversation, look back at your meeting notes and your mentee’s original goals, think about the crucial moments during the journey, and consider that along with how you view them currently. Determine the tone you will bring to the conversation and how it will shape the conversation. For example, how will it shape what you deliver if you are determined to be inspiring, supportive, grateful, and insightful?

I suggest that your preparation includes:

• Review the questions the two of you have planned for the conversation and jot down some notes.

• Determine the key messages you would like to share.

• Be prepared for disappointments or dissatisfactions, not seeing eye to eye on results, and unfinished business.

• Be optimistic, grateful, and encouraging.

Conduct the Wrap-Up Conversation

In this mentoring process, you have used the nature of your relationship and tailored conversations as the instrument for growth. You did not start where you wanted your mentee to go; you started where they were and where they wanted to go. You had to relinquish some power and solutions for them to grow. You traded in direct sharing of your expertise for their experimentation and accumulated confidence. Bravo!

Now it is time to bring this process to a close. Yes, it is possible your relationship will continue; yet the formal mentoring program, with a structured focus on regularly scheduled meetings, specific actions for the mentee, tracking of goal achievement, and looking at the dynamics within your relationship, is wrapping up. This conversation might be broken into two meetings, but rarely ever more than that. I recommend five parts to the discussion:

1. Introduction to the conversation. You set the tone, identify the objectives of this conversation, review the agenda, and modify that plan.

2. A review of mentee’s accomplishments. This is a substantial part to the discussion, one that you each prepared for, potentially including them gathering feedback from others. This part of the conversation focuses on the mentee’s journey; what they gained through the experience; accomplishments, especially relative to goals; how they now operate (differently); and how they see themselves as a result of the mentoring.

3. A review of the mentoring process. This part of the conversation identifies highlights of your mentoring process and how the two of you related to each other to make it work. It is a combination of identifying the lessons learned in the underlying approach to mentoring (e.g., your use of high-gain questions or encouragement to take risks) and providing personal feedback. In advance, you may have identified where you each particularly wanted feedback. This may or may not be an emotional time, be sincere and caring.

4. Next steps for mentee. Together you can discuss what is next for the mentee and their development. The best of such conversations are inspirational, aspirational, and motivational. Frame up elements of a “next steps” plan, or simply identify three actions to be taken. Some mentees want to take a break from this action for a while, but capture the ideas now, so they can pick up momentum when they are ready.

5. Closing. Each of you expresses your parting words, ending this portion of your relationship on a positive note. Occasionally small gifts are given to the mentor, or exchanged. If I am unsure what my mentee might do as a closing gesture, I bring a handwritten note for my mentee.

Tool 10-4 is a sample guide you can bring to the wrap-up meeting.

TOOL 10-4

MENTOR’S GUIDE TO THE WRAP-UP MEETING

Introductory remarks (mentor takes lead): • Establish objectives and tone of discussion. Review mentee’s accomplishments (mentee takes lead and mentor adds observations): • In what ways were goals accomplished? • What were most significant results? • As a result of mentoring, what are changes to mindsets, behaviors, and skills? • How would you characterize the difference this made in your work life (this conversation can use the insights gained from the “before-and-after scenario”)? • What did you learn about yourself? How are you different as a result of the mentoring? Feedback regarding how you worked together (mentee takes lead, then mentor shares): • What elements of the mentoring process were particularly supportive of our process? • What were significant incidences that were most notable in our work (a turning point in the conversations or a breakthrough in the mentee’s awareness)? • What were highlights of our working together? Next steps for mentee (mentee takes lead and mentor shares second): • Are there unfinished accomplishments that require further attention? Discuss what could be next steps. • Where is the mentee now in their career and development journey? What do they see next? • Discuss potential next steps to continue on development path. Closing (mentor takes lead): • Where to from here, in our relationship? As appropriate (and if you are agreeable), discuss whether you would like to continue is a different format (e.g., catch-up conversations quarterly) and identify expectations for that relationship. • Express gratitude; be specific about what you are most grateful for. Know that mentees express this differently, some with gifts and some with just a few words. Yet, your impact on them will continue for years to come.

Consolidate the Mentor’s Experience

Tomás had a complicated path to his final mentoring conversation. Though Bernice’s accomplishments had been close to phenomenal, they never positioned a goal-achievement discussion, drifted into other topics, and needed to get back on track. Once past that hiccup, Tomás and Bernice eventually planned for and conducted a rich wrap-up conversation; they identified the wonderful achievements she had made, the new successes she was experiencing at work due to her proven increased capabilities and confidence, and the many positive aspects of their work together. Reflecting on his own lessons, Tomás surmised that it was affirming to use a multitude of mentoring approaches with someone so willing to really stretch herself, take risks, and be open to making mistakes. He had tried a couple approaches that he had not used before (role play and journaling), and they were met with great success. He recognized that his enjoyment of how much Bernice was accomplishing and admired him had blinded him to conduct a proper process of wrap-up conversation and reestablishing the relationship anew.

With regard to Hilman, at the close of his mentoring with Jaqui he recognized this mentoring had really tested his skills. He needed to overcome some frustrations and modify his expectations for outcomes. Oddly, he felt he grew more from this mentoring relationship than from many others in the past. He debriefed his experience with a mentor colleague and identified his greatest lessons as awareness that he was triggered by Jaqui’s behaviors; that he could redirect his energy to make a positive impact even though he had been feeling angry; and the importance of adjusting to Jaqui’s pace of achieving self-awareness. He recognized that his early disappointments had more to do with his expectations rather than Jaqui doing anything wrong. In all, he appreciated a number of newfound insights; these would stick with him for all his upcoming years of mentoring.

Though you have had your last meeting in this mentoring relationship, complete your experience by more consolidation of your learning and next steps for yourself. Have a conversation with a fellow colleague, a mentors’ peer group, or someone supportive of your mentoring. Identify your biggest takeaways as a mentor, your surprises, and what you might want to do next as a mentor. Tool 10-5 suggests some questions; feel free to add your own.

TOOL 10-5

QUESTIONS TO CONSOLIDATE YOUR LEARNING FROM THE MENTORING EXPERIENCE

• What were my top achievements in this mentoring relationship? • In what ways did I accomplish my personal goals for this mentoring? • What were the results of some new approaches I used? • What surprises did I experience? What does that tell me about my expectations? • How did my mentoring skills stack up? What were my strengths? What were areas for improvement? • What was most memorable about the experience? • How do I see myself differently as a result of this experience? • What would I look for in my next mentoring experience? • What are ways, other than mentoring, I can use what I learned through this mentoring relationship?

Relish Your Accomplishment and Know There Is More

Through the creation of an enriching relationship and a dedicated focus on development, you have greatly enhanced the work life of your mentee. You can already anticipate the difference mentoring is making for your mentee, whether it meant building new complex competencies, gaining greater self-awareness and perspective, or confidently taking on new career directions. You have sparked insight, reframed mindsets, challenged the status quo, and shared history with someone newer in your discipline. Your mentee will take what you have given forward, so that it is used years after your work together. You have given new life to knowledge and wisdom accrued over many years. This is your legacy. The impact does not stop there; you have also grown as a result, expanding your insights, wisdom, and skills.

This book was never intended to be a “one and done.” Each new mentoring relationship provides additional opportunities for your learning and a return to the book. You have shared your hopes for the future of your mentee; now consider what you see for yourself. As I express much gratitude to you for the work you have done, I also encourage you to continue on this incredible journey of masterful mentoring.